i understand now

[Anonymous 43]

Jebus on the cross it took a double hit of cold and flu tranq to help me figure it out

I am mourning the absolute non death loss of my daughter. I thought I had one last chance to have a relationship with her. I was going to cheat the divorce decree. But some rules are hard and fast. She is Lost and gone for the next 33 months, just like the past 24 months. Sorry brothers, I’m trying to work this out. I am in mourning and understanding that she has to remain lost to me. I can never tell her how close I came to her finding me. That time will come later, and it will be so much better later.

I have spent the past couple days building a wall around memories with the kids, and I think I just slid the last brick into place. I can’t go back to that place in my mind for a while. I need to focus on fixing me, getting a job and being productive.

[Anonymous 42]

[bladeParticipant]

Glad to hear your ok bro . I know that pain well

THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .

[NerevarParticipant 8040]

Have a big warm brotherly hug from me, man!

"One of the best things internet exposed is just how insane women are." - Freeman_K

[CarnageParticipant 22113]

I’m not a parent and never will.

Why is your “daughter “ Soo important? What does it mean to you?

Help me understand how all of this work.

Not having her in your life is really a problem to you? Why?

Im not capable of totally understanding human behavior anymore.

It looks to me like it is something we do to tell ourselves we are human. We over react to feelings that don’t even exist.

I’m really becoming an alien.

This days I been thinking, did I really loved my wife? Why?

Why did I felt like a loser my lungs, I couldn’t breathe, but that isn’t real, makes no sense.

Why do people have feelings? Do we really feel or we just fake it all?

I can’t mske sense of all the bulls~~~ I created in my own life. And what for?

NFG can send all that crap away, is all a lie, I don’t love Anyone or Anything, love ain’t real, family and friends are just people, my mom is just a person with 50% of my gen code, nothing else, f~~~ there is people in this planet that by sheer casualty have more in common with me genetically than my mother, what are those people to me?

It is all bulls~~~.

To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

[CthulhuParticipant 698]

It’s tough, but it’s how you have to be. I have 3 daughters, I consider all 3 to be a complete loss. Do I care? Nope. Can’t. The things that led them away were out of my control and if those girls are like their mothers…f~~~ ’em, I don’t want to know them anyway. Carnage is right to question those feelings. Just constructs of unneeded, outdated biological processes.
You’re free to be more primal, more instinctual. You’ve no one to look after except yourself. Do it right. F~~~ them bitches. And whoever started that #icethemout….im going to add it to my tag and start posting it in the comment section of yahoo. Genius.

Why vote for a lesser evil? #ICETHEMOUT

[GnosticParticipant 2491]

Carnage wrote:

I’m not a parent and never will.

Why is your “daughter “ Soo important? What does it mean to you?

Help me understand how all of this work.

Not having her in your life is really a problem to you? Why?

Im not capable of totally understanding human behavior anymore.

It looks to me like it is something we do to tell ourselves we are human. We over react to feelings that don’t even exist.

I’m really becoming an alien.

This days I been thinking, did I really loved my wife? Why?

Why did I felt like a loser my lungs, I couldn’t breathe, but that isn’t real, makes no sense.

Why do people have feelings? Do we really feel or we just fake it all?

I can’t mske sense of all the bulls~~~ I created in my own life. And what for?

NFG can send all that crap away, is all a lie, I don’t love Anyone or Anything, love ain’t real, family and friends are just people, my mom is just a person with 50% of my gen code, nothing else, f~~~ there is people in this planet that by sheer casualty have more in common with me genetically than my mother, what are those people to me?

It is all bulls~~~.

What you see is a reflection of light converted into electro chemicals in your retina.

What you hear is the vibration of air molecules converted into electro chemicals in your ear drums.

Nature and society conditioning make you think this arrangement of electro chemicals in your brain is important or not.

But you are better then animals, you can accept or reject if this arrangement of electro chemicals in your brain is important or not.

You can choose to be hurt by this arrangement of electro chemicals, or you don’t care and choose to focus on other arrangement of biological signals that work to your benefit.

There is no magic in MGTOW, just recognition of the truth and logical decision how to avoid dangers. The red pill is but the truth, it is no magical potion. Do not think in this modern world men have no longer have natural enemies, men are prey to women and government.

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

I need to focus on fixing me, getting a job and being productive.

It is that simple Brother. Stay focused on the here and now and only worry about things YOU can control.

[CarnageParticipant 22113]

Exactly Gnostic.

I just learned to be as rational as possible and I’m getting better at it every day.

