Going through Divorce and seeking advice

[VanXingParticipant 98]

Hi All,

I’m going through a divorce and hope some of the more experience brothers here can give me some advice on how to move forward. This morning my wife emails me telling me that she has contacted a lawyer and if I have any questions to talk to her lawyer even though we still live in the same house and sleep in the same bed. We don’t go to sleep at the same time so we avoid each other at night and most of the morning. This has been going on for many month.

I spoke with her tonight and asked her if she is still willing to do mediation and she said no because she doesn’t want to talk to me ever again. We make about the same income and even tho the terms she mentioned is pretty strait forward which is 50/50 split of assets and 20% net income for child support which is fine but the fact that she wants to talk thru the lawyer tells me that this may get ugly.

We have a 17 month old girl who I adore but because of the way my wife and in laws raise her she is extremely difficult to take care of. For example even today she can’t fall asleep on her own without being carried on a sling and must sleep with an adult. Because of this I don’t think i want to have her stay over night at least until she can sleep on her own. I am considering every other Saturday from 10 to 9pm and every other Thursday from 6 to 9pm. This way I see her at least once a week. What are some of the custody arrangements that made sense for you?

During our talk she asked me to move out while the divorce proceeds. I declined as everything I’ve read states that I should not move out of a marital home until the house is sold and divorce finalized. I actually suggested that she can move out if she wanted to. What are your thoughts on this?

She also threatened to start some type of restraining order to kick me out of the house that I’m paying for.

I told her that April is a better month to move as it will be warmer, our marital house can sell for much higher price, her townhouse tenants will move out and it’s only 3 month away. Once we sell it and divorce finalized we can all move out at the same time. In the mean time we just need to interact like reasonable adults to each other.

I said this because she has a tendency to take our daughter out of the house without telling me. Her parents and a nanny is currently living with us and more than a dozen times I’ll walk out and see all of them in their coats walking out the door and didn’t tell me where they were going. I told her to stop doing this now that I have agreed to divorce her. Since she was recording our conversation she denies ever doing it.

Right now I know her parents are talking sh$t about me behind my back when I’m at work. I have voicemail messages where her father didn’t realize he was being recorded calling me names even though he’s living in my house The only value add by her parents is that they cook. Prior to her parents being here the nanny and my wife cooked since I have a long commute and she can literally walk to her work. I thought about asking them to move out although they are visiting from a foreign country and don’t have a place to stay in the US. Their return flight is in mid March.

Every other night the my wife and her parents would go in their room and close the door. No idea what they are saying or plotting.

What are your thoughts on the talking through lawyer demand? Should I move out? I still want to see my daughter and I can make it work for 3 more month as long as she is not belligerent. What type of custody make sense?

Thanks for reading and any advice is welcome.

[experiencedParticipant]

Sorry to hear of your situation.
Do not under any circumstances communicate with her lawyer.
All communication on your part must be done through your lawyer.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[OrlandoParticipant 833]

Go talk to a good divorce attorney, as of yesterday!!

I would get a place set up to stay at in the event she kicks you out. If she gets stressed, or has a bad day, she can launch you out of that house with the force of the police. Have some cash available at all times.

She is your enemy now, whether you like it or not. Remaining in that house seems pretty shaky, and I believe you are in danger being there. Anything could happen. You need to see an attorney!

I wish you well and hope things work in your favor.

[ILiveAgainParticipant]

Start recording and/or videoing everything.

Keep a diary.

Hidden cameras.

No fker is going to believe a word you say. Not lawyer, police, child welfare. NO FKER WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SAY.

You daughter is now a weapon against you.

There are 3 people in that house (witnesses) …. and you (rapist)

Remove all compassion and sense of fair play ….. because they sure will.

Time to plot. Reveal nothing to them. Act one way and do the opposite in reality.

DO NOT BECOME READABLE.

More to come from others but ….. focus … don’t go dark on us.

You come back here and vent ok.

[ILiveAgainParticipant]

I don’t think getting out is a wise move. You are admitting you’re the problem and with you out everything is fine.

Once out there is no way back. It’s hers.

Hence the cameras. Hell even just get them installed for ‘security’ reasons now it’s no longer a home … rather and asset.

[Crazy CanuckMember 4215]

ILiveAgain wrote:

Start recording and/or videoing everything.

Keep a diary.

Hidden cameras.

No fker is going to believe a word you say. Not lawyer, police, child welfare. NO FKER WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SAY.

You daughter is now a weapon against you.

There are 3 people in that house (witnesses) …. and you (rapist)

Remove all compassion and sense of fair play ….. because they sure will.

Time to plot. Reveal nothing to them. Act one way and do the opposite in reality.

DO NOT BECOME READABLE.

More to come from others but ….. focus … don’t go dark on us.

You come back here and vent ok.

