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Nero 2 years, 8 months ago.
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I posted some of this in another thread, but I thought I’d start my own thread for those men who are still married and can’t escape quite yet. I am posting to provide some encouragement to make life with your modern day woman, the one that needs your money and for you to fix problems but doesn’t need you. This thread is advice on how to get some control back into your life that you probably haven’t had in many years.
Let me give you a little background. I’ve been married 19 years now. I found the unicorn AWALT. My kids are now 16 and 18. I conducted myself largely as white-knight mangina for many years. My relations~~~ with my wife consisted as roommates who had sex a couple times a week with zero passion in it. No kissing even. I was pruned from friends and family from the beginning of the marriage. The friends and family I did keep were always a problem and competition to her, so were things I liked to do.
Everything came to a head one day when my wife and I got into our 89th disagreement about our oldest son. She is a f~~~ing undermining parent to the Nth degree. At the end she called me a bitch ass motherf~~~er. There I stood, a former Marine of 15 years, Gunnery Sergeant, leader of many men, and quite a reputation as a stud. Yet, that f~~~ing ungrateful, belligerent bitch called me that like she was an black ghetto queen. I lost any remaining respect I had for her that moment.
I started to feel restless about my life and what it had become. I started to workout and started my MBA program back up. My SMV started to increase and so did my esteem and confidence. I started to make a new path for myself. I realized that I had spent so much time and some of my former hobbies, because it was a way to shield me from the misery of a s~~~ home life and marriage that had resulted.
A few months later, I started an affair (no sex) and didn’t give a s~~~ about it. I ended it when I told the wife I refuse to live like we had been and she agreed to try. We went to counseling for months but many things were not improving.
After another really nasty attack (s~~~ test) by her, I went primal ape in my house. I completely changed. Now, I rule my household like Conan rules Hyboria. I no longer take any s~~~ whatsoever. The first scent of a s~~~ test and I disengage and tell her to GTFO. However, in order to do that, you have to mean it. You can’t tell a woman to GTFO half-heartedly. You have to free your mind of the enslavement of fears that swirl around your head at the thought of her actually leaving. You can’t worry about what if I can’t find someone better, what will happen to the kids, what will happen to my finances. You have to be convinced that life alone is superior to life with her. Then, and only then, will you be fully prepared to go full primal with no f~~~s given and not cave in. However, if you can’t get out any time soon, this type of change may improve your current position. I would have been just as happy if she agreed to divorce and we separated.
I should follow that up with what has changed since I went primal:
– I get sex at the drop of a hat now. Great, passionate sex, which is what I like.
– There are hardly any s~~~ tests, because the long string of squashed s~~~ tests has convinced her I will no longer play the game.
– She actually asks me what she can do for me. She even took trash out to the curb for the first time since we’ve been married.
– When I dislike something, I say it and don’t get the bulls~~~ defensive tactics I used to. We actually work s~~~ out now.
– Shelf your former mangina habits and let it be known you despise that you ever conducted yourself that way. I also stopped going to our local church where beta-mangina behavior is taught at a nauseating level.
– I do what the f~~~ I want to do, when I want to do it. The most recent s~~~ test I got was over this. The next day I got a realtor and started looking for properties and didn’t say a f~~~ing word to her for four days, to include our 19th wedding anniversary. That ended with her begging me to stay and promising she will NEVER f~~~ing try to tell me what to do or who to talk to ever again or she leaves.
– There is no more undermining me with the kids. That was a HUGE f~~~ing problem for quite some time. Now, when I discuss the issues about the kids, it’s do what I say or GTFO with said kid.
– I can get away with be a borderline dick, but so what? I don’t give a f~~~.
– I’m not going to lie, my household has changed so drastically it is almost unbelievable. I have probably 95-100% of the power in my household now. I realize that is just the right balance to have a happy, healthy relationship with a woman.Good luck!!
Find you a congregation where the central leadership is not one man and his wife. There should be a core group not a single person leading the church/congregation.
Women are too often teaching and making decisions for the congregation. This is explicitly against scripture.
If its not run by men, and men leading men then get out.
You are now living a mostly scripturally correct marriage. The husband is supposed to be the authority over the household.
I am glad you were able to stand up and take control over that situation.
Lead. Don’t control.
Anonymous54Its unfortunate that being nice will get you treated like crap.An odd thing to learn ,that you get your best results by being dominent and un yeilding.Well done sir.
I posted some of this in another thread, but I thought I’d start my own thread for those men who are still married and can’t escape quite yet. I am posting to provide some encouragement to make life with your modern day woman, the one that needs your money and for you to fix problems but doesn’t need you. This thread is advice on how to get some control back into your life that you probably haven’t had in many years.
