Home › Forums › Health and Fitness › I don't know how to get her out of my mind
This topic contains 22 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by 
Anonymous 2 years, 8 months ago.
- AuthorPosts
Anonymous1Hello fellas, forgive me in advance for any language errors I may commit.
A couple of months ago I decided to share my experience, however small it may have been, here’s the link in case you want to know a bit more:
/forums/topic/had-my-first-girlfriend-at-25-lasted-3-months-i-would-like-to-share-my-story/
I can assure you that I learned a lot from it, and still do, the thing is that, since then I’ve been struggling with a very large amount of emotions and thoughts, I don’t know if all of this is just stupid crap and I should stop thinking about it (I know I should stop, the problem is how), if I need a nice kick in the ass to wake up, or similar, what I can tell you is that I have done almost everything to try stop thinking about her and the time spent with her, I went out several times around my town on my mountain bike, before knowing her I loved every second of it and I simply couldn’t be able to think of something else while riding, now when I do it she’s there, the music that I love deeply is not able to get her out of my mind, for other things it always works. I cannot concentrate on my college work the moment I see her and that’s the part I hate the most, ignoring her doesn’t work either.
I know that all of this sound childish or stupid, but honestly my mind and I are getting tired of it, and no matter how hard I try, when I see her, is like back to square one all over again.
However I think this is one of the important points that I discovered, and also kind of a dilemma, during all my life until her, I never experienced a single kind of female relationship more than having female classmates, or acquaintances if any, not even female friends, never. Then this girl comes in, and everything goes to s~~~. I have thought a lot about it, and I cannot tell if this is good or bad, but now I feel coldly alone, my classmates and the only 2 friends I have help a little bit, but every day after arriving at my house, the shadow of being alone arrives too.
And the part of the dilemma as I see it is that, she was the first person I got involved with as never before in my life, for better or worse, and I could say better because most of the time was nice. I had never experienced anything similar and I think that’s a big part of why she doesn’t disappear from my head. The problem is that I have no intentions to meet or socialize with other women, but again how do I manage to forget her.
I know this is absolutely nothing compared to the problems others members have here on the forums, but I don’t have anyone else to talk about this, I’ve talked with my friends about it just a couple of times, but they’re kind of purple pill guys, my family consists of my mom who is always working and 4 aunts that are like strangers to me despite the fact we live in the same house (yep), and that’s all I have.
I would greatly appreciate any comments or advice you want to offer, and again, if you came this far I thank you so deeply for taking the time, instead of doing something else, thank you gentlemen.
Also I really want to answer to all the replies, but I have this kind of problem of not being able to express myself clearly and quickly enough, I spent like 3 hours shaping and writing all of this.
I know this is absolutely nothing compared to the problems others members have here
All of us MGTOW brothers have problems. No one is more deserving than another to receive help.
struggling with a very large amount of emotions and thoughts
This is very very normal. This is just chemical reactions in your brain. When I had feelings for a girl, a long long time ago, I remember my mind racing and scattered. Unable to stay focused. I thought something was really wrong with me.
I have done almost everything to try stop thinking about her and the time spent with her
May I suggest not trying to forget about her. The more you try to forget about her, the more you remember her.
I need to be bold and blunt brother. “Love” is a chemical reaction in your brain that is pushing you to procreate with a female. This chemical reaction is short lived until the act of procreation is over, generally speaking. This is why you see so many couples breaking up after the “spark” has gone. Just observe the numerous couples who were once head over heels in “love” with each other to going through a messy breakup.
At first it is a painful pill to swallow, but at the same time it shows us the “big picture”. Sure, you may have feelings for her that seem too strong to handle, but over time you will observe the impermanent nature of “love”.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
Anonymous1I get the thing about love is just a chemical reaction @mgtow_mike, and I tried both things, trying to forget her and give up on that, still same result, I guess is a matter of time as they say, but I still feel like the day after I broke up with her.
BTW, I love your background image, working with all that stuff everyday in my school, filters, motors, O.A. you name it!
Anonymous3This is the biggest kick in the ass you can ever ask for: Get back together with her and stay with her. Try to stay with her for a year, if a year isn’t enough, go for two, as long as it takes to make you see what and who she really is, until you’re completely sick of her, resent her, despise her, until she feels the same way toward you.
Hell, I’ve actually said the same thing in your previous thread. I said that had you stayed with her longer, you would have understood all the questions and misconceptions you were having.
Familiarity breeds contempt. Only reason you have these romanticized feelings toward her, is because you don’t know who she is. You are fantasizing about an image of her, one that you have constructed in your mind.
“Her” doesn’t exist, it’s merely something you’re making up in your mind, and you’re attaching this image to this person you see in reality. But understand, the two are not the same, not even close. Had you stayed with her long enough, again, I wouldn’t have to say any of this.
