Being Civil In A Divorce.

[HitmanParticipant]

this is for men who are divorcing or will be.
i cannot make this any clearer.
the MORE civil you can be the LESS it will cost you.
Example; i know a couple divorcing,
wife said she wants the couch.
he said he bought it so it’s his.
the legal battle at aprox. 300 per hour for the lawyers to argue,
couch’s NEW net worth was about 2000 dollars each.
that COULD have bought them both new living room sets..
smart move would have been.. give her the f~~~ing couch.
ALSO, as time passes the reason she wanted a divorce to begin with,
WILL FADE..all she starts to remember is how CIVIL you’ve been ,
as in “what have you done for me lately ? ”
So when you agree to take the kid when you don’t have to..
when you don’t go “tit for tat ” with her anymore..
when you just try to be civil ,
no matter how much of a stupid C~~~ she is..
then her stupidity can work IN YOUR FAVOR .
trust me, you do NOT need a 500 dollar toaster ..
i hope you see where this is going.
the beauty of a divorce is you don’t have to live with crazy anymore.
you still have to DEAL with crazy though.
so try to remain CALM when talking to her.
as time passes she will see YOU were not the problem.
this has been my tactic for the last THREE YEARS..
KILL HER WITH KINDNESS ..
at first it will confuse her,
then it will become who you ARE to her.
the calm voice of reason.
after all, we are men and do not LOWER ourselves to their behavior.
it PAYS to be civil.
if one of her brain cells fires up,
she will realize what a good man you are.
i was recently told this by my ex..
i now have almost unlimited time with my kid.
it PAYS to be civil.
the lawyers retainer stays untouched for almost 2 years now..
allowing me to have a life of my own and lower debt.
it’s not always EASY to be civil,
but NOT to be will cost plenty.
thanks for the read and feel free to comment or share how YOU handle a crazy ex..

[WallyParticipant]

I have never been through the pain of a divorce, I can only imagine the patience it takes to do as you recommended.

"what a waste of a life, to marry, give up your freedom, just for the hope of not dying alone. Don't get married Son."

[HitmanParticipant]

this is what divorce is like ..
30 second clip..

and SURVIVING …

[Anonymous 54]

Look at it as playing it coy with your enemy. You don’t have to mean it.Its an act, but an efficient tactic.

[HitmanParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

Look at it as playing it coy with your enemy. You don’t have to mean it.Its an act, but an efficient tactic.

pretty much.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Great advice Hitman. The less emotional you can be the better. You have to realize that stuff is just stuff. The only thing to care about is your kids. Other than that, it’s all crap that will end up in a landfill in a few years anyway.

There’s a lot less traffic on the high road, and it’s filled with men drivers. You’ll love the view when the ride is over. And you can look at yourself in the mirror and sleep like a baby at night knowing you took the high road.

Also realize that you will never “win” in the divorce as far as splitting up your crap goes. So don’t worry about it. Guys will adjust and figure out a way to start over on what you get. I’m not saying roll over on the alimony and child support, but if it’s somewhat fair, then that’s your new normal.

Think about it this way. After reading everything on this website, do you really think that if you get angry and mean during your divorce that you it will actually benefit you? Do you really think you can be meaner than a woman? Do you really think that you can beat someone who can file false charges against you with total immunity if they are proved to be false? Do you really think logic will win out over bat-s~~~ crazy? If you get in the mud with a pig, you get dirty and pig is happy. Don’t make the pig happy.

Finally, I tell my friends that I pay a king’s ransom every month to not have to give a f~~~ about her problems. So, make sure it’s money well spent. Learn to not give a f~~~ about her drama, other than it’s impact on the kids.

You can teach a woman to stop telling you about her drama by not responding to it. My standard comeback is “that sucks”. No advice, no questions, just an acknowledgment that I received the text or was pretending to listen on the phone. Post divorce, name, rank, and serial numbers equals talking about the kids only. Eventually the frequency of their whining to you decreases significantly. That’s when you realize what the phrase “Divorce costs a lot because it’s worth it” really means.

Order the good wine

[narwhalParticipant]

Agreed. Being bitter and manipulative is a woman’s game, and you don’t want to play that. She won’t even interpret it as actual bitterness, she’ll think you still want her, that she’s in control. Be rational and lead whenever possible. If you do that, she will admire you for that and start to wonder if she’s making a mistake, which keeps you in control. Don’t squabble over the little things, but stand firm on what you want that is fair. You have the ability to see things from her perspective, so use that as well. The law isn’t on your side, but the law still has some logic to it, and use that to your advantage.

Remember that divorces are common, routine even, so it’s best to just follow the standard. She may ask for more, but she won’t get it.

And divorce doesn’t ever end when kids are involved. Establish how it’s going to work early on and things will go much smoother. If you stand firm on some early battles, she won’t want to challenge you the next time. But always, rational and civil.

