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Nero 2 years, 8 months ago.
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@nero, thanks for this thread. I believe in what you’re saying, however, I think there’s an aspect to your marriage that you didn’t mention. Your wife doesn’t have monkey branch to swing to. If she did, she would be much more willing to just leave and not deal with your dominance if she could, but she doesn’t see a comfortable out. In this way, you’re able to control the situation, in her mind at least.
Narwhal, my friend. I enjoy reading your posts. You have a very objective frame of mind when discussing things on this site. I appreciate that. To address your comments, I don’t necessarily disagree with you. She would monkey branch, but she is driven by SMV and I don’t think she has an orbitor available with higher SMV than mine. It is a huge part of the current equation. You are right about that.
Besides gaining back respect, I think your actions also took away her confidence to be secure without you…no monkey branch. Watch out to make sure she doesn’t find a monkey branch.
You see, this post is not about winning back my wife. I could not care less about that. It is about winning back your sovereignty and your dignity until divorce is obtainable and complete. I could only hope that she monkey branches successfully from me right now. It would be a miracle.
Nero, I agree and understand your tactics.
Your last paragraph hits my situation dead center. I would just be set if mine would lean away from my branch just a little bit toward another. The death grip that she has because of her lack of options doesn’t make her change her behavior, it just solidifies her “need” for me even if her want for being a good wife isn’t there. My youngest just had a birthday.
It’s like the old Henny Youngman bit “Take my wife, please take my wife”
I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.
Anonymous42Anyone stupid enough to stay married to your worst nightmare here’s a his & hers insanity may have you purchasing and gift wrapping it in a steel barrel.
Anyone stupid enough to stay married to your worst nightmare here’s a his & hers insanity may have you purchasing and gift wrapping it in a steel barrel.
I agree,I cant believe some of these post are trying to “reason” with marriage. Its modern day slavery,walk away with level head in tact.
Never lose sight of what brought you here.
I had let her spend time hanging out with some guy friends. No doubt that gave her confidence to believe she could get attention without me. 1st mistake.
I was guilty of it too. I would let my wife go clubbing from time to time – I would drop her off and pick her up – so I thought there was no risk of anything funny happening. But yeah, she must have gotten a feeling she could do better.
What broke the camel’s back in my case – was her getting a job at a cell phone store, where customers would constantly hit on her (a pretty russian girl – no wonder). Eventually the inhibitions against cheating got reasoned away and the marriage fell apart
proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome
Anyone stupid enough to stay married to your worst nightmare here’s a his & hers insanity may have you purchasing and gift wrapping it in a steel barrel.
I filed for divorce months ago. However, there are strategies that can be implemented to maximize your situation. If she was intolerable, I would still just pull the plug quickly and separate. She is on her best behavior, though, which benefits me greatly. I can start saving money, preparing the house to be sell ready, and every day is one day closer to my youngest son finishing high school. We have already split all liquid assets, but I’d like to get maximum sales price out of home. Situations are not always so black and white as you make them out to be.
Nero,
Just remember one thing: women are “backsliders”.
They have a pattern of backsliding, it can be seen most apparently as many present the behavior when it comes to: weight, spending, smoking, etc…
Maybe you will get lucky and it will last, emphasis on maybe…
Sovereignty above all else.
Nero,
Just remember one thing: women are “backsliders”.
They have a pattern of backsliding, it can be seen most apparently as many present the behavior when it comes to: weight, spending, smoking, etc…
Maybe you will get lucky and it will last, emphasis on maybe…
Oh, I expect it to happen. It’s my out when the time comes. It’s just that I am glad I have the flexibility I need to benefit in the short term.
Anonymous3@nero,
I noticed this post in another thread. It is a great post and a great story.
I am in the situation you described, yet married and a beta. So you can imagine that your story might be encouraging for me… For one minute.I tried everything. Some years ago I had a course on “marriage” that was essentially saying what you said.
I did try it for a while. It worked, kind of.
But then I noticed that I was doing it for the wrong reason. My end goal was sex and love, and I was going against my nature. I finally recognized that sex was overrated and that she didnt love me.
I am not Alfa. I never went to the army and I have few leadership capabilities. I am a brain guy and a bit of a loner. Even if I am into martial arts.
After this I accepted myself for the first time. I no longer want to be anything other than I am. In fact I want to be more, and claim sovereignty over my way of life.
I am respected and I leed in my job by example and merit alone.
Now I got the red pill knowledge and my path is clear: the golden path of MGTOW.
This to say that I respect and admire your story. Yet it is not for everyone, depending on their nature.
