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Christov 4 years, 5 months ago.
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Just found this site over the weekend, and thought I should go ahead and post. I gotta say out of all of the sites that are geared towards guys and have forums for divorce separation etc. this one blows them all out of the water. I don’t know if I have seen a closer group of people! I’m glad I have found this before I have to deal with s~~~ before too long. Nothing is set in stone, but I’m about to the point of just peaceing out of my current marriage.
I just wrote like a book and then deleted it all because I’m not sure where my situation will go within the next month. My wife, possibly soon to be ex, is on a work trip for a month and we are not talking or anything during that time. Just some background info, for reference. We have been married 3 years together for 8, we are both 28. Love my wife, and I know she loves me, but maybe more as friends, at least that’s what she thinks. So similar to a lot of guys on here sex went to s~~~ right before the wedding, stresses her reason, and then we almost broke up after being married a year. We worked through it, moved twice and we are now in NYC. Sex never really got amazing again, but it went from once a week if lucky to 3 times minimum but still she looked like the old fish laying there, no matter what I did.
She basically throws the bomb on me a month and a half ago, and it was from out of no where. Because we were suppose to talk before anything hit the fan, and then she waits until it’s such a burden on her to talk to me…I smelled BS right off the bat. So long story short, I have gotten the I’m just not fully in love with you, or I’m not as attracted to you bull s~~~. So last time, we almost split, I know I know, I should have ran then…I begged and pleaded and s~~~. This time, I have basically given her the big f~~~ you. I’ve started working out even more than I normally already due, and many other activities to keep my mind off this stuff. I basically told her do what you got to do, and I’m going to do what I got to do. I could tell she didn’t like that. Hell I’ve gotten more passionate and better sex from her in the past month than in the last 3 years or more. She even gives me bj’s w/o asking, it’s like I’m in a bazaro world. But she is still saying how she doesn’t know what she wants and still wants to do the no talking next month.
I’m thinking she is just gently letting me down, instead of womaning up and just doing it. I want to stay with her, but then again, I’m in NYC, I can find a chick/ chicks that will want me. I don’t think she realizes I know this and she’s about to get, metaphorically speaking, slapped up the side of the face. She thinks I’m basically going to still be friends and that this will be a comfortable break up for us both. Yea I know I should be honest too, but it’ll be more fun to see her face when I tell her to take a f~~~ing leap off the cliff, along with her credit and chance at having anything else in her life. If it wasn’t for me we wouldn’t have our place now, nor our car, nor her schooling. Thankfully I’m now off her school loans. But when the couple that owns the house sees I’m no longer there when she renews her lease, they will drop her like a fly. They value the credit over income at a lot of places for rent up here, and they checked it this last time we re-newed and I’m sure they will again.
So anyway, I’m glad I found this site to maybe see some more insight into the psyche of these women creatures. Thanks a lot for making this honest site!
Welcome! Good luck with all that. I don’t envy you your predicament.
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Beware the wife giving blowjobs for no apparent reason.
The only times when a woman gives an impromptu blowjob is when she is trying to secure a man.
But 3 years in, the only reasons for a blowjob are for her gain in some form.
Thanks a lot! I do look forward to it, after reading through everything on this site, all I can say is I’ll never be married again. Thankfully we don’t have anything she can really take from me in the likelihood of a divorce. If she goes after my xbox or tv, there will be hell to pay! But I mean I gotta come out of this in a better situation, than staying with someone that is too f~~~ing dumb to know what she wants. I mean we don’t have kids, two dogs, but we don’t have kids to hold us in a marriage just to “make sure they don’t grow up in a broken home”. Those situations should be really looked at and any and all solutions should be attempted, if both parties are in agreement to do so. Ours it’s basically just a marriage, that we will just break off w/o the need of lawyers and stuff. So why not just be honest with herself and let me go?
@kizell See I was thinking the same. I’m wondering if she isn’t doing it to just basically keep me roped in to be here for our dogs and stuff while she is on her trip. To make me think we are working on things, when really she’s just planning on leaving and knows it already. So she’s doing these things she used to do back in the day. I mean I love it don’t get me wrong, getting a BJ while playing Arkham Knight last week was the craziest thing. And then she will turn around and talk about who is getting what parts of our book collection we have together…lol. I swear I think she is bi-polar, her dad is, or her hormones are like out of wack…i’m a little confused right now, it’s hard to even explain what’s going on right now.