I do hope you can understand this without resorting to actually getting back with her.
I know this is absolutely nothing compared to the problems others members have here on the forums, but I don’t have anyone else to talk about this
That’s what the forums are for.
forgive me in advance for any language errors
No need to open with that. Your English is MUCH better than you give yourself credit for.
If you think you can do it, try “no contact”.
COMMIT TO IT and DO NOT CAVE. (to “cave” means to soften, give in, weaken, acquiesce)I suffered from “one-itis” once. Thinking ONE woman is the center of the universe.
She isn’t.
One day, I decided I had enough of thinking about “our relationship” , blaming myself and wondering what I possibly did wrong. So I composed a one-sentence email “never contact me again under any circumstances” . And the moment I clicked SEND, I was free. It was amazing. After I sent that email , she was “dead” to me, and I felt like a million dollars. Better than ever. It was that simple.
But it only works (and I would only recommend it) if you REALLY BELIEVE you are capable of it and you REALLY WANT to fix the problem. If you cave at all, reply , answer her calls, or contact her, you just killed it – and you kill all her respect for you too. But you also kill your own SELF-respect, which is more important.
It’s a big move and it takes brass b~~~~, but once I was on the other side, I wondered why it was so difficult before.
— OR —
To easily forget one woman, just get on top of another.
But I wouldn’t recommend that at all. That’s just a bandaid solution.——
Right now, you don’t like this about yourself. You don’t like feeling this way. You don’t like being this way. So do whatever you need to do to be able to concentrate on school, concentrate on yourself, and do whatever is necessary so that you will LIKE YOURSELF – first.
Since you don’t like this about yourself, fix that first above everything else.
Don’t even think about her until you have done that.I didn’t like myself when I was feeling s~~~ty about a girl. So I fixed it.
I did what I needed to do to fix it. It worked.If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.
Anonymous1@Tungus-khan, I know you’re right, and I don’t intend to be back with her, I just need to visualize her smoking her pall mall’s and I’m kinda back to normal, except this last weeks that image has been losing the effect.
Only reason you have these romanticized feelings toward her, is because you don’t know who she is. You are fantasizing about an image of her, one that you have constructed in your mind.
If I can give 100 stars for this, I would. It is dead perfect. Mystery drives most men nuts. In this state of mind, men love to make up their own version of what they want in a partner.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
Anonymous1@keymaster, I want to thank you for making this space possible, and I want to thank the members as well.
what I did was deleting her cell phone number almost immediately, then I deleted her from facebook, a few days ago I went crazy stupid and said hello, asked her about her brothers and parents, and her dog. Then deleted his number this time for sure, since then no contact except for school issues and only if she crosses my path
Anonymous1Right now, you don’t like this about yourself. You don’t like feeling this way. You don’t like being this way. So do whatever you need to do to be able to concentrate on school, concentrate on yourself, and do whatever is necessary so that you will LIKE YOURSELF – first.
I hate it, but I still feel lost trying to figure that out, where should I start to fix it, how?
@keymaster, I want to thank you for making this space possible, and I want to thank the members as well.
🙂
what I did was deleting her cell phone number almost immediately, then I deleted her from facebook,
Thinking philosophically . . . . if I were in your situation, I might delete MYSELF from facebook. I also felt great after doing that. I don’t regret it at all. Of course, later she emailed and wanted to be “friends” on facebook again, but I know better than that, and didn’t answer it.
I went crazy stupid and said hello, asked her about her brothers and parents, and her dog.
That’s not insanity. It’s just polite.
So you had a little weakness. Like chocolate. No big deal.You’re beating yourself up too much.
I hate it, but I still feel lost trying to figure that out, where should I start to fix it, how?
You’ll know how. Do whatever you need to do to start LIKING yourself more than you do right now. Even if it means going to the gym at 2AM. Or washing your car. Or doing your laundry. GET BUSY. Get TOO busy. Get SO busy that you don’t have the ABILITY to think about her. Be creative.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.what I did was deleting her cell phone number almost immediately
Step one. Well done brother. I would love to see any cool projects you have done/can do and I will be more than happy to showcase it on my electronics website (www.microcontrollertutorial.com), with your name to give you credit.
I use Electronics to express myself. It is an artwork for me. Focus on it and be more and more passionate about it.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
As a serial relationship ender, the best advice I can give is to stop seeing the never-ending thoughts as a problem. Don’t try to stop thinking about her.
Your brain has a mind of its own, and your thoughts and feelings are part of a natural process that’s trying to make sense of what went wrong. That is very healthy, because it’s through that process that you heal.
Instead of thinking of your grief as a bad thing, think of it as your friend. Lots of people avoid those painful feelings by somehow repressing them. Bad idea. That stunts growth.
