I fear I lost my looks.

[pZ1$Participant 110]

BrainPilot wrote:

My advice to you: let no day go by that you don’t either make money, or exert effort toward moving into a position where you can. Work at a job, or work at finding a job… every single day. Don’t do this to please your wife. Do this because it’s the only way to reliably take care of yourself in a world where no one else will.

BrainPilot, you don’t know how I needed to read this statement this morning! It’s gotten me charged! But I have a problem. I am in my mid 50s with a s~~~load of failures behind me. My failures are not from doing drugs, drinking or not showing up on time. Probably there is some sort of f~~~ up brain t hing going on… But I am a hard f~~~ing worker that is college educated. F~~~! I have a life time of financial dependence on everyone else! This is serious s~~~! Sorry for the cursing. But this is serious!! I need to become financially independent. I have been rejected for job after job. But I can’t let this get me down. I have no choice but to keep on trying and changing for the better, or else I should just die. And I’m not about to do that. So I guess I have to focus and keep on trying to make myself a success.

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[rorickParticipant 682]

If your wife loves you for what you are, then she wouldn’t mind your looks.

But if she loves you for what you have (big wallet), then definitely she will find reasons to diminish you and let you feel intimidated of losing her,. so that you’ll work your ass off to bring more to the table.

[jack reacherParticipant 751]

 

“JackReacher my entire life, my entire breathing hour, as been for the validation and approval from women! I remember when it started in 1st grade. No joke! It’s taken me all these years to see this tragic quest. I am very happy I have discovered this disorder from forums like this. I am so happy I am finally getting over it. Thank you all!”

You are not alone with that. I too had been looking for that and wasting precious years , and it has come up in previous forum posts where Bar Bar mentions the quest for a mothers love but it wont be coming. It is essentially this unfulfilled and unresolved need that sends us searching for it from other women. But guess what, they are f~~~ed and narcissistic. They wont be giving it to you and if you show them that weakness they will have contempt for you. You will need to fill that void with something more permanent than the unstable whims of a woman, such as self reliance.

It is a long struggle to undo the gynocentrism, but a necessary step towards self fulfillment and actualization. You have made that critical realization. I wish you the best on your journey.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

BrainPilot wrote:

Marla Maples did not fall in love with Donald Trump.
Jerri Hall did not fall in love with Mick Jagger.
Bridgette Nielson did not fall in love with Sylvester Stallone.
Anna Nicole Smith did not fall in love with J Howard Marshall.
Monica Lewinsky did not fall in love with Bill Clinton.
Donna Rice did not fall in love with Gary Hart.
Robin Givens did not fall in love with Mike Tyson.
Heather Mills did not fall in love with Paul McCartney.
A dozen different porn stars did not fall in love with Tiger Woods.

Something was bothering me about what you wrote there, but eventually I figured it out.

I honestly doubt any of those women fell in love with any of those men.  I don’t doubt they had a strong attraction to the fame, wealth, and power those men possessed, but was it love?  Not likely. And love for the men themselves? Not a chance.

[DybbukParticipant 182]

Marla Maples did not fall in love with Donald Trump for his looks.
Jerri Hall did not fall in love with Mick Jagger for his looks.
Bridgette Nielson did not fall in love with Sylvester Stallone for his looks.
Anna Nicole Smith did not fall in love with J Howard Marshall for his looks.
Monica Lewinsky did not fall in love with Bill Clinton for his looks.
Donna Rice did not fall in love with Gary Hart for his looks.
Robin Givens did not fall in love with Mike Tyson for his looks.
Heather Mills did not fall in love with Paul McCartney for his looks.
A dozen different porn stars did not fall in love with Tiger Woods for his looks.

Know what all these couples had in common? All these women were playboy material (except maybe Monica and Heather), and all these guys were very good producer/providers… They are not all famous.

Actually, every single one of them was famous, with the arguable exception of Marshall, who wasn’t a household name but was well-known in business circles.

I don’t buy the shopworn assertion that money attracts women. I only see it working when the man also has high status, which doesn’t automatically come with money. Fame, on the other hand, is the ultimate status. A guy with money may get women who make a logical decision to be with him because of what he can provide, but the money doesn’t generate true attraction. Status, on the other hand, creates attraction.

My brother is a multi-millionaire entrepreneur, but you wouldn’t find anything if you Googled him. He hasn’t done any better with women than an average working stiff. But look up some guy who finished next-to-last on Survivor and got $1,000 for his trouble, and he probably has a hot girlfriend. Hell, look at mass murderers like James Holmes. He’s got more love letters from women than he can ever read.