Honestly I’d feel better if she came home tonight and said that she was cheating on me. At least I can grasp that, and leave. Right now, if I got fed up and told her to f~~~ off, mine and her parents and most of our friends would disown me because I really wouldn’t have much of a reason, due to not being able to explain it…lol. So it’s better to wait and if she makes the move, and least if I can’t explain it I’ll know I didn’t do anything to make it happen. Hell she will tell me now it’s not at all me, that any girl would want me…w/e the hell that means.
I get the feeling she’s playing you. BJs from out of the blue suggest she’s trying to soften you up.
Is she seeing someone else do you think? Being away with work etc.
I think you’ve got to blank her feelings from your mind and just do what’s right for you.
Start your plans now, in secret, because she WILL change if she sees she’s coming second in this mess.
Play along with the game until it’s time.
We’re here ok
Welcome
Brother. Welcome aboard, and I am truly sorry for your current predicament. I sincerely hope you find answers here.
From the looks of things, and this is just my opinion (take it with a grain), but it sounds very much like she may be cheating. Now, I may be completely and utterly wrong but, I call it like I see it. Amazing sex out of nowhere. Her wanting sex one minute and talk of splitting things the next. And a “business trip” of all things, and you conveniently don’t expect any contact from her at odd hours or otherwise?
It may just be she is trying to achieve an easy let down. Or it may be that she feels guilty, and wants to cheat but wants to keep you at the same time. Another plausible reason is that she wants to cheat, but she wants to see that you still want her. Perhaps she internally gets a kick-out of that. When she sees you don’t give a flying f*ck, it makes just short her out mentally and she gets confused from it all. Who knows?
I only say this because strange things happened to the intimacy in my marriage right before it came to a grinding halt. My ex turned out to be pregnant, and we both knew I couldn’t have children. WHOOPS!
All the signs were there, but I just played the willfully ignorant. And it cost me months of agony I could of been spared. The key then, is to open your eyes, if you notice signs, no matter how subtle they are, identify and think on them. Rationally and logically, and I’m sure the answer will come as easy as your next breath.
Hope everything works out for you brother. Welcome to the fold.
Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...
Anonymous42She’s 28 and looking at the wall.
Bipolar is genetic, you have a bi-polar grenade headed for the wall, in other words; you have a live grenade in your lap…
It’s only a matter of time. Then BOOM!
Her behavior is inconsistent and you shouldn’t trust her. I recommend that you not have sex with her again, and break up with her.
While reading your story, I could not help but think of the “whoops, I’m pregnant” story that far too many men hear from their woman. It makes no sense for her to get “accidentally” pregnant in your situation, but women don’t have a lot of common sense.
Women think they can change men, and getting pregnant is a way for them to nudge you along to what they want. The reality: that doesn’t work. The sudden boost in BJs leads me to believe that she is trying to manipulate you in some capacity.
You are young and your marriage is short. Things will only get worse as the relationship progresses. It’s best to get out now while you still have your sanity and she doesn’t have you by the b~~~~ (read: stay at home mom with your kids).
I normally reply just once to posts but I forgot something important.
No matter how bravely you face this … you still love/loved this woman.
Whatever happens you are going to hurt at some level. A few guys can take this stuff easily but most will beat themselves up to a greater or lesser degree.
Just know that we are here 24-7-365. Don’t bottle anything up … it will eat you from within.
Come talk …. it will help at least knowing you’re not alone.
Oh you all definitely hit the nail on the head on what I have been thinking. I hate to think she would cheat, because of similar reasons everyone thinks their significant other wouldn’t dare cheat. I know I never have, and wouldn’t but I don’t judge others that do, sometimes hormones win out. I will judge her in fact of course, we’re married, and I just wouldn’t put up with that s~~~.
@iliveagain Oh I’ve already got an exit plan. I’m basically contacting an old job of mine that has an office in Mobile Al, I got a good friend moving there for a job as well, and if I can get the job down there, that’s my next move. She has no idea, I keep telling her I would stay in NYC…f~~~ that I moved here for her, don’t get me wrong I love it up here but I’m not staying just so I can still set myself up to see her from time to time.
@tower Oh that’s been on my mind since I found out about her dad’s condition. I’ve always been waiting for it. But we had a talk years ago about both our families history with problems like this. My dad has severe depression and anxiety, doesn’t like crowds or new people. I have to fight that everyday to keep from being like him. Just like I told her that if she starts to show signs of bi-polar I would help her. So I brought it up this time and she flipped. I mentioned counseling and she acted as if I just punched her. Anyway that is something I have to really think on the next month, is even if she wants to work it out, she may relapse back to this in the future.
