Divorce advice

[2icebittenParticipant 147]

For those who have been through the hell of divorce recently, what would you have done differently?

What steps to take while thinking about and/or preparing for divorce?
1. what data should I be collecting about her to insure the most equitable settlement? (we have been married 2 1/2 years. She quit work when we married and is now on social security. I am primary source of income for household.)
2. What are the best ways to protect my assets?
3. How do I protect my personal property, retirement and investments?
4. How to find the best lawyer to represent me?

I appologize if this topic has been already covered.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

[DocParticipant]

I can’t help you.
My wife called time before anniversary number 3.
We divorced last year. 5 years of legal marriage.

We let each other keep what little we had.

Man I am a lucky SOB.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[Anonymous 43]

be nice. do not provoke her into a domestic violence call. cops by default remove men and hold them over night for arraignment in the morning. the one phone call could be fatal.

copy every scrap of paper in the house, especially her ss and medical s~~~. forget equitable. fair, rational, reasonable logical may work in your world, not the legal world. make copies, do not store the copies in the house or the car.

have money in a place you can access. not in the house, not in the car.

when she went on ss, you automatically get boned. you may be stuck with all the legal bills too.

protect assets…lol start by hiding nothing. do not get whacked with hiding assets or perjury.. be honest do not get hit with contempt of court. listen to lawyer, say nothing. keep your mouth shut in court. yes no I don’t know are the only things you should say. I don’t know will save you from a lot of s~~~.

find the best lawyer? what does he drive? Mercedes S500, he’s a keeper. Toyota Camry, keep moving.

oh visit every lawyer possible, up to 100 miles away. even a free consult means conflict of interest if lawyer takes your special snowflake. keep track of who you visit.

there is no protecting assets unless you negotiate. prepare to lose half your savings, half the pension/retirement funds and the house. you were married less than 3 years? maybe it wont be that bad.

read divorce law and go visit a courtroom, watch what happens.

good luck amigo

[2icebittenParticipant 147]

Doc wrote:

I can’t help you.
My wife called time before anniversary number 3.
We divorced last year. 5 years of legal marriage.

We let each other keep what little we had.

Man I am a lucky SOB.

Yes your are!

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

[Anonymous 43]

you will not believe how fast money disappears in divorce…I blew through $300,000 in a 6 year high conflict deal. we were In court every week for 6 years.

just the $2 to 5k retainer sucks.

[2icebittenParticipant 147]

I have been praying on what to do next. The little voice in my head said to me, “find the papers of her previous 2 divorces. Copy everything.” In the process, I discovered that she had found and filed in her personal papers all my divorce papers from a previous marriage and some of the retirement paperwork I was photocopying and working on. it is my fault. I photocopied these pages myself. I had “lost” these papers and was trying to find them for weeks. Now I know where they ended up. Freaked me the fu(k out, I must tell you. I started shreading all bank statements and pay stubs. I left the papers as they were, but I know where they are, to be removed at a later date as not to tip my hand.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

[DocParticipant]

2icebitten wrote:

DocDJ wrote:

I can’t help you.
My wife called time before anniversary number 3.
We divorced last year. 5 years of legal marriage.

We let each other keep what little we had.

Man I am a lucky SOB.

Yes your are!

I know. And I am humbled by that.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[DocParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

you will not believe how fast money disappears in divorce…I blew through $300,000 in a 6 year high conflict deal. we were In court every week for 6 years.

just the $2 to 5k retainer sucks.

That’s insane

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[NomadicExpatParticipant 1785]

Agree with May 7th, as horrible as it sounds, Play Nice.

If in ANY way possible, try and explain to your soon to be ex that getting lawyers involved only ensures that you BOTH lose. Both lawyers will drag it out for as long as possible, while taking in the dough.

Work out a settlement between you two and get it finalized at the end by a 3d party for filing.

As soon as a lawyer can whisper in her ear the Free Cash And Prizes she’s entitled to, your sunk.

Oh, BTW… She can actually make YOU pay all her lawyer fees. Yup. Welcome to the 21st century.

Keep her away from a lawyer at all expense.

[2icebittenParticipant 147]

Anonymous wrote:

be nice. do not provoke her into a domestic violence call. cops by default remove men and hold them over night for arraignment in the morning. the one phone call could be fatal.

My worst fear. I am not a violent person. Nothing she could do would ever prevoke me to hurt her. I would just leave. A single false allegation could destroy me however. It might prevent me from getting a pension I have worked the last 30 years for.
If and when I file, it will be when she is away from the home, visiting relatives or something. Then I would never go near her without a witness.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

[Anonymous 42]

Damn! I got it backwards again! You’re supposed get married then divorced! Not single and skipping over marriage straight to divorce! I missed out on all the divorce raping and torture! What did I miss?

[2icebittenParticipant 147]

Anonymous wrote:

Damn! I got it backwards again! You’re supposed get married then divorced! Not single and skipping over marriage straight to divorce! I missed out on all the divorce raping and torture! What did I miss?

Laugh out loud MG Tower… I thought I found the unicorn.
Mr. white knight to the rescue… DUMB ASS! WTF was I thinking? oh yeah, pu**y! I wish I had found this group 3 years ago…

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

[DocParticipant]

2icebitten wrote:

MG-ɹǝʍo┴ wrote:

Damn! I got it backwards again! You’re supposed get married then divorced! Not single and skipping over marriage straight to divorce! I missed out on all the divorce raping and torture! What did I miss?

I wish I had found this group 3 years ago…

Welcome to THAT club brother. Me too.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[Ranger OneParticipant 16836]

2icebitten wrote:

MG-ɹǝʍo┴ wrote:

Damn! I got it backwards again! You’re supposed get married then divorced! Not single and skipping over marriage straight to divorce! I missed out on all the divorce raping and torture! What did I miss?

