Curse of being a "Fixer"

[Anonymous 54]

Ok Im sensitive.
You basterds!! Hajha

One young guy on here has a dream of haveing his own house so he can take care of abused Dogs.

That would be a very rewarding life.

[SMADParticipant 651]

MGTOW Knight wrote:

In the end, you can only dictate how you live your life. Just keep going your own way my friend. Fix yourself own inequities and flaws.

Absolutely right MGTOW Knight and as a fellow “logical” guy, this knowledge sits within the brain, but acting on that knowledge is often the tricky part. Sense and reason seem to be over-ridden by emotion and feels.

It makes me wonder if I have chosen the path of MGTOW not because I have had a horrendous time with women (like many of our esteemed women with awful stories of abuse / divorce rape etc) but because I am hesitant to get involved because I know I would give so much of myself, this would not be returned.

Historically, in terms of dating, I have enjoyed success in the past. During my military career especially, I was out with someone different every other night and learned ALOT about what I liked and DIDNT like in people. So, these days, when I do “get involved” I feel they are at least reasonably well filtered but…Now that I think about it, the last 10 or so women in past few years I have been involved with were ALL damaged / had issues.

Actually…thinking about it. It’s ever since I left the military things have been going down hill (2010) for everything. Different times for sure.

And Sage, now we know your secret hahaha! 🙂

Also as a quick note – thanks to everyone for contributing to this topic so far!

Marriage?  No thanks, i'm not ready to be THAT miserable.

[Anonymous 7]

This is an excellent thread, for I struggle with some of the same issues.

For me, it is not necessarily to “fix”, but to assist others through life’s hardships. I’ve dated and been with all types of she devils, and the giving your all to try to make other’s life a bit easier always comes back to bite me. Only my true good friends reciprocate.

I’m sure we could go into unfathomable areas of the mind with this discussion, but I’m now trying to keep a simplified explanation for all this. A lot of people do not live by the “golden rule” anymore.

As for buying vs. renting… if you are still fairly young you should buy when you can. Build value with your net worth. You could possibly have income generated later through rental. Etcetera.

[Anonymous 54]

Dont ever waste this stuff on women.

They are not capeable of gratitued.

Dont waste your life on them like I did.

[MGTOW KnightParticipant 7477]

SMAD wrote:

It makes me wonder if I have chosen the path of MGTOW not because I have had a horrendous time with women (like many of our esteemed women with awful stories of abuse / divorce rape etc) but because I am hesitant to get involved because I know I would give so much of myself, this would not be returned.

I too share your sentiments. If the gynocracy ceased to exist I would probably be more keen on pursuing women and even marriage. At it stands now, it is simply way too risky with women. No fault divorce is rife in society. One day on a whim, she can decide to leave and take you to the cleaners. Western society will soon emulate the Japanese herbivore culture. It is just a matter of time.

Fuck bitches... literally and metaphorically

[SMADParticipant 651]

Anonymous wrote:

For me, it is not necessarily to “fix”, but to assist others through life’s hardships. I’ve dated and been with all types of she devils, and the giving your all to try to make other’s life a bit easier always comes back to bite me. Only my true good friends reciprocate.

I’m sure we could go into unfathomable areas of the mind with this discussion,

Do you find that you have been “harsh” to yourself in these times? I think I heard somewhere about all the “self love” stuff and that if you don’t start off by being respectful to yourself, then others wont.

To elaborate on that, when things go wrong, i.e. rejection, then its a double whammy. Not only the PERSON rejects you, but you reject YOURSELF. For example, I am my own worse enemy and not very kind to myself. Other peoples criticisms rarely upset me because quite frankly, I am the only one who can destroy me.

But, by “fixing” and helping others and giving, I find that I neglect my own needs and feelings until suddenly, like today, I realise that actually, I haven’t eaten properly, I have worried about the other person etc. My ego feels a little bruised about letting this happen and so making this thread is to hopefully share my story with the hope others might benefit and not feel alone.

Marriage?  No thanks, i'm not ready to be THAT miserable.

