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sjt1975 2 years, 3 months ago.
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I am not picking up women. I gave up on relationships, intimacy. After that article there is no way I can be with a woman either. To feel that kind of inferiority knowing that they are doing all of those things in sex. I cant have a relationship any way. I am too ugly. I have been alone for over 30 years. it has been let down after let down, abuse and judgements. There is nothing more for me. There is no future and it is too late for me. being a man means accepting that I was made in this broken way. With a broken biology and a broken heart. Men were made to suffer and that seems to all there is. Even the one thing that men could enjoy is tainted with feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. There is nothing for us man. Nothing but a universe that hates us. If it doesn’t then why were we made in such a deformed manner with women coming out on top each time. The world was given to them, not us. They have everything while we have nothing. We suffer for it and God seems to laugh at us while favoring them. I lost my faith man. I lost my hope. And I am losing life. It is a fascinating experience to see one’s own story coming to a close. To know that everything I ever hoped and dreamed about was a lie. To know that my life will be lonely forever. No walks on the beach. No marriage, no kisses, nothing. I am denied and fate keeps the key. Its always hardest to face our fate. To face the truth of ourselves. At the end of my story I know now that I did indeed try. I worked hard thinking that I was making something better. But what a fool I was. it was all for nothing. In the end, the abusers win. The liars win. The users win. The thugs, the monsters, they are the winners. Good actually doesn’t always win. To be ‘good’ is to lose. In the end I am the real loser. men are asked to always help women. but let us shed one tear for ourselves and forever will a man be condemned for it. It shows me what women are. How barbaric they are. I can understans how people like hitler and other villians in history gained so much power. Women enabled them to. Because any man with a heart is only fodder for their attack. men do not even have the right to be human.
I should have known, yet here I am again facing xmas and another birthday alone. Just like the year before. Here I am dealing with being lied to by a woman who doesn’t care about me. Just like the year before. Just lies, letdowns and more loneliness. Lost hopes and defeated expectations. I yet again face this horrible holidays season with no one and nothing. I wasted time taking a girl out a total of six times. In the end she was just as distant and cold towards me as the first date. The fact that I even got a date was a miracle in itself. But it just proves to me and goes to show me that this really is the end of the road for me. About to turn 41 and I am completely alone. It is about time for me to stop and let go of all of the wishful thinking and expecting some woman to ever accept me. I can say that i have in fact seen it all. Liars, cheaters and abusers are rewarded. The ‘bad’ man is supreme. He can do no wrong. In the end its men like me who pay. The losers of society or the ‘left over men’. Well it is what it is I guess. It is what it is.
Last Christmas I was by myself for the first time since I left home as a teenager, 50 now. I had been separated maybe 2 months. Of course it was very different me and at the time I started feeling sorry for myself, woe is me & boo-f~~~in-hoo, did I make the right decisions, could I have done this differently and so on. Ended up going out state, invited to my sisters, only family I have, it was good to be with family and familiarity.
This year I will go back to spend Christmas with them and enjoy it even more. I have been hammering those gremlins out of my head for the last year and I am finally becoming at peace where I’m at in life and getting more comfortable with & by myself. The more I am on my own, making decisions that are only in ‘my’ best interest, its progress. I’m a realist, things in my world are black & white without much grey, if any at all.
We are conditioned to believe that to be complete, we have to be married/girlfriend and a couple of kids, its the norm right? Well I can tell you that doesn’t work most of the time.
Being on my own for a year now, the stress in my life is damn near non-existent and you know why, its because I control everything in my life. It feels damn good too! I grow stronger every day. You can too.
I’m new here and the information has been so insightful. There are so many fellas that have been through so much, these are learning experiences for all of us to pull from and grow. Someone said never let women dictate your happiness and that’s true but you have to believe it. It is up to you to find/do what makes you happy. You are not a loser or a leftover man, that mindset will kill a man. It needs to change and you can start by not speaking those words over yourself. Keep moving forward brother.
Six months ago I didn’t have the ability to write these couple of paragraphs to you, that’s how much I’ve changed. Recognize the the small things, be thankful for them, they’re progress, they’re victories.
Wish you well in your walk, keep your chin up.
It is better to have loved than to have never loved at all.