Let me give you a little background. I’ve been married 19 years now. I found the unicorn AWALT. My kids are now 16 and 18. I conducted myself largely as white-knight mangina for many years. My relations~~~ with my wife consisted as roommates who had sex a couple times a week with zero passion in it. No kissing even. I was pruned from friends and family from the beginning of the marriage. The friends and family I did keep were always a problem and competition to her, so were things I liked to do.
Everything came to a head one day when my wife and I got into our 89th disagreement about our oldest son. She is a f~~~ing undermining parent to the Nth degree. At the end she called me a bitch ass motherf~~~er. There I stood, a former Marine of 15 years, Gunnery Sergeant, leader of many men, and quite a reputation as a stud. Yet, that f~~~ing ungrateful, belligerent bitch called me that like she was an black ghetto queen. I lost any remaining respect I had for her that moment.
I started to feel restless about my life and what it had become. I started to workout and started my MBA program back up. My SMV started to increase and so did my esteem and confidence. I started to make a new path for myself. I realized that I had spent so much time and some of my former hobbies, because it was a way to shield me from the misery of a s~~~ home life and marriage that had resulted.
A few months later, I started an affair (no sex) and didn’t give a s~~~ about it. I ended it when I told the wife I refuse to live like we had been and she agreed to try. We went to counseling for months but many things were not improving.
After another really nasty attack (s~~~ test) by her, I went primal ape in my house. I completely changed. Now, I rule my household like Conan rules Hyboria. I no longer take any s~~~ whatsoever. The first scent of a s~~~ test and I disengage and tell her to GTFO. However, in order to do that, you have to mean it. You can’t tell a woman to GTFO half-heartedly. You have to free your mind of the enslavement of fears that swirl around your head at the thought of her actually leaving. You can’t worry about what if I can’t find someone better, what will happen to the kids, what will happen to my finances. You have to be convinced that life alone is superior to life with her. Then, and only then, will you be fully prepared to go full primal with no f~~~s given and not cave in. However, if you can’t get out any time soon, this type of change may improve your current position. I would have been just as happy if she agreed to divorce and we separated.
I should follow that up with what has changed since I went primal:
– I get sex at the drop of a hat now. Great, passionate sex, which is what I like.
– There are hardly any s~~~ tests, because the long string of squashed s~~~ tests has convinced her I will no longer play the game.
– She actually asks me what she can do for me. She even took trash out to the curb for the first time since we’ve been married.
– When I dislike something, I say it and don’t get the bulls~~~ defensive tactics I used to. We actually work s~~~ out now.
– Shelf your former mangina habits and let it be known you despise that you ever conducted yourself that way. I also stopped going to our local church where beta-mangina behavior is taught at a nauseating level.
– I do what the f~~~ I want to do, when I want to do it. The most recent s~~~ test I got was over this. The next day I got a realtor and started looking for properties and didn’t say a f~~~ing word to her for four days, to include our 19th wedding anniversary. That ended with her begging me to stay and promising she will NEVER f~~~ing try to tell me what to do or who to talk to ever again or she leaves.
– There is no more undermining me with the kids. That was a HUGE f~~~ing problem for quite some time. Now, when I discuss the issues about the kids, it’s do what I say or GTFO with said kid.
– I can get away with be a borderline dick, but so what? I don’t give a f~~~.
– I’m not going to lie, my household has changed so drastically it is almost unbelievable. I have probably 95-100% of the power in my household now. I realize that is just the right balance to have a happy, healthy relationship with a woman.Good luck!!
Well done, despite what people say there is always a dominant one in a marriage , it has to be the man.
The women needs to be scared of the guy, I don’t mean violence I mean scared he would leave.
My father was the boss as I was in my marriage , it’s still gets dull it still gets boring , but it’s way way better then being the second class person in the marriage.
Sharing, considering etc is fine in any partnership but there is always the dominant one.
Congrats again you did well, in a way it was part of the no f~~~s given idea, my way or the high way.
I really feel has a better chance of a better settlement as the dominant one.
Anonymous54Women are like dogs. Some one has to be dominent. Its either her or you. Easy choice. Im happyily divorced. I can be dominent noooo problem. But i have no desire for it.
This happened to a brother in law of mine. He like me is a quiet gentleman type. And his wife (my cousin) started to give him a very hard time early on in their marriage. He finally snapped and started to shout at her every time she tried to s~~~ test him. Now he is the boss. But i can see he is not entirely happy at having to change his personality this way.
She still tests him every now and then to still see ‘if he is a man’Now, I rule my household like Conan rules Hyboria.
I like that!
Women are like dogs. Some one has to be dominent. Its either her or you. Easy choice.
Makes sense when I think about. Good point!
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Anonymous54I wasnt compareing anyones wife to a dog. Looking back at it. Oops!(guys a freakin Marine!)
But you you are forced to deal with it that way.
I always just wanted someone easy to hang with. haa…Women are like dogs. Some one has to be dominent. Its either her or you. Easy choice. Im happyily divorced. I can be dominent noooo problem. But i have no desire for it.
