Home › Forums › Relations~~~s › I gave her a second chance and got what I deserved. Nice guys NEVER win.
This topic contains 68 replies, has 46 voices, and was last updated by 
Vajra Varaha 2 years ago.
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This is incredibly hard for me to share, but I feel like this is the only outlet where I’ll be truly understood.
I was in a relationship for almost 7 years with a woman who was my first love. We lived together about 50% of the time (she stayed with me half the week, and with her mom the other half). I held off marriage because I’ve never subscribed to the notion of marrying before you’re truly ready both financially and emotionally. I’m really glad my rational thinking didn’t cave now…
She was the perfect girl for me. We enjoyed everything together. Seriously, she liked doing the same things as me, never gave me a hard time about s~~~. We would take trips together and enjoy each other’s company a lot. Even after so many years, I never grew sick of her. I compared my relationship to others around me and felt SO lucky, because all I saw were men that looked for any excuse to get away from their wives/significant other to do their own thing, but I actually WANTED to spend time with her.
She pressed marriage a bit, but not that much. I made it very clear that I do want to get married and have kids when I’m ready (we’re in our 20’s). Me being a man, explained to her in detail, using logic and rationality, that getting married without being stable is just not a good idea. I also explained that she is my wife for all intents and purposes. I had no interest in other women, and was fully committed to spending the rest of my life with her, though the good times and the bad. After all, isn’t that exactly what marriage is minus the legal document?
Anyway, everything with us were good, as always. Our sex life was always great, and there was no decrease in quality or quantity there. We still got along, went out, had fun, etc.
One day I find out that she’s been having an affair for a month with a co-worker. He’s married and has 2 kids. My entire world COLLAPSED around me. I have never been in so much f~~~ing pain in my entire life. To know that the love of your life for the better part of a decade did the WORST thing a person can do to another person is just utterly soul shattering. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy.
Blinded by how much I truly loved her, I forgave her after some time, and it was pretty tough for the first few months as I would have PTSD-like flashbacks. I decided to give her a second chance. I decided to give myself a second chance at happiness with the love of my life. We had a lot of long, tough talks about our relationship, and how she would never lie to me again, etc.
Fast forward to this f~~~ing morning, I see her phone on the coffee table and decided to thumb through her messenger aps and call logs. That’s where my world came crashing down around me again. For the last few weeks she has been talking to him on the phone. I confronted her and all she kept saying was that they were just talking, and she was confused about her life and he was the shoulder to cry on, but they never spoke in person or touched each other. Even if that were true, it’s still cheating.
How can a person have such f~~~ing disregard for another human being? How does someone do something so terrible, see the pain and suffering that they’ve caused, and then do something like this again?
We were back to taking trips together, hanging out with family, and I literally asked her to move in with me yesterday.
Also, just as a side note, I always paid for everything so she was taken care of completely. Also, we live in a state with no common-law marriage.
I decided to give her a second chance. I decided to give myself a second chance at happiness with the love of my life. We had a lot of long, tough talks about our relationship, and how she would never lie to me again, etc.
Hey Finally, well you made it eventually, once, twice, three times a Lady,……you can’t trust them……EVER, thanks for sharing and HELLO!
AWALT
"What made you think, there'd be a livin' in sheep?, Eat, Work, Eat Work and Sleep" - Mark Knopfler.
Hey @keymaster, can we move this thread to the Introduction Section, this excellent Intro, should be in it’s rightful place?
"What made you think, there'd be a livin' in sheep?, Eat, Work, Eat Work and Sleep" - Mark Knopfler.
How can a person have such f~~~ing disregard for another human being? How does someone do something so terrible, see the pain and suffering that they’ve caused, and then do something like this again?
I attribute this to a lack of conscience, a strong sense of personal entitlement at the expense of others, and to the real possibility that she never really loved you to begin with or doesn’t understand love in so far as it being an adult concept.
We were back to taking trips together, hanging out with family, and I literally asked her to move in with me yesterday. Also, just as a side note, I always paid for everything so she was taken care of completely.
Entitlement. You fed in to her entitlement while she was looking to better deal you for another man. Cheating on you with a married man was her way of trying to trad up. In all likelihood this married man with children is successful and in an unhappy marriage and just wanted to spend some quality time with a woman that didn’t require 2 hours of begging for a pee pee touch. She is looking to have a man like him NOW! She is impatient and not willing to put the time and work in the relationship. Most women aren’t.
See Briffault’s Law.
As near as I can tell, “good enough”, in so far as women are concerned, means “good enough for now” or “until I can do better”.