It is easy to say the things you say when you have experienced life. You were married. Even though you are separated at least you had that experience. Imagine if you had nothing. Imagine if women ignored you for over 30 years. Imagine if there weren’t any children, no moments, no dinners, no intimacy, no nothing. How do you think you would feel then? Imagine if your life were a big nothing, a void without meaning? Imagine if you never experienced anything in life. Don’t you think your perspective would be a bit different? You can only appreciate being alone if you have never faced it. Face it for a lifetime and nothing else has any meaning.
It is better to have loved than to have never loved at all.
It is easy to say the things you say when you have experienced life. You were married. Even though you are separated at least you had that experience. Imagine if you had nothing. Imagine if women ignored you for over 30 years. Imagine if there weren’t any children, no moments, no dinners, no intimacy, no nothing. How do you think you would feel then? Imagine if your life were a big nothing, a void without meaning? Imagine if you never experienced anything in life. Don’t you think your perspective would be a bit different? You can only appreciate being alone if you have never faced it. Face it for a lifetime and nothing else has any meaning.
True it probably is easier for me because I have been there done that and as someone here said, I also have the shredded tee shirt to prove it. I also have or better stated don’t have more than half of what possessions I managed to accumulate and years of salary that I earned has vanished like a fart in the wind, as well as half of what I did manage to put away in an IRA. I went through a period where I was a mental case. Still purpose everyday to keep gremlins at bay and let them occupy NO space in my head.
I’m probably the last person you want advice from, I can only give you my best opinion based on ‘my’ real life experiences and limited knowledge.
Let me first say you can still have these experiences you speak about. But I would first work on yourself, toward gaining self confidence. I still suffer in this area but try to work everyday to move forward. Find some satisfaction in life. You need to shrug off the defeated mentality, I know so I’m speaking from experience not calling you out, I almost didn’t make it. Remember to recognize the small things. trust me I know, easier said than done. There were many times getting successfully through an hour of work, a day at work , a week at work and keeping my my s~~~ together was a freaking accomplishment. Get close to someone you trust ask for some advice. Sooner or later you are going to have to trust someone and start getting your mind going in the right direction.
If you are a believer, get into church. Talk to some of the councilors, they should be able to point you in a good direction. You are a man. Heard a pastor, on TV, once say to his congregation ”you are a child of the almighty God, you are royalty-start acting like it’, always stuck with me. If you can’t make yourself go, find it online or on TV, just start with something. Steps.
Reach out to some of the members you think might have some useful advice for ‘you’. I have only been here a very short time and there are men here that I would already trust to point me in the right direction. Much knowledge is here, use it for your own benefit. Keep searching and seeking. You are the only one that can get help for you.
Ultimately you will have to put one foot in front of the other and step out. Reach out. But always remember you can truly only rely on yourself. There is only one person responsible for you and if you look in the mirror you’ll find him.
I wish you well.
I am doing the best I can. But these days I feel myself turning to darkness. The hatred i have for ‘them’, all of them fuels me now. I realized recently that they are the enemy. Whenever i look at heartbreak and pain in my life they were there inflicting it on me. They have ruined this world and they continue to destroy men’s lives. They are the reason why I feel as I do. They are the reason why I am forced to be alone. They are the enemy and the ones who have caused all of my suffering. After so many years, now is the time that I start dealing with them just for what they are. The scum of humanity and the destroyers of men. It’s time to listen to the call and take up the challenge against this massive threat that seeks to ruin all men. They are an abomination to this earth and I have to protect myself from them all. They are disease.
This time of year is tough on people for a host of reasons. As we all do from time to time, at least myself, I’ll get hyper-focused on an issue in my own life. When I realize I’m doing this I try to take a step back and look at things from a different point of view or angle, as a third person would do. You are still the same person with the same goals and aspirations as you were years back, we all change and our focus’ change as well. You have to understand that different or rather certain life experience do not define who you are as a person or at least they shouldn’t in my opinion.
I ‘think’ you may have a bit of tunnel vision on some things you may not have had a chance to experience in life and it’s eating at you pretty bad. Yeah women (most) can be c~~~s that’s for sure. You have to be strong and find a way to push through for you’re own well being. Like I said I have my own scars but life must go on, press forward. I don’t allow myself to be defeated, yes I’ll take a moment and feel sorry for my damn self. But down deep I know I’m better than that, I have to be better than that, for myself, my well being, for my success in life. I said previously in the early days of my ‘divorce’ at times I took life on an hourly basis because that’s all I could do to survive, then a day at a time, a week at a time an so on. I had to purpose to get through what I was going through.
