I just don't know anymore

[RegularJoughParticipant 258]

Divorce –

I’m divorced, as of my last court date of May 2nd 2017.

My lawyer was a piece of s~~~, never went to court for me, never did anything she said she’d do and I was left how my last update sounded. DCF got involved and both lawyers considered it final that I wouldn’t have my kids anymore, so my lawyer said to give up custody, wrote up the divorce as the kids could see me as they wanted. Well, they didn’t want to see me then or now. Not sure what my ex is feeding them, but the DCF worker who saw me last week was beyond impressed with me, in every way, and couldn’t understand why I didn’t have my kids 50/50.

So, my s~~~ty lawyer was too busy one Friday, two weeks before court, to check her email where I accepted an offer from my ex’s lawyer. Then, because she didn’t check her email and see I accepted the deal, the offer was pulled back and they started playing hard. Outrageous offers of high child support and still having to pay 50% of everything else and health insurance.

After much back and forth, the deal was settled on the exact deal that was first offered to me last August from my ex’s lawyer, minus my custody.

I was appalled. I showed my lawyer the original deal, and told her she didn’t do anything for me, except cost me $4000 for nothing. So, she quit. That’s right, the week before court, she quit on me. Never even went to court for me once, got me nowhere and cost me $4000.

Child support for 50/50 should have been $50/week. I was paying $200/week.

Now, I have no kids and I’m still paying $200.

I’m going broke, living on a credit card. So, I stopped paying the credit card. I get emails from Credit Karma saying my score has dropped, my bill is over $1200, but I can’t pay it.

Other than the credit card issue, being divorced finally feels great.

More in a minute

Shit tested, Brother approved.

[RegularJoughParticipant 258]

Kids –

My ex contacted me about my youngest “transgendered” kid…

I use quotes because I don’t believe my kiddo is trans, just an easy go to response to having a neglectful mother during a age where a daughter needed a strong consistant role model. But my ex was in constant flux from the weight loss surgery, so over time, me being the “rock” of the family, my daughter gravitated towards me.

So, now that I’ve been out of their lives for about 8 weeks, hell is breaking loose.

My youngest is slipping in school, with friends, with sports, with art and just overall not doing as he (she) should be. I have stacks of report cards on my desk from both kids, ALL A’s, for YEARS. And now that my ex is fully in charge, the pieces are just crumbling.

My oldest has started therapy for anxiety.

She won’t talk to me, I have no idea what’s going on anymore. It’s hard enough to connect to a 15 year old teenage girl WITHOUT a divorce standing between us, and this isn’t any easier with her mother involved.

So, I’m taking the idea that teenagers need to break away from parents, that me not having custody doesn’t mean I’m not going to not be around for them or anything like that. They both need time after the divorce to establish their bearings and when their ready to see me again, I’m ready.

Their bedrooms are the same as they were. When they want to see me or sleep over, their always invited and I’m ready.

More in a minute

Shit tested, Brother approved.

[RegularJoughParticipant 258]

I skipped the part about DCF saying they never took my kids, that I could have kept seeing them and I had no reason to give up custody.

The lawyers must have just thought is was easier if I didn’t have them and just kept paying my ex and working like a mad man.

Next I’ll tell you all about work….

Shit tested, Brother approved.

[AutoliteParticipant]

@regularjough

So your kids are gone and you’re financially f~~~ed. Hundreds of thousands of other men with the same story.

Maybe turn your grief and loss into something positive. Tell other men why you got married. What made you think that it was a good idea? Perhaps you giving your retrospect on it might save some other poor f~~~er from ending up in the same situation…

[RegularJoughParticipant 258]

Autolite wrote:

@regularjough

So your kids are gone and you’re financially f~~~ed. Hundreds of thousands of other men with the same story.

Maybe turn your grief and loss into something positive. Tell other men why you got married. What made you think that it was a good idea? Perhaps you giving your retrospect on it might save some other poor f~~~er from ending up in the same situation…

Absolutely.

