Anyone in a Marriage like mine looking for advice

[Immunologist79Participant 7]

HI Guys,
Just found this group and it is exactly what I have been looking for. So here is my situation. I have been married for about 11 years. Got married right after I finished my PhD. Wife and I have 3 boys. I love my boys more than anything in the world. Wife has always been a hot head. P~~~ed at the littlest thing. Current situation is that she is a stay at home mom. Boys are 4 years old twins and 1 year old. I make a damn good living enough for us to have a nice home that I am constantly working on and remodeling (one of my escapes). Of course the wife directs what the finishes and s~~~ are. Not my big thing. I just love doing the work with my own hands. In all my life the only person to ever cuss me on a consistent basis has been this woman. The only one to try to put me down on a daily basis is this woman. Hell I work 12 hours a day, come home cook dinner for the whole family (I want to enjoy what I am eating), get all the boys ready for and two bed, then I might have 30 mins to sit and get a cup of coffee. She bitches at me for falling asleep when I finally sit down at the end of the day. I haven’t gotten laid in months. Honestly, not sure I want to f~~~ her anymore. To top it off she hates my parents. I am an only son who had a great childhood. Parents both blue collar hard working people. We live a long distance away from them chasing my job. The few times we get together a year there is always tension, which erupted last year ending in my wife cursing out my parents. Huge wedge was driven that moment to the point where they have only came up once and only gotten to see the grand kids that time. No holidays. Of course they are very upset about this to the point now that they don’t want to talk to me and haven’t spoken in a month. Right now I am only here for the kids. I know if I divorce her i would only get to see them a few days a week and that is just not OK with me. You know I could take her s~~~ because all she has is words, if and only if I could repair the damage done to my kids grandparents. what would you guys do. Anyone lived through something like this? Hell maybe I am putting to much of this on my shoulders and taking to much of it to heart. It is just f~~~ing with me you know. Always.

[Old RottweilerParticipant 1520]

I’d recommend you slow down, work a less, enjoy life and your boys as much as possible while living with your wife. You’re going to get divorced. So plan the long game and do it on you own terms.

Keep your income down until you get divorced or you will be her slave for life. The other thing you could do it talk her into getting a job. At 16 your boys will choose you and no longer need a babysitter.

Lots of good info on here and the web. Knowledge is power.

Sorry, lots of us have been there.

[UntamedParticipant]

Immunologist79 wrote:

what would you guys do. Anyone lived through something like this?

I lived something very similar. It’s like reading my past at one point. Then 11yrs, that rings a bell.
I only have ONE advice for you. Sorry, I’ll be brief because all explanations would be futile for you right now and would no help me either.
Do what you have to do, no matter how low you think it is. Your goal is to get your kids and get the f~~~ out this situation ASAP. Plan for it, but be brief, and be stealthy. NINJA-like.
Don’t ask questions.
Do it. You’ll thank me later.

Don't let them Blame, Shame or Tame you!
Give 'em NOTHING, not even an answer!
#GenderSegragationNow!

[NeroParticipant 1466]

That’s really tough to say. It’s logistically and financially easier to stay. However, this woman will wear you down over time and you will be more miserable each year. When the kids get older, you will be arguing about them more frequently as well. I don’t see this ending well for you. The sooner you cut out the cancer, the sooner you can start to heal and recoup financially. I don’t envy your situation.

[ZeitgeistParticipant 175]

Your choices are A) stay for the kids and endure the hell you’re going through or B) save yourself and get out. I’m sorry mate I just don’t see anything else. You have to consider what is to be gained/lost by staying, weigh that against what you’ll gain/lose if you go and decide what’s the most beneficial across the largest number of dynamics.

A note of warning though. If you decide to go, the wife monster will probably catch wind of it and panic at the thought of losing her prize farm animal and suggest something like marriage counseling. This is always always a trap! When a woman drags a man into counseling it’s never about fixing the relationship; it’s always about fixing him. Don’t fall for it.

Any man who truly understands the nature of women can not love a woman.

