If you really cared for the fella, you wouldn’t attend it.
I fail to see how that would help him.
There’s no advice you can give him at this point and there was damn little you could have given him before.
You’re probably right about this.
She’s a lying c~~~. Don’t forget that. She’s a lying c~~~.
Her being “okay” with the idea of not marrying is nothing but bait on her hook. Women intuitively and subconsciously plan on changing men’s minds and they accomplish it because too many men are fools.
Only time will tell. I will not change my mind about marriage. If she changes hers (or acts upon her “secret wishes to get married”), we’ll have to go separate ways.
Ok Majin. First, if someone invited me to their wedding I’d be offended and they’d go on my mortal enemy list.
A bit of exaggeration, don’t you think?
The guy believes in marriage (which is not surprising given the huge ammount of propaganda for it and low ammount of good information against), thinks it’s very important thing in his life, and considers me a friend good enough to invite me, even being a small wedding with only a few people invited.
I will see him as my “enemy” if he tries to force the idea of marriage upon me. I think we should respect other people’s decisions, no matter how we disagree with them.
If i had a girlfriend for 6 years and i don’t even live with her, i’ll present my apologies to my friend for not attending his wedding (seppuku) and i’ll drag her away from this with creativity excuses.
The kind of bad ideas and feedback from others that she could get from that evil event will be
inversely proportional to the lost of peace that you can get in your relation, the risk do not worth the benefits (zero)
It’s gonna be hard to come up with some excuse now. I should have thought about that the day he invited me…
But maybe send an (anonymous?) email with links to the marriage & divorce and relations~~~s section of this site?
That’s actually a good idea. I will also ask him about what kind of marriage agreement they got… I know the woman can always reverse agreements and finacially rape the man, but in Brazil it actually takes effort for a woman to reverse an agreement in divorce courts. It’s not an automatic “she’s a woman, she deserves it all” thing, unless this was specified in the agreement on the first place… then he’s screwed for good.
So much misery on here…
@majin, a friend getting married is no reason to break off a relationship with him. None of us on here know exactly what is going to happen in their marriage. Be there to support your friend, that’s all you can do. I am still friends with two close buddies after they got married, don’t pay attention to all the doom and gloom messages on here.
Thanks, man.
I’ll keep you guys updated about my girlfriend’s reaction. I can already expect a “wow, that was beautiful, it would be nice to have something like this”, to which I’ll probably reply “Yeah, but it’s not worth it for all of the reasons we have already discussed.”
What will follow from that I can only wait to see.
You say you will not move in with her but then say you won’t be moving in with her anytime soon. That doesn’t mean you won’t eventually move in with her and the idea has crossed your mind. What you should of wrote was I will NEVER be moving in with her for as long as I live. The fact that you think she is a NAWALT is concerning. Live your life how you want just letting you know eventually with the way you are thinking you will fall for her traps and once you are in it you will be just like your John Doe friend. Don’t believe me? Just ask Gene Simmonds who stayed unmarried for over 20 years only to cave in and eventually get married from all the pressure his girlfriend put on him. Women know how to tear down the guy to the point where he is defenseless given enough time for them to work their magic on you and you are giving her the rope to hang you with. As I said do what you want but you need to change your thinking from NAWALT to AWALT and never cohabitate, get married, or have children unless you want to be John Doe #2.
As I discussed on the other topic, I’ll watch her reaction to when I start to make good money, and also observe how she conducts her own professional life. I know about the risks of common-law marriage (which is a bit different in Brazil, but still somewhat similar), and the fact that a woman can only rape you financially in this situation if she has less material goods than you on the first place.
I won’t trust her for a minute that she won’t rip me apart even if she can. But if there are measures I can take to avoid gettint ripped apart even if/when she tries to, then I’ll take them. For now, being dating her for such a long time is perfectly within my “calculated risks”… even if she suddenly turns into a hardcore feminist that hates me above all men, there’s little she can do besides make me sad, make me dump her, move on and recover.
I don’t think I’ll ever be rid of the “blue pill” wishes; it’s always been part of my nature, and there’s no point in denying it. If marriage wasn’t such a trap for men as it is today, I’d gladly live together with her, and if it didn’t work out, I’d gladly live together with the next girlfriend eventually. I like to cohabitate with the woman I’m with; it’s not something society convinced me I had to accept.
However I’m rational enough to avoid it because of the massive risks marriage – or common-law marriage – presents. If the laws were fair, I would marry with no problem, not because I think she’s a NAWALT – even if she’s now, everyone can change – but because I’d be ready for the consequences of a divorce, since these consequences would be fair.
If I will eventually move in together or not will depend on careful consideration of everything she can legally do against me in case things go south. I don’t have to worry about it right now, but within a couple of years I plan to get careful personal counseling from a lawyer, and if there is even a breach she can exploit to screw me in case of breakup, I won’t be moving in.
It’s not about trusting her forever, it’s about being prepared to if/when she turns AWALT, and enjoy the time while she isn’t (or doesn’t present herself as). Unless I’m missing something, I should be fine.
There's no fate but what we make for ourselves.
Majin 3 years, 5 months ago.