[narwhalParticipant]

The best analogy I ever heard about this topic is to consider the lifeguard. Say there is a swimmer stuck in turbulent waters. It’s not safe for anyone. The lifeguard DOES NOT jump in the water with drowning swimmer. He doesn’t put himself at risk. He will throw the swimmer a life preserver, and it’s up to the swimmer to grab it so the lifeguard and pull him in.

You don’t get into the mess with whoever it is your trying to help, you throw them a life preserver. It’s up to them to grab it so you can pull them out.

In regards to fixing your own problems before trying to fix others…ever heard of a lifeguard who wasn’t an excellent swimmer?

And I know it’s not a perfect analogy, but in many ways it is. You honestly could pick any profession who’s sole purpose is to help others. The fireman doesn’t run into a burning building without his gear. The psychologist doesn’t get personally involved with the client. They all have boundaries to protect themselves from who they are helping as well as whatever crap the ‘victim’ has gotten into.

Ok. Then do it.

[Anonymous 7]

SMAD,

Yes, I am working on these feelings EVERYDAY!

I put off dreams I had since I was a kid for ungrateful she devils.

I sacrificed all my money. It wasn’t much, but it was beneficial to the household.

I tried to care for a bastard son which I dedicated all weekends, for years, causing my own daughter to feel neglected.

My book of anger, at myself, is too long for this website. Maybe I’ll put it in paperback one day.

So much was slowly given up to she devils that I became a complete pussy. They can sense and see this real time while you are under their spell.

You become drained, completely. You feel sorry for yourself, the situation, and life in general.

Depression on knowing what your purpose is. Who am I? Etcetera.

KNOCK THAT S~~~ OFF! Get that crap out of your head!

I deal with it all the time.

I’m working on getting out of the sulking and into the positive.

Working on the lifeguard badge – becoming a better swimmer first. This way I’ll be saving myself before venturing into turbulent waters.

[SMADParticipant 651]

narwhal wrote:

The best analogy I ever heard about this topic is to consider the lifeguard.

That’s a great analogy, thanks Narwhal. Definitely putting that in the old brain box memory!

Anonymous wrote:

You become drained, completely. You feel sorry for yourself, the situation, and life in general. Depression on knowing what your purpose is. Who am I? Etcetera.

This is bang on as well. What I also find is that in the person I am trying to “fix” I get sucked into their drama (or maybe I dive head first in, maybe that’s more accurate?) but then what I also find is that, as I try and handle how the drama makes ME feel, I end up dragging my OTHER friends into it to talk about it, analyse situations and so on.

It becomes this whirling vortex of s~~~ where I actually feel bad for my friends because I end up “emotionally dumping” on them too. I am sure they are sick to the back teeth of the same old s~~~ being talked about as well. Sadly, my “processing” mindset won’t let go of a problem until I can find a way to solve it.

Queue the rubbish nights sleep, not eating, obsessive thinking etc. Then what happens is that I feel crap about myself because of the self-neglect and plunge down the spiral. Then something “drama related” happens and knocks me down more and the cycle just never ends.

Phewww! Insane how these situations arise eh?

Marriage?  No thanks, i'm not ready to be THAT miserable.

[Anonymous 42]

Anonymous wrote:

I used to live in this awful place, back by an ally.
Ferrel cats every where. I couldnt save them all.
I heard a kittens distress call.
I tried to ignore it for 3 days.
Finaly I coulndt take it any more.
Her mother abamdonded her under the house.

She is sitting next to me as I write this.

I’m giving FREE LESSONS on how to loose empathy, I still have to dial in the scope better in order to kill more empathy.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

SMAD wrote:

Sadly, my “processing” mindset won’t let go of a problem until I can find a way to solve it.

You really need to fix a problem that can be fixed. Didn’t Einstein say something about women being the only thing he could never figure out?

Figure out how to turn lead into gold. The odds are better.

Order the good wine

[MGTOW KnightParticipant 7477]

TaxGuy wrote:

You really need to fix a problem that can be fixed. Didn’t Einstein say something about women being the only thing he could never figure out?