[Anonymous 42]

If she’s not f~~~ing you, then who is she f~~~ing? I wouldn’t be surprised, you’re in gynocentric hell, it’s gonna take careful short and long term planning to get out, chop down your income, loose the big house, stop working your ass off she’ll only get more, liquidate everything in a forced decline and get her used to working so the divorce settlement is next to nothing, then shoot for your dreams after you loose the slug…

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

Quit your job—(albeit) temporarily like a long leave of absence—she will leave you and then you’ll be rid of her. While out of work you liquidate assets to cover expenses.

When she finally divorces you there are fewer assets for her to sink her claws into AND any loss/rebuilding of assets will be less than if you divorce while still working and owning a lot of stuff.

Empty the wallet and she will move on to greener pastures.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

I agree with Stealthy (Sausage Fingers). Learn to tune her out. Don’t reward bad behavior. Take the boys camping, so she can have a break. How can she bitch about that? Or take the kids to see your parents without her. Let her have enough space to find some other guy and let her become his problem.

And never, EVER, has any man solved a woman problem by bring in another woman. If you have a WOMAN problem, the solution isn’t WOMEN!!

Order the good wine

[Greg HondaParticipant 6406]

PistolPete wrote:

Quit your job—(albeit) temporarily like a long leave of absence—she will leave you and then you’ll be rid of her. While out of work you liquidate assets to cover expenses.

When she finally divorces you there are fewer assets for her to sink her claws into AND any loss/rebuilding of assets will be less than if you divorce while still working and owning a lot of stuff.

Empty the wallet and she will move on to greener pastures.

Pete is THE MAN!

All other advice good as well, but I err on the practical.

Once you have kids she knows she’s got you by the b~~~~. Hope you find a solution.

It's Time to get Wise

[ThanasiParticipant 428]

Zeitgeist wrote:

…like marriage counseling. This is always always a trap! When a woman drags a man into counseling it’s never about fixing the relationship; it’s always about fixing him. Don’t fall for it.

Ain’t that the truth.

[bladeParticipant]

Welcome to the brother hood . Don’t take this as an offense . You have seen a dot of light in the distance by comming here . You are a mangina who has awoken and i really hope we can help and you stick around .

Your story has bad news written all over it . Some chicks will shut down on sex for a period after birth . Do you have any gut fealings she is playing up . No matter what i can see your relationship breaking up sooner or later .

You need to start planning your escape in the most peaceful way you can . Number one is been able to see your kids witch is more important than money . Trust me my friend you don’t want to end in family court . Going to come back to this thread later . Going for coffee with some old boys i meet every day . This c~~~ will go nuclear hope we can help you bro .

THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .

[PuniShredderParticipant 2268]

PistolPete wrote:

Quit your job—(albeit) temporarily like a long leave of absence—she will leave you and then you’ll be rid of her. While out of work you liquidate assets to cover expenses.

When she finally divorces you there are fewer assets for her to sink her claws into AND any loss/rebuilding of assets will be less than if you divorce while still working and owning a lot of stuff.

Empty the wallet and she will move on to greener pastures.

Boom!!!

Be professional be polite but always have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

[bladeParticipant]

Thats a nice out come and a lucky one sausage fingers . A random bone thrown here and there by family court . No matter how good a case you think you have NEVER trust that c~~~ system and it is the same world over . I spent over 6 years in this system . I am a very broken and different man today from that and some other life events.

Where i live there is a way to get a family court order made by a lawyer and stamped by a family court judge if you both agree . If one lawyer says no try a few . There intrest is a drawn out case to suck up the cash .

Don’t let her no that you are planning s~~~ . Remain just as you are copping her s~~~ . I always say this , six months after leaving the house woman go full nuclear.

If you have a gut fealing she is playing up trust it . If this is so she will already have plans rolling . Change in friends attitudes towards you especially womans . Cutting you off from people is the precurser .

This c~~~ attitude can serve you . Here where i live i revised the telecommunications act to a tea . Illegal to record a call if the device is inserted or connected to phone . Record calls to her on mobile using a video camera showing it is her number . So she can’t pull the old that could be anyone . Make some random calls to her before you drive home from work . Her demands will be high i suspect . Don’t try to coherse her either .

Bro this c~~~ is going to give you one hell of a ride. Prepare yourself mentally . I am been honest here your KIDS WILL BE USED AS A WEAPON . I can read this c~~~ . Not just for money but to hurt you .