 

[pZ1$Participant 110]

jack reacher wrote:

“JackReacher my entire life, my entire breathing hour, as been for the validation and approval from women! I remember when it started in 1st grade. No joke! It’s taken me all these years to see this tragic quest. I am very happy I have discovered this disorder from forums like this. I am so happy I am finally getting over it. Thank you all!” You are not alone with that. I too had been looking for that and wasting precious years , and it has come up in previous forum posts where Bar Bar mentions the quest for a mothers love but it wont be coming. It is essentially this unfulfilled and unresolved need that sends us searching for it from other women. But guess what, they are f~~~ed and narcissistic. They wont be giving it to you and if you show them that weakness they will have contempt for you. You will need to fill that void with something more permanent than the unstable whims of a woman, such as self reliance. It is a long struggle to undo the gynocentrism, but a necessary step towards self fulfillment and actualization. You have made that critical realization. I wish you the best on your journey.

Thank you man! My late Mother (God rest her soul), said I used to ask her if she loved me even when I was around 5 years old. I’m sure a lot of boys did that. Yep, we have been searching for it ever since. Indeed self reliance is the only way to go from here on in. Well said JackReacher!

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[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

Dybbuk,
you make a good point on the status thing. ‘Makes me wonder how much of female attraction is just based on fulfilling their narcissistic need for attention. It would explain why they can never seem to keep their mouths shut about it whenever they get a chance to have sex with a celebrity… In any case, I remain convinced that women expect to benefit one way or another from any man they have sex with. Maybe it’s attention, money, kids, security… but rarely ever for anything having to do with actually caring about the man they are having sex with. For them, sex is always about what they are going to get.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Dybbuk wrote:

I don’t buy the shopworn assertion that money attracts women. I only see it working when the man also has high status, which doesn’t automatically come with money.

Take a look at womens’ personal ads some time. They almost all demand that men responding have a house and a car and a job and so on, all of which mean money. I’ve never seen one that demands the man be famous or powerful as well, though I’ve no doubt they would consider those a bonus.

Women are attracted to a combination of money, fame, and power, which are often connected (especially money and power), though not necessarily always. Obviously they’d prefer to get a man with all three, but they are attracted to each on its own. Women are attracted to men with fame but no money or power. Just look at the ones who marry infamous serial killers in prison. They are attracted to men with power but no fame or money. Charles Wilson had power as a U.S. Representative, but no real money and barely any fame even in his own congressional district, but he attracted women in a way that even that film about him didn’t show. And I’ve already mentioned the personal ads from women sniffing out money but not fame or power.

the money doesn’t generate true attraction. Status, on the other hand, creates attraction.

See, I have difficulty with your use of the term “true attraction” there. I don’t think the attraction women feel for men with money is any less true than the attraction they feel for men with status. Because neither attraction is true. They are both cases where the woman is attracted to what she thinks the man can do for her, not the man himself.  The case of money is obvious: the man can buy her things.  The case of status is a little more subtle as there is no objective way to measure status, but rest assured the woman thinks her status will be raised by her connection to the high status man, and that is what she’s actually after, not him.

The biggest difference between status and wealth come after the woman has locked the man into some sort of commitment. A famous / infamous man retains his fame / infamy even when committed to a woman. She cannot take his fame away from him. However if a wealthy man fully commits to a woman, he stops being wealthy in her eyes, because she now views his wealth as hers. So the attraction fades.

My brother is a multi-millionaire entrepreneur, but you wouldn’t find anything if you Googled him. He hasn’t done any better with women than an average working stiff.

But does he look like a multi-millionaire? Women can’t see money in the bank.

Here’s an example from my own life. I may not be a multi-millionaire, but I am quite comfortable. You wouldn’t know that by looking at me, though, nor would I turn up on a google search. My car is nothing special to look at, but it is debt free and runs great. You know those family silhouette stickers that people put on the rear windows of their minivans? Well a few years ago I learned that they also make stickers of piles of money, both large and small, so as a joke I bought a family sticker, put just the man sticker on my rear window, and followed it with two large money stickers and three small money stickers. I think the message is pretty clear: I have money instead of a family.

Even with my mediocre car, ever since I put those stickers on women have occasionally approached me in parking lots etc. trying to start conversations like they do when I’m riding. It doesn’t happen as often with the car, but it never used to happen at all before I put the stickers on it.

Clearly they are now attracted to something about my car, and the only thing it could possibly be is the clear message that there is gold there they think they might be able to dig.

[harpo-my-“SON”Participant 2410]

I will chime in because I got good at manipulating my X-wife the last few months of our marriage.. but relationship advice is not what I think MGTOW is about…Your insecurity in this area stems from  your relationship/marriage

 

“NOW SHE IS F~~~ING NAGGING THE S~~~ OUT OF ME BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T LIKE THE WAY I DID CERTAIN THINGS.”

