Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › Dorm Drama- How should I have handled this?
This topic contains 31 replies, has 22 voices, and was last updated by 
Anonymous 4 years, 3 months ago.
- AuthorPosts
So where I go to Med School, local housing costs are quite outrageous, so I live in a shared dorm which has separate male and female wings.
Each wing has its own defined bathrooms- the male wing has a men’s room, and the female wing has a women’s room.
Anyways, a few weeks ago, one of my dorm-mates (male) brings his girlfriend, who doesn’t even go to our school, into the men’s room. Initially, I think nothing of it and forget about it.
However, this keeps happening every other week or so and I just don’t feel comfortable doing my business in there when she is there.
So, one night, after she finishes peeing in one of our bathroom stalls, I approach his room, knock on it, and ask him if he has a second to chat outside the room with me, leaving his girlfriend in the room.
He comes out, and I politely explain that I don’t feel comfortable using the restroom with a girl in there, and that there are gender-neutral bathrooms across the residence hall (about a 2 minute walk) that she can use. Remember, this girl doesn’t even go to this school.
Anyways, he gets somewhat aggressive, hints at me being a sexist, but ultimately, albeit reluctantly, agrees to keep her out.
OK.
Well, a few weeks go by and I’m seeing him a lot in the restroom at night when I brush my teeth and stuff, and being the friendly guy I am, I just keep saying “Hello” and “How was your day?”Before I had the conversation about his girlfriend with him, he was very friendly with me, but now all that has changed. He looks p~~~ed at me and doesn’t even respond.
So tonight, while we are both in the men’s room alone, I finally bring up the issue and tell him that he may not like what I said, but that at least I was direct with him, and that I recognize that we will have to spend a full year in the same dorm and so we should at least be polite to each other.
He immediately launches into a speech about how what I said about her not belonging in a men’s room was a consequence of patriarchy and violent oppression, defining her sex and her space, etc. etc.
Now keep in mind, I’m in a university environment, and the words this guy was saying were all Feminism keywords. So I’m on high alert here- you don’t want to mess with a Feminist like this..you’ve all seen what can happen if you get on a Feminist’s wrong side. so I immediately counter saying that I was just having a bad day and that i’m fine with her using the bathroom……Yes, this was a complete back-out on my part. I then ask him if we can maintain cordial relations for the rest of the year.
He asks me to go to his room with him and apologize to his girlfriend who is there right now…..and I do that also. For a while, I’m kicking myself to say “F~~~ you,” develop a backbone, and leave, but at the same time, I don’t want to get on his wrong side right now….
So I go and I apologize, and I think they bought it.
I completely realize that some of you are going to think very little of me because of this incident, but I just want to share this and hear your thoughts on it.
oh no dude ! you were right . you handled it correctly then you messed up by apologizing, and taking back your original statement. no one is gonna be harsh with you for your messing up ,but you see where you goofed right ? look , disregard the guy ..he is using shaming tactics that he has seen work. it worked on you ..but if you see him again , just reiterate the fact she does not belong in the men’s bathroom as much as you don’t belong in the woman’s room and LEAVE IT AT THAT. try not to re-hash the whole thing ..he’s a doushe bag ..don’t play HIS game !
Anonymous18He immediately launches into a speech about how what I said about her not belonging in a men’s room was a consequence of patriarchy and violent oppression, defining her sex and her space, etc. etc.
I was a medical student myself, I didn’t think pre-med students learned to talk like that. Lately, however, I presume lots of humanities and social science majors could simply take pre-requisites and do well on MCAT to be on their merry way to be future doctors.
Ideally, I would have never said anything. A girl in a men restroom, I would be in my element and I would hope she doesn’t mind me staring. It’s a vagina in a penis space. Let her take that to higher ups and explain her presence.
Although you didn’t need to apologize, provided the stress level with the basic sciences, it was perhaps smart decision. You don’t want a t~~~ making false claims to add more drama.
Apologizing to the t~~~ directly was weak, won’t lie. But we live and learn.
Oneforfreedom-
I personally think you handled the situation with aplomb.
You are dealing with a feminist and a mangina, both of whom can make your life uncomfortable. You defused the situation.
Smile and say hello, then get the hell away from them. I don’t even like to be in close proximity to a feminist. You will never win a logical argument with a feminist. Her mangina sounds like a piece of work also.
You played it well in my opinionYou did pretty much everything right to any reasonable standard.
A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!
Anonymous5I’m in a university environment,
You’re in a nest of the mother hive.
All you want is to get your degree and get the f~~~ out of there.