The problem is the husband in western marriage can only remain dominant until his wife gets tired of it and pulls the cord on the golden parachute. I’ve stayed dominant throughout my 9 year relationship, but this has never been enough to keep the family intact. The Hive convinced my wife that she doesn’t have to take it, and that she deserves a better man (mangina who’ll let her be dominant).
That’s the main reason I think alpha masculine MGTOW-minded men who are natural leaders have the lowest probability of marriage lasting long term. Mangina “happy wife – happy life” simps have better chances to stay married and keeping their children. But that involves one of two – either living a lie or living in misery. And even then they aren’t safe. The only way when they are relatively safe – is when they’re very well off and/or have a low SMV wife.
Some strategies of having your own family are still viable, but the sacrificing dignity, sleeping with the enemy, walking on eggshells – are unacceptable to me. Modern marriage is not for everybody. You have to say goodbye to your masculinity to make it work – and I’m not willing to do that. I want to remain my own man until the day I die. The commitment is too big for me to not be afraid of it.
proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome
Great topic, Nero. You’ve discovered MGTOW Law.
Deep in that dark place women hate to look, they know that they are nothing more to a man than decoration and a vagina. We don’t NEED them. Some of us have them/tolerate them/want them, but we don’t NEED them. They NEED us. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually.
It would appear your wife is adult enough to realize this. Well done.
When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.
Good leadership Devildog. I understand your post because I understand your background and leadership ability.
I guess the only thing I would say to keep your advantage is have assets on the DL, so you can f~~~ off at will to your own cabin in Montana with half your retirement. She new she married a Marine, they sometimes get enjoyment from domesticating the pit bull, but secretly resent you for it.
When you find yourself in the majority, it's time to reflect.
I chose a different tactic…under the advisement of my lawyer..the long fade off. It makes settling easier. She just wants to get on with her life as he put it… SHE MADE YOU LIVE WITH A ZOMBIE, DO IT TO HER.
This technique sounds like a waste of time,the longer you drag this the harder the f~~~. How is time on your side in a contract that gains incentives the longer its valid?
I think the being rough with the wife will just bring issues.
There will be issues regardless of if you file or she does because its a tug a war of who gets the most,she will of course feeelz she does so what’s the point? 70%+ of all divorces filed by women and they can give 2 f~~~s how much of an issue it brings even if it means destroying the kids lives,so why should you care again?
Never lose sight of what brought you here.
My ex split with the kid almost 4 years ago.
Divorce not finalized.
“Spanish “style is just not divorcing and walking away. .
Financially it’s my only option. .for now.
I know plenty of Spanish guys who have the same deal going. .
F~~~ what society says. .you have to survive before anything else. .
Es la verdad…Women are like dogs. Some one has to be dominent. Its either her or you. Easy choice. Im happyily divorced. I can be dominent noooo problem. But i have no desire for it.
The problem is the husband in western marriage can only remain dominant until his wife gets tired of it and pulls the cord on the golden parachute. I’ve stayed dominant throughout my 9 year relationship, but this has never been enough to keep the family intact. The Hive convinced my wife that she doesn’t have to take it, and that she deserves a better man (mangina who’ll let her be dominant).
That’s the main reason I think alpha masculine MGTOW-minded men who are natural leaders have the lowest probability of marriage lasting long term. Mangina “happy wife – happy life” simps have better chances to stay married and keeping their children. But that involves one of two – either living a lie or living in misery. And even then they aren’t safe. The only way when they are relatively safe – is when they’re very well off and/or have a low SMV wife.
Some strategies of having your own family are still viable, but the sacrificing dignity, sleeping with the enemy, walking on eggshells – are unacceptable to me. Modern marriage is not for everybody. You have to say goodbye to your masculinity to make it work – and I’m not willing to do that. I want to remain my own man until the day I die. The commitment is too big for me to not be afraid of it.
I am not sure I agree , women deep down know they are not as good as men if they were they would not keep asking for s~~~, some women deep down like to be told what to do.
The issue with a Mangina is she can do as she wants , while she likes that she has no respect , but it’s a terrible life for the guy.
I can’t see us ever getting data on it though ,
My ex split with the kid almost 4 years ago.
Divorce not finalized.
“Spanish “style is just not divorcing and walking away. .
Financially it’s my only option. .for now.
I know plenty of Spanish guys who have the same deal going. .
F~~~ what society says. .you have to survive before anything else. .
Es la verdad…I did the Spanish style most of my marriage, it’s good for a while but in the end it wears you down.
I remember thinking I will be spending 2 weeks holiday with here feeling the impending doom, nothing is more lonely than being married to a person you don’t want to be with, trapped.
Anonymous3Find you a congregation where the central leadership is not one man and his wife. There should be a core group not a single person leading the church/congregation.