Brother. I am truly sorry that you have had to endure repeated betrayal at the hands of this woman. You can heal and learn from this. Had an old buddy of my call me last year, depressed over his girlfriend of 2 years leaving him. Said he felt like it was his fault and expressing feelings of failure. After all, why wouldn’t she leave if he was good enough?
Truth be told you are better than her. You have the discipline to take the long view, and use logic in your endeavors. Loyal, caring, and obviously loving. Sounds like you’re too good for her to me.
During this time when you are recovering from this betrayal, remember, you are entitled to your own love and affection.
Learn to go your own way.
"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.
Allow me to be the first to welcome you to the Red Pill Rage Inn. Entrance is gained by the tragic discovery that everything a woman told you was a big fat f~~~ing lie; AND she is able to rationalize away the immoral conduct with hardly a wave of her hand. The icing on the cake is the fact she knew this and didn’t give a s~~~. Its a tough pill to swallow but that is the red pill my friend.
the rage is going to result from the realization that you were sincere and trusting and from her end it was all a con job. Yes you have been conned. And like the victims of Bernie Madoff the dream you were sold by this woman is totally fake. I can guarantee you there were MANY MORE than just one. And your feelings are totally irrelevant to her—mean nothing. sorry to be the bearer of bad news but sometimes I feel like the official doorman of the Red Pill Rage Inn. (The bar is open at all hours and FREE)!
Anonymous54Sorry man.
My saying is..At the moment you have the desire to peak in her phone..
Its allready over.
If theres no trust, you have nothing anyways.
Anonymous13It doesn’t feel like it now but you have had a lucky escape.
Imagine discovering she’s a lying cheating ho once married or you had kids.
You’re not even cohabitating so there’s no house to split or other complications.
What I’m going to say may seem hard but take it from someone who gave them too many chances.
Kick her to the curb NOW.
DELETE THAT C~~~ FROM YOUR LIFE NOW.
If you don’t do it NOW you’re just prolonging the pain.
Once they’ve cheated it’s over.
You can never go back.
It will happen over and over and over….
Don’t listen to her, don’t let her whittle her way back in.
GO GHOST.
Other than your mother, women love you for what you can do for them, not for you being you.
If they think they can trade up or can have their cake and eat it too, they will monkey-branch out to another guy.
Women don’t STAY happy — if one is with a millionaire, she will want to trade up for a billionaire.
Her cheating was a gift — she revealed who she really was to you — BELIEVE her! It is a gift because she did it before marriage.
Had you married her, your kids would not be yours — only hers, even if you and not some other guy got her pregnant. “Your” children would only be yours until she decided to take them away, with the support of the State.
All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.
We were back to taking trips together, hanging out with family, and I literally asked her to move in with me yesterday. Also, just as a side note, I always paid for everything so she was taken care of completely.
Entitlement. You fed in to her entitlement while she was looking to better deal you for another man. Cheating on you with a married man was her way of trying to trad up. In all likelihood this married man with children is successful and in an unhappy marriage and just wanted to spend some quality time with a woman that didn’t require 2 hours of begging for a pee pee touch. She is looking to have a man like him NOW! She is impatient and not willing to put the time and work in the relationship. Most women aren’t.
That man is less successful than me, and worse looking. There is no “trade up” reasoning behind it. If he were at least rich or something, this would make more sense. However I do agree that her f~~~ed up brain wanted marriage so badly, she just didn’t care that the man she was throwing her life away with wasn’t actually HER marriage.
Welcome Sir, and thanks for bringing it.
I have been you . . . .
but I feel like this is the only outlet where I’ll be truly understood.
Thanks for saying that, and your confidence.
I also explained that she is my wife for all intents and purposes. I had no interest in other women, and was fully committed to spending the rest of my life with her
This level of devotion should be enough, and an excellent realty check. I happened to think it’s better that she knows she can walk anytime ( without contract ) because it tells me every minute she is there is because she WANTS to be – without any sense of obligation.
Women don’t see it that way. And that’s the main reason I wouldn’t marry her – and never married any of them. If it’s not enough and it’s “marriage contract or else” then I see that relationship as already over.
If full long-term devotion and clear personal intent is not enough for her, then too bad. She can marry someone else. It’s like women don’t give a S~~~ who the guy is. They just want the goddam ring, wedding, dress. Fine go get it.
One day I find out that she’s been having an affair for a month with a co-worker
Nodding.
Blinded by how much I truly loved her, I forgave her after some time, and it was pretty tough for the first few months as I would have PTSD-like flashbacks. I decided to give her a second chance.
That’s a mistake – even on paper – because she won’t respect you.
Even she would think “why?”. Taking her back and trying again is a noble move, but women just don’t see your time and history with her as an “investment” like you do. Unintentionally, it communicates you don’t think you can do better.