We’re all familiar with the dual system of gender law and you just experienced it in a minuscule way.
Well done. Make it a lesson you never forget.That’s a tough one. You handled it well to begin with, I guess the mistake was treating him like a fellow gent when in fact he was a feminist. Show’s how poles apart you are.
In the environment you’re in you have to ghost, which is where you ended up. Can’t be helped. If it makes it any better, keep in mind the immortal words of MrNiceGuy (I read this a decade ago so I’m paraphrasing)
“he falls for the summer dresses, the smile, the wind in her hair. She falls for the pre-med’.
If you’re dorm-mate is also a med student, he is on a highway to hell.
never apologise for s~~~
words don’t matter – actions do
apologies is a part of manipulative code of illusion
people give meaning to apologies, but the truth is that apologies don’t matter – they’re immaterial air vibrations
grudges and apologies are virtual constructs having nothing in common with objective realityproud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome
So I go and I apologize, and I think they bought it.
You chose the same non-confrontational approach I would have. Think of yourself as a scout deep in enemy territory. If you are spotted, then you are dead.
Get your degree and get out. Do not get yourself killed.
Edit.
The dorms in my ole alma matter were much the same. I recommend you just go in there and do your business whether the whiny bitch is in there or not. She can go to hell. After you graduate, you will never see her or her boyfriend ever again. Get your degree and get out: That is why you are there and spending all that tuition money. Stay on focus.Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
I’m pulled both ways here. I’m ‘now’ a guy that will not sugarcoat my words.
I will tell people exactly what I feel, think or want. If there’s a problem I’ll announce it and then want resolution.
So you did the right thing re girlfriend in male space.
However, if I was in hell and had the devil about to chain me up ….. I’d say whatever it took to GTFOOT.
Only you can call this …. because it’s your future at stake.
The sea is rough for real men right now. We must all navigate to safer waters. Sometimes it means we just pull the sails down, close all hatches …. and ride it out.
There is no right or wrong …. just getting through a best we can.
Should not have said anything to begin with, have to be ghostly to survive. But since you did, you should not have let that jerk bully you into apologizing for something that you didn’t need to. It only makes it look like they were right and emboldens them.
Start making a joke out of it all would be the best bet, there are few things that can stand firm against a good barrage of laughing. Just drop little witticisms all of the time – like how he’s going to have to study harder if he doesn’t understand the difference between boy parts and girl parts. Take a s~~~ with the door open and have a conversation with her, ask if she’s moving in to the men’s, and when she’s in there fart, pick your nose, drop your pants and bare your ass when you take a p~~~, start discussing the consistency of your turds – just go for the amused alpha angle.
Tell her she’s free to use the men’s because she’s probably got bigger b~~~~ than her partner. Start addressing her as ‘Bernard’ when she’s in there and tell her she’s an honorary man now. Buy a pink toilet brush and put it in there just for her. Just be an obnoxious bastard who gives zero f~~~s. Women get a little cheap thrill from invading man space, and she’ll probably love that you’re getting p~~~ed off, so don’t let it phase you any more, have fun with it and use it as an opportunity to learn. She’s seeing a total mangina so is power tripping over having the little pussy whipped bitch running around her like she’s Queen Kunt. She probably thinks that you’re another little mangina, always a bad move when a man’s gone MGTOW, subtly let her know that isn’t the case.
If you really want to escalate, read Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power and apply some of those lessons – have fun playing some below the radar mind games. Don’t be a sheep, be a wolf.
We only dream this bondage. Wake up and let it go. - Vivekananda
Never apologize, for saying the truth.
And especially never apologize to feminists, you give them an inch, they’ll take your arm.
oh no dude ! you were right . you handled it correctly then you messed up by apologizing, and taking back your original statement. no one is gonna be harsh with you for your messing up ,but you see where you goofed right ? look , disregard the guy ..he is using shaming tactics that he has seen work. it worked on you ..but if you see him again , just reiterate the fact she does not belong in the men’s bathroom as much as you don’t belong in the woman’s room and LEAVE IT AT THAT. try not to re-hash the whole thing ..he’s a doushe bag ..don’t play HIS game !
Thank you for the input! Yeah in hindsight it was taking back my original statement that was wrong…I shouldn’t have done that, especially since I still believe that she has no place in a men’s room. If I were to walk into a women’s room right now, I’d be accused of sexual harassment.
I just don’t want anything more to do with him. Maybe a courteous nod but that’s it. I’m not going to bring up this issue with him again though. If I see his girlfriend using the bathroom, I’ll quietly bring it up to the staff on the floor who can approach him about it. No more direct confrontation about this with him. It’s very dangerous.