Congrats on finally standing up for yourself. However, that’s no way to live in my opinion. It may feel good to ‘go primal’ on her but ultimately all you’re doing is becoming just like a woman. Time to move on and live your life in peace – no matter what you do she’ll continue to test you, it’s what they do even after they realize it’s a lost cause.
@nero,
I noticed this post in another thread. It is a great post and a great story.
I am in the situation you described, yet married and a beta. So you can imagine that your story might be encouraging for me… For one minute.I tried everything. Some years ago I had a course on “marriage” that was essentially saying what you said.
I did try it for a while. It worked, kind of.
But then I noticed that I was doing it for the wrong reason. My end goal was sex and love, and I was going against my nature. I finally recognized that sex was overrated and that she didnt love me.
I am not Alfa. I never went to the army and I have few leadership capabilities. I am a brain guy and a bit of a loner. Even if I am into martial arts.
After this I accepted myself for the first time. I no longer want to be anything other than I am. In fact I want to be more, and claim sovereignty over my way of life.
I am respected and I leed in my job by example and merit alone.
Now I got the red pill knowledge and my path is clear: the golden path of MGTOW.
This to say that I respect and admire your story. Yet it is not for everyone, depending on their nature.
Never call yourself a beta, there’s no such thing. What you are is trained to behave the way society wants you to behave. Breaking away from that is difficult but once you realize that sex is over-rated (at least in terms of what most men go through to get it) and a woman who truly loves you would not put you through hell it will become easier.
Women are like dogs. Some one has to be dominent. Its either her or you. Easy choice. Im happyily divorced. I can be dominent noooo problem. But i have no desire for it.
This is the problem – I can easily lay down the law and do, but it’s exhausting. I’m not an abusive person and have interest in behaving like a woman.
Nero, I’m sorry but I agree with some of the other posters. She is merely falling into line because she has no other good option now since your actions have taken her by surprise. Once she does develop other options, monkeybranching, as others call it, she will extract as much resources from you in divorce, and leave.
You should definitely make preemptive preparations now. This is not a long lasting solution unless she’s stupid, ugly, and has no friends to give her advice on how to screw you.
"He didn't marry until now, so he won't ever do it. Think about it, why would a man like him ever marry? It's too late to catch him. " ~some cunt
Anonymous3Never call yourself a beta, there’s no such thing. What you are is trained to behave the way society wants you to behave.
True. You are quite right, thank you for calling me on this.
I have long discovered some psychological traits that hinder me, like the “good boy” syndrome or the fear of conflicts. This stuff goes to childhood.
I can overcome some of it, but it remains something really important that I have been learning here on MGTOW:respect for myself.We can see it here on this quote:
I will continue support for my kids as they are grateful and respectful. I will turn off the valve if need be. Some kids are entitled, ungrateful, belligerent f~~~s and my oldest is like that. I hate to say it, but some of the pedestaling we do with vagina is also done with kids and they turn out to be assholes as well.
I found out the same thing. If we sacrifice our respect for our family, then we actually are hurting everyone.
You are quite right. It is a societal programming that says:sacrifice yourself, its the noble thing.
No!
Its the path to the destruction of the individual and his charge.
Everything should have a mutually beneficial arrangement and everyone should have the consequences of their actions.
Or as Tolkien wrote more poetically ” I will not forget it, nor fail to reward that which is given: fealty with love, valour with honour, oath-breaking with vengeance.”
This is the problem – I can easily lay down the law and do, but it’s exhausting. I’m not an abusive person and have interest in behaving like a woman.
Either you can be abusive or really fair and know it.
But in any case, just like children women are exhausting. They keep testing your limits and how far they can go.
But at least kids grow up and become independent. Women just get more infantile.Maybe some men have the patience (or strength) to deal with their antics in exchange for whatever benefits they can provide.
I am not one of those.
You should definitely make preemptive preparations now. This is not a long lasting solution unless she’s stupid, ugly, and has no friends to give her advice on how to screw you.
Everything is temporary; especially the behavior and temperament of a women. In relations~~~s there are no solutions because people and there behaviors are ALWAYS changing.
In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash
However, there are strategies that can be implemented to maximize your situation. If she was intolerable, I would still just pull the plug quickly and separate. She is on her best behavior, though, which benefits me greatly. I can start saving money, preparing the house to be sell ready, and every day is one day closer to my youngest son finishing high school. We have already split all liquid assets, but I’d like to get maximum sales price out of home.
I think you’ve made a very important distinction and one that the members here would be wise to follow.
Every divorce is different. The speed at which every divorce needs to occur is different too. If, like you, a man can take his time to improve his chances in a divorce, he should take that time.
Some divorces cannot happen soon enough. Some, like your divorce or CodeBunker/No’s divorce, will turn out better if time and care can be applied. Sadly, many men don’t have the options you’re currently enjoying.
