Hi, it’s great to meet you all. Sorry if this story is a bit long, but I really need to get this off of my chest.
I really am a good person deep down, but my life has conspired to force clarity upon me in regards to the hamster, hypergamy/branch-swinging, and female nature. Still young and with most of my 20’s ahead of me, I’ve lived the blue-pill dream up until now. Met her in high school, pretty girl. Took her v-card. long-term relationship from then on out. I was faithful and honorable, as was she. Rescued her from her messed-up home life. Cohabitated. Went to college together. Worked my ass off, but she was always there to support me. Watched her cringing in pain from menstrual health issues – couldn’t go to the doctor because she had no health insurance. Swore that I would get it for her. Graduated. Got a great job in silicon valley, full benefits. Got married and moved across the country for it, thousands of miles away from her messed-up family. Sunshine and short-sleeve weather every day out here. Got an amazing dog, even. Bought her a car (I took the train and walked to work in order to save money) so that she could run errands and go to job interviews. Lived in an expensive gated community with heated pool, sauna, and full gym in a good part of town – because that made her feel safe. I wanted to keep her from suffering because of her anxiety.
I miscalculated on the budget due to cost-of-living – on just my one income (nearly six figures), we were losing about $1,000/month. Out of nowhere she started accusing me of “hiding away money”. Started saying that it wasn’t working between us. She said she was thinking about leaving. Started yelling at me. Said I wasn’t emotionally there for her. She was going “stir crazy” from being alone at home 8 hours per day. We had been together for 8 years or so at that point, this was all a first. Saw what happens when her “schedule” for children and a future, her aspirations of motherhood, is threatened. The hamster is real guys…
She uses her humanities degree to get a clerical position at a company out here. Pays decent, less than half of what I was making but I didn’t expect her to be the provider or anything. Things are good for a while. Then work gets more stressful, it becomes hell for me. Lots of layoffs. What did I sign up for out here… I’m wasting my time and ruining my career. At her job, she is smiling eating omelettes and pancakes in the morning while talking with her new girlfriends. At my job I am learning to shut the f~~~ up because the high-power corporate environment is merciless and takes no prisoners. This continues for a while. She gets a $3,000 “upgrade” ring in order to show off to her co-workers.
I was so unhappy here. It was a mistake to come out here. My aging parents need me back home. After adjusting for cost-of-living, we are actually doing really bad out here (houses cost at least $1,000,000, rent started at $2,500/month and kept rising) and brought this up to her. She didn’t really understand. To her, it was warm out here, far away from her troubles, and she was more than happy to settle here and never visit my family. But I was miserable, so I convinced her to let me quit. So I did. But they wanted to keep me on, so they moved my from a boss that made my life a living hell over to a different one. Okay…So I told her that we had some time, she can get her certifications/exams done with and then we are out of here.
Despite continuous reminders from her boss/co-workers, she does not study or work towards these goals for more than a year while I suffer at the grind. I am watching the days pass by in the hope that at some point this will end. I hate my life. Suddenly her boss quits, NOW she tries to study because this would open up the door for her. Too little, too late. She fails the exam. Takes no responsibility for the failure. After talking with her, I quit my job for real this time. We are moving back to where we started.
I don’t want to be this cold. I don’t want to be the bad guy. But this has gone on long enough. I know that the blue-pill dream is an illusion, now. I thought that if I “grew my own” woman so to speak, I could have a traditional relationship and be happy. Someone that I grew up with, like family. But I know that despite years of hard work she will abandon me as soon as I stop producing, because she did it immediately after we got married and moved to SV. So, I make my moves.
Enough men have fallen. It’s time for a victory. It’s time for me to be an asshole, for the sake of the suffering men that created this board.
She will not be the one that divorces me, and she will not win.
Manspread Mansplainer 2 years, 9 months ago.
