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Tagged: anxiety, crisis, depression, Existential, malaise, MGTOW, red pill
This topic contains 38 replies, has 18 voices, and was last updated by 
ghost 2 years, 6 months ago.
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Hello my MGTOW brothers,
Have any of you been through an existential crisis after taking the red pill or what Thinking-Ape mentions as the post-red pill malaise? I am suffering from so much depression and anxiety and would appreciate any help you brothers can share.
A little background. I am in my early 30s and worked in the mining industry in a remote Australian mine for several years and joined this website back when it was launched. During this time, 2013 to 2015, I was a purple piller and swallowed the red pill after wrestling with the idea of getting married. It was a tough pill to swallow but I kept on working as a mining engineer. I guess working kept me distracted from my inner deep fears. Fast forward to today, I have moved back to my parents home in Sydney after deciding to quit my mining engineering job to pursue my passion in electronics engineering, a passion I started since I was 5 years old. To make things even harder, all I get from my blue pill father is criticism and the cold shoulder, only to become a recluse in my own room like those Japanese grass eaters.
I have a deep feeling of isolation, emptiness and constantly questioning reality (who am I?, am I real? where am I?). It is absolute hell and draining every energy I have left in me.
Thank-you brothers.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
Welcome back, Mike. I dealt with everything you’ve mentioned, and more. Coming to the realization that everything you thought, and have been taught about women and society is a lie, causes a staggering amount of cognitive dissonance, some depression, and confusion. We all have an innate desire to find a suitable mate, procreate, and live happy, but reality hits us square between the eyes. My understanding of Aussie women is they’re just as toxic, if not worse, than women here in the USA.
My suggestion is learn the Natural Laws [Laws of Love, Liberty, Worship, Giving, Physical Laws (you’re probably already familiar with these working as an engineer), Health, Exertion, etc.] and begin to apply them to your life. Find an arena to volunteer your time, energy, insights to those less fortunate than you. Avoid isolation, as that only leads to continuing self-absorption.
Keep in touch here in these forums, and, again, welcome back. SMW.
When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.
Solo MAN’S Wisdom…thanks a lot amigo.
Yes, it is so hard to accept the reality that practically everything that was drilled into us is all one big lie. What you say about getting out there and helping others is exactly what I was thinking about, to minimise self-absorption. I also thought of the fact that one of, if not, the most common drive for a human male is to survive and procreate, and removing this from one’s life is pulling the rug out from underneath us.
It helps a lot when brothers like you share your pain and suffering so men like me can at least feel a little better and not feel so isolated and all alone in these dark times. I am so lucky to have you in my presence. At least there is some light in this world and it is so comforting to see MGTOW men banding together and not ridiculing each other.
This issue will never be understood by most councillors/psychiatrists, for they have also these false ideals drilled into them. It is so scary.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
Mike,
Being back under your parents’ roof especially with your dad being a purple piller can be a drag.Don’t shut yourself up in your room. Get out and live. Get some cool ass hobbies. Drive hard at your career goals. Work out, get in great shape and kick this funk off your boots like yesterdays dirt.
Mike, I have been through what you’re explaining. We turned inward after the red pill realizations hit us. Sometimes the old desires come back even though you know on a concious level they are a biological desire, based on illusion. I would say avoid total isolation. Find some guys to socialize with in person, even if they are immature and it’s merely lad culture socialization. Make frequent trips out of the house if you can, even if it’s to grab a soda from a gas station.
On one end there is total isolation, and on the other end there is the hell of relationships. The goal is to find a balance so you’re not on either of those ends. It would be ideal if there were MGTOW’s at work and school, because it can get to where it seems you’re living on a different planet than everyone around you. The guys may be living in the blue pill world, but i still find it beneficial to crack jokes with them, and just chatter about bulls~~~, so i’m not 100% isolated.
After you open up a bit, you may remember how boring people are anyways, and resort back to wanting 100% isolation, but it’s important to at least maintain minimal levels of socialization going. You can get “cabin fever” or “lonely” from being 100% isolated. Keep in mind this doesn’t mean you have to run a mile in the opposite direction of isolation, because that’s a bad idea as well. It just means it’s time to find a balance that’s healthy for you.
The questioning your reality is a normal thing. We often compare MGTOW to the matrix, where the caracter (neo) starts questioning everything, because everything seems unreal, ass backwards, and nothing makes sense. This is part of the journey as well, as odd and at times frightening as it might seem. Personally i’ve reached the conclusion that there is no conclusion to these questions, the concrete answers i want, don’t exist.
Hope this helps, or at least lets you know you’re not the only one.
CombatRoll, thank-you brother. In fact I have a friend of mine, who is also living a MGTOW lifestyle, and we are both planning to move out of our parents houses and build a house on a cheap piece of land, well away from the rat race city, and have no mortgages. The house prices here in Sydney Australia are ridiculous and almost impossible to get something under $1M. The land my friend has purchased is only $89K and has a beautiful mountain backdrop. I admit, I also have to work on my weight and physique.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
I am working through an almost identical experience. We are a similar age demographic – I’m late 30s, was educated in STEM as my undergrad and now work as an emerge physician. I was purple pill, got married, and was done before 2 years were out. No kids, no divorce raping – thankfully.