Many men – too many men – have divorce thrust upon them. They weren’t aware it was in the offing, they hadn’t planned, and they hadn’t prepared. Caught with their figurative pants down, they cannot help but get reamed by their wives and the court system.
To all the married members here; start planning for your divorce NOW. While you needn’t go as far contacting a lawyer or getting papers drawn up, you should begin making sensible plans and start taking sensible precautions. You may think you’ve a certain amount of time available to you; one oft posted excuse has to do with waiting until children graduate high school/college or reach some certain age. The belief that you can wait is a false one however as the decision to divorce is not entirely in your hands. Remember, it is the woman who files over three-quarters of the time.
Plan ahead, make preparations, and – if you can – pull the trigger at the best and in the best manner for you.
The life you’ll be saving is your own.
Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.
I posted some of this in another thread, but I thought I’d start my own thread for those men who are still married and can’t escape quite yet. I am posting to provide some encouragement to make life with your modern day woman, the one that needs your money and for you to fix problems but doesn’t need you. This thread is advice on how to get some control back into your life that you probably haven’t had in many years.
Thanks for sharing your experiences Nero, and an invaluable one, in my opinion.
I have read all the other comments made by others on your post. I understand where they are coming from as well. However I understand the logic in your approach.
(I would add I am from the UK, not US, so maybe things are little different there, so you will have to bear with me for any incorrect assumptions I make).
Considering that the children are so close to the age of 19 (in the UK) where the courts would not award child support (alimony), there a lot of commercial sense not to pursue a divorce yet.
Since you have already split the liquid assets (cash, stocks etc) and are looking at the non-liquid fixed assets (house etc), this demonstrates sound planning on your part. Sadly it appears, the UK and US/Canada seem to follow comparable systems, when you divorce, and the family courts will force you to split your assets. There is little any man can do to avoid this (other than not getting married, staying away from single moms, not co habiting, and not having kids ie MGTOW).
You also benefit with not having to go to through the courts to get access to your kids, and for the time being, can live in your own home. Again, there is a lot of sense there.
All these things you are planning for should minimise court time, court/legal costs, if or when you/ she decide to go your separate ways. The only issue was her behaviour. However I think your (OP) post highlights one way of dealing with her behaviour, that’s worked out well for you !
However I think a few people who commented on your post (and I include myself in that), believe that MGTOW is the only way, but as your post is titled, ‘for those who need to stay married..’, there is good advice in your post. I understand from a commercial/planning sense and access to the children aspect why those who have been married a long time with kids, should stay married – until the appropriate time. However I did want to ask, don’t you find dealing with the behaviour exhausting ? (I struggled for 2 years with my ex, I couldn’t contemplate putting up with her for 5 or 10 years). Perhaps marines are just tougher hombre’s !
D. G. I. Don't. Get. Involved. (Be happy, and stress not)
Anonymous3Women are like dogs. Some one has to be dominent. Its either her or you. Easy choice. Im happyily divorced. I can be dominent noooo problem. But i have no desire for it.
This is the problem – I can easily lay down the law and do, but it’s exhausting. I’m not an abusive person and have interest in behaving like a woman.
I agree. Why do you want to go to the effort of having to fight arguments all the time? That is too much emotional baggage to put up with on a day-to-day basis.
Also, you are only in a dominant position as long as she allows it. She has every recourse available to her to f~~~ your world up. She could call the cops and start a false accusation.
In this society, the man only has the illusion of dominance in a relationship.
After another really nasty attack (s~~~ test) by her, I went primal ape in my house. I completely changed. Now, I rule my household like Conan rules Hyboria. I no longer take any s~~~ whatsoever. The first scent of a s~~~ test and I disengage and tell her to GTFO. However, in order to do that, you have to mean it. You can’t tell a woman to GTFO half-heartedly. You have to free your mind of the enslavement of fears that swirl around your head at the thought of her actually leaving. You can’t worry about what if I can’t find someone better, what will happen to the kids, what will happen to my finances. You have to be convinced that life alone is superior to life with her. Then, and only then, will you be fully prepared to go full primal with no f~~~s given and not cave in. However, if you can’t get out any time soon, this type of change may improve your current position. I would have been just as happy if she agreed to divorce and we separated.
I did the same years ago and it worked 100%.
But I could not endure her past cheating anymore and thus left.
You must have a “nothing to lose” mindset to do so, and having nothing to lose indeed helps a lot.As a Wise Sage once said, “Only by standing up TO her, will she know that you will stand up FOR her.”
Awesome job, bro. Holy s~~~ how many manginas could benefit from this advice?????
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