My story is no different than anyone else’s, which was one thing that was always hitting me hard because I just couldn’t believe it was happening to me.

I’ll talk more about the last two months…

Maybe my insights into myself might help someone else.

Shit tested, Brother approved.

[RegularJoughParticipant 258]

Work –

Work is going better for me.

Two months ago, when everything was going to s~~~, I had lost focus on everything and I didn’t know what to do.

After writing lists, making plans, going to therapy twice a week, joining a fathers Group, and reading about BPD, codependenancy and refocusing my life, I started feeling better.

I took MUCH better care of myself. Massages, movies, eating better, tanning, fishing, lifting weights. I started going through my car, piece by piece, and did some much needed maintenance.

The better I felt, the better I did, and my boss saw it.

So, I was offered a very decent paying position at work, “Process Engineer”. I will be in charge of our entire process, from raw material to finished product. The job will be open before the end of our fiscal year, and I’ll be in the position (hopefully) right then.

I’ll probably nearly double my pay as it is right now. I’m a high school drop out, but I’m looking at $90,000/year. Hard work just might pay off.

Shit tested, Brother approved.

[RegularJoughParticipant 258]

Emotionally –

I’m back to my normal self.

No more therapy, because my therapist said I didn’t need it anymore.

No more fathers group. However, I finished the workbook, because it was probably the BEST thing I’ve done for myself in years.

It was a book about my (your) father, you, and your kids.

It was all about taking the good stuff from your dad, learning to be a father for yourself, and in turn being a better father for your kids. It was gut wrenching to work through all the crap I had bottled up from my childhood, but it was worth all the effort.

I put a lot of effort into each aspect of my life. Making new plans, refocusing my efforts and changing my expectations. It all, eventually, worked for me to get back on my feet and not feel so s~~~ty all the time.

One of the biggest hurdles, was learning to validate myself. I had always sought validation from women, but I had no woman, and I learned to self validate and self father, and my emotional growth soared.

Gaining confidence, my work improved and my tattoo work got great.

And that’s right when a girl walked into my life… I know I know. Not very MGTOW of me, but it’s serving a great self growth purpose, and it’s something I couldn’t do without a woman.

She’s a pretty cool chick, great sex, hot body, and it now has NO EFFECT on me. I’m not “in love”. What it is doing is stroking my ego in a time where I can recognize my previous need for validation, and now I have my own self validation, and any attempts from her to worm her way into my life is just a waste on her part.

I’ve adopted a “IDGAF” attitude about most things in my life, and it works great.

Shit tested, Brother approved.

[RegularJoughParticipant 258]

So, I’ll keep this chick around for the time being, but I’m not going to move in with her or her with me, no more kids because I have a vasectomy and never again will I be married….

Which brings me to my brother……

Shit tested, Brother approved.

[RegularJoughParticipant 258]

Even with everything my brother saw happen to me over the last year, HE decided to encourage his girlfriend to get off birth control, to help with her bad moods.

Wouldn’t you know it, she got pregnant. Now, he’s looking at marrying her, and she’s just as unhappy and un agreeable now as she has ever been.

I keep warning him about the potential pitfalls, but it doesn’t matter much now, because she’s pregnant.

I’ve watched his stress go 1000% higher now, and he gets overwhelmed from it all, but there isn’t even a baby yet, and I’m a little worried he’s going to follow a similar path as I did.

The big takeaway from all of this is….

Marriage and Women in general just aren’t worth it. Yup, I’m banging a chick right now, but that’s all she’s worth. Had I known at 18 what I know now, my life would be much different.

I really hope someone reading this can take my words, see the honest hate and fear and turmoil and grief that ONE woman has brought into my life, and will continue for years to come.

My brother didn’t see it, and now he will walk this path. Maybe his outcome will be different, but I doubt it. Nothing against him, but this isn’t 1930 anymore when women were women, and he’s with a “strong woman” now, so if I had to guess, my brother will be in court paying child support before the kid is even born.