It’s an identity crisis that your psyche rages against. Take yesterday for example, I had a very bad day – even through its been 3 years since the divorce when the wife left for her chad lover. For me it’s a lonely, aimless feeling. I still f~~~ women on occasion, but it just does not bring me the same social solice as it did 3 years ago – I’m simply fulfilling a biological drive. Plus, you learn that women can only gossip or talk about resources (the new kitchen they want, but never cook)
I still struggle with the odd bought of loneliness and the need for plutonic male companionship. In our age bracket, they are all in their blue pill years or chasing tail. Plus, I work long rotating shifts; during my off time others tend to be working.I like to hunt, fish and woodwork.
It does get better, but like yourself, I am a work in progress.
- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein
Opt Out,
I have one friend who is exactly in the same scenario as I am in. In fact, he was ordained long time ago as a Buddhist monk and spent time in the monastery, after which he returned back to his usual life. He is a true friend to me and I am so grateful to be in his presence. I like your idea about finding a balance in between the hell of relationships and complete isolation. It makes a lot of sense. It will be a tough journey, but there is clarity. You mentioned about no concrete answers, which is exactly what is mentioned in Buddhism. There are no solid /fixed answers, since coming to a conclusion will only lead to more confusing questions.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
CombatRoll, thank-you brother. In fact I have a friend of mine, who is also living a MGTOW lifestyle, and we are both planning to move out of our parents houses and build a house on a cheap piece of land, well away from the rat race city, and have no mortgages. The house prices here in Sydney Australia are ridiculous and almost impossible to get something under $1M. The land my friend has purchased is only $89K and has a beautiful mountain backdrop. I admit, I also have to work on my weight and physique.
Hell Yeah! That is a great plan. Maybe try trail running (the road sux – cars/fumes/pavement): I find it cathartic. Couple running with some weights and you will be looking/feeling like a beast.
Nothing will get rid of your blues like physical activity.
Best of luck on the off-the-grid house. Get out there and make it happen. When your old man sees you happy and thriving on your own terms he will elated for you, and maybe even open his eyes a little.
Anonymous42Mike, where have you been? You missed 2 1/2 years of MGTOW college! We’ve got guys that built and launched MGTOW rockets into the mesosphere!
I’m depressed, lost in the deserts of disgust, all the things I thought were, are not, and “the nothing” ate everything!
Look dude, you haven’t been plugged into your MGTOW wall charger for 2 1/2 years! You’ll be lucky if the light comes on but never able to tighten a mental screw!
Only two +1s’ in two years and you wonder why life sucks? You need to look further ahead and gain your own independence back, otherwise you’re gonna become a cellar dweller punching bag for everyone to punch if you dare come out as some kind of equal. The mental hammering won’t stop until you’re on your own. Start out in a house trailer or RV or anything that gains your freedom, live where women are reluctant to live and you’ll find the costs are cheap.Independence creates drive and in turn creates more independence it’s not perpetual motion, it’s getting the ball rolling, and seeing how fast you can get it to roll.
Your ball is stuck in the mud and the rain only gets harder and the mud only gets deeper.
Time is of the essence…
Hey mike,
I haven’t too much to add other than the fabulous advice that’s already been offered here. But what I can offer is another hand in the air to say “yep, I’ve been there too”
I was about 28, or 29 when I had my existential crisis (I’m 38 now). I remember it lasting a good 6 months, and it was the only time I ever spoke openly about my suicidal thoughts.
I suddenly realised there was no such thing as an objectively knowable reality, especially regarding oneself. I realised the closest thing to an objective reality is the collective subjective reality of 7 billion people, which makes reality per se adaptable, and malleable. In my logic, this made my own subjective reality intangible and fluid, and thus insubstantial. Therefore, “I” couldn’t exist. If “I” couldn’t exist, how could I have expected a woman to see, know, understand, and love “me”? I’d only exist in her subjective, projected image, and therefore could not be truly loved. SHIIIIIIITTTTTTT! Cue 6 months of beard growing, urine stinking, curtains drawn hell.
The positive to come from it is that I became so fascinated with the philosophical side of psychology that I enrolled, age 30, at my local university and completed a degree in psychology, purely for the love of learning. I learnt so much. and had so much time to focus solely on that, that I became increasingly comfortable with the realisations I describe in the paragraph above. In fact, in some weird Stockholm syndrome manner, I now love how illusory life is.
Now, a few years after graduation, I’m deciding to volunteer at the Samaritans, a phone service for lonely and suicidal people who…. are going through similar crises to you. This, I’m sure most would agree, is far better than isolating oneself away in their bedroom.
Good luck man, give it time, and you’ll eventually love how strong you’ve grown in the face of reality. You may even grow to love reality in all it’s stark, honest brutality.
