Hypergamy in action

[Tired-CopParticipant 116]

Hello brothers, I joined back in August, and in my intro I talked about my new wife (F43) who I have been married to for about a year and a half. We live in the Midwest and she is wanting me to walk away from a career where I have 5 years to go until retirement. She “needs” me to move to Florida and be with her there because of her issues. She is a severe BPD, and for several reasons in her mind, she can no longer stay in our hometown. I have spent the last year making trips to Florida trying to get a job in my field, without much luck. It is like an agency may want to hire 5 new guys, and they will get 400 applicants. Half like me from out of town with experience. I have come close and got turned down several times (8 or 9). Today I get a call from a small agency on the Gulf Coast who wants to hire me. I only have to pass a few more things and the job is mine. The problem is that I will have to take a 7,500 pay cut to start out although I will eventually make it up and then some. Florida is notorious for underpaying the officers. Well I let the wife know tonight about the pay and I could see the change come over her. She immediately went into not sure how we can make it, it is such a pay cut etc. Now the last year she has only talked about not being able to stay here, not being able to be without me, she doesn’t care about the money, she can get a job etc.

In her previous marriage she was very well off married to a beta guy. I have met him several times and he truly is the nicest, kindest man, we have never given each other anything but respect. From the stories I heard she put him through hell with the BPD. I think she sees me as alpha compared to his beta, although I have never considered myself alpha by any means. I had nothing to do with their divorce not even meeting her until after it was final. I fear that she is now, when faced with reality, starting to have second thoughts about the finances. Her ex makes probably three times what I will make. And I am starting fear that she is comparing us. It was all fun and games to be married to the big alpha police officer, until the much smaller paychecks start rolling in.

Thank god I have been reading this for the last three months. As soon as she started talking I saw hypergamy immediately and recognized it. Although I know AWALT, I assumed there had to be a few who weren’t. And she really made me think that she wasn’t. Well AWALT with no doubt. I really felt myself pulling away as she started it.

Just don't care anymore,,,,

[Anonymous 3]

You married a 42 year old woman with mental issues. The idea of you being alpha, even though I think the term is stupid, is absolutely laughable.

[Tired-CopParticipant 116]

I never said I was alpha, in fact I said I have never thought of myself as that. She is beautiful and sexy as all hell. By far the best sex I have ever had. Tiny little 120 pounder, with hard D cups and a ridiculous tight little box, even for my very average sized willy.

Just don't care anymore,,,,

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

What if you want to stay where you are and retire in 5 years?

What if you do nothing?

What if you decide what you want to do?

I’m not saying it is easy.

When I read your post I got the impression that you want to stay where you are and retire in a few years.

What if you go the way that you want to go?

Peace brothers

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Tired-Cop wrote:

I never said I was alpha, in fact I said I have never thought of myself as that. She is beautiful and sexy as all hell. By far the best sex I have ever had. Tiny little 120 pounder, with hard D cups and a ridiculous tight little box, even for my very average sized willy.

Ahh. This explains alot.

So, she is use to manipulating men.

Then, my question needs to be revised.

CAN you go the way you want to go?

Peace brothers

[John Woods 13Participant 2855]

Here’s what I think and have seen:
Florida is full of older, wealthy, retired, single gentlemen. They were either never married, or they are divorced, but they still sit on a mountain of money and they are looking for a special 40 something tiny little 120 pounder, with hard D cups and a ridiculous tight little box.
And she knows it. But she wants you to support her while she moves there and until she finds one of the above mentioned gentlemen. At which point, she will divorce rape you and monkey branch to the rich old guy.

I might be wrong, but I have seen it happen, and I also have statistics on my side.
I wish you all the best and please keep us posted.

The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!

[Sky-OParticipant 18949]

I was not going to post anything today since I got home late and was about to go to sleep, but your situation is similar to one I was in a few years ago.

In my case, a woman that I knew prior to her marriage left her husband and locked onto me with such parasitical precision, while idealizing me and in her own words ‘falling in love’ (WTF) that I let it happen.

Her ex was a textbook beta. Great guy, walking wallet and a sacrificial lamb slaughtered at the altar of her narcissistic demands and requirements.

Anyway: Same financial dynamics as your situation. But she initially overlooked that during the first year of her idealizing me, phenomenal sex and a change of life for her.

I was an alpha by default. Like I never tried to be one and wasn’t even conscious of the term at the time. But she was drawn to certain alpha characteristics and/or a dichotomy between her ex and myself. He spent his weekends playing golf and sat in front of a television every night during the week. – I jump out of planes at 14,000 feet and don’t have a television/cable.
And I was hyper-focused on getting her off harder, longer and better than she had before. Like, punching her balloon knot/ leather cheerio with my tongue during 69 off.

But after a year, we got in an argument over something and at one point she yelled ‘You don’t know what I left behind in order to do this!! You wouldn’t understand!’