@Birnary Logic HAHA…I know right, a business trip out of everything, so now you want a separation…how convenient for her. I am sorry to hear that that had happened to you. I couldn’t imagine if that were to happen, how I would even begin to take it, probably on the rocks, nah f~~~ the rocks I’d take the whole bottle. We are really safe with sex, she isn’t on birth control but I’m always using a condom. I know it’s not 100% safe, but I haven’t had one break in years, and I always test them afterwards for holes…don’t judge, it’s nasty I know…so i know if she happens to be preggers that lil s~~~ isn’t mine.
@wolf Thanks for that, it’s really great advice. I haven’t tried the no sex thing ( I fail every time she’s undressing before bed) and honestly before all this she would have never noticed…lol. But if I tried it now, she’d have my pants off so quick. She knows me so well, that if I try to act differently she starts to be more affectionate to me or tries to butter me up. I’m trying to man up and brush her off, but damn if that isn’t hard.
I’m so glad I found this damn site! You all are awesome, if everything keeps progressing the way it probably will, I hope I can give out advice like you all at some point.
Slowly take your stuff to a family member of friend you can trust.
"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle
Hey thanks a lot @iliveagain ! Means a whole lot right now. I’ll be here for the long run for sure! I have good friends from back in my home state and such, just not many up here that I can trust enough to talk to. I feel more comfortable talking to you all already than I do my best friend from back home. The one I may move with to AL is just like f~~~ her, me and you will be perfect wingmen together. I mean yea, I want to hear that but at the same time I need to make sure I am correct on my suspicions before I make that decision. I have to be rational about all of this, because like you said I love her, and always have. No reason to just call it quits based on suspicion but after reading on here and your all sharing your opinions I’m leaning towards her cheating and just letting me down gently.
I wished I had a close friend up here I trusted. My family is 7o0 miles away in KY, so if I pack up and move out, it’s got to fit in one car. All I care about is my good clothes, TV and xbox…lol. Not even taking my two dogs that I love so much, I want know for sure if I could even have dogs where I would be moving too. Sucks, I’ll miss them so much!
I agree she’s probably cheating, women do that. On Ashley Madison they have stated women cheat to get experiences with different men and men cheat because they aren’t getting sex. Personally if I was you I wouldn’t have sex with her. You never know if she has an STD.
If you’re making more money her than than you need to quit your job but find a lower paying job than her, otherwise she will be trying to collect alimony. Whatever you do you do not want to p~~~ her off.
"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle
Just like I told her that if she starts to show signs of bi-polar I would help her.
I haven’t tried the no sex thing ( I fail every time she’s undressing before bed) and honestly before all this she would have never noticed…lol. But if I tried it now, she’d have my pants off so quick. She knows me so well, that if I try to act differently she starts to be more affectionate to me or tries to butter me up. I’m trying to man up and brush her off, but damn if that isn’t hard.
To be clear, you need to cut off personal contact with her. If possible, you should move out before she gets back.
Cutting off contact is hard, but is the only effective way to break it off with a woman. Remaining in contact with her allows her to work her manipulation tactics on you. You don’t need that stress. I tried the tiered stage breakup while living together, and it doesn’t work. I’ve tried it twice with two different women. It doesn’t work.
Women manipulate, and you eluded to that in your quote above. She sees something different about you and she starts to be more affectionate and butter you up? That’s textbook female manipulation.
I put the other quote about bi-polar above because faking sickness is another classic female manipulation technique. It could be legit, but it could also be exaggerated or a flat out lie. If you put your foot down and break it off, $100 says she plays the victim and talks about her potential mental illness. That will make you feel bad, and you’ll likely stay. You already told her that you would help her if it came to that, and dollars to donuts she will bring that up in the breakup conversation. I can hear it now, you made a “promise”…
Anonymous42if everything keeps progressing the way it probably will, I hope I can give out advice like you all at some point.
@M-23, we hope it isn’t advice on how to remove those little cast iron square fragments imbedded deep into your flesh!
If you’re ever curious about how long she’ll stay with you ,keep a close eye on your income.If you lose your job for example, she’ll suddenly decide that “things aren’t the same anymore” or that “you aren’t the same anymore” or that “she’s found the real love in another man” or she’ll blame it on some small “flaw” you have (like drinking 1 beer a week or playing video games from time to time) basically anything but admitting her s~~~ty motive.