To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

[GregB0Participant]

Keep looking to the future and ensure that you walk you path and that you follow your goals. Unfortunately your daughter coming back into your life is not up to you, you can open the door and welcome her, however it is her and only her decision to reenter into your life.

Hang in there and enjoy the day while planning for the future. Best

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[ZarathustraParticipant 2246]

It always seems like forever in the moment… But what will be in 5 years? 10? 15? Things can change. You might have a relationship with her in the future.

[Anonymous 43]

im supposed to care about my kids, and I have been shut out completely.

carnage, you are ripping me in half, and it is for my benefit. ty amigo. I need tough love on this. I need someone on the outside looking in to give me an objective opinion.

my kids are my white whale. everything, society, blue pill hell, my own instincts are screaming at me to care for them, but I am shut out completely. aren’t I supposed to do everything possible to help them?

I carry a lot of guilt for leaving my children with their mother. that woman was a monster to me, and I left my children with her. the whole custody thing felt like a hostage situation. I left the state to save my life and my exes life. the way we were going, one of us was going to end up dead. maybe just having a couple minutes with them to tell them

f~~~. to tell them what? I love them? I love them as they were in August of 2015. that’s where I am with them. ok I think i’m getting somewhere here. guys, ty for helping me work through this.

ok im in mourning again, I can’t forgive myself for moving away from my kids. they will not be the same children I left behind and. s~~~ I don’t want to say it. I can never get that time back. I can never seamlessly merge back into that point in their lives like pausing a video, and then hitting play. the best part about being a stay at home dad was watching the kids grow up, and that task was interrupted. not finishing a job really annoys me. oh.

incomplete work = failure. two parts to every action, willingness and ability. I am willing to be a father to my kids, ability is blocked by nocontact order. I am responsible for willingness, and the state prevents ability. so am I absolved from the failure to be a parent to my kids…is how I forgive myself/?

I have to take cold comfort that I made every legal means and explored illegal means to have my kids in my life, and I ultimately lost. They told me to go away, any that’s it.

I value your input here guys. im stuck and this is not healthy. leaving them behind was the rational thing to do, but the emotional part of my brain never bought into that. that is a rage I feel burning inside of me, I abandoned my children to a woman who cheated on me, betrayed me, and tried to murder me several times, and there is some other man living with them taking my place. In all the hours of running around in the racquetball court, I never worked that out, just buried it under tons of iron will trying to suppress all of my rage.

you guys gave me some good insight here. thank you. I don’t feel blinding rage any more. I understand a little better what my specific pain is. I honestly felt some muscle tension ending in my body. how strange is that?

sorry about airing this out, if it makes you uncomfortable. I need help, and the blue pill world is useless.

I can not control what is happening there, and why am I expending time and effort into trying. I am foolish to think I have any input in any of that. im not that special. I am one of millions of men shoved aside for what?

no wait, I am set free from that. I cant save my kids from their mother, they will do that themselves. they will grow up, and go their own way. ohhhh. they will work to set themselves free, I don’t have to do that for them.

oh, I am afraid of succeeding at a new job because it takes me further away from my children. im hanging on to something I can never get back to, so why let that stop me from moving forward. omg this is good. I feel stupid for letting this feeling get in the way. I need to get out of my own way and be free.

thank you all. I cant look back and move forward. I have to forgive myself and that is what is wrecking me, self forgiveness. I don’t think I ever learned self forgiveness along the way.

ok another day for that. time for more tranq, this cold is screwing with my head.

[OldBillParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

I am mourning the absolute non death loss of my daughter.

Great insight, brother. It’s a testament to your strength and wisdom that you’ve come this realization.

Grief doesn’t always involve death. We can and do grieve many other things in our lives. Now that you’ve realized that grief is at the root of your current difficulties, you can begin to face and work through that grief.

You’re showing us all just what going your own way is all about.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[TrailbossParticipant 1844]

May…it all seems bad now, but it will get better in the future. Concentrate on your s~~~ right now. You can’t help what happened: Gotta roll with it! If, as you say, it is not your fault then move on. In the future the kids will naturally want to know what happened to Pop? They will contact you. Prepare for that time. The courts did this, it sounds like. If the kids are angry now, for whatever reason, they will calm down. If she is lacking in her ability to care for them: she will be exposed. They will see it. The more she trash talks you, the more they will hate her later on, when they learn the truth. I learned this a long time ago when I found out my Dad was the good guy and my mom was the trash. She died a few years ago…hard. I never visited her in the hospital nor did I go to her funeral. Pop was already gone by then but…f~~~ her, I said. If the kids are fine where they are, be realistic. Concentrate you improving *your* lot…Start thinking more positive and get your s~~~ together. You are not alone…you are not the first and you most certainly will not be the last to go through this. Smarten up and get your s~~~ together bro!