And I never fully understood what she meant until I discovered the concept of hypergamy. It took just over a year for her true nature to start texting her clit and trying to get her to revert back to pursuing a knew beta provider.

And there was a ‘hive’ element to it all in the end. When it was all over – in a letter she left in my house, it went on for three pages and in the last paragraph ‘. . . and I’m sorry. I thought I knew what everyone was going to think.’ – She was referring to her girlfriends and parents.

That was shocking to me at the time. Almost life altering. All of the memories and experiences we shared together in the previous year, followed by her ability to just walk away while basing her decision on what everyone around her was telling her to do.

[Anonymous 24]

Women compare men like men compare cars. It is all about numbers and persona, and if they feel they can get a better deal somewhere else, they will bounce. This is especially true for hot chicks who are offered rides all day long. It is no coincidence that men have evolved to be the creators of everything useful, this is due to the fact that we have been competing over them for millennia as they sat back and honed their manipulation skills and retreated to their lady-hive man judging caves to make choices. We are just tools that get them to where they want to go.

I feel for where you are at, and am so glad I have never been there, at the marriage level anyhow.

[KimmurielParticipant 480]

My favorite method of action is to use someone’s tactics against them.

For instance:

A girlfriend of mine (bi-polar and also really good f~~~) did something I didn’t like. I withheld sex from her and gave her the cold shoulder.

It drove her crazy.

You’ve got 5 years to go until you succeed. Since you drive the ship, if you let a passenger assume control, the ship wont run right. Thats why they love it when we take charge: they intuitively know that we should be driving and are best suited for the job.

Good luck, Captain.

"You meet a few exceedingly forsaken, Sit around the cooler refusing domestication" Aesop Rock

[FermatParticipant 3478]

She is prepping you for a roast. Why you are still with her despite what you know, would baffle Einstein.

I have discovered a truly remarkable list of reasons why women are not necessary for a happy life, but alas this margin is too small to contain it.

[RhinoParticipant 3477]

Is the sex going to pay your bills when you retire in 5 years or is the job you currently have that you are comfortable with going to do it for you? You are still young in the relationship she is s~~~ testing you and you are failing big time.

The sex will soon dry up and she will not have anything else to offer you that you would want; and no women do not know how to love anything but themselves or an animal. You already know what you need to do your just thinking with your other head right now. Stay where you are focus on the last 5 years get that pension and then you can decide to move to Florida. If she is not down with that plan well you have your answer she is more concerned about herself and as others have already said is probably just trying to use you to get her to Florida until she finds someone who is rich to monkey branch to the next guy.

[StentorianParticipant 1690]

John Woods 13 wrote:

tiny little 120 pounder, with hard D cups and a ridiculous tight little box.

It’s always the nice piece of tail, that muddles our thinking and reasoning centers.

Funny how this rarely happens, when we’re interacting with a land whale.

She’s definitely maneuvering you. Trying to position herself, and uproot you in the process. That’s a big red flag.

I wouldn’t uproot my life for a really nice piece of tail, who has BPD. Women without BPD are f~~~ing insane. Add BPD. And moving your whole life to where it suits her. All kinds of priority issues and red flags there.

I’m also glad you’ve been reading the articles here for the last 3 months. It may help to see past the d cup and nice tight ass.

The concern here, is that you may be at risk of being played, like a fiddle.

Always the hot ones, that seem to get away with this stuff. It’s good you’re pulling back, because your internal alarms are going off. That may save you from the storm this woman put the last guy through.

Buyer – beware.

“He who takes an eel by the tail, or a woman at her word, soon finds he holds nothing.”

[OldBillParticipant]

Tired-Cop wrote:

Tiny little 120 pounder, with hard D cups and a ridiculous tight little box…

… and psychiatric issues.

Great catch you got there, officer.

You’re five years from retirement but you’re moving to Florida because living there will somehow help her psychiatric issues? Oranges grow on trees in Florida, not therapists and psychiatric medications.

You’re going to take a $7500 pay cut and have to work more years as a cop in a more dangerous part of the country because of her psychiatric issues? Because you running a higher risk of taking a bullet on the job is somehow going to help her?

You’re so c~~~ struck you can’t even think straight anymore. That little psycho has got you just a f~~~ed up as she is. You’re seriously considering risking your finances, health, and even life due to the whims of a psychiatric patient.

Does that sound smart to you? Does that even sound sane to you?

In your line of work you’ve cleaned up the wreckage these types of women cause all the time, yet you can’t see that same disaster heading your way?