You have to make the decision within yourself to strive, I mean reach down deep and make a change even if it’s for an hour, do something you enjoy, do something that occupies your mind. I don’t know you personally but we all have something we like to do, do that and take your mind off women all together.
I don’t have a seething hatred for women. I know them, know what they are and know their capabilities, That’s how I view them now. My opinion of myself is I am better than they are, I’m by far more successful than the vast majority of them, call it arrogant, it’s not, it’s true. I’ll never allow myself to be ever manipulated by pussy ever again. Don’t get me wrong, love the pussy, but on my terms.
I go my way or no way.
I personally do not have the answers, just a normal guy trying to make my way through this life the best I can. Be strong for yourself, find what works for you. One step at a time brother.
I would encourage other members to chime in.
foronlythe-below is a link to a thread started by Bunker Mode, it’s a great read. He is an inspiration to me on a daily basis. Seek out his posts and I believe they will be an inspiration to you.
We are all here for you, be strong for yourself.
Thank you for the link. I will go and and check it out. I appreciate all that you have written to me. I listen and am trying. The last girl I reached out to dejected and rejected me based her self labeling as a “demisexual”. I do not understand all of these new labels and modes that are being created. It all seems like insanity to me. It is difficult for me to deal with this kind of stuff and why I always end up wasting my time on these kinds of women. It is as if they are all insane. I see only war coming to this world. There is no way that things can continue like this. It is madness. It is not a healthy time and for men it is the worst.
I think you will find some very good advice there. I think there is something in it for everyone. Read, learn and apply…
I think if you start to shift your focus a bit, no I think you need to start shifting your focus away what you feel are you lack of success’ with women. I can tell you from experience that when you stay on point and all your focus goes to one thing or situation and nothing changes in that situation, it will become a downward spiraling rabbit hole. It will consume you. Nothing good comes from obsession, especially over women.
In your last post you said “it’s as if they are all insane”. Well they pretty much all are, just varying degrees of bat s~~~ crazy. At first, after my divorce, I believed that I would find that compatible someone but now believe that is not the case. I’m finding they are not worth the time, effort or money. I’m a realist and recognize this and I’m OK with it, life goes on. There are plenty out there to play games with but it’s just no longer my sport.
I believe if you can put some of that energy into yourself i.e. eating better, exercise, rest etc. You will start to some improvements in just a short time. Recognize these achievements and build upon them. You will gain confidence, begin to have a different demeanor and begin to see yourself in a different light.
I don’t know you but when I was going through my toughest times I was able to maintain myself at work and be successful there but my life outside of work was a disaster, total train wreck. That lasted about 6 months for me and I had to shift my focus to only improving myself. I had to get myself whole again, frankly I was disgusted at the person I was becoming. Always step back and look at things from an objective point of view.
This sounds cliche’ but you need to get to a point where you are comfortable with yourself, I know, a lot easier said than done. Try to do something for yourself, go to park if you like the outdoors, if you like movies-escape life for awhile watching something you enjoy. Count the blessings you do have, this was a big deal for me as I only focused on negatives for too long, gotta recognize the positive things in your life and roll with them.
Have a Merry Christmas
OP,
I’ve never been married either. I actually quite hate the holidays when spending them alone as well. I’ve been used by crazy women and I’m not sure if I’ve even learned my lesson completely yet. We are programmed from birth and it’s a hard feeling to ditch. There are a few things that I have learned in my life that may help you. (Sorry if someone already mentioned these).
1. Go to the gym!!! This is probably the most important piece of advice i can give you to feel good. Got some anger? Rage? Depressions? The gym is your new favorite hobby. When I used to go, I saw a lot of meat heads. Now I see men that are trying to improve themselves, physically and mentally. Men that are letting their aggression’s out constructively.
2. Male friends. I’ve used meetup.com to find things I enjoy that involve people. I’m extremely introverted so it is not easy for me to just meet people but during this time your brain needs to tell your heart to STFU.
3. Discover what you enjoy and make time for it. Make a list and work that list. I know people have said hobbies and they are absolutely right.
4. If you have an online dating profile delete it! Nothing has contributed to my lack of happiness more when single than obsessing over online dating. I am much happier when I am not constantly checking OKCupid for some kind of validation from women that have nothing more than a wet hole to offer.If I have to choose only 1 thing, go to the gym. Nothing will set your mind right faster than a good dose of endorphins.