It’s never too late to build bonds with people.One of the greatest things i got from being a mgtow is lots of friends.And i don’t mean fake friends i mean dudes that actually i give a f~~~ about and that i can trust with my life.
The dogs part depresses me i hope you get take them with you.
Ultimately s~~~ hasn’t hit the fan yet, just keep in mind that one day it might.I think you should relax a bit ,even if the s~~~ has hit the fan with all the might of the universe, you’ll still be the same person and the sun will still rise every morning.
Welcome.
This is a fantastic opportunity for you.
Shes away and playing the not talking card. Grab your clothes and whatever you can fit into your car and get the hell out before she gets back.
A break up after she comes back will be absolute hell and 10 times harder and filled with drama, drama, drama.
Shame about the dogs, maybe move out the night before she’s due back so the dogs can stay with her / be cared for by her.
No note. No nothing. Ghost.
Seriously this is a fan f~~~ing tastic opportunity for you right now. Try and see it for the positive it really is.
When women do the lets not talk for a month thing and get super horny giving random blow jobs etc they are thinking about cheating or actually cheating. It’s hard to accept but that’s the nature of the beast.
Good luck and keep in touch on here. A great bunch of guys.
Went home last night and didn’t make note of the website address in my phone, I was so p~~~ed. @crazykanuc thankfully she makes more money than me, but thankfully we don’t have enough assets to really even need to go to court. The only thing I could see us needing to figure out is who gets the car. But basically I’m taking it if I’m moving to another state. I’m being pretty cool about everything, and that’s what has drove her crazy at times. I’ve not blown up really at all, and one night she was like I just don’t get how you can always be so calm about all of this.
@wolf Yea I have been trying the no contact, it works sometimes, but honestly it’s been so hard to do that. Living together in a small one bedroom makes it difficult. It’s funny you bring up her faking bi-polar because the thought has crossed my mind a few times. What stops someone from faking that just to scare someone else off. I have faked an anxiety attack before just to get out of hanging with some of her stupid friends back in the day. What’s to stop her from doing this just to run me off, she’s explained how her dad was to me, and at times she says things that basically just mirrored what he told her Mom back in the day. He basically left them because he was “Just not that into you anymore” and the “you keep me from having a real life” same s~~~ she has told me recently. Hell I know we have been attached at the hip since we left KY 3 years ago, but doesn’t mean we have to stay that away. She acts as if I get p~~~ed cause she hangs with people up here, I’m glad she has friends, but in her mind it’s a different story.
@franky Yea I remember late last year she had gotten onto me for playing video games, in my defense the master chief collection just came out, no way I wasn’t beating those over again. She had never complained before and I told her straight up “this is who I am, I love video games and you f~~~ing knew this for many years, why are you approaching me like this now” So she fussed for a little bit longer. The other night she asks me why I’m not playing as much as I used too, until Arkham Knight of course, and that I need to play video games more since it’s what I love. One of those times I got the stink of that bi-polar she probably has.
@Progenitor I have honestly thought about that, I truly have, and if my buddy gets to go to his new job sooner, I’ll be gone before she get’s back. I already know what her answer will be, so why not peace out and never hear that answer. If I had a guaranteed place up here I would. And I’ll be looking for one while she’s gone, even if it’s temporary to hold me over until I move to AL.
So funny story from yesterday. She had this older man (40-45) stop her twice, once last week and then yesterday and gave her flowers. I flipped the first time and she says “oh I told him I’m married, he’ll stop.” So I didn’t say anything besides what he looked like and drove. Well when it happened yesterday, I f~~~ing flipped. I saw his truck while I was walking my dogs and went over to him and had a little talk. ” I was like do you think it’s f~~~ing right to give another man’s wife flowers?” He says “man I’m sorry, I want do it again” I thought he was going to cry, so I told him if it does it’ll be his last” I wanted to bust his face in but I had two dogs with me and couldn’t just drop their leash. Well I didn’t get one f~~~ing thank you, what I got was a f~~~ing ear full of why she can take care of herself…lol. I f~~~ing went off, I was like your feminist bulls~~~ isn’t going to work on me! I know she can take care of herself, but at the same time, creeps don’t just stop. I wasn’t expecting her to get down on her knees and start sucking or anything but s~~~ give me some damn loving for taking up for you…oh wait feminism has ruined any chivalry that any guys have left. They think it’s another way to keep them oppressed. I was like, well I shouldn’t have said anything and maybe you’ll be in his trunk and that’d solve all of my problems…she didn’t like that much.
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