Going through Divorce and seeking advice

Topic by VanXing

VanXing

Home Forums Marriage & Divorce Going through Divorce and seeking advice

This topic contains 24 replies, has 18 voices, and was last updated by VanXing  VanXing 4 years ago.

Viewing 4 posts - 21 through 24 (of 24 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #176240
    +2
    Wolf
    Wolf
    Participant
    890

    It depends on where you live, but there are some prinicples you need to stick with:

    1. Don’t move out. The divorce will take 1-2 years, and you’ll be expected to continue paying the mortgage, property tax and insurance. Finances can get really tight if you’re paying the bills for two places.

    2. Buy a voice recorder and record all interaction with her. Staying in the house can be risky due to false accusations, but a recorder will help to protect you.

    3. Spend as much time with your child as possible. This principle also ties in with not moving out. If you only see your kid a couple of times a week, then a precedence will be well-established by the time you get to a divorce court hearing (1-2 years). The end result: you’ll be relegated to every other weekend access when a custody order is giving by the judge. You should seek 50/50 time and co-parenting.

    4. Be the best parent you can. You said there are currently problems with your child when she spends time with you, but you need to work through it. The family courts in your area likely offer parenting classes – take at least one. Put your best foot forward to show the court that you are a good parent, and it’s in the best interest of your child to be with you 50% of the time.

    5. You likely have your finances mingled – unmingle them now. Close any joint bank accounts (don’t put it past her to clean out a joint account or max out a credit card/line of credit), get all property professionally assessed, and establish the value of all assets and debt at the time of separation. Your separation was recent, so establishing what’s what would be easier if you do it now. Trying to guess this stuff a year or two from now – without professional assessment documentation around the time of separation – will be disputed between you and your wife, and disputes costs money.

    6. Get a GOOD lawyer ASAP. Google your area for good lawyers. Research them. Not all lawyers are good. Once you find one, he will help you tremendously. Use the lawyer to make all communication with the wife, which ensures everything is documented.

    7. Be reasonable. She doesn’t want mediation, but offer it to her through the lawyers. Before you do that, make her an offer (through the lawyers) that is very fair and reasonable. If she agrees with the offer, then there is no need for mediation, and there is no need for a court hearing. The offer, if agreed upon, can be written by one of the lawyers, signed by both of you, and blessed by the court, which makes it legal and binding. If she refuses your fair and reasonable offer, as well as mediation, then this can be used against her when the issue of legal costs come up at the end of it all. If she is being unreasonable, she could end paying your legal costs.

    8. Be prepared for an emotionally taxing year or two. Divorce isn’t fun. Especially when the ex is being unreasonable. Keep your cool and try not to fret about things you can’t control.

    Final notes:

    – her parents need to get out ASAP. It’s in your best interest to get them out now. If they have no place to go, that is not your problem. Talk to your lawyer about options
    – don’t be a “real man” and let her push you around. I hear far too many stories about the husband moving out immediately and letting her have the kids. This is exactly what she wants from you. Don’t do it.

    #176327
    +2
    Won'tGetFooledAgain
    Won'tGetFooledAgain
    Participant
    3293

    She’s been planning this (and had her mind made up) from before she approached you about having her parents live with you.
    She already has another husband lined up. You’ll eventually find that out.

    When women suddenly decide they want to divorce their perfectly decent husbands there is always another man waiting on the sideline. Let me guess, she has given you the whole “I am not happy”, “I need space”, “I love you, i’m just not in love with you” speech. Roughly translated, this means I am bored of you and I need space without you in it so I can f~~~ my new boyfriend.

    She has probably been told by her lawyer that she will be able to stay in the marital home while you continue to pay the mortgage, She is already planning of moving you out and immediately moving her new boyfriend in.

    For women, everything eventually boils down to Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.

    #176411
    Experienced
    experienced
    Participant

    Don’t shoot the boyfriend.
    DO NOT RELY ON ANYTHING HER, HER PARENTS, OR HER FRIENDS SAY.
    YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. IT IS WHAT IT IS. DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO NEGOTIATE WITH THE REALITY OF IT.
    THEY WILL ONLY USE MEDIATION AS A FAKE STALL TECHNIQUE TO GET EVEN FURTHER AHEAD OF YOU. YOU ON THE OTHER HAND WILL CATCH UP AND SURPASS HER EFFORTS.
    STAY IN CLOSE CONTACT WITH US HERE. THERE ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS AND WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU.

    "It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

    #180096
    VanXing
    VanXing
    Participant
    98

    Update 1/21/16:

    My wife emails me a second time yesterday stating that “we agreed that we should live separately” when in fact I told her that if we can agree to act like reasonable adults we can sell the house and move out together in April once her tenant leaves her townhouse. She write if I don’t responds it means I agree with her statement and she will start looking for a temporary apartment for 3 month. She plans to take our daughter, nanny and her parents with her.

    I’m considering letting her do this as long as I get to see my daughter every Saturday until the divorce is finalized. It’s not like i can force her to stay in the house if she doesn’t want to.

    My one friend said he would move out so that he knows where they live and since I still have the keys to the house I can come back whenever I want. If they moved somewhere else I wouldn’t know where they moved to and if they don’t pick up the phone I may not see my daughter.

    My thought is they have to tell me where they live and let me see my daughter. That is my legal right. If I move out they can immediately replace the locks and still not pickup my phone calls which isn’t much different from them moving out.

    I’m considering replying to her and say something along the lines of “Separation is not what we agreed to. It is what you want but I suggested we stay in the same house calmly and move out together, however if you feel that you have to move out I cannot stop you and will assist in any way I can.”

    Addition:

    I had several hidden cameras in the house however they were discovered pretty quickly. While they were oblivious to the recordings they went all out with the sh$t talking and back stabbing. It didn’t matter how reasonable I was to them, both her parents will twist my words around to talk sh$t about me to the Nanny. Once they realized they were being recorded they stopped. On one day her dad was calling all types of expletives and when i got home he pretends to be my buddy and wanted to have a beer with me.

    I spoke with a lawyer about making her parents move out however they advised against it because it will be pretty difficult to evict them given that my wife also owns the house. Based on what I’ve seen my wife wouldn’t let them leave without going with them.

Viewing 4 posts - 21 through 24 (of 24 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.