My friend, please heed the advice of all these guys helping you.
At work I was once told that the best way to know something is to teach it.
I reread your first post and recommend putting the Christ back in Xmas.
The Bible is Truly a wonderful support.
Would you please consider giving advice to new guys on this site.
If I can give advice, I KNOW you can.
It’s easy. You help them. If it’s not 100% perfect advice, so what, who cares, They KNOW you care because your are reaching out to help them. Also, there will be other guys here who politely dynamically edit what you’ve said via their subsequent posts.
Reading your letters in this thread screamed at me that “here is this guy, who will most likely be one of our strongest members, helping new guys from his total empathy.”
Also, before “marriagedivorce” I clearly remember being lonely as heck, but nothing compares physiologically or otherwise to the devastation that divorce causes. Nothing.
so please read the section covering introductions, maybe with a pen and paper handy, and reread one or two a few times and jot down – – what is this new guy Not thinking of? how can he deal with His situation, what has he overlooked, etc then send him a short reply. you will see things that others have missed and can help him that way. Also, if you can’t get a dog, get a maine coone cat, or any pet as long as you screen their personality."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Brother you have got to get a grip on your life. Yes I have been there and done the marriage thing as well. It appears you are depressed. Listen to your fellow brothers and turn off the f~~~ing television. I only watch a handful of shows and the moment I see some feminist, manhating, you go girl theme I turn it off. None of this will help you. A little background about me:
I was in kick ass shape before I got married (as in blazing six pack abs, women salivating over me, smooth talker etc). I got married and she was proud she tamed the wild animal. After five yeas I gained 55 pounds had man boobs, beer gut and was down right sloppy. I even had erectile dysfunctional for a couple of years. I was very embarrassed and it took me a long time to talk about it. When i divorced her, I had to sort out my financial situation (lawyers, credit card bills etc). When that was all fixed I had to rebuild emergency savings and get back on the retirement investment path. I still was not happy. I looked at what I was doing which was, eating like s~~~, not exercising, watching tv, and waiting for the beautiful woman to walk back in my life. I decided to get back in shape, and I was gonna do it right. Started going back to the gym, tossed all unhealthy foods (a brother mentioned the testosterone diet), and i kept a calorie counter (I recommend myfitnesspal). The pounds melted away and even better I felt better about me. I now weigh 214 pounds on a 6’3 frame and my blood flow problem to the vital areas disappeared (No more ED).
On a different topic, I also met this lady who was divorced with a child who wanted to date again. I could not go through it because her daughter was a spoiled f~~~ing brat and I was a stepdad before, not doing it again. She gave me bulls~~~ stats on men being single are miserable and their happiness goes up when they’re married because wives take care of them. I questioned how old was this study and of course she gets mad. I did not pursue a relationship with her and i am glad I did not. I spent Christmas and New Year’s alone and it was f~~~ing awesome. It could be worse, you could be sharing it with some bitch who does not enhance your happiness.
Basically what I think you should do is work on yourself. You have no baggage, no kids, and no hangups. You are a prime target for some used up slut who had her fun, that also wants stability and you to work like a f~~~ing donkey until you drop dead so she can collect the insurance claim. There’s nothing wrong with you. I looked at these posts and one in particular (I started disqualifying today) caught my attention. I still enjoy the company of a female from time to time but I do not pursue them. When they get boring, I stop communicating. As in if it is in person, I pick myself up and go someplace else. I did this on a date and she ran into me in a different bar. She then saw I was with a co worker (no attraction but shes pretty) and she got jealous. The co-worker also had no interest in me either but bitches sense when other women want you so she started flirting with me. I rejected them both. I had another who I was interested in ask if I wanted to do a joint activity with another male friend of hers. Imagine the surprise on her face when I said no and never returned her call. DO NOT BE AVAILABLE FOR THEM. It is still a man’s world and you decide what is important.
If it costs you your peace of mind, then it is too expensive.
“If you are going through hell, keep going.”
I been through hell over the past 6 years, with my marriage, until the fateful day came when she passed away. Of course there was the grieving, since I was in love with her and so blue-pill, I was glowing like a bottle of Nuka-cola Quantum. So on top of the usual marriage hell, I had to contend with her failing health, barrage of doctors, medical billing agents out for their pound of flesh and trying to keep the household together on my own.
It was hell, but I kept going. Now I’m out the other side and feel far more equipped to deal with life than I did before. Also I never said “Sorry” so many times in my life, until I was married. When she passed, I have NOT had to say sorry since.