Ok. Then do it.

[HitmanParticipant]

thank you my friends..
the feed back tells me it’s the right way to go.
my friend on the west coast always texts me after some B.S with his ex and it says ‘took the high road again “…

[BalthazarParticipant 722]

although i have not been married i do have kids and can attest that anytime i didn’t keep my mouth shut in potentially confrontational situations it ended with me being punished by her with the children. a good friend told me to stop throwing stones and eventually she wouldn’t have any reason to throw ones back. it takes humbleness and humility but at least you can still have your thoughts to yourself anyway.

This body holding me is a reminder of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember, we are eternal and all this pain is an illusion.

[EyeswideopenParticipant 2930]

I have to agree 100% with Hitman.

It was the hardest thing that I ever had to do in my life, but being civil saved me at least 100k+ during my separation and divorce. I made a conscientious decision to disengage the emotional part of my brain, not respond to her infidelity and abandonment, and keep things cold and professional. This was especially hard with a passive-aggressive c~~~, because you never know where you stand until the final second.

I let her win every small battle – she could have the t.v., toaster, couch, furniture etc while keeping my eye on the prize/war – no alimony and no portion of my investments or retirement savings. A small payment to sweetened the pot, and all was finished. Short marriage, and no children helped immensely, so your mileage will very.

My unsolicited advice, when you face a similar situation, is compartmentalize your emotions and your logic. Let her only see the logical side – keep your emotions for a neutral third party where you can safely vent. It takes time and patience for this carrot-stick method to work.

The carrot is the small wins, the stick is your lawyer waiting in the wings with the unspoken threat to drag it out in litigation until nothing is left.

I have found, once you remove the emotions, and hence attention that women seek, they loose interest and tend to go with the path of least resistance that allows them to save face with all their friends. She stills claims “she won” as she shows people the plunder she received – furniture, t.v., etc… simply window dressing while I won the war.

- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

Just watch the documentary “Divorce Corp” to realize how corrupt the family law system is. The attorneys bleed ALL of the resources [earned by the man] down to nothing, then settle.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[OgreParticipant 5863]

Thanks for the reminder Hitman.

Fighting with a woman is useless. Anything other than sex with a woman is useless. Sex isn’t everything = most women are pretty damn useless.

Don’t ever overpay for anything.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[ChuddoxParticipant 585]

Being uncivil is just handing her ammunition for the court room:

“Boo-Hoo he was so terrible to me…make him pay for it” And they will.

So shut your f~~~ing mouth, record EVERYTHING, and only fight the big things (custody, support, alimony where applicable).

“Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.” - Robert E. Howard

[Won'tGetFooledAgainParticipant 3293]

When I left the marital home I walked out with my clothes in two bin bags, my laptop, passport and my car. Every single other thing I left behind, as at the end of the day it is just stuff, stuff that can easily be replaced if I need it. But the reality is, I didn’t actually need any of that crap and I have barely added to my possesions in the three years since.

Your goal is to be shot of her as quickly as you can, think of that as the end of the journey and do anything you can to get there. Arguing about stuff and getting lawyers involved only makes this journey harder and more expensive as the only winners are the lawyers.

Trust me, it is a sweet, sweet day when those divorce papers come through and you realise you can do whatever the hell you want now and she is someone else’s problem.

For women, everything eventually boils down to Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.

[TiredofbsParticipant 485]

Hitman wrote:

the MORE civil you can be the LESS it will cost you.

I couldn’t agree with you more Hitman. I found that cool, calm indifference almost completely robs the wimmins folks of their primary weapon against you, that is making you give a s~~~ about what they think and all of the corresponding drama…keeping a man p~~~ed off is what gives bitches control over a man, act like you don’t give a s~~~, and as you said, even kill them with some kindness and it confuses the s~~~ out of them…kind of funny to watch it when you rob them of their primary attack weapon…

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Won'tGetFooledAgain wrote:

When I left the marital home I walked out with my clothes in two bin bags, my laptop, passport and my car. Every single other thing I left behind

<<cue scene with Won’t Get Fooled Again in cowboy hat & boots, riding his trusty horse off in to the sunset>>

Good for you man. It is just stuff. Your health, friends & honor are infinitely more important.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Hitman wrote:

the lawyers retainer stays untouched for almost 2 years now..
allowing me to have a life of my own and lower debt.

Thanks for throwing this out there man. Glad you made it in one piece @hitman. You’ve got nowhere to go but up now

[mgtow_85Participant 752]

It doesn’t ALWAYS pay to be civil in a divorce.

My father was VERY civil when the “I want a divorce” announcement came from my mother. He said calmly, “Okay”. Didn’t get angry or anything. Just arranged to make the phone calls for the court date and all the bulls~~~ that goes with getting a legal divorce.