Anonymous42P.S. Don’t kill yourself, live every day like it’s a gift and be content to be alive.
Samaritans, a phone service for lonely and suicidal people
I tip my hat to you brother black_night, you are your brother’s keeper!
Eyeswideopen,
I have not been married myself but may be able to relate to you as well, in a way. It’s that feeling of tightness in my chest that I get when I start thinking about life. That hollow/empty feeling that hits the bottom of my stomach. I use to go camping when I lived in the outback, during my job, and miss it so much. In the near future I will be packing my stuff and moving with a friend to live well away from the rat race city. I guess I will take one day at a time. Thanks-man.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
YOU NEED to LEARN and EMBRACE No F~~~s Given, and start living YOUR LIFE TODAY !!
Don’t Give 2 s~~~s what ANYONE else Says, Does, or Wants !!
ALL that should Matter to YOU is YOUR NEEDS and WANTS, FOCUS ON YOU !!
YOU ARE a FREE MAN, START LIVING LIKE ONE !!
In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash
MG-ɹǝʍo┴,
I have been in and out over the early years between the purple pill and the red pill. I wish I wrote on this forum a lot earlier than this. Modern day counselling will never help me in this scenario. It is a big punch in the gut to have all these false hopes drilled into and ripped away from us. As with the mental hammering, it is very true. I have had many arguments with my father about my future. The problem is that I have been too submissive towards my parents due to the blue pill conditioning. Like you said, I must gain my own independence back. The time has come brother. I will move forwards. I must.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
To expand, when you research our brothers in Japan, who spend 23 hours a day in their rooms, only coming out at night to get food, the parallels begin to stand out. They see a very cold society they feel surrounds them the moment they leave their room. The women are superficial materialist schemers. The men appear to be only concerned with their careers, and WHAT they are, as opposed to WHO they are.
So they resort to locking themselves in a bedroom, submerged in comic books, anime, message boards etc. Who among us can blame them for that … i mean i don’t know what the culture is like in AUS, but here in the U.S it’s close to being as socially cold as i would imagine it is in Tokyo for example.
The problem with this is after so many years, the profoud isolation can lead to nervous breakdowns when exposed to the elements of society. So i force myself to interact with people (usually guys my age) while i’m at my nightshift job each night. I make frequent trips to stores to grab cheap items, thus being exposed to the public at least a little bit.
The problem finding a balance rests in the battle between subjective experience (what takes place inside our minds) VS what takes place in the world around us.
We know many of our perceptions … (subjective experience) are a cold reality (what takes place in the world around us) … to deal with, but we can’t allow that to make us completely shut down. The struggle is to force ourselves to be exposed a little bit to the elements, of a society that we sense is very corrupted, without getting entangled in it.
I compare socializing with society, to eating junk food. It might taste like s~~~, and you probably shouldn’t eat too much of it … but when it’s all that’s available, you might want to eat a few bites so you don’t starve. If that makes sense, you don’t want to get TOO involved with them, but not be 100% isolated either.
Anonymous42Modern day counselling will never help me in this scenario.
Modern day counseling consists of molding men to fit arrogant ungrateful narcissistic women and to serve the gyno-monstrosity!
Quicksand for the brain and arsenic for your life!
+1! Now you have 3!
You have a lot of external factors that you mention affecting you and driving you into isolation. You can either be despondent or triumphant in that feeling of aloneness.
Set a couple small personal goals. Conquer them. You mentioned weight and health. Walk a mile circuit in the neighborhood. Pair it with the goal to lose 5 pounds.
Next set a bigger goal. Run that same mile in 12, 11, 10, or 8 minutes.
Throw on 20 pound back pack. Survive a day in the city with only the contents of the pack.
Your crisis may be coming from a disbelief in your own ability. Off the beaten path existence is going to be challenging. Prepare for those challenges while you are still encased in modern safety.
Find Doc Federson here, watch his YouTube content. He is doing a series of returning to the basics/rediscovering what is important.
I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.
black_knight,
Thanks brother. Having your first EC back 10 years ago must have been especially hard, since the MGTOW community was either non-existent or too small to be even found. I could imagine how isolating it must have felt when you may have felt like you are the only one going crazy. To add salt to the wound, a lot of modern day counsellors are narrow minded which would make you feel even more isolated. Kudos to you for using your newfound passion in psychology to help others. There is nothing more satisfying than helping others. As a Buddhist myself, practising mindful meditation has helped a bit. Not allowing my thoughts to identify who I am or what is to become of me. This isolation thing is something that I must turn around once and for all.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
Ogre,
I never really thought of it that way brother. My crisis is most likely coming from a disbelief in my own ability. I notice that I have been submissive towards my parents, which it turn has most likely crushed my self esteem to the point that I have little or no self confidence. Thanks so much for the advice. This web-site is so vital for men’s mental health and well being. All of you brothers are mature and want to help out. A world where people start helping each other, rather than trying to out do each other is a beautiful world. I am so grateful for being a part of this brotherhood. It is a true blessing. May all of you be well and happy.
A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.
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