I was a medical student myself, I didn’t think pre-med students learned to talk like that. Lately, however, I presume lots of humanities and social science majors could simply take pre-requisites and do well on MCAT to be on their merry way to be future doctors.
Ideally, I would have never said anything. A girl in a men restroom, I would be in my element and I would hope she doesn’t mind me staring. It’s a vagina in a penis space. Let her take that to higher ups and explain her presence.
Although you didn’t need to apologize, provided the stress level with the basic sciences, it was perhaps smart decision. You don’t want a t~~~ making false claims to add more drama.
Apologizing to the t~~~ directly was weak, won’t lie. But we live and learn.
He’s not a med student; they’re shared dorms for a variety of graduate programs. I keep forgetting what he’s doing. Probably something in social sciences?
I agree that it was weak. I lost a bit of respect for myself when I had to apologize to her in front of her boyfriend. But I figured it was either that or maintain hostile relations for the rest of the year. Truth is this whole thing wouldn’t have happened if I’d just quietly approached the staff on my floor about the issue. I thought I’d be mature and talk with him about it in the beginning. If I had known he would react like this, I wouldn’t have brought up the original issue at all with him, and would have gone directly to the staff.
Oneforfreedom-
I personally think you handled the situation with aplomb.
You are dealing with a feminist and a mangina, both of whom can make your life uncomfortable. You defused the situation.
Smile and say hello, then get the hell away from them. I don’t even like to be in close proximity to a feminist. You will never win a logical argument with a feminist. Her mangina sounds like a piece of work also.
You played it well in my opinionThank you, sir! I will just stay cordial and keep myself at a distance from now on. When he started saying that my beliefs were from “Patriarchy” and that I was “violently suppressing” and “Defining a woman’s space” just because of my statement that girls don’t belong in men’s room, I was shocked. Didn’t know he was like that.
You did pretty much everything right to any reasonable standard.
Thank you!
You’re in a nest of the mother hive.
All you want is to get your degree and get the f~~~ out of there.
We’re all familiar with the dual system of gender law and you just experienced it in a minuscule way.
Well done. Make it a lesson you never forget.I will never forget this. It was so humiliating. It taught me to care less about what other people think about me. I am a very peaceful type of guy and I like to have good relations with everyone, but here my kindness was badly abused by him. In the future I’ll be more careful who I associate with and will stick by my guns.
That’s a tough one. You handled it well to begin with, I guess the mistake was treating him like a fellow gent when in fact he was a feminist. Show’s how poles apart you are.
In the environment you’re in you have to ghost, which is where you ended up. Can’t be helped. If it makes it any better, keep in mind the immortal words of MrNiceGuy (I read this a decade ago so I’m paraphrasing)
“he falls for the summer dresses, the smile, the wind in her hair. She falls for the pre-med’.
If you’re dorm-mate is also a med student, he is on a highway to hell.
He’s not a med student thank god. That quote is interesting…so you’re saying she wants him for his potential earning power while he wants her for her beauty?
Get a big pot of beans and fart your brains out in there. F~~~ them both…they do not exist in your world.
You have bigger fish to fry bro.
Move on.No disrespect.
No disrespect felt. I agree 100% with your colorful advice xD. Moving on!
never apologise for s~~~
words don’t matter – actions do
apologies is a part of manipulative code of illusion
people give meaning to apologies, but the truth is that apologies don’t matter – they’re immaterial air vibrations
grudges and apologies are virtual constructs having nothing in common with objective realityTrue, but in this case the apology was a means to an end- maintaining peaceful relations with my neighbors. If I was never going to see him again, I would have your opinion and wouldn’t have apologized.
You chose the same non-confrontational approach I would have. Think of yourself as a scout deep in enemy territory. If you are spotted, then you are dead.
Get your degree and get out. Do not get yourself killed.
Edit.
The dorms in my ole alma matter were much the same. I recommend you just go in there and do your business whether the whiny bitch is in there or not. She can go to hell. After you graduate, you will never see her or her boyfriend ever again. Get your degree and get out: That is why you are there and spending all that tuition money. Stay on focus.Yes sir- great advice! Thank you. Get in, get out, keep the talk to a minimum. Lesson learned.
I’m pulled both ways here. I’m ‘now’ a guy that will not sugarcoat my words.
I will tell people exactly what I feel, think or want. If there’s a problem I’ll announce it and then want resolution.
So you did the right thing re girlfriend in male space.
