How to end my white knight/codependent streak? break up

[LightBringerParticipant 440]

Hey guys hoping you can give me some MGTOW advice here, there is a older women I need to break up with out of my life, I wrote about it in my other posts, but she is tearing me about with her cluster b issues of push/pull hot/cold, I realize I have vast caretaker issues from my childhood and that I feel ‘guilty’ leaving her, or worried how mad she will get at me.

I feel cowardly just dodging her calls, especially because when we were together it was hot and passionate, but the long distance and time, mixed with her only being partially loving has dreged up scary childhood subconscious trauma.  How can I end this, when I am well aware I feel to weak to face her on the phone and say it?  Especially when my emotionally side still wants to stay ‘some attention better than no attention’…

thanks guys…

[ILiveAgainParticipant]

Part of being a man is doing s~~~ that’s not pleasant…… but necessary. Be it working in a sewer or making ‘that’ call. We just do it.

Because we are now all touchy feely and soft as f~~~ …. we feel bad about everything. It’s nonsense.

Do what you must do …. and live with it. There is no other way my friend.

End the misery for you both. You can be nice about it … but also be firm.

Sometimes you just gotta go do it and stop dithering. Then live with it.

[EdogParticipant 254]

You could always try and flip the script. Give her the old “it’s not you, it’s me” line. Take away her arsenal of verbal discharge by allowing her to blame you outright, and better yet, blame yourself. Tell her you just aren’t man enough to handle the responsibilities and that she could do far better than you. Then, break all contact and never look back. Done.

But, you could always broach the topic logically and try to reason with her. I don’t recommend this method though since there is no end to it.

[Just MikeParticipant 393]

I wouldn’t hesitate to tell a woman ‘it’s not me, it’s you’. I think it’s the best option if it’s true. Bitch is probably going to carry on whatever you tell her so you may as well get the satisfaction out of knowing you told the truth. Will do you a world of good with your co-dependency issues if you prove to yourself you can break that cycle and stand up for what you believe in.

Society: I refuse your stick and carrot. If you try to beat or shame me you'd better take me down first time. If I want smoke blown up my ass I'll buy a cigar and a length of hose.

[Bright guyParticipant 156]

Take $29.99 out of your wallet and tell her to sign up for cougarlife.com.. Then RUN!!!!!

 

Thanks bullet dodger!!!

[GoneGaltParticipant 36]

as Iliveagain stated.

You’ve just got to step up and get it over with.

I mean no insult when I say that she seems to have you a bit cowed.  I only say that to offer a suggestion to overcome it if that is the case.  Take some time alone and play over how the conversation will go in your head.  Try to think of the worst things she could do or say and think of the proper way to respond to them.  Then when you finally make that call nothing she can spit at you will be as bad as what you were already prepared for.

Personally,  I would just say; “Hello _____.  Just calling to let you know that this doesn’t work for me anymore.  I have already fully considered my situation and there is nothing you can do to change my mind.  It’s over. –click–”

Just that.  Don’t apologize or she will see it as a sign that she can guilt trip you into submission.

It may sound heartless but its fast and simple and gets the point across.  I find the ole’ KISS acronym applies well to most things in life.

"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."

“The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.”
-- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

I feel cowardly just dodging her calls

I often think MOST men have this very feeling. We assume we are being “cowards” when we dont want to face womens scorn directly…High pitched, irrational screaming, zero logic, an emotional display on a parade, guilt tripping, etc. Etc. How many times have you seen men simply shut their mouths, look away in the distance, frowning like a child at the very INSTANCE of a woman pulling this s~~~? I even see it on the news, if a woman anchor is debating with a man. The SECOND her screaching voice begins, the man will look away rather than debate the way he would if it was a man. It is NOT cowardice, in my opinion. Its a combination of the way weve been trained to “respect” women, and the fact that you KNOW you cant have a rational debate with an angry emotional woman.

 

If you think you have “care taker issues” buy a dog.

Resident cynic.

[RoyDalParticipant]

You have two choices.

* A clean wound from a sharp knife. There will be bleeding but no infection or pus. It will heal quickly with little scarring.

* A deep bruise wound, constantly being reopened and hit with blunt trauma. It may never heal, but there will be pustulent infection, and perhaps blood poisoning.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[LightBringerParticipant 440]

Thanks guys, its really hard but I know I need to do it…  Just need to bring up my courage.

[Crazy CanuckMember 4215]

Don’t think about it too much you just need to get it done. The longer you wait the harder it will get for most people.

"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle

[GunslingerParticipant 242]

You can do it light bringer…we all have your back.  The courage is there, just let it come out. It’s tough but it’s the right thing to do.