Sounds like the definition of insanity.

Fuck bitches... literally and metaphorically

[SMADParticipant 651]

MGTOW Knight wrote:

TaxGuy wrote:
You really need to fix a problem that can be fixed. Didn’t Einstein say something about women being the only thing he could never figure out?

Sounds like the definition of insanity.

Absolutely correct gents. This is the stupidity I see in myself. Logically I see this and yet I still go ahead and do it?

Perhaps the “challenge” of an unsolvable problem is part of the lure too? Anything easy isn’t really worth much after all!

AND LOL @ MgTowers Sniper Rifle / Dog team. Can’t say I agree with shooting a cat but, the dog as the spotter is awesome 🙂

Marriage?  No thanks, i'm not ready to be THAT miserable.

[MGTOW KnightParticipant 7477]

@ SMAD Its ok to make mistakes. A wise man learns from them. Women don’t take responsibility as society allows them to justify their reprehensible actions via 3rd wave feminism. Men on the other hand, don’t have this luxury. It is imperative on men to take responsibility for their mistakes, and make adjustments. Do this and you will be fine. Just don’t let women dictate your happiness and success. MOST women are train wrecks. Modern women are akin to holding a hand grenade, in which you give them the pin. Don’t do it!

Fuck bitches... literally and metaphorically

[Anonymous 54]

Anonymous wrote:

Old Sage wrote:

I used to live in this awful place, back by an ally.
Ferrel cats every where. I couldnt save them all.
I heard a kittens distress call.
I tried to ignore it for 3 days.
Finaly I coulndt take it any more.
Her mother abamdonded her under the house.

She is sitting next to me as I write this.

I’m giving FREE LESSONS on how to loose empathy, I still have to dial in the scope better in order to kill more empathy.

I cant even go fishing. Haha.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

SMAD wrote:

I am an engineer by profession and so fixing / analysing everything / problem solving is a VERY GOOD skill to have.

YES. But most people don’t want to be educated or “fixed”. And I don’t mind saying, especially a woman who will always thinks she’s right about everything. If they don’t believe they need “fixing” or that there’s anything wrong with them… you – as a “fixer” are “unemployed”.

Simple economics. Supply and demand.

If you can “fix” this s~~~, I’ll eat my sweaty socks. I don’t even see how you can consider that kind of vastly f~~~ed up mentality a challenge or a desirable exercise in nobility.

My sister-in-law watched me lose my temper with a bratty little neice and I calmly removed myself from the situation. She ran after me thinking she could “fix” it but I didn’t break it. SHE did.

I didn’t feel like cleaning up the mess, because I just don’t care.

SMAD wrote:

This all seems like remnants of blue pill / white knighting and if that is the case, I will take that on the chin.

I frequently have trouble ( in real life ) just letting it lie. I am also compelled to “teach a lesson” to someone who oblivious and unaffected by their own actions or behavior. Im not talking about getting even, per se, but I “CARE” too much sometimes, so I think it’s my place to fix it to show that I “care” – at least to a certain degree.

• Perhaps someone is light on manners.
• Perhaps someone rolled through a stop sign.
• Perhaps another driver didn’t signal
• Perhaps another driver is on their phone and I want to shout “Put the f~~~ing phone away and enjoy the ride before you kill somebody!!”

My friend (as an observer) says that I handle things well, but that I should feel less compelled to make the point to others. To “care less” as it were.

He’s right.

What can I say, I’m a work in progress….. and really, that just means I still have work on myself to do.

RIGHT??

SMAD wrote:

I can imagine even the stoutest of MGTOW have moments of weakness and confusion.

Yes. Even Atlas Shrugged , and so will every one of us.
It’s dishonest to think otherwise.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[,Participant 1301]

beware of the Jesus syndrome. You can get consumed and nailed to the cross.

And conversely it’s quite narcissistic to live the life of “The Fixer”. Your reward is possibly how much better YOU feel. How superior You are… How much better YOU are..
Insane self righteous fanaticism. Beware.

