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Tagged: Australia, Child Support, divorce, employment, FIFO, girlfriends, jobs, MGTOW, mining downturn, Wives
This topic contains 29 replies, has 16 voices, and was last updated by 
Dirtydog73 3 years, 5 months ago.
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Hi All,
great site I have found here.Looking for help for blokes has been a long road ,most of it is centred around women f.f.s.
I am currently in the death throes of a 21 year relationship with my defacto. We have 2 kids ,one 20 and one 14 , both still at home.The oldest is an apprentice and with the current cost of living ,its easier to have him here..
So after all this time ,it turns out I have a Narcissistic streak in me ,and that i am unable to be communicated with.Bitter pill to swallow after 21 years ,two kids,onto our second house.Her issue was alcohol ,and I had had enough,especially since I was working away from home .She would be out partying with her girlfriends ,and I was stuck on a mine-site busting my gut to pay for everything.The house,cars,all bills,shopping ,food ,her alcohol and cigarettes ,everything.I had had enough and drew a line in the sand.I also asked her to step up and help me out by getting a job and helping to pay the bills.Well,didn’t I get f~~~ed over …….she decided she didn’t want to do that …..she took a week to “think about it” and then pretty much ended up saying …””OK then ,we are done I can do what I like now”.
And of course during her trips out it led her to meet some 28 year old pub dwelling moron ,who she started up an online relationship with all while I was out trying to provide for my family.In the past month,after i told her enough was enough and we are done ,this has now turned into a physical relationship with this dropkick.He lives from paycheck to paycheck and drinks as much as her.
So ,I have pretty much taken everything I supplied her with off her.I am no longer the wallet that provides for her entertainment except……
Problem is ,she doesn’t work ,has had a few jobs here and there but no career or anything she can really fall back on.So she is now in the spare room of the house, and if she is to get anywhere with a decent job,she needs a car which I am still paying for,a phone ,which is in my name and she has no money to contribute to the bills and the mortgage.I am a bit stuck .The deed to the house in 50/50 between me and her( her mother gave her some money so she did contribute a fair bit to the new house deposit),so I cant just throw her out,God knows I tried.So here I am,stuck in a situation of wanting to make sure my two boys are stable and supported,(she does also) yet my ex is living here,still trying to find a job ,and going off to be with her girlfriends and this dropkick whenever she wants.I am learning to let go ,I am learning to control the rage within me,I am learning how not to go out and kill a certain moron as I have to accept that we are no longer in a relationship and she can do as she pleases.It is frustrating that I want her to get a job,and contribute to the bills etc,but I also want her out and gone.
We have set some things in place that we both agreed upon ,and need to have happen,but trying to work through the stages of a relationship breakup after 21 years with her here everyday almost is like chewing broken glass.
It will take time ,and a lot of suppressed energy on my behalf to get through this.But f~~~ its painful.Fed, Fucked, Appreciated. The three simple things men want, but women will never grasp.
Welcome home brother!
Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.
Welcome to The Source, D Dog. Western OZ = amazing surf.
When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.
Welcome Aussie. Glad to have a brother from down under.
I can imagine your pain at what this c~~~ is putting you through. i have been in similar circumstance and her very presence must be disgusting to you The only solution is to kick her out if you can and get her out of your life. Let her and her loser boyfriend pay for her booze and cigarettes as well as her other bills. I’m not familiar with he Australian divorce laws but her infidelity should be grounds for divorce.
Hope you can move on to a new and happier life. Please keep us posted.At least your kids are old, welcome.
A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!
Welcome and good on you for sticking with your kids despite the situation!
Lifes a bitch,but you don't have to marry one!
Welcome – all too familiar tale but you are on the path to freedom.
Thanks all.
Yeah my kids are older which is a bit easier in some aspects.They know whats going on and have their own issues to go through with it all.
Reading what other people have or are going through makes you realise you are not on your own.Thinking that you are out in the world doing what society expects of you to provide for your family and then see it all blow down like a flimsy house of cards. the feeling of being all alone to try to pick up the pieces is gut wrenching.