He was VERY civil in court, but I saw his face turn white and his features age 20 years within the hour as the consequences for being civil were given to him on state-issued government paper.

With alimony and child support, 75 percent of his take-home pay was to be sucked dry from his paychecks. The lawyer fees were not that big because there was no huge fight over property or child custody rights, but he was still having to pay for BOTH lawyers. He was awarded half-custody of his children, but my mom refused to let him see us because in her mindset, he was a “child abuser/molester who didn’t deserve custody in the first place” and so she was trying to hurt him even more. Then she told the courts that he was refusing to see the kids during the agreed times of visiting hours so she could try to squeeze more child support out of him. My father’s protests, despite being civil, that he was being denied the right to see his children, were completely ignored by the Utah courts, who see ALL women as the VICTIM.

I visited my father anyway. He was renting a room in a shabby basement apartment. My father, who made $3,600 a month from three jobs, could barely pay for the gas on his truck and was eating Ramen noodles out of styrofoam bowls and plastic utensils. His hair had gone from black to gray and his eyes had taken on the glazed-over look of a war veteran who had seen too many battles.
He regained full custody of his kids after I graduated high school a year and a half later. Well…the younger ones anyway, since two of my sisters and I had left the house before our high school graduation dates, but his mind never really recovered, or his sickly look.
And he only got full custody because my mom was committed to a state mental hospital for four months. She never got full custody ever again. To this day, none of her seven children, all grown by now, want to even see her. She’s not even allowed to see my younger sister’s 5 children.
I’d call it a happy ending, but being “civil” didn’t do too much for my dad in the end. He was wiped out financially and mentally in the divorce. He’s currently 60 years old and showing signs of Alzheimer’s, managing an RV park in a small Arizona town. His retirement funds had been wiped out and destroyed, so he lives off very little and is a hard-core “survivalist”.

[MaleJusticeWarriorSpectator 144]

Try to imagine the worst outcome that can befall you. Then think about that outcome each time she pushes your buttons.

Paternity-by-Estoppel is a barbaric judicial relic used to evade DNA truth when issuing court child support orders ["in the so-called best interest of the child"] against non-biological fathers.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

I consider myself lucky to have gotten my divorce when I didn’t have so much to lose. The whole thing cost me maybe 4 – 6 month’s salary I had saved in the bank. We had no kids and no house so there was just that savings to fight over. My goal was to get through the process as fast as I could. I believed then, and still believe now that there was no way I was going to get through the process with any money left at the end. So, I accepted that I would be broke at the end of it, and reasoned that the faster I got through it, the sooner I could restart and the more time would remain in the rest of my life to recover. I also knew from watching that poor people without so much to take don’t get dragged along by the lawyers to milk them out of more money. Less money means they want to get you through the system and out of the way so they can focus on their other clients who are madder and richer.

Before going to the lawyer. I spent all the money I’d saved paying off her car, my truck, and all the credit card bills etc down to zero. Then I paid all my insurances and career fees and licenses as far out in advance as I could. Then I stocked up on groceries and any new clothes I needed (worthless to her). When I finally got it down to the last 5k, I went to the attorney who took it for a retainer. I was broke, but my divorce took 61 days and no court appearances. Nothing left to fight over. She took everything she could carry in her newly paid off car and left. The day the divorce was final, I had about 1500$ and my truck. It was just barely enough to make rent. But I had paid many bills in advance. I had no debt. And my career, sanity and health were intact. I didn’t miss any days of work, and never mentioned to anyone at my job. Nobody knew.

Coworkers didn’t find out until 2 years later. By that time, it was old news and not even worth gossiping about…just the way I wanted it.

My goal when I started the process was to get out. Not revenge. Not winning. Not salvaging anything. Just focused on getting out as fast as possible. 2 years later, ex had trashed her new car and was driving a beater that she financed for longer than it would last. That truck I paid off in 2003? It’s still in the garage of the house I bought a several months after divorce was final. Paying off those vehicles helped my credit. I still have house. I still drive that truck.

Be civil or hostile. But I suspect that spending yourself down to zero as efficiently as you can, then announcing to the lawyers and the cupcake that there is no more money, and that the stress of the divorce is making it difficult to focus on earning anymore… will get you through the process quicker. You might even go part time or take mental health absence from job… whatever. And resist going into debt for them. Just get to the point where you have nothing to take, and they will let go of you pretty quickly thereafter.

If you get out with your sanity, your job, and your credit score, everything else can be replaced after the divorce with much less effort than it can be fought for and won during the divorce. In a year or two, you will have your life back and be better off. She will have hers back and be worse. She will have depreciated. You will have Appreciated in value.

You don’t ‘win’ in the short game of divorce settlement. That’s just the beginning. You win in the long game of ‘who’s life gets better with the absence of the other?’.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Author]

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