Did that make you feel better?

[Anonymous 42]

harpo-my-“SON” wrote:

Hear the cries of those who are being tortured
and ignore the cries of those torturing themselves.

That’s balance, wisdom, and humanity all rolled up in one!

Well said harpomason! Only maturity can speak like that!

[Anonymous 14]

Anonymous wrote:

harpomason wrote:

Hear the cries of those who are being tortured
and ignore the cries of those torturing themselves.

That’s balance, wisdom, and humanity all rolled up in one!

Well said harpomason! Only maturity can speak like that!

This one rings especially true to me as well of late, and it is in fact how I try to live my life.

[harpo-my-“SON”Participant 2410]

No Harpomason is not worthy but only a worthless
human slave to his fathers wise thinking..

Thinking from his perspective has allowed my understanding to advance.

Give the credit to the man the whole world
believes is dead.

Without Him I would be torturing myself daily.

Male humans police each other looking for some weakness
to expose itself. Attacking each other. This is why
expressing emotions is risky for us.

I say Men become more than human when they
realize that attacking another will not
increase their status.

We should Have some compassion
for those who’s suffering is really no fault
of their own.

We should take the attitude of a doctor..

If I cannot help someone who is suffering
then I will certainly refrain from distressing
them farther.

Love and respect to all

I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at those who misunderstand me. Kind mockery at the well intentioned, but unfettered cruelty towards those would be prison guards of my creative possibilities. This so as to learn as much from misunderstanding as from understanding. Taking pleasure in worthy opponents and making language fluid and flowing like a river yet pointed and precise as a dagger. Contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful linguistic dance, A verbal martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.

[billtaichiParticipant 141]

It used to drive my ex crazy that I would never get really upset at things she thought should make me upset, mad, etc..and I always used to ask her “What good would it do if I did get upset? Will it make anything better? Will it make me feel better? The answer is no, so what is the point in throwing a hissy fit if nothing is going to change from it other than I look like an idiot.” She hated me calling her freakouts hissy fits, so of course that is all I would call them. 🙂

I guess women just can’t comprehend that men DO NOT THINK LIKE THEM. Funny that being calm and rational can p~~~ women off so much.

[DocParticipant]

Fair play Harpo – some good points about sorrow and love you made there.

My love is reserved for two people. My kids. My sorrow is receiveing a bullet each day. I will kill it.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[DocParticipant]

Some grrat responses and a big thankyou to all who contributed.

I have been tied up with work and childcare for the most part since I posted but hope to have a reread over weekend and digest and reply more.

My immediate thoughts tho are that on balance it is better to master our emotions and most of the outward signs of their presence. Emotional expression appears to get us into trouble and often jugdged by others.
But I can see times when an emotional response is correct and even healthy.

I had a boss once whi always talked softly.
When angry he continued to talk softly but instead would swear. He never swore any other time. So you knew to five him some space when he swore.

That man have very little emotional expression but by f~~~ what little leaked out was effective.

Anyway – I have more to add but will do it when I can think a bit more.

Thanks again for all the input Men.

Doc

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[DocParticipant]

Gerald wrote:

I’ve been on a lot of sides of this, mostly in the past six months. I’ve studied some Stoicism and have a stoic daily reading book I look at sometimes (yeah, daily reading I read once a week, I get it).

When I lost my wife, being calm and collected versus being visibly upset made no real difference to my overall emotional health, as I experienced both. Being visibly upset though I found drew some people to me and repelled others during it.

Overall though, my study of being in control, managing my emotions, has made this easier to bear. I remain calm and collected, even in the face of the new revelations and rage they want to bring out of me, because I know there is nothing I can do about it and in the end none of it matters.

Empty chair is the mantra that seems to suit this best, meaning, don’t be there screaming, yelling and exacerbating the situation, just separate yourself from the drama.

Although I will add… years ago I put my fist through a wall in front of my girlfriend, destroying the drywall and breaking two fingers… and it drove the point home. Interestingly enough, I was calm throughout it. So I’m not sure if that was a calm rage or an outburst…

Fair play Gerald.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[DocParticipant]

Grumpy wrote:

I believe the problem is that people in general express major negative emotional outbursts when faced with a minor annoyance. This in turn, reduces the significance of any type of “outburst” when a major incident occurs.
Personally, I held everything in check for most of my life. I didn’t bitch and moan, whine, complain, or voice my opinion. Until it was too damn late, then I would explode with built up rage, and actually end up tearing the muscles in my back and shoulders due to tension build up.
I learned very late in my life, to the detriment of my physical well being, that sometimes it is better to let the small s~~~ pass with just a minor comment and forget about it, rather than just store it up for later rage.

So yes, for me personally. A quick outburst of anger or rage actually does make me feel better as I dont suffer for days, weeks, or months with real physical pain.

That’s a fair point. We often see disproportionate reactions to situations these days.

Anonymous wrote:

Great subject Doc!
I am dealing in the last few days with a depressed daughter with emotions running amok. It is a downward spiral.

I used this metaphor: if I was to slap once you would get stunned.
A second slap would make you angry.
A third slap would make furious.
At each following slaps your emotions would get progressively worst.

So, if something happens we have a specific emotion. Remembering again and again the experience just makes everything worst. It enhances all the emotions to exponential levels.

The way I see the stoic position, it is to deal with what happened in the real world, and not creating more from our head.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Good metaphor.
Sometimes we need a visible display in order to deter others.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[Author]

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