Trying to get the mental images out of your head is frustrating,you wake up at 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning , alone in the bed you once shared,and the images start in on you,one after the other,your heart starts pounding ,feels like all I want to do is go into a Hulk smash rage .
I need to harden the f~~~ up ,I need to stop acting like the Beta male I used to be.I need to let go.
Working through the finances,its amazing how much money you actually provide to the other side.How many things in life or things for myself have I had to put aside to pay for other s~~~ that I got nothing for.Fed, Fucked, Appreciated. The three simple things men want, but women will never grasp.
Welcome to mgtow.com
You are on a very slightly tilted upward road for the better.
“This to shall pass” and things will slowly get better for you.
She on the other hand is gloriously dancing and having the time of her life…on the edge of a cliff.
It is certain that she will fall.
And you will prevail.
It’s just a matter of time.Keep reading here.
"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Anonymous3Welcome DD!
Let go of the anger. Now you noticed all the limits you had. Now you see how much you sacrifice. Now you are aware of how little she contributed.
What is it that you miss? Let me tell you, because all of us make the same mistake: you miss the image on your head that was never based in reality.You did not mention, but I would guess your ex is doing what they all do: the absolute worst they can.
The objective is to destroy the man, because they will never accept that we are better of without them.
So your best defense and the way to get rid of her is to be happy. They cannot stand it!Welcome Dirtydog 73. On the upside you will only have a few years of child-support to pay for your youngest child and Australia does not have alimony (yet!). Splitting the assets sucks but at 43 and employed in the mines you are well positioned to be a financially stable MGTOW in just 5 years. Just don’t take her back when she realizes her lifestyle has slumped while f~~~ing chad thunderc~~~!
I have a good mate who wanted to leave the mines for a regular 9-5 town job (to spend more time with his young family) but his non-working wife wouldn’t let him as she got used to spending his six-salary figure while he worked 12-hour days in a dusty s~~~-hole only to sleep in a creaky-old donga between shifts. Despite having four young kids to her husband, this tramp ended up have an affair with her tattooist and tried to deny my mate access to his children.
Unfortunately your story is all too common here in Australia. Three other mates have been through the same bulls~~~. Aussie bloke busts his b~~~~ with FIFO work trying to conform to our male ‘breadwinner’ biological programming while the wife refuses to work and gladly spends hubby’s mine wage on clothes, jewelllery and long boozy dates with her girlfriends. Then, because you are away so much putting a roof over your family’s head and food on the table, she cries tears of neglect on loneliness on the shoulder of some chad thunderc~~~ who fancies a bit of MILF on the side.
A female Brazilian colleague commented just last week how lazy many Australian women are. She couldn’t believe how many Aussie women thought it was their right to stay at home and be a kept woman with the latest clothes and SUV while hubby worked long hours of FIFO work away from his family. Because, VAGINA! I’ve noticed many wives and FIFO girlfriends flat-out refuse to get a job, even when all the kids are school age and the woman has f~~~-all to do between 9 and 3 apart from some grocery shopping and watching daytime TV.
The downturn in the Australian mining industry has been a real wake-up call to these female figurative ‘gold-diggers’. I see good, honest men who have lost their jobs in the mining downturn literally berated by their female partners for no longer having a job or being on ‘big money’. In essence the root of the female frustration is the dawning reality they may have to get off their fat lazy female arses, get a job and contribute to the household budget.
Welcome to MGTOW.
#ManOut
Hi Oz Bloke-I have made a conscious decision to leave the FIFO game.It is about what makes me happy ,and doing the FIFO was not adding to my happiness in any way whatsoever.I too have seen many relationship breakdowns over exactly what you have described,and I didn’t think it would be me to end up the same way.I asked her to help me by stepping up and getting a job and contributing ,instead of living a teenager lifestyle with her girlfriends with the drinking and pub going ,all on the money i was earning.Her response was to go out and get drunk with her friends at the pub during the day,so I said enough is enough ,we are done.She took a week to think about it ,still drinking all the time ,and then decided she didn’t want to be with me anymore.So I cut her off completely .
i have been fortunate to score a new gig at home working for a oil recycling refinery,which is going to end up not too bad in a dollar sense.
