It depends on where you live, but there are some prinicples you need to stick with:
1. Don’t move out. The divorce will take 1-2 years, and you’ll be expected to continue paying the mortgage, property tax and insurance. Finances can get really tight if you’re paying the bills for two places.
2. Buy a voice recorder and record all interaction with her. Staying in the house can be risky due to false accusations, but a recorder will help to protect you.
3. Spend as much time with your child as possible. This principle also ties in with not moving out. If you only see your kid a couple of times a week, then a precedence will be well-established by the time you get to a divorce court hearing (1-2 years). The end result: you’ll be relegated to every other weekend access when a custody order is giving by the judge. You should seek 50/50 time and co-parenting.
4. Be the best parent you can. You said there are currently problems with your child when she spends time with you, but you need to work through it. The family courts in your area likely offer parenting classes – take at least one. Put your best foot forward to show the court that you are a good parent, and it’s in the best interest of your child to be with you 50% of the time.
5. You likely have your finances mingled – unmingle them now. Close any joint bank accounts (don’t put it past her to clean out a joint account or max out a credit card/line of credit), get all property professionally assessed, and establish the value of all assets and debt at the time of separation. Your separation was recent, so establishing what’s what would be easier if you do it now. Trying to guess this stuff a year or two from now – without professional assessment documentation around the time of separation – will be disputed between you and your wife, and disputes costs money.
6. Get a GOOD lawyer ASAP. Google your area for good lawyers. Research them. Not all lawyers are good. Once you find one, he will help you tremendously. Use the lawyer to make all communication with the wife, which ensures everything is documented.
7. Be reasonable. She doesn’t want mediation, but offer it to her through the lawyers. Before you do that, make her an offer (through the lawyers) that is very fair and reasonable. If she agrees with the offer, then there is no need for mediation, and there is no need for a court hearing. The offer, if agreed upon, can be written by one of the lawyers, signed by both of you, and blessed by the court, which makes it legal and binding. If she refuses your fair and reasonable offer, as well as mediation, then this can be used against her when the issue of legal costs come up at the end of it all. If she is being unreasonable, she could end paying your legal costs.
8. Be prepared for an emotionally taxing year or two. Divorce isn’t fun. Especially when the ex is being unreasonable. Keep your cool and try not to fret about things you can’t control.
Final notes:
– her parents need to get out ASAP. It’s in your best interest to get them out now. If they have no place to go, that is not your problem. Talk to your lawyer about options
– don’t be a “real man” and let her push you around. I hear far too many stories about the husband moving out immediately and letting her have the kids. This is exactly what she wants from you. Don’t do it.
VanXing 4 years ago.