Laugh out loud MG Tower… I thought I found the unicorn.
Mr. white knight to the rescue… DUMB ASS! WTF was I thinking? oh yeah, pu**y! I wish I had found this group 3 years ago…

Unicorns don’t exist, and if they did, they probably wouldn’t be the ones that divorced twice already.

All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.

[StealthParticipant 5326]

Talk to a lawyer asap. I Found mine through a referral, but I got the sense they are mostly all the same.

"Once you’ve taken care of the basics, there’s very little in this world for which your life is worth deferring." -David Hansson. "It’s not when women are mean or nasty that anything is out of the ordinary. It’s when they are NICE to you that you have to be on high alert..." -Jackinov.

[Mr. SpockParticipant 10907]

Keep your intentions secret from her and everybody else. If she gets a whiff of what you are doing, she may pull the trigger first.
Stash money at work in your locker, tool box or desk drawer. A gym locker will work too especially if she is not a member of the gym.
Do not get secret checking accounts or credit cards because they can leave a paper trail. Cash is king.
Make copies of all important papers and documents. Make copies of all correspondence with her. This includes e-mails and text messages both past and present.
Get a PO Box to be able to receive mail under the radar.
Stay calm around her and do not lose your cool for any reason. If talking to her on the phone do not raise your voice or say anything that can be taken as a threat.

Feminism isn't about equality with men, it's about leverage over men.

[2icebittenParticipant 147]

Great advice Mr. Spock thanks.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

[Anonymous 12]

Dude.
let me shine a light on one particular item here.
To me this is the true WTF lesson here.

she took your papers.
she took a look at your past, and how you acted in your last divorce.

An enemy general took all your maps and war plans, okay?
Whatever you do now can not be based on what sort of war you fought last time around.

She knows.
You know she knows.

She has started the war(divorce) already, she has been preparing for months when she started to gather your paperwork.
She is in a divorce mindset already, and is playing nice.
The sword is dangling over your head already.

So you better recognize the following:
It is not you who will say “surprise motherf~~~er”
The question is “who is the fastest one to prepare for a Blitzkrieg”
And You better prepare to act like Russia did: win the long game and be prepared to pay a big price

From today on, your future is on the line.
And a woman who does not work has a lot of spare time to prepare.

S~~~, mate.
S~~~.

[CPT ObviousParticipant 2725]

G-Mow is 100% right. S~~~.

I have endured the divorce suck-storm twice, and my #1 piece of advice is FILE FIRST.

Whoever files first has the advantage because the second person is filing a response. This usually amounts to a defense.

I learned the hard way. While corresponding with soon-to-be ex 1 about settling amicably, she was secretly talking to a $500/hour lawyer who was promising her a lottery-winning divorce if she just followed his advice.

I had moved out after 17 years following her affair, but left kids there because I didn’t want to disrupt their lives. I went by the house regularly to help and would take kids out. We still even had a joint bank account (so f~~~ing stupid).

She waited till Friday night, day I got paid, cleaned out bank account. Saturday morning I got a knock on the door and was handed a restraining order and a divorce petition an inch thick:

Sole custody of children. I was only to see them 3 hours a month in the presence of police. I had to turn in my guns to police immediately. Could not go near house or school. Alimony in amount of $3000/month for life plus child support. 50% Payment from my
pension/401K with the actual amount available doubled. The house, everything in it, her car, half payment on value of my car, her lawyer fees, payment in areats for (fictitious) mistress, and on and on.

The point being, my filing was only trying to counter hers. I was on defensive in court for first 8 months.

The second divorce, I filed first and it was soooo much easier.

So if you can, strike while iron is hot.

"You don't know a woman till you have met her in divorce court."

[ForeverDoneParticipant 2928]

Wait wait wait. You married a bitch that had been divorced twice? WTF? First lesson, stop thinking with your dick. Start thinking with that mass of convolutions within your head.

As a man who recently went through this, I can give you some tips. One, as someone else already said, go to all the best or highest rate lawyers in your area. Next, VAR the bitch in her car and any place where you have access to and where she spends a lot of time (as always, check your local laws). This is WAR. The best offense is an impenetrable defense. Thus, you need to now what she’s thinking. She will never tell you, but she will tell her friends and family. VAR the bitch. Next FILE FIRST!!!!! Since I live in NY, I had six months to serve her notice. I took five months to build up intel and then got her to move out voluntarily like it was her suggestion. You should do the same if your home is a premarital asset. If not, it may be best to take your s~~~ and high tail outta there. A false report to the cops would not help you in the eyes of the family court. Fair division? No chance. Whatever she wants and doesn’t mean much to you, let her have. Bitches love to cause drama. I recall when my ex-bitch of a “wife” was packing her s~~~ up, she started to go after gifts she bought me. I said take whatever you would like that you’ve purchased with your money. She was just looking for drama. She took nothing. I threw or sold everything on eBay after the divorce was final. Look at the big picture, getting out of this legal contract with as little legal fees and best possible asset division possible. If you have children, expect to get railroaded. I repeat, be nice. Do not fight over stupid inconsequential s~~~. If she sees you care about something, she will go after it. Care about nothing, and you’ll be okay.

DO NOT MARRY AGAIN!!!!!! If you must have a relationship moving forward, and they want some sort of piece of paper, offer a domestic partnership or civil union. You get to keep all your s~~~, and they get a unbinding piece of paper.

If I wasn’t clear… DO NOT MARRY AGAIN!! I do not care if it is Kate Upton. NO MARRIAGE LICENSE!!! If you are in Canada, no cohabitation.

[Author]

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