She has stamped her feet that the house is half hers ,so I told her in no uncertain terms,then get a job and put in half the mortgage payments,half the rates,half the insurances,and half the bills that come in on a regular basis.It has really been a wake up call for her,I dont think she realises exactly what the costs associated are with this.She has some quals ,but nothing to really say she has a decent career path.My new job will cover what I need to cover ,I have brought a car with cash for myself ,and have gone through and wiped out and shutdown all the extras that come along with earning good mining dollars. Foxtel ,Lease cars , private health insurance,pretty much everything that I was providing for her.Her wake up call is pretty big. Six months will be the turning point for me at this stage.Fed, Fucked, Appreciated. The three simple things men want, but women will never grasp.
How do i continue to deal with this s~~~!!!!!!
I am so conflicted about this.
Ok house is half hers….we need to co habitate….
Yet i am stkll providing for her with phone , car and internet access….and she gets on the phone that i am still paying for. ..and has a wonderful little bedroom chat with the 28 year old f~~~boy …..how the f~~~ do i deal with this s~~~?
I want her gone…i want f~~~boy who came in while i was away working, to pick her up along with all of her s~~~ and get the f~~~ away from me.Go and be with him for f~~~ sake.Get ghe f~~~ out of my life.
When there is someone new …and you are no longer the protector or provider…..how the f~~~ are you supposed to deal with the rage…the frustration…..of feeling like a chump who has been shat upon.Fed, Fucked, Appreciated. The three simple things men want, but women will never grasp.
How do i continue to deal with this s~~~!!!!!!
I am so conflicted about this.
Ok house is half hers….we need to co habitate….
Yet i am stkll providing for her with phone , car and internet access….and she gets on the phone that i am still paying for. ..and has a wonderful little bedroom chat with the 28 year old f~~~boy …..how the f~~~ do i deal with this s~~~?
I want her gone…i want f~~~boy who came in while i was away working, to pick her up along with all of her s~~~ and get the f~~~ away from me.Go and be with him for f~~~ sake.Get ghe f~~~ out of my life.
When there is someone new …and you are no longer the protector or provider…..how the f~~~ are you supposed to deal with the rage…the frustration…..of feeling like a chump who has been shat upon.You do not need to put up with this. How can any man continue to live with an ex who is f~~~ing her new boyfriend right under your nose. Using your phone and internet to sext with him. For the sake of your mental health buy out her share of the house and be rid of her. Otherwise, sell her your share and get away from this living hell. At the very least close your phone account and just switch to a cell phone that only you can use. Password protect you computer so she cannot use it.
I don’t know how it works there, but I would assume HALF of all assets are probably hers. You will probably have to take that in and accept it. Since you are the one working primarily, I would cut all services you don’t give a s~~~ about and certainly cut her out of everything you share with her. Don’t pay for a f~~~ing thing that she uses. Make the mortgage payment because you have to. Get your name off all shared credit cards. You probably should file first to make sure finances are covered under a restraining order that is ordered upon filing for divorce/separation, at least they are here.
I f~~~ed up I think.
I resorted to stupid s~~~ cause i lost my mind.
I messaged this bloke and asked him if he was gonna step up and look after her.If he was gonna provide for her and pay for all her s~~~.She is telling me it has nothing to do with him…and why did i bring him into it.
She has lost it ,is a frikkin mess , crying and wailing and keeps asking how i could have done that.Was I wrong.?
Yes,i am a probably a f~~~in idiot, after talking to her yesterday that i would allow her to use the stuff to get her s~~~ sorted.I didnt think she would video call the guy from the house.It pushed me over the edge again to idiot land where you dont think straight and make bad decisions based on emotions ,not common sense.