I agree with this all this must be done. You should tell her about divorce court corruption.

"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle

[Anonymous 5]

For all intents and purposes, you are now on trial.
As the cops say “Anything you do or say can be used against you in a court of law”

You’re right in assuming there are at least four people’s words against you already (including nanny)
Insanely cheap recording devices off ebay such as pens (less than $10) . Sound/motion activated devices can be gotten for about $100 (zetta) GET THEM IMMEDIATELY!
Keep a handwritten personal diary.
Write out emails on a daily basis and post them to yourself from another created mail account.

She’s been planning this (and had her mind made up) from before she approached you about having her parents live with you.
She already has another husband lined up. You’ll eventually find that out.
Don’t move out.
Her legal representative is coaching her every move and request.
GET PROPER LEGAL ADVICE AND REPRESENTATION IMMEDIATELY.
GET PROPER LEGAL ADVICE AND REPRESENTATION IMMEDIATELY.
GET PROPER LEGAL ADVICE AND REPRESENTATION IMMEDIATELY.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Hey, the people telling you to get an attorney are right. I’ve only been through one divorce, they have seen hundreds. As unreasonable as my ex was on many things, she never completely cut off communication, especially regarding our kids. The fact that she doesn’t even want to talk to you about parenting seems pretty crazy to me. No matter what happens right now, you will both be parents to that little girl for the rest of your life. That’s a level of vindictiveness that I can’t help you with.

If you agree on the asset split, a mediator can do all of the paperwork for you for less money, so I’m not sure why she doesn’t like that. But her attorney won’t advise her to cut him out of the loop, so I’m guessing that’s why she doesn’t want to go that route.

The other thing about getting an attorney is that yours will probably know hers and may have a read on what he is telling her. That insight alone will be worth the money.

I agree with you about not moving out, but again your attorney will have some better insight on that. Your city may have a police force more sympathetic to your situation, but then again they may be worse.

Most importantly, just remember that it will be all over soon. I PROMISE YOU that the feeling of relief when you don’t have to deal with this daily bulls~~~ will be more than worth it. My divorce took almost three years and I made it through. You can do this!

And do come back and keep us updated. You’ve got other men in your corner. We are here to help.

Good luck brother.

Order the good wine

[Anonymous 0]

I’m sorry you going thru this,Brother. Unfortunately that is how most of us arrive here. Keep posting. You have friends here.

[Anonymous 42]

VanXing wrote:

even though we still live in the same house and sleep in the same bed.

You should avoid her entirely, buy an air mattress and sleep in isolation from her, or move out altogether.

VanXing wrote:

I actually suggested that she can move out if she wanted to.

She has no intentions of appeasing you in any way, shape, or form.
Prepare yourself for false criminal charges and to be ushered off to jail.
She will use the child as a hostage to manipulate your misery. The child will be turned against you, and more criminal allegations may arise from your interactions with the child.

Consider yourself just another victim caught in the trap of governmental matrimony. Best thing is to just vanish, that’s what today’s women make men do.

Your situation helps to serve as a roadsign for the unwary men still bulls~~~ted by the illusion of holy matrimony, when in fact it’s become unholy matrimony through the legal empowerment of women.

All we can do is tell you the truth, it’s not up to us how it tastes.

I’m deeply sorry for your unfortunate situation, I hope you can overcome the brutality of being so utterly rejected. It’s time for you to rewire your mind and become indestructible, become a MGHOW, and you’ll know exactly what I mean….
Welcome VanX, you’re among true friends….

[narwhalParticipant]

I want to 2nd those that recommend a lawyer, staying in your house, and getting camera’s installed. It sounds as like you have a pretty good income, so I would have it professionally installed. Once that’s up and running, or using a separate recorder, I would ask her if she really meant what she said about getting a restraining order against you, even though you have not harmed her in any way. I would think that tape would make her word worthless if she ever did try and accuse you…plus your monitoring system.

As far as custody goes, do not think about what you want right now, think about what you will want. I can understand why you don’t want to deal with a poorly behaving baby, but don’t trap yourself in a legal corner based on what is convenient right now. In Texas, the standard arrangement is every Wednesday night, and every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend. I would go with that. This does not mean that you are required by law to take responsibility of the kids at those times, it’s that you have the right to. If she has primary care, which sounds like what you want, then she is ultimately responsible unless you take possession. So you get your rights legal upfront, and then work it out so that you are not taking many overnights while the baby is still young.

As for child support, there is most likely a standard calculation for that. Your lawyer will no this. I would stick with that, It is going to be based on your current income. It will not be based off any one-time bonuses or any future increases in salary. So whatever amount it is now, will remain so unless you voluntarily give more or she takes you back to court for now.