However, if I was in hell and had the devil about to chain me up ….. I’d say whatever it took to GTFOOT.
Only you can call this …. because it’s your future at stake.
The sea is rough for real men right now. We must all navigate to safer waters. Sometimes it means we just pull the sails down, close all hatches …. and ride it out.
There is no right or wrong …. just getting through a best we can.
Interesting perspective- thank you.
Should not have said anything to begin with, have to be ghostly to survive. But since you did, you should not have let that jerk bully you into apologizing for something that you didn’t need to. It only makes it look like they were right and emboldens them.
Yeah I agree I shouldn’t have said anything to begin with- if i had known he was a die-hard Feminist I wouldn’t have. I thought he was a nice, reasonable guy at the time.
Start making a joke out of it all would be the best bet, there are few things that can stand firm against a good barrage of laughing. Just drop little witticisms all of the time – like how he’s going to have to study harder if he doesn’t understand the difference between boy parts and girl parts. Take a s~~~ with the door open and have a conversation with her, ask if she’s moving in to the men’s, and when she’s in there fart, pick your nose, drop your pants and bare your ass when you take a p~~~, start discussing the consistency of your turds – just go for the amused alpha angle.
Tell her she’s free to use the men’s because she’s probably got bigger b~~~~ than her partner. Start addressing her as ‘Bernard’ when she’s in there and tell her she’s an honorary man now. Buy a pink toilet brush and put it in there just for her. Just be an obnoxious bastard who gives zero f~~~s. Women get a little cheap thrill from invading man space, and she’ll probably love that you’re getting p~~~ed off, so don’t let it phase you any more, have fun with it and use it as an opportunity to learn. She’s seeing a total mangina so is power tripping over having the little pussy whipped bitch running around her like she’s Queen Kunt. She probably thinks that you’re another little mangina, always a bad move when a man’s gone MGTOW, subtly let her know that isn’t the case.
If you really want to escalate, read Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power and apply some of those lessons – have fun playing some below the radar mind games. Don’t be a sheep, be a wolf.
LOL- This made me smile. Thank you 🙂
I love the Bernard part hahahaha.Never apologize, for saying the truth.
And especially never apologize to feminists, you give them an inch, they’ll take your arm.
Lesson learned. Will NEVER happen again because I’m going to be damn sure whoever I meet and befriend isn’t a Feminist.
I’m a doctor and something similar happened to me at the beginning of dorm life. After that I just refused to deal with anyone on my floor and made friends away from my school. I ignored them like they were whisps of air passing me by in the hallways.
I live like that now. I don’t fraternize with my neighbors. Busy bodies will always find a way to hate on you.
Don’t s~~~ where you eat. Literally.
#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.
Wow, something similar happened to me in Medical School. I was already sharing a dorm room with two other classmates when one of them brings in his girlfriend full time. I had to share the kitchen and the only bathroom with her. I put up with it for awhile but later reported it to the Dean. My story had a happy ending since they kicked her ass out of there. I later got my own on campus studio. Some women and their manginas will take advantage of every situation unless stopped.
Glad I could make you grin OFF. Don’t forget to ask her if she’s wiped her skidmarks off the pan everytime you see her coming out of the mens. If she makes a big protest about how she doesn’t leave skiddys, just grin, hold up your thumb and say ‘atta girl!’ without confirming or denying whether you think she has or not. Remember to ask her every single time, and especially when there are people passing by! Should be easy to mess with her, like outwitting a 5 year old.
We only dream this bondage. Wake up and let it go. - Vivekananda
Oneforfreedom, you made a grave strategic error by living not only at a dorm, but with a room mate. The only silver lining is that the female in question is not a student at said school, but this might prove irrelevant if her white knight decides to retaliate.
Apologising set a horrible precedent as one gave in to his demands, but given the risks involved had he been further antagonised, it was necessary.
A man physically present university these days is akin to walking in to a lion’s den with a steak tied around his neck. Living at a dorm would be like sleeping there as it compounds the danger that much more. Had your room-mate reported you in violation of some speech code, fire and brimstone could have (and still might) rain down upon your head.
I understand that medical school cannot be done via correspondence, therefore the only other option besides a dorm and the local housing market is living out of a vehicle. Depending upon the climate, it is an option worthy of consideration.
I advise the following course of action:
1) If it is possible to switch room mates, do so.
2) Spend as much time as possible away from said dorm, be it at the library, or even outside at a picnic bench. Where possible, do so in the sight of video cameras, and keep a log of one’s whereabouts should a false accusation materialise. Please remember when talking to police (campus police included) that anything you say can and will be used against you.