He has then sent her a message telling her to pretty much f~~~ off.
She needs a phone and computer to get sorted with a job to be able to pay for her share. She really has nothing at this stage
Am i an arsehole for doing this…was i wrong ?
There have been issues for a while with our relationship, me being a bad communicator and wanting s~~~ to be done my way.
Narcissism on my point? Am i a c~~~ for wanting to leave her with nothing after we are no longer together.I feel bad for putting her in the situation she is now in…..but i want her to be happy,yet i keep f~~~ing it up .Why do i do that?
Its consuming me….i cant move forward and just let it go.This is so f~~~in difficult to overcome .Fed, Fucked, Appreciated. The three simple things men want, but women will never grasp.
You are not being an arsehole, you are being HUMAN! We are emotional creatures, don’t apologise for being one but try to play the long-game on this one for the sake of your children and finances. So you made a phonecall to the Chad Thunderc~~~ that’s screwing your wife. That’s not against the law. I know men that would do much more to him, but unfortunately they would do jail time and not see their kids (he’s not worth it). This mother f~~~er’s shown his thunderc~~~ colours and dropped his MILF booty-call like a hot potatoe. My advice, for what it’s worth is –
* Don’t get physical
* Engage a lawyer. They cost $400 an hour and up but are a necessary evil.
* Don’t move out – LINK
* Your wife has broken your wedding vows – she is the one that defaulted on the wedding CONTRACT – not you. She has made her adulterous bed an must now sleep in it.
* She’ll take half the stuff and half your super, that’s a given. It’s your lawyer’s job to make sure it’s no more than half.
* Beware of blame shift. Guilty parties want to deflect blame. To save face with the kids your ex will try and blame it all on you (absent, detached, demanding). Don’t entertain it – circle everything back around to the fact SHE has been f~~~ing around.
* Do right by your kids, they didn’t have the affair.
* Don’t apologize for wanting some s~~~ done your ‘way’ when you were the only breadwinner in the house, busting your hump on a dusty minesite while your ex lived in luxury spending your wage.Vent to good mates. Get your frustrations out to reliable friends. Your true mates will hear you out even when you feel like you’ve been harping on about the break-up like a broken record. These mates are GOLD and one day you may need to be their rock in a storm. Read MGTOW. Learn from your brothers who have traveled a long way down very same path you now find yourself upon. You can’t see or feel it now but if you persevere you will reach a point of MGTOW peace and clarity and may one day find yourself on these boards giving similar advice to yet another man becoming wise to female nature.
#ManOut
Oz-bloke gave excellent advice. Take it!!
Yes he has.I am currently in the process of this.
Getting Physical -not an option -I have walked away and gone for a drive several times already to alleviate this.
Lawyers have been contacted.Follow up next week
Venting tonight with some old mates,one who has gone through the same thing .Band and beers at a pub in town-looking forward to getting out of the house.
Her sexting and secret messaging and texts -started a quite a while ago when she was out with her girlfriends.Chad Thunderc~~~ was a part of this scenario.
I told her we were over after she lied to me about where she was and who she was with -she was at the pub with her girlfriends on a boozy lunch at my expense when I was away working . The hard part is that she accepted this ,without questioning, without wanting to fix anything ,and found that she was then free to continue her lifestyle.
The path is long and sometimes you fall over and roll backwards a little,but step by step I will make it back to the top ,where I will happy in where I am and who I am.Fed, Fucked, Appreciated. The three simple things men want, but women will never grasp.
I like what Oz-Bloke said.
Cut your losses, resolve the situation…fast, move-on.
Once you have your own place focus on being a father to your kids and figuring out who you are and what you want.If she tries to play the blame game, you can try to turn it around on her if you want to, or just remind her she’s a grown ass woman, and she chose to tolerate it. Whatever “it” was. You never raised a hand to her, and she always had the keys to the car you bought her. If she stumbled her way back into your bed after a night out drinking that was her choice. Now you’re chosing to sleep alone and she can figure out what’s next.
Ball Keeper
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