Punt this c~~~ and save your life.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[RorschachParticipant 2083]

My humble opinion sir…

If your 5 years away from retirement that means you’ve been putting some serious time into work and building your skills at your craft. Why would anyone that close to the prize take a paycut and have to lose all that vested time. For what man because shes hot and you got laid.. I mean dont get me wrong I like f~~~ing hot women too but s~~~ dude… you knew she was BPD and you still did it. You have f~~~ed up. Tell her no you dont want to move to Florida. You hear that?? Tell her NO. Your a man in your right mind that stuck with it hung in there and have done something with your time. Dont destroy what you’ve worked so hard for. If you get a nice fat retirement check you can just rent vagina!

The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "save us!"....... and i'll look down and whisper "No."

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

In 2011, I gave up my dream job — a once in a lifetime opportunity, in my dream location — to move in with and be with a sexy, 42 year-old bi-polar little goddess.

I thought the move would be worth it to help her through her issues. In very subtle and cleaver ways, she convinced me this would be the case.

And yet, years later, here I sit, in a s~~~ job in a s~~~ city and still not fully recovered financially or emotionally from the chaos of that relationship.

Wearing the bi-polar badge has become fashionable for women who want sympathy and attention. But a real bi-polar is a real illness with real consequences, for her and for you. She has the ability to f~~~ your life up no matter what you do for her.

Are you willing to take that chance?

We are often told that is stupid to live with regrets. I say, f~~~ that noise. Regret teaches us what mistakes to never make again. And every f~~~ing day I live with the regret of having given up my life and dedicating it to a bi-polar woman who, incidentally, dumped me after I built my entire life around helping her get better so that we could share a blissful life together.

Is that what you want, too?

Edit: I’d like to add that, if you refuse to move for her, it will most likely be the end of that relationship. You will be vilified, so just get used to that idea.

[Sky-OParticipant 18949]

On a side note:

If you stay where you are to secure the pension in five years. . .

Just an FYI – She will also be thinking about that pension.

And since there are no laws preventing her from banging new c~~~, she will eventually have new c~~~s inside her and when you file for a divorce she will want about half of your pension.

She won’t want to stay married to you if you are at home, retired with a pension when she can have additional c~~~s, part of your pension and her own place.

It’s physics. Inevitable. This marriage is a white dwarf entering a black hole. She will want the money. Lots of money.

The alpha factor you had going for you early on, and through no fault of your own, won’t have the same effect on her as time goes on.

Betas & cuckolds pay.

While new c~~~ plays.

And when it is all over, she will have no empathy or remorse.

[StentorianParticipant 1690]

OldBill wrote:

You’re so c~~~ struck you can’t even think straight anymore.

The Pussy Spell. Does not seem to take into account the age of the man in question. Here we have a good man, likely a very good officer. Yet so clearly under the influence.

Rorschach wrote:

If you get a nice fat retirement check you can just rent vagina!

Yeah…like A LOT of vagina. Without the trappings.

I have to say, that I give credit to the OP for posting on this issue and opening up. When I first came in here, being new, I felt at times the delivery to be a bit on the heavy or blunt side.

But it’s not. It’s just really hard and direct truth. And to OP. I mean this honestly. I am so glad you shared this here. Just as you were on the precipice of this s~~~ storm. Your own alarms were going off internally, but now many others here have pretty much sized her up. And sized up what you have to lose. Which is worth way more than her very temporary amenities. Her goodies will not last. Your pension will. That is, if you don’t hand your life over to her.

She’s not going to look like that for much longer. But if you get wise, and cut the cord. You can have hot tail like that right through your entire retirement.

That I respect tremendously, from the members here. Very quickly, they hone in and troubleshoot. Point out vulnerabilities. Weak points. Where and how one is being taken advantage of.

And that this is offered freely. That is truly rare. To OP. You sound like a good man. Take the Red Pill. Before she really takes you on this s~~~ storm, which you are on the very verge of.

“He who takes an eel by the tail, or a woman at her word, soon finds he holds nothing.”

[StentorianParticipant 1690]

Sky-O wrote:

Betas & cuckolds pay.

While new c~~~ plays.

And when it is all over, she will have no empathy or remorse.

And how.

Christ Almighty.

The Muslim’s had it right. Keep them covered from head to toe, and severe punishments for transgressions.

“He who takes an eel by the tail, or a woman at her word, soon finds he holds nothing.”

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

You seem to be a little confused. We are not here to help you with your marriage.

But we will help you to get OUT of your marriage.

So what’s it going to be?

Tired-Cop wrote:

Florida is notorious for underpaying the officers.

I believe Florida is also notorious for lifetime alimony.

See a lawyer. Start divorce proceedings immediately in whatever state you are currently in. Do it yesterday.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Welcome TiredCop. A big welcome to you and the other bros didn’t disappoint with their directness. Not to be confused with hostility.

The alpha/beta labels are largely rejected here with the exception of encapsulating certain behaviors. But you’re right about women constantly comparing you to their exes, and that’s why being the EX instead is often better. 🙂

Happy you found the place. Hope to read more from you – especially if you arrive at a resolution.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Author]

Posts