I’m not sure where my life will lead, but MGTOW is my foundation, and this is MY life to live, and I will never put a damn woman ahead of me again. EVER.

Shit tested, Brother approved.

[AutoliteParticipant]

RegularJough wrote:

My story is no different than anyone else’s, which was one thing that was always hitting me hard because I just couldn’t believe it was happening to me.

I suspect that this could be the biggest reason why men are still getting married. They for some reason (ego maybe?) think that what happens to so many other guys will just not happen to them.

So how do we turn this convoluted way of thinking around???

[AutoliteParticipant]

RegularJough wrote:

I’m banging a chick right now, but that’s all she’s worth.

Is she a really good lay! I mean good enough to any time be liable for a false rape accusation and conviction???

[Xavier MaloryParticipant 65]

RegularJough wrote:

One of the biggest hurdles, was learning to validate myself. I had always sought validation from women, but I had no woman, and I learned to self validate and self father, and my emotional growth soared.

This was a big one for me as well. My self-esteem hasn’t been low per se. That is, I never NEEDED a woman’s validation to feel important, but I’d been raised that it was the end game: Be successful in your life, and then get a good woman to live it with you.

Boy was I ever wrong. I’ll learn from my own father though; he got married (and divorced) 3 times.

It’s nice to see that in your case, your life is becoming successful after it was a “failure”.

The trouble with "Facts" and "Opinions" is the average idiot thinks they're synonyms.

[Shadow1275Participant 1178]

RegularJough

I just want you to know how powerful your story is and to congratulate you.

It’s terrible that even though you were a loving and hard working husband and you invested so much into your kids and your marriage it didn’t work out. You were dragged through the mud, no you were slammed into the mud and your face was stamped into it.

I myself have never gotten married yet and your adversity was greater than my own. But I was cheated on once and I’ve been to that special hell where everyone including yourself just beats on you over and over again.

But never forget that though the adversity you faced was terrible and could have been avoided by avoiding women, YOU SURVIVED. You were burned and tortured and yet you emerged stronger than before. Never forget this newfound strength that you have Built up and use it to continue to build this new Solid foundation of your life that you have cultivated. And LET NO MAN OR WOMAN TEAR WHAT YOU HAVE BUILT ASUNDER.

I have been reading your story for a while now brother and I am happy a fellow Joe has survived and thrived. Best of luck into your future.

He who is Brave is Free - Seneca

[Pedal, run, rowParticipant]

I would strongly consider contacting the state bar association about your lawyers incompetence and disregard in representing your best interests. In fact I would place that as a higher priority than getting your dick pumped by more women.
She basically stole $4,000 from you, ruined your chances at a quick and fair settlement, and left you high and dry without adequate legal representation. That is some serious malpractice.

Show a little fight man. This is your life. Don’t just go down without at least a mild protest.

[RegularJoughParticipant 258]

Pedal, run, row wrote:

I would strongly consider contacting the state bar association about your lawyers incompetence and disregard in representing your best interests. In fact I would place that as a higher priority than getting your dick pumped by more women.
She basically stole $4,000 from you, ruined your chances at a quick and fair settlement, and left you high and dry without adequate legal representation. That is some serious malpractice.

Show a little fight man. This is your life. Don’t just go down without at least a mild protest.

GREAT IDEA.

Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind. I just chalked it up to getting screwed over by my ex in a whole different way.

I’ll contact the BAR today.

Shit tested, Brother approved.

[SingularityParticipant 17]

Watch this video and it will open your eyes!

[FunInTheSunParticipant 8283]

It’s bad enough that you have these problems w/o your co-workers being s~~~ty. I don’t understand why people have to be nasty. When that nastiness comes back to them, I call it karma.