I personal had a female lawyer that was a real bitch, she would admit that herself. She made the process very difficult and uncomfortable for my ex, to the point that I think my dreads after having to get legal with me again. If you find a lawyer with a similar attitude, then I would recommend it. Not only will you get legal advice, but they will be a real ass so that you don’t have to.

BTW, you did not mention the reason your wife wants a divorce. I would assume then that the divorce isn’t because if her behavior but because of yours. It’s a good time to evaluate your behavior. I’m not saying you’re in the wrong, I know nothing. I’m just saying that when the crap hits the fan like this, don’t make it worse by not learning anything from it.

Ok. Then do it.

[HitmanParticipant]

Brother, you need a lawyer. .don’t talk to her lawyer. .let your lawyer do the talking. .as soon as she got a lawyer she began this. .if you move out it’s not a good idea without your lawyer saying it’s ok. .security cameras if you can afford. .be careful not to talk to much. .good luck! Sorry to hear. .I went through similar. .

[Wolf redpillmanSpectator 1658]

Sleep in that same bed same house and still want you to talk to her lawyer only,????behold women nature once they got you on that Marriages contract they know they dont need you anymore so they use that vultures =lawyers to destroy you when are men gonna learn than marriages got no benefit for men

[Wolf redpillmanSpectator 1658]

You asking a women to do meditation????dude you are losing your time.once your wife decide she does not want to be with you is the end dude nothing you do will make her change her mind she already have what she wanted a marriages contract

[Wolf redpillmanSpectator 1658]

Not.most of.us arrive here through getting screw other wise feminist will call us that bitter clan ,sorry to tell you but a lot of us smell this bulls~~~ and we were wise and said.no

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

VanXing, thanks for sharing your tale. No doubt, you are hurting; those of us who have been in a similar scenario can appreciate how difficult things are.

Two things that were a huge help in navigating my nightmare of a divorce:

1) Get an experienced divorce attorney. Prior to mine, i had absolutely no clue of all the pitfalls & challenges in a divorce. My attorney was great in helping me understand how things work, and don’t work.

2) Surround yourself with *your* friends & family that you trust. These should not be mutual friends/family that you share with her. They should be YOUR friends/family only. You will need a place to vent, to have people you trust kick you in the ass from time to time, to prevent you from ripping your own head off.

It will be a tough road, but other men have made it, and their lives are better for it. Stay strong, stay with us.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Forgot to add one thing my attorney told me when i first consulted on it. I filed on my ex, she had no idea it was coming.

My divorce attorney said that i shouldn’t be surprised if i go to jail; her words: “What usually happens is the husband tells the wife he’s divorcing her, the wife screams (so the neighbors hear), and then calls the police. Wife tells police that the husband hit her. Police arrest husband. No evidence is required.”

My lawyer, who has dealt with thousands of divorce cases, told me this during my first meeting with her. What does that tell you?

One additional question after reading your initial post – are you a US citizen or resident? Did she get residency/citizenship based on marriage to you? Just to let you know, my ex-wife is a Colombian citizen; she got residency based on marriage to me. Which complicates things a little bit, but not much. Again, get a lawyer.

[goadsaidParticipant 100]

Be very careful when signing anything.. specifically a QDRO (may have a different technical name depending on the state but same basic idea) – this would potentially divide up retirement funds. Separate QDRO’s for seperate retirement funds. Definitely don’t let her lawyer do that for you.

Some states have wiretap laws. ie. you can’t record her without telling her.. so… tell her and record her. She can likely kick you out with a PFA or restraining order with little or no evidence and it would be good to get this on tape. However, taping her without her knowledge will likely prompt her attorney to get any illegally obtained evidence thrown out.

the POST_NUP – DON”T SIGN WITHOUT AN ATTORNEY. this is very hard to get thrown out unless you can prove you were lied to on it. (i.e. she was hiding funds that weren’t included on it when the doc was signed)

you CAN video but NOT audio tape in many states where wiretap laws exist. So, if she ACTS shady, you may be able to get this on record without telling her.

ALSO.. many women will tell children to lie about their “abusive” fathers. In the event that your daughter would say something out of character. Have a male, child forensic psychologist do an evaluation, May be pricey but if you can prove that she has coerced the child you will significantly improve your position in the event of false accusations.

Women are not the biggest dangers in a divorce. Their devil on the shoulder family and friends are. Be an angel while you are living under the same roof as secret agents.

Like others have mentioned but it is worth restating. Lawyers can, technically only represent ONE side. If she hired the attorney, that’s her attorney. Don’t take their advice. They have no obligation to you. This is true even in no fault divorces.

[HitmanParticipant]

Last post told you to be an angel and that is no lie , the better you handle this with no anger the better it will be for you later on…not easy but very very much worth it. .

[Jan SobieskiParticipant 28791]

YOU NEED YOUR OWN LAWYER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.

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