^^not saying YOU ARE specifically, just wonder the motives of the do-gooder t~~~s that f~~~ with everyone’s lives for the Heaven’s Gate Pass.

I’d do a lot of introspection. Its got your sleeping f~~~ed up. Signs of incongruities. Do what tickles yer skirt, explore NFG.

with joy/without hate

[Ice-JiubParticipant 491]

I’ve learned that you can try and “fix” all you want, but when it comes to women, there’s always a Chad with a bigger tool.

[SMADParticipant 651]

MGTOW Knight wrote:

Just don’t let women dictate your happiness and success. MOST women are train wrecks.

In general yes I agree with this. However, I guess what gives me some measure of hope (and perhaps this is true with other MGTOW here) is that I know SOME women and SOME of my male friends who have genuinely fulfilling relationships. Sure, they have occasional arguments, etc but overall they are happy and content. In my mind, witnessing this gives some sort of hope that whilst “AWALT”, there are women out there who aren’t complete train wrecks. I know plenty of guys who are train wrecks so, its not unique just to the ladies. Hrmmm.

I can also be a really f~~~ing asshole to people, but my natural self is I’m actually a nice person.

Haha yes, this sentiment rings true as well. Outwardly, I “ward off” people to filter the majority out. But if they can actually take a bit of banter / see there is “more” then it’s not so much that they break down my walls, its more like the metaphorical “gate / portcullis” offers access.

Keymaster wrote:

YES. But most people don’t want to be educated or “fixed”.

Absolutely true. Unfortunately, the “curse of the fixer” comes into play when least expected. It might start off with something like “I really need someone to talk to…” and then WHOOSH! Inside a switch is flipped where I feel like I might be able to help someone because I know how s~~~ it feels to feel stuck and helpless sometimes.

Keymaster wrote:

Im not talking about getting even, per se, but I “CARE” too much sometimes, so I think it’s my place to fix it to show that I “care” – at least to a certain degree.

Again, absolutely true for myself. I feel bad for “pulling back” from situations sometimes because I don’t want to “abandon” them, but then people need to resolve their OWN problems without my interference. I also struggled with this as a younger man in terms of “game” – I was never very good at “ignoring womens texts / messages” for a long time as it felt very un-natural for me to do so and being ignored isn’t a nice feeling.

, wrote:

And conversely it’s quite narcissistic to live the life of “The Fixer”. Your reward is possibly how much better YOU feel. How superior You are… How much better YOU are.. Insane self righteous fanaticism. Beware.

Yeah this is true. However, for me it’s not so much a life of trying to “fix” everyone. I have no delusions of wanting to save the world. For most of the time, I am more selfish than anything and it’s just the occasional person (ok I admit…woman) comes into my life and the “feels” switch is activated. Not out of them “being ohh pretty” etc, but because there does feel like some sort of genuine connection (fundamental concepts + interest / hobbies) so not just a passing crush.

, wrote:

’d do a lot of introspection. Its got your sleeping f~~~ed up. Signs of incongruities. Do what tickles yer skirt, explore NFG.

Introspection happens every day for me. I probably spend TOO MUCH time doing this haha. Answers come occasionally, sometimes in dream form (like the origin of this thread!)

Marriage?  No thanks, i'm not ready to be THAT miserable.

[DanceMyOwnWayParticipant 2097]

I’m more Captain Save a Ho myself. Recognise this and realise it’s always tempting to return to the plantation. I did a post a while back on NAWALT s. You seem the kind of guy who still believes in unicorns. Use your empathy and kindness towards those that deserve it. Women generally don’t. Aloneness does not equal loneliness and this is remnants of blue pill conditioning that all men have. You can still f~~~ women and enjoy their company on a superficial basis, but for God’s sake don’t bet against their nature or settle down with the One. I’m sure you know this. Stay strong and give pearls to the deserving and don’t throw them to swine…

If you fall down 7 times, get up 8

[Author]

Posts