3) Do not talk to this white knight or his master any longer. All contact must be in writing or electronic text.
4) Consider transferring to a medical school where the cost of off-campus housing is manageable, or consider living out of a van:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/duke-grad-student-secretly-lived-in-a-van-to-escape-loan-debt-194021112.html
5) Consider switching to a major where a diploma is offered via correspondence. I would not go in to medicine myself even if I had the aptitude, at least not in this country:
http://www.thedoctors.com/TDC/PressRoom/PressContent/CON_ID_004671
http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-u-s-s-ailing-medical-system-a-doctors-perspective-1409325361
http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2012/04/27/why-do-so-many-doctors-regret-their-job-choice/I live like that now. I don’t fraternize with my neighbors. Busy bodies will always find a way to hate on you.
Don’t s~~~ where you eat. Literally.
A lesson to keep in heart for life. Thank you for sharing!
Wow, something similar happened to me in Medical School. I was already sharing a dorm room with two other classmates when one of them brings in his girlfriend full time. I had to share the kitchen and the only bathroom with her. I put up with it for awhile but later reported it to the Dean. My story had a happy ending since they kicked her ass out of there. I later got my own on campus studio. Some women and their manginas will take advantage of every situation unless stopped.
Did you ever confront her directly? Or did you go to the Dean only?
It’s great to hear other people’s experience with this problem.Thanks for sharing!
Glad I could make you grin OFF. Don’t forget to ask her if she’s wiped her skidmarks off the pan everytime you see her coming out of the mens. If she makes a big protest about how she doesn’t leave skiddys, just grin, hold up your thumb and say ‘atta girl!’ without confirming or denying whether you think she has or not. Remember to ask her every single time, and especially when there are people passing by! Should be easy to mess with her, like outwitting a 5 year old.
LOL! Hahaha Lucifer you’re very funny- both in this thread and in the other ones. Thanks for bringing some lightheartedness to my day. Keep posting man, I love reading your posts.
Oneforfreedom, you made a grave strategic error by living not only at a dorm, but with a room mate. The only silver lining is that the female in question is not a student at said school, but this might prove irrelevant if her white knight decides to retaliate.
Apologising set a horrible precedent as one gave in to his demands, but given the risks involved had he been further antagonised, it was necessary.
A man physically present university these days is akin to walking in to a lion’s den with a steak tied around his neck. Living at a dorm would be like sleeping there as it compounds the danger that much more. Had your room-mate reported you in violation of some speech code, fire and brimstone could have (and still might) rain down upon your head.
I understand that medical school cannot be done via correspondence, therefore the only other option besides a dorm and the local housing market is living out of a vehicle. Depending upon the climate, it is an option worthy of consideration.
I advise the following course of action:
1) If it is possible to switch room mates, do so.
2) Spend as much time as possible away from said dorm, be it at the library, or even outside at a picnic bench. Where possible, do so in the sight of video cameras, and keep a log of one’s whereabouts should a false accusation materialise. Please remember when talking to police (campus police included) that anything you say can and will be used against you.
3) Do not talk to this white knight or his master any longer. All contact must be in writing or electronic text.
4) Consider transferring to a medical school where the cost of off-campus housing is manageable, or consider living out of a van:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/duke-grad-student-secretly-lived-in-a-van-to-escape-loan-debt-194021112.html
5) Consider switching to a major where a diploma is offered via correspondence. I would not go in to medicine myself even if I had the aptitude, at least not in this country:
http://www.thedoctors.com/TDC/PressRoom/PressContent/CON_ID_004671
http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-u-s-s-ailing-medical-system-a-doctors-perspective-1409325361
http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2012/04/27/why-do-so-many-doctors-regret-their-job-choice/Whoa whoa- he’s not my roommate. He has his own room but it is in the same building/dorm. Does that make sense?
I agree that apologizing sets a horrible precedent.
In response to your advice:
1) Not my roommate
2) Good advice- I am doing that right now but I’ll step it up and spend even more time further from the dorm.
3) Understood.
4) Can’t transfer to a different med school, and definitely don’t want to live out of a van.
5) Medicine has its drawbacks, but it also has its benefits. That includes 1) fulfillment from the work 2) Portability of skills 3) High, never-ending, recession-proof demand of skills and 4) High income. But I can see where you’re coming from and if I had to do it again, I’d be more open to considering other courses of study. I’m too far in now to turn back though. Plus I want to practice Medicine.- AuthorPosts
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