You would think it communicates you’re a a good and forgiving man and she is special. But it lowers your “value” in her eyes.
I see her phone on the coffee table and decided to thumb through her messenger
I have been there too and already knew what you were going to say . .
I confronted her and all she kept saying was that they were just talking, and she was confused about her life and he was the shoulder to cry on, but they never spoke in person or touched each other. Even if that were true, it’s still cheating.
In my case, she conversed with him online in a chat room. Fortunately, I was more older and experienced than she, so I saw it coming and was prepped. She was “just typing” with him, but if she’s “just typing” with him, then she’s not playing her part with ME or invested in us. She’s somewhere ELSE.
I read the words “I feel trapped”, and that’s what polished it off. We lived at HER place too (while I still kept my own, because I predicted this s~~~). So she can’t say she feel “trapped” in her own place.
Confused about her life? OK . . . she’s free to go figure herself out. I encouraged independence in women. NO interest in anyone who says she’s “trapped”. So no matter what she “says”, I made the decision to let her free , and was gone. Moved back into my place right away.
How can a person have such f~~~ing disregard for another human being?
This isn’t about you.
She didn’t do this to YOU.She did it thinking only about herself. Just like “marry me or else”. It’s got little to do with you or the relationship. She’s only monkey-branching and thinking about herself & her options etc.
Be very careful what you blame yourself for. A woman’s actions and behavior are not “your fault” as often as we think. It’s a random coin toss.
and then do something like this again?
If she did it once, and you take her back, her respect for you is already in the toilet, so she WILL do it again. Even if she didn’t, you should probably EXPECT she would. I’m not surprised by the repeat.
Also, just as a side note, I always paid for everything so she was taken care of completely
That matters not. Have you ever heard of Briffault’s Law?
One of the most important lessons you can learn as a man.BRIFFAULT’S LAW:
The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.
There are a few corollaries I would add:
• Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association.
( ^^ THATS THE IMPORTANT PART HERE )• Any agreement where the male provides a current benefit in return for a promise of future association is null and void as soon as the male has provided the benefit (see corollary 1)
• A promise of future benefit has limited influence on current/future association, with the influence inversely proportionate to the length of time until the benefit will be given and directly proportionate to the degree to which the female trusts the male (which is not bloody likely).
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Brother. I am truly sorry that you have had to endure repeated betrayal at the hands of this woman. You can heal and learn from this. Had an old buddy of my call me last year, depressed over his girlfriend of 2 years leaving him. Said he felt like it was his fault and expressing feelings of failure. After all, why wouldn’t she leave if he was good enough?
Truth be told you are better than her. You have the discipline to take the long view, and use logic in your endeavors. Loyal, caring, and obviously loving. Sounds like you’re too good for her to me.
During this time when you are recovering from this betrayal, remember, you are entitled to your own love and affection.
Learn to go your own way.
Thank you so much, man. I appreciate it. I keep trying to look at the bright side – at least we weren’t married. At least we didn’t have kids.
It’s just so f~~~ing hard to lose something you loved so much. I’m sure some of you guys know exactly how I feel. Whether it’s losing a woman or losing a family member, it’s the same pain. Part of me still wishes she could change and be happily ever after with me. I know it won’t happen, and I won’t let it this time.
Anonymous54You have lost something that never existed.
In time you will see that.
Hang in there.
That man is less successful than me, and worse looking. There is no “trade up” reasoning behind it.
Neither was the guy my girl cheated with. It wasn’t a “step up” at all.
It enforces my point that she cheated — because she CAN.
Not because it makes any sense. It has little to do with you.In the end I let that one go. She ended up marrying that guy. Years later, she wanted to meet see me again while in town. I told her she should go be a mother and a wife, and she made her own choices.
Better him than me.
Imagine being her husband . . . . knowing his wife is contacting the ex. The ex who she was with before him. While pregnant with their second – and married.
A woman could be married with a kid + a second child on the way, and STILL be “confused about her life”.
I appreciate it. I keep trying to look at the bright side – at least we weren’t married. At least we didn’t have kids.
That IS a bright side.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.My ex-wife cheated on me with, and left me for, an unemployed high-school dropout; a wanna-be bad boy / 1% motorcycle gang hanger-on.
She was “bored”, “unhappy”, and “depressed” because her life hadn’t turned out how she’d envisioned it. He was “just a friend”… Yep, you see where this is going.
So my advice to you is, don’t over-analyze the situation. They don’t always trade up. It’s not your fault, and it doesn’t reflect badly on you. There is an enormous wealth of wisdom here, and via other MGTOW resources, that can help explain her behavior — it’s just a matter of how deep you want to delve into it.