An educated, armed populace cannot be enslaved.

[DocParticipant]

May – as hard as this is now you have a long future ahead. And your children can be part of that.

You are going to have a few more years of this pain.
Brother I truly feel for you and your story humbled me.

But in the longer run your kids will come back. And you will have a decades long relationship with them as the adults they are becoming.

I’m not hear to patronise you. Just offer you words of hope.

It’s coming your way.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[2icebittenParticipant 147]

If you cannot change the custody arrangements, live your life well, enjoy, excel, succeed. Save $$ for your kids college or as a graduation gift. Prepare for the day when the x has no control. Sit them down and ‘splain, from your point of view. You can never get back what is taken from you but you can start from this day forward a new beginning.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

[BadgerParticipant 2277]

I am not a religious person, but I have found the books by the former psychotherapist and Catholic Jesuit Priest, Anthony de Mello to have some very useful insights on human personal problems. Here is an excerpt from on of his books, AWARENESS. An online copy is at:
thttp://arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/tonyawareness.pdf

Awareness
SELF-OBSERVATION
The only way someone can be of help to you is in challenging your ideas. If you’re ready to listen and if you’re ready to be challenged, there’s one thing that you can do, but no one can help you. What is this most important thing of all? It’s called self-observation. No one can help you there. No one can give you a method. No one can show you a technique. The moment you pick up a technique, you’re programmed again. But self-observation—watching yourself—is important. It is not the same as self-absorption. Self-absorption is self-preoccupation, where you’re concerned about yourself, worried about yourself. I’m talking about self-observation. What’s that? It means to watch everything in you and around you as far as possible and watch it as if it were happening to someone else. What does that last sentence mean? It means that you do not personalize what is happening to you. It means that you look at things as if you have no connection with them whatsoever.

The reason you suffer from your depression and your anxieties is that you identify with them. You say, “I’m depressed.” But that is false. You are not depressed. If you want to be accurate, you might say, “I am experiencing a depression right now.” But you can hardly say, “I am depressed.” You are not your depression. That is but a strange kind of trick of the mind, a strange kind of illusion. You have deluded yourself into thinking—though you are not aware of it—that you are your depression, that you are your anxiety, that you are your joy or the thrills that you have. “I am delighted!” You certainly are not delighted. Delight may be in you right now, but wait around, it will change; it won’t last: it never lasts; it keeps changing: it’s always changing. Clouds come and go: some of them are black and some white, some of them are large, others small. If we want to follow the analogy, you would be the sky, observing the clouds. You are a passive, detached observer. That’s shocking, particularly to someone in the Western culture.
You’re not interfering. Don’t interfere. Don’t “fix” anything. Watch! Observe!

The trouble with people is that they’re busy fixing things they don’t even understand. We’re always fixing things, aren’t we? It never strikes us that things don’t need to be fixed. They really don’t. This is a great illumination. They need to be understood. If you understood them, they’d change.

[Anonymous 43]

ty guys. I appreciate your words, and insight. i think im ok now, having worked some things out. I went through so much s~~~, went into major debt and then to just lose, with nothing left to show for it is painful. I really don’t like losing in a fair game, losing in the unfair court is really galling.

im little stressed at the moment. All my bills are paid, i have food, a place to stay, all the basic needs are met. im ok, not hurting myself. not stoned or drunk. gun is still locked up and no lighters in sight. im good. y’all helped straighten me out.

[Anonymous 43]

badger, i am experiencing depression is brilliant. yeah, not a happy time right now, stressed, holiday be with family thing going on. i have a cold, that is messing me up.

i want a job i can be successful at, but some of what i am interviewing is so basic, its insulting.

gawddam this real time diagnostic stuff is weird, but i want to try your suggestions and offer feedback, like tuning up a motor on a dyno.

i still think I am getting in my own way, trying to control too much, and ignoring the natural flow of life, fighting the flow i know is counterproductive. Right now I am outside the flow, and trying to throw myself in, and bouoncing off. I need to let the flow just pull me in naturally and then go.

[DocParticipant]

That’s what we are here for.

We keep each other straightened.

I defintely need my daily straightener of the words that you guys bring.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[Author]

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