We here will support you in crisis . If you need ring a mens help line . Never end your life because you never know what’s going to happen down the track .

Just be prepared brother because this will not be a smooth ride .

Alot of good advice by all the brothers here on your thread .

God be with you

THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .

[bladeParticipant]

Also if you get nasty text messages don’t answer them . No matter what .

THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .

[Rolling Tin FistParticipant 484]

First I would say, do things to build your energy and stamina, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Exercise, diet, spiritual endeavors, etc.; whatever works for you. You’ll need it.

Second, make sure you put some of your new found energy into raising your kids as if their mother wasn’t there. Take day trips where it’s just you and the kids or include a male buddy with kids, if you need adult company or just a hand.

I was that buddy for my friend who got divorced. Helped him a lot as he wasn’t so worn out when it was just him and the kids.

Three, try to get her working or in some productive activity that doesn’t cost you anything or very, very minimal. Be creative. Keep her busy but out of your space. Eventually, if done correctly, you will both realize that she’s expendable.

My wife understands this now. She’s KNOWS that if we split tomorrow I’d be just fine. Even on half my salary. She on the other hand, like most women, spends like a crack head. With my entire salary to herself she’d still be broke every month. The key, in my experience, is to be indifferent to whether she stays or leaves.

"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another" - H. L. Mencken

[nick123Participant 137]

WTF!!?, YOU work 12 hour days, come home and cook then put the kids to bed. So wtf does this bitch do? What benefit is she to you? What are you getting out on f this relationship? She fights with your parents…wtf? She has no respect for you. She has no empathy or compassion for you? She does not cons I der you. I WAS IN A VERY SIMILAR SITUATION BUT WITHOUT KIDS THANK GOD. It will not get better only worse. She will not change. If you stay you will get unhappier. You need to get your facts together regarding an exit plan that will not hurt you to much financially and with regard to kids.STAYING WITH THIS HORRIBLE C~~~ WILL GET WORSE…ball is in your court.

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

Immunologist79 wrote:

Hell maybe I am putting to much of this on my shoulders and taking to much of it to heart. It is just f~~~ing with me you know

This has been the story of “Man” since Adam.

You’ve already been given some compelling advice. I would add: Learn to say “NO”, and mean it. It’s incredibly liberating.

Anonymous wrote:

If she’s not f~~~ing you, then who is she f~~~ing?

You need to seriously ask yourself this question. Men like/love sex. Women NEED it, and if she’s not getting it from you, the chances she’s getting it somewhere else are high.

PS: Never married BECAUSE of too many stories like yours. Keep us posted on the outcomes.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[JVBParticipant]

Welcome brother. Reading your post I only want your happiness in life. Take the hit…and move on now. Before you know it many years will have passed and your situation will not improve.

Peace is > piece.

[Anonymous 5]

My brother I am sorry to hear about your situation, I dont know if this has been asked yet , but do you think there might be another reason for her aggressions ? The first Biatch i was with was just as touchy as it appears yours is. But in my case she was f~~~ing guys as well as women or trying to the women that is. When a Bitch starts in on you for no good reason it might be because she is trying to pass onto you her guilt by making you feel bad about your self or by using her berating and bashing you to make herself feel superior to you.
I would check this out and if she hasnt been involved with anyone else, then you just have a nasty bitch to deal with. If she is messing around then you have your answer. This kind of behavior is not unusual for a woman who’s being unfaithful. IMO

Sincerely:
Steve

[Clint EastwoodParticipant 323]

First thing to consider above all else is your health – physical and mental.

Firstly your mental health. All the stress very slowly eats away at you, so the real you begins to retreat into hiding and is replaced with a shadow of your former self.

Secondly, this stress begins to effect your physical side. Do you get belly pains, headaches, feeling sick, dizzy, the s~~~s, tired all the time?

All of this physical s~~~ is then reflected back into your mental well being and on and on and on.

Start making an active plan now, or in 10 years, you’ll have aged 20 and you’ll be thinking “why the f~~~ didn’t I start something 10 years ago?”

As someone who’s good with his hands, a large part of your story was like reading the last 14 years of my life (without the kids).

You are the number one priority.

Stay vigilant. They're everywhere.

[Author]

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