We were back to taking trips together, hanging out with family, and I literally asked her to move in with me yesterday. Also, just as a side note, I always paid for everything so she was taken care of completely.
Entitlement. You fed in to her entitlement while she was looking to better deal you for another man. Cheating on you with a married man was her way of trying to trad up. In all likelihood this married man with children is successful and in an unhappy marriage and just wanted to spend some quality time with a woman that didn’t require 2 hours of begging for a pee pee touch. She is looking to have a man like him NOW! She is impatient and not willing to put the time and work in the relationship. Most women aren’t.
That man is less successful than me, and worse looking. There is no “trade up” reasoning behind it. If he were at least rich or something, this would make more sense. However I do agree that her f~~~ed up brain wanted marriage so badly, she just didn’t care that the man she was throwing her life away with wasn’t actually HER marriage.
Thanks for sharing FA. As already shown, there is a lot of experience and compassion on this site. This is the location for discussing failed relationships in a manner that is eventually uplifting, there is no guilt or blame associated, just that you took one to the chin.
Read the forum, reply as you wish and above all else, continue to ask questions and opinions from the membership. They have your back.
"My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." - Clarence Buddinton Kelland
It doesn’t feel like it now but you have had a lucky escape.
Imagine discovering she’s a lying cheating ho once married or you had kids.
You’re not even cohabitating so there’s no house to split or other complications.
What I’m going to say may seem hard but take it from someone who gave them too many chances.
Kick her to the curb NOW.
DELETE THAT C~~~ FROM YOUR LIFE NOW.
If you don’t do it NOW you’re just prolonging the pain.
Once they’ve cheated it’s over.
You can never go back.
It will happen over and over and over….
Don’t listen to her, don’t let her whittle her way back in.
GO GHOST.
This was done as soon as I found out what happened. She packed all her stuff and left. The funny part in all this is the first time I found out about the affair, we were just talking about living together full time, and then this happens one day after I offered for her to live with me.
My ex-wife cheated on me with, and left me for, an unemployed high-school dropout; a wanna-be bad boy / 1% motorcycle gang hanger-on.
She was “bored”, “unhappy”, and “depressed” because her life hadn’t turned out how she’d envisioned it. He was “just a friend”… Yep, you see where this is going.
So my advice to you is, don’t over-analyze the situation. They don’t always trade up. It’s not your fault, and it doesn’t reflect badly on you. There is an enormous wealth of wisdom here, and via other MGTOW resources, that can help explain her behavior — it’s just a matter of how deep you want to delve into it.
Thank you for your reply, man. I definitely feel your pain. It’s just really hard for me to not over-analyze things. It’s just who I am. It’s actually a big part of my career as well.
I just keep running through the questions in my head about why? how?
I gave everything for this woman. I literally work just to be able to support our future family, and she knows that.
One day I find out that she’s been having an affair for a month with a co-worker. He’s married and has 2 kids. My entire world COLLAPSED around me.
Don’t forget she chose a married man to do this with. She knifed you, his wife, and his kids in the back. So don’t think it was against, or even about you. Every one involved will feel like it was them, when if fact it was all about her low character and lack of morals. When the rage subsides you will realize what a good thing it was to find out sooner than later. Know poison when you see it and be glad you only sipped from the cup, and got just sick enough to stop drinking before it killed you.
Welcome.If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.
Anonymous13It doesn’t feel like it now but you have had a lucky escape.
Imagine discovering she’s a lying cheating ho once married or you had kids.
You’re not even cohabitating so there’s no house to split or other complications.
What I’m going to say may seem hard but take it from someone who gave them too many chances.
Kick her to the curb NOW.
DELETE THAT C~~~ FROM YOUR LIFE NOW.
If you don’t do it NOW you’re just prolonging the pain.
Once they’ve cheated it’s over.
You can never go back.
It will happen over and over and over….
Don’t listen to her, don’t let her whittle her way back in.
GO GHOST.
This was done as soon as I found out what happened. She packed all her stuff and left. The funny part in all this is the first time I found out about the affair, we were just talking about living together full time, and then this happens one day after I offered for her to live with me.
As hard as it is to swallow, you have to realise that not only does marriage no longer work but neither do relationships. They ALL have a ‘done by’ date and it’s downfall is always because they become lying cheating whores, who revert to type.
Dating is not even worthwhile unless you enjoy spending money on ungrateful bitches who bring more drama, chaos and subterfuge into your life.
One more thing.
SMARTPHONES
THE FINAL NAIL.
Don’t forget she chose a married man to do this with. She knifed you, his wife, and his kids in the back. So don’t think it was against, or even about you.
A great point.
One more thing.
SMARTPHONES
THE FINAL NAIL.
Yup.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.- AuthorPosts
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