Make sure everything you do, is the way you wanted it done…next time she nags just be calm, smile and say politely  “please come redo this so I may watch and learn how to do it to your satisfaction”  she will never do this but  if she does watch with interest, thinking of another chore for her to show you.   I did this back when I was married and my wife was on the third task before she caught on and started calling me names……I picked things she would believe like how do I fold  fitted sheets or how should I load the dishwasher.. My scam fell apart as she was showing me how to load the dishwasher  but in my head I was already working on a way to have her do one of my outside chores.

worry over useless drama will age a man fast… listen to these guys….validate yourself everyday to the point that you are no longer in need of your wife’s validation…. Do this for you, not just to keep her off your case…

Point out to your wife, every time she is angry, how incapable she is at controlling her emotions, and how child like she is acting…Downplay the importance of the subject she is nagging about..Make it always seam trivial to you..”my sweetheart don’t sweat the small stuff I’ll take care of that later”. ..Do this calmly…act shocked and surprised that she is even upset, by saying “oh my dear, are you angry?”  The desired reaction for me was to have her stomp off….. A way to end up with my favorite company…..Myself….I learned a way to react for every situation my wife tossed at me the last 7 months of my marriage… always with the desired result…..  It was like saying “SHUT THE F~~~ UP” and having her obey….Only without having to show anger myself or raise my voice at all…..If this don’t work get some good quality ear protection and Ignore, Ignore, Ignore… Don’t worry about your looks.. Eliminate your stress you will feel better..Ever heard you look as good as you feel?

I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at those who misunderstand me. Kind mockery at the well intentioned, but unfettered cruelty towards those would be prison guards of my creative possibilities. This so as to learn as much from misunderstanding as from understanding. Taking pleasure in worthy opponents and making language fluid and flowing like a river yet pointed and precise as a dagger. Contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful linguistic dance, A verbal martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.

[DybbukParticipant 182]

See, I have difficulty with your use of the term “true attraction” there. I don’t think the attraction women feel for men with money is any less true than the attraction they feel for men with status.

Here’s an example of how I see the distinction. Mick Jagger had a lot of hot groupies who wanted to sleep with him. I bet most of them didn’t go into it thinking that Jagger would slip them a wad of hundred dollar bills after they were done, and didn’t feel cheated and used if he didn’t. The interaction would begin and end in his hotel room, and they knew it going in and accepted it.

But then take a old, fat rich guy who isn’t famous. Maybe he can get some attractive women to sleep with him, too. But they dynamic is different. She’ll expect him to take her in his limo to five-star restaurants, private jet rides, vacations to Tahiti, etc. and she would grudgingly have non-passionate sex with him.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Dybbuk wrote:

Mick Jagger had a lot of hot groupies who wanted to sleep with him. I bet most of them didn’t go into it thinking that Jagger would slip them a wad of hundred dollar bills after they were done, and didn’t feel cheated and used if he didn’t.

But they will spend the rest of their lives bragging about the time they f~~~ed Mick Jagger.  That increase in their social status is what they hope to gain from him, and it’s that increase in their social status that they are attracted to, not Mick himself.  So while they may not gain monetarily from the liaison, they do benefit from it, and it’s that benefit that motivates them.

[DybbukParticipant 182]

But they will spend the rest of their lives bragging about the time they f~~~ed Mick Jagger.  That increase in their social status is what they hope to gain from him, and it’s that increase in their social status that they are attracted to, not Mick himself.  So while they may not gain monetarily from the liaison, they do benefit from it, and it’s that benefit that motivates them.

Maybe there were a few like that, but I doubt that is the main motivation. Being slutty isn’t something that’s regularly bragged about. And many less famous performers had groupies too, ones that wouldn’t be much to brag about, even to those who might be impressed by such things.

However, you may be on to something here. A more likely but similar motivation could be self-validation…the woman believe that it proves she is something special because Mick Jagger deigned to sleep with her, even if she never tells anyone else about it. Sort of like a guy who gets a one night stand with a hot girl while on vacation. It massively strokes his ego, though unless he has video he really couldn’t brag much about it to other guys since he couldn’t prove he wasn’t lying.

 

[Cipher HighwindParticipant 1144]

If one’s looks are so much of a concern, just get rid of the mirrors in one’s house. If one does not have to look at one’s self, then the problem is solved.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Dybbuk wrote:

Maybe there were a few like that, but I doubt that is the main motivation. Being slutty isn’t something that’s regularly bragged about.

To their thinking it’s not slutty.  A slut is someone who will sleep with anyone, but they’re not sleeping with just anyone, they’re sleeping with Mick Jagger.  And that makes them special.  It boosts their social standing, even if only among their fellow groupies.

Dybbuk wrote:

And many less famous performers had groupies too, ones that wouldn’t be much to brag about, even to those who might be impressed by such things.

But they’re still more of a social boost than f~~~ing some random guy on the street.  And you never know… what could be more impressive than being able to tell your friends you f~~~ed Mick Jagger before he was famous?  It’s feminine speculation.

Whether it’s an increase in money, social standing, or power, women are attracted to what men can do for them, not the men themselves.

[pZ1$Participant 110]

I’m still obsessing about my looks… Even after the great replies I got here. Lol. And I’m not even that bad looking. I guess it’s just part of my nature.

[Author]

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