So the next time you feel bad, instead of thinking you have a problem because you can’t stop thinking of her, think of yourself as very healthy, and that your mind is doing you the biggest favour. It’s you loving you, and tending to your eventual health and well-being. This time next year you’ll reflect, and realise your perspective is solid and clear by then. By that time, she’ll be out of your mind, trust me.
In the meantime, instead of fighting the process of healing, learn to love the process for what it is: your tonic.
In the meantime, instead of fighting the process of healing, learn to love the process for what it is: your tonic.
I like that recommendation too. Never heard it quite put that way. ^^
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Time heals, brother.I know from experience. Every minute pushes her one step closer to irrelevance. You have no permanent binds such as children. So she can fade out of relevance in time.
Flood your mind go and look up what engines are available for the f-150. Learn how to write a hello world application in multiple programing languages. This can work but I can’t make any promises on this.
A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!
This is the biggest kick in the ass you can ever ask for: Get back together with her and stay with her. Try to stay with her for a year, if a year isn’t enough, go for two, as long as it takes to make you see what and who she really is, until you’re completely sick of her, resent her, despise her, until she feels the same way toward you.
Yes my friend, since YOU haven’t “experienced” just how BAD it can get with a Women that YOU once “LOVED” so much, YOU have ONLY the Positive “EARLY STAGES” of the relationship to focus and re-focus on EVERY time that you’re Lonely, and feeling Blue (IE: Blue Pill Programming).
In my Youth, I have LIVED through the same S~~~, BUT there was NO MGTOW to LEARN from, and I had to go out and Get Married and have Children. I am a Living Example of EVERYTHING that You DO Not Want to Do to YOURSELF !!
Time, Red Pills, MGTOW.com., MGTOW vids ETC. are the ANSWER !!
Treat, Spoil YOURSELF, BECAUSE You are a FREE MAN !!!
Don’t Trade In YOUR FREEDOM For ANY HO !!!!!!!!!
In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash
Our brothers here gave you great adice, so I won’t rehash that. I agree with all of it.
But, if all else fails try thinking of her as the human that she is.
Picture her BEFORE she prepares to go out. Picture her all sweaty, with hairy legs and hairy armpits, in the bathroom taking a s~~~, while also on her period.The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!
Tons of good advice here from the brothers above.
I will say some men have a harder time than others with this. This in fact is one of the reasons it has been so easy for me to go MGTOW. Relationships with women that should take a week or 2 to get over, would bog me down mentally for months. A serious relationship could result in years to recover.
Since you are in the health and fitness section, do exactly that. Focus on your health and fitness, and as another brother said: your healing. Work out, go for a run, eat healthy, rebuild your body, your mental health and your spirituality – in whatever form that may take for you. Do not do it for anything or anybody but yourself. If a thought of her enters your mind, don’t fight it or get down on yourself, simply let it pass… do not feed the thought and it will eventually go away.
One of the traps that these breakups set for my mind, is the solving the mystery. Trying to figure out what happened, what it was really all about, who did what etc. The gears and cogs in my mind love to grind away at that s~~~, to the point where they literally start breaking themselves.
Simply understand it is not important and let go of trying to solve it.That is where red pill knowledge comes in as so handy. You don’t need to know the specifics. You know that it boiled down at the root level to briffault’s law and hypergamy, and some alpha/beta perception thrown in. That is enough to put the matter to rest for me now.
Also don’t create stories in your head about what might have happened. Accept reality and move on.
Anonymous54Time.
It just takes time.Keep something around that smells bad.
Everytime you think about her, take a sniff.
A cheap, yet effective brain trick.
Anonymous1In the meantime, instead of fighting the process of healing, learn to love the process for what it is: your tonic.
that is starting to resonate in my head since late night, found your advice so helpful.
@awakened-2, I see I can trust you every time, always making me see things for what they really are.
Work out, go for a run, eat healthy, rebuild your body, your mental health and your spirituality – in whatever form that may take for you. Do not do it for anything or anybody but yourself.
I will try again this weekend, doing it only for me, and my mind and spirit, I need that.
And @old-sage, the smell from the classmates who smoke works, I don’t get near them on purpose but I try to take advantage whenever I can
- AuthorPosts
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
921526
921524
919244
916783
915526
915524
915354
915129
914037
909862
908811
908810
908500
908465
908464
908300
907963
907895
907477
902002
901301
901106
901105
901104
901024
901017
900393
900392
900391
900390
899038
898980
896844
896798
896797
895983
895850
895848
893740
893036
891671
891670
891336
891017
890865
889894
889741
889058
888157
887960
887768
886321
886306
885519
884948
883951
881340
881339
880491
878671
878351
877678
