I consider myself lucky to have gotten my divorce when I didn’t have so much to lose. The whole thing cast me maybe 4 – 6 month’s salary I had saved in the bank. We had no kids and no house so there was just atet savings to fight over. My goal was to get through the process as fast as I could. I believed then, and still believe now that there was no way I was going to get through the process with any money left at the end. So, I accepted that I would be broke at the end of it, and reasoned that the faster I got through it, the sooner I could restart and the more time would remain in the rest of my life to recover. I also knew from watching that poor people without so much to take don’t get dragged along by the lawyers to mail them out of more money. Less money means they want to get you through the system and out of the way so they can focus on their other clients who are mad and rich.
I spent all the money I’d saved paying off her car, my truck, and all the credit card bills etc down to zero. Then I paid all my insurances and career fees and licenses as far out in advance as I could. Then I stocked up on groceries and any new clothes I needed (worthless to her). When I finally got it down to the last 5k, I went to the attorney who took it for a retainer. I was broke, but my divorce took 61 days and no court appearances. She took everything she could carry and left. The day the divorce was final, I had about 1500$ and my truck. It was just barely enough to make rent. But I had paid many bills in advance. I had no debt. And my career, sanity and health were intact. I didn’t miss any days of work, and never mentioned to anyone at my job.
Coworkers didn’t find out until 2 years later. By that time, it was old news and not even worth gossiping about…just the way I wanted it.
My goal when I started the process was to get out. Not revenge. Not winning. Not salvaging anything. Just focused on getting out as fast as possible. 2 years later, ex had trashed her new car and was driving a beater that she financed for longer than it would last. That truck I paid off in 2003? It’s still in the garage of the house I bought a several months after divorce was final. (Credit score intact).
Be civil or hostile. But I suspect that spending yourself down to zero as efficiently as you can, then announcing to the lawyers and the cupcake that there is no more money, and that the stress of the divorce is making it difficult to focus on earning anymore… will get you through the process quicker. You might even go part time or take mental health absence from job… whatever. And resist going into debt for them. Just get to the point where you have nothing to take, and they will let go of you pretty quickly thereafter.
If you get out with your sanity, your job, and your credit score, everything else can be replaced after the divorce with much less effort than it can be fought for and won during the divorce. In a year or two, you will have your life back and be better off. She will have hers back and be worse. She will have depreciated. You will have Appreciated in value.
You don’t ‘win’ in the short game of divorce settlement. That’s just the beginning. You win in the long game of ‘who’s life gets better with the absence of the other?’.
Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you
BrainPilot 2 years, 8 months ago.