Women are too often teaching and making decisions for the congregation. This is explicitly against scripture.
If its not run by men, and men leading men then get out.
You are now living a mostly scripturally correct marriage. The husband is supposed to be the authority over the household.
Why, it’s almost like Ephesians 5, Titus 2 and I Timothy 3 might have some practical application….
As Voddie Baucham says, anything with two heads either needs to be killed or put behind glass as a monster.
I chose a different tactic…under the advisement of my lawyer..the long fade off. It makes settling easier. She just wants to get on with her life as he put it… SHE MADE YOU LIVE WITH A ZOMBIE, DO IT TO HER.
This is my approach as I would be financially crushed paying child support and alimony. At least now, I still have a few bucks in my pocket, spend time with the kids as I want, a nice basement to live in, and can plan for a reasonable escape when the youngest is 18. There is less to fight about–less drama, less emotion, and no passion– as we’re reaching room mate status. I’m not looking for a replacement model anyways, so I’ll go for the divorce when it benefits me.
I think the being rough with the wife will just bring issues.
Exactly. I’m mainly interested in Peace, and go out of my way to avoid her and any potential B.S., and I still have the opportunities to fit in my time on a daily. I’m not interested in winning her over or back or whatever. That ship has sailed long ago !!
In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash
Good leadership Devildog. I understand your post because I understand your background and leadership ability.
I guess the only thing I would say to keep your advantage is have assets on the DL, so you can f~~~ off at will to your own cabin in Montana with half your retirement. She new she married a Marine, they sometimes get enjoyment from domesticating the pit bull, but secretly resent you for it.
Yes, you do get it. I told her and the kids they have no f~~~ing idea the sacrifices I made to provide them with the life they have…ungrateful f~~~s. I’ve already split all finances except the proceeds from future sale of house. Our 401ks are almost same amount.
I chose a different tactic…under the advisement of my lawyer..the long fade off. It makes settling easier. She just wants to get on with her life as he put it… SHE MADE YOU LIVE WITH A ZOMBIE, DO IT TO HER.
This is my approach as I would be financially crushed paying child support and alimony. At least now, I still have a few bucks in my pocket, spend time with the kids as I want, a nice basement to live in, and can plan for a reasonable escape when the youngest is 18. There is less to fight about–less drama, less emotion, and no passion– as we’re reaching room mate status. I’m not looking for a replacement model anyways, so I’ll go for the divorce when it benefits me.
I think the being rough with the wife will just bring issues.
Exactly. I’m mainly interested in Peace, and go out of my way to avoid her and any potential B.S., and I still have the opportunities to fit in my time on a daily. I’m not interested in winning her over or back or whatever. That ship has sailed long ago !!
I understand what you are both saying, but I already went through “phase.” And, in that phase, you are still a miserable creature and dealing with their s~~~ tests and their results of their f~~~ed up life choices. Yes, I could come and go and do whatever, but I was still miserable being trapped in that situation.
I don’t want to give the impression I’m an dick day in/day out but I will be when it’s appropriate. I have been liberated of caring what a passive aggressive creature has in store for me upon failing s~~~ tests. It is a feeling that cannot be underestimated.
I have one emancipated child and one very near. I will continue support for my kids as they are grateful and respectful. I will turn off the valve if need be. Some kids are entitled, ungrateful, belligerent f~~~s and my oldest is like that. I hate to say it, but some of the pedestaling we do with vagina is also done with kids and they turn out to be assholes as well.
@nero, thanks for this thread. I believe in what you’re saying, however, I think there’s an aspect to your marriage that you didn’t mention. Your wife doesn’t have monkey branch to swing to. If she did, she would be much more willing to just leave and not deal with your dominance if she could, but she doesn’t see a comfortable out. In this way, you’re able to control the situation, in her mind at least.
Your thread got me thinking about my marriage, and something odd I never really understood. About 6 months before my wife wanted to separate, she went out with her brother and ended it getting really drunk. She had to get a cab, threw up in the cab, everything. The next day she profusely apologized, as if she was afraid I would leave her for it. How does she go from being afraid I’d leave, to wanting a divorce in 6 months?
The answer is monkey branching. No, not in the form of another man, but she found a place to land regardless. I had let her spend time hanging out with some guy friends. No doubt that gave her confidence to believe she could get attention without me. 1st mistake. I don’t know this for sure, but it seemed her well off family was supportive of the divorce. She felt secure in that. Not my mistake. Third, I actually moved out when she wanted to separate. HUGE MISTAKE. I let her know that I would support her even when she rejected me. That gave her all the monkey branch she needed to leave the marriage.
Besides gaining back respect, I think your actions also took away her confidence to be secure without you…no monkey branch. Watch out to make sure she doesn’t find a monkey branch.
Ok. Then do it.
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