[Chucks_RevengeParticipant 216]

I am having the same problem. Worse I am living with the woman in a committed relationship. I have started a journal. I will take notes on our interactions over a period of time. What she does right. When she makes me happy. What she does wrong. When she makes me mad. This will help me when I am lacking courage or having doubts. I’m sure I will miss her. But when I look back and see how many dinners came out of a box, or I asked her to do some simple thing and got nothing but whining and complaining vs. all the s~~~ I’ve been doing for her, its gonna make it a LOT easier.

[GunslingerParticipant 242]

Muddywolf…I have done the same thing. I have been documenting for about 2 months now. It’s helped me really see who she really is underneath. I’m still in my relationship, I’ve just technically checked out. Whenever that feeling of “just keep trying, she’ll realize she wants to be with me” I just go back and read through my notes, and see how s~~~ty she really is, in other words taking that red pill. Why should I keep trying when she’s just not there at all emotionally. Not only that but like you mentioned, she never cooks, cleans or anything, but sure does like to complain about anything and everything.

I encourage anyone in a new/old relationship to document everything or just never get into said relationship in the first place. However, if you must, documenting things will allow you to see her either A.) start to change over time or B.)  seeing yourself start to check out of the relationship. Sometimes this happens, we start to check out but we don’t notice it as soon as we would like. Then we start to doubt ourselves, and as men, we can no longer doubt, especially not over some woman.

[Math RoninParticipant 86]

LightBringer wrote:

. How can I end this, when I am well aware I feel to weak to face her on the phone and say it? Especially when my emotionally side still wants to stay ‘some attention better than no attention’… thanks guys…

I was in my 40s when I came across this poem by Bukowski called “Oh Yes” that started me on the road to realizing it’s OK to be alone:

“there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often
when you do
it’s too late
and there’s nothing worse
than
too late.“

[LightBringerParticipant 440]

Well boys, its over.  I dropped her a few days ago, I felt like I was walking off a cliff when I began ‘this is hard for me but we cant see each other any more.’

 

She cried, begged me to not leave her, tried to tell me how good we were for each other.  I legitimately ‘liked’ her, but the red flags were crazy, single mom who I found out was still with husband, older…its stunning I fell for her honestly.  I hate making girls cry who we shared fun times with. 🙁

[RedDawnParticipant 1391]

Congrats on having the b~~~~ to go through the break up! Many people live in a blue pill hell and accept it. It’s not easy, but being a man (let alone an adult) isn’t about making all the easy choices in life. Sympathy is often at odds with the most logical decision, so I hope you keep that in mind when dealing with people (not just women).

 

Courage is the key to life itself - Morgan Freeman

[AncientwisdomParticipant 6089]

 single mom who I found out was still with husband, older…its stunning I fell for her honestly.  I hate making girls cry who we shared fun times with.

Do NOT feel bad. What a lying, deceiftul bitch. Married women ALWAYS have some victim story, and an even bigger lie as to why she cant leave him.

Shes cheating on her hubby? DONT FEEL BAD.

She lied to you about? REALISE WHAT A SLUT SHE IS.

Resident cynic.

[xgreenlanternoxParticipant 253]

Ancientwisdom wrote:

single mom who I found out was still with husband, older…its stunning I fell for her honestly. I hate making girls cry who we shared fun times with.

Do NOT feel bad. What a lying, deceiftul bitch. Married women ALWAYS have some victim story, and an even bigger lie as to why she cant leave him. Shes cheating on her hubby? DONT FEEL BAD. She lied to you about? REALISE WHAT A SLUT SHE IS.

This – she was a worthless slut. Another typical psycho. You’re better off

[Mana KnightParticipant 333]

Well done.
We are proud of you. It is not easy. It will hurt for a while, but that is because Men have true feelings, not just reactive feelings. Take the time to mourn the good times, I am not going to say they weren’t real, but please do note that women DO NOT mourn the loss of a man as long as he does she. They quickly move on to the next target.

Case in point. My ex. Honed in on me TWO Weeks after ending her 4-year engagement.
I am sure she is already planning her next move.

It will be tough. But we are here if you need to pour anything out.

 

[LightBringerParticipant 440]

Thanks guys, what has been REALLY hard for me, is the looking back on some of what happened.  Like when her friend died at work, she called me 2nd (kids first) before reporting to all her friends, so in that regard it felt ‘real’ in that there was some trust between us.

A huge thing was I idolized her INSANELY high, she does flight medicene and I was enamored with the idea of rescuing people anywhere in the state, IT F~~~ED WITH ME AND STILL DOES that she is doing something cool (I was in rescue for about 10 years at a FD) and I am not doing it.  I can’t explain how/why the envy(?) is so strong, but this tears at me so badly that I dumped her, she dont give a f~~~, she is back at her cool job flying around.

 

As an aside, I have been tempted to call a few times to see ‘if she picks up’ I have resisted because I know it will undo about 2-3 weeks of healing.  Thanks men.

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