"I saw that there comes a point, in the defeat of any man of virtue, when his own consent is needed for evil to win-and that no manner of injury done to him by others can succeed if he chooses to withhold his consent. I saw that I could put an end to your outrages by pronouncing a single word in my mind. I pronounced it. The word was ‘No.’" (Atlas Shrugged)

[Remove me!Participant]

Wow, reading this reminded me of the “Year Of My Divorce”. Over four years ago. We have one child. I WAS suicidal and I lost a lot of weight that year. I had to force myself to eat. The problem was, the old me, the guy who identified as a husband, and provider, was dying, and I had to start all over.

I devoted my life to Christ (yet I’m not one of those Christians that think their way is the only way), and defined the NEW MAN I was going to be from now on. I became an alpha male. My daughter has now grown to respect me, and hopefully she will be a lady that knows the real worth of a man because of her father.

I have since seen my ex date men who are beta males, and seeing my daughter react to them is hilarious. She knows that her daddy is the alpha male, even to them. I’m friendly with them, mainly because I hope they become the sucker that will marry my ex.

After my “reset”, I had no money, and it took me awhile to get onto my feet. But I never talk s~~~ to my daughter about her mother. I know that in the future, history will judge us both and I will come out on top. Lately she has asked me “why did mom divorce you?” Nobody told her who divorced who, but she is very observant and remembers when mom moved out of the house.

So while my ex has completely regressed into being a teenager, I’ve become someone who is stable in my girl’s life. She has fed off that, and now wants to be with me more. Mom always complains that she never has any money, she only dates jerks that don’t make her happy, etc. Dad just loves being a daddy, doesn’t date (I never tell her if I do), and is just happy with the way things are.

You need to reinvent your alpha male self. Become the rock in your children’s lives. When they are grown, you can do what you want (that’s what I’m gonna do). Over time, you will be proven the better person, and you will be able to reap the benefits. It just takes some time and patience.

Good luck, brother, and I’m praying for you.

Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free.

[BontenioParticipant 31]

Wow, did I join in time, LISTEN, everybody has a horror story but the one thing that helped me through mine was that good will always win out in the end, it may take years, don’t look for immediate victory. You have society, the courts, all odds against you everyone is helping HER because there is a collective school of thought that the women is a victim, no matter what, and she MUST succeed against this beast while doing everything to insure your, not only defeat but, demise. Hopefully it will be so much stress that you will take yourself out and don’t think for a minute that is not the goal.

It hurts to the core for 3 months when it first happens I liken it to a monetary cycle – recession, depression, recovery and prosperity. When you sink to the lowest point there is a physical pain in your chest right in your heart you have weight loss, some coworkers thought I had AIDS, because you can’t sleep and you can’t eat. You can’t believe it is happening to you, like it’s all a nightmare and you will wake up from it. But something happens after the 3rd month, for me anyway, the healing begins. I started to eat, sleep and gain my weight back.

What mainly helped is to concentrate on the kids and your time with them. The bitch doesn’t want you back she has found another putting on her “whore of the night” outfits and going out partying. That has an excitement to it – for a while – then it starts to wear off, after you’ve been used like a $10 whore for the boys for so long it doesn’t have quite the sparkle it once did.

Keep your head down and keep moving, don’t worry you will pull out of your financial trouble the most important thing is to get mentally well and that will take time as you MUST go through that depression whatever it may be and just kept your eye in the distance and follow the light it will get better. This forum didn’t exist when I was going through my horror show so all I had to rely upon was me and some very lonely nights I will never forget. The divorce I am going through now is like playing flag football when you just had a scrimmage with the Chicago Bears when Dick Butkis was MLB “Bring the s~~~ on” I can do this with my eyes closed. She walked out and we haven’t spoken for 8 weeks, the most peaceful 8 weeks in 9 years.

Walk Alone...Walk Further

[kbbroilerParticipant 886]

Hang in there regular Jough. I can’t even imagine to what you are going through. I was one of the lucky ones that questioned things at a young age. I never got married or had kids. I’m 46 years old. Because of that doubt, ultimately it saved me. My advice would be maybe to start a side business with your interests in tattoo art. Then you would be doing something you are passionate about and you might be able to start picking up the pieces.

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