Blue-Pill Virgin: Women hate me! That's what it is.
MGTOW Man: Hate them back; it works for me.I appreciate all of your comments. The only thing I can say is that a lot of you are married or have been married. Perhaps you feel freedom from being free of marriage and women after many years. But again at least many of you have had experiences. Unlike me I with no one and have nothing. I have been alone for a very long time and have been rejected by every woman I have ever known. I have few experiences. I have been without intimacy, touch and closeness. I have no access to this and have been denied the very things that normal men take for granted. I only know loneliness. I got friend zoned, again, just today. I am so use to it that i have even come to expect it these days. The let downs and broken dreams are just a part of the ultimate rejection. It becomes hard to see any hope for anything in life when you have been denied certain experiences. it’s like looking into a great hole. I often feel a serious loss and such a deep void in my life. I do not like being alone all of the time. It hurts, perhaps some men love being alone. But because it is all i have ever known, there is no joy in it. It is not fun for me. It is horror, a horror that never ends.
I understand where you’re coming from. The thing is if you want to change this aspect of your life then you have to change yourself. Yes these guys are right about women being a completely pain in the ass and you are better off never getting married, but as men it is nice to have sexual interactions with women from time to time. It’s not something that is required, it’s just something that is nice to experience. One of the things i’ve realized is when it comes to hooking up with girls, if you believe that you are hot and believe that any girl you talk to is going to want you, it makes it alot easier to pull some of this stuff off. But this isn’t something that happens over night. You really do have to change your mindset of how you see yourself and women. There’s alot of great info on this for free online, youtube, blogs, etc.. You have to change your life and become a guy that attracts women. You have to create a self image that is congruent with a guy that f~~~s hot girls. If what you’re doing right now isn’t working then you have to change it. Get some cool hobbies, start working out, change your life for the better.
Just to let you know though, even when I get hook ups here and there I still find myself feeling lonely sometimes. Last Friday none of my friends were going out so I sat home and watched netflix by myself and yeah part of me wished I had a GF to chill with that night. I don’t know if that ever really goes away.
Bunker, that post was great.
As advice goes , this is one of the best posts I’ve seen on this site because it offers practical advice , and a compare and contrast with how the situation could be.
What if I was the ghost of Christmas future and I told you what awaits you:
My life…This is what I was talking about above. Thank you for helping me LEARN.
Freedom and Solitude. Two things a lot of guys don’t appreciate until they’re gone. Embrace them and be grateful.
“Do not give your strength to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.” -Proverbs 31:3-
foronlythe-
Hope you are doing well and had a great new year!
Pop back in and let us know how things are going. My desire would be to know you are getting along with your life and not dwelling on unproductive things/thoughts/actions.
Me personally, over the last few months reflecting on my own situation. I’ve approached women from a business point of view as to what they really have to offer. Without the vag I don’t see much, if anything beneficial to me. Did a cost/benefit analysis, I see no positive outcome in my favor in any scenario. I’m a realist and ‘try’ to do my best to accept things that are and make changes where I can, and move on.
We all have wants and desires but this is a take no prisoners world and I said it before, ‘you’ have to gather yourself together and move forward in a positive/productive direction.
There are many men are here to bounce ideas & thoughts off of and you’ll get some great advice if you’re searching. I personally would like to know how things are with you.
I appreciate all of your comments. The only thing I can say is that a lot of you are married or have been married. Perhaps you feel freedom from being free of marriage and women after many years. But again at least many of you have had experiences. Unlike me I with no one and have nothing. I have been alone for a very long time and have been rejected by every woman I have ever known. I have few experiences. I have been without intimacy, touch and closeness. I have no access to this and have been denied the very things that normal men take for granted. I only know loneliness. I got friend zoned, again, just today. I am so use to it that i have even come to expect it these days. The let downs and broken dreams are just a part of the ultimate rejection. It becomes hard to see any hope for anything in life when you have been denied certain experiences. it’s like looking into a great hole. I often feel a serious loss and such a deep void in my life. I do not like being alone all of the time. It hurts, perhaps some men love being alone. But because it is all i have ever known, there is no joy in it. It is not fun for me. It is horror, a horror that never ends.
Dude, I used to feel the exact same way as you, that my life was over and that I was in a “great hole.” I experienced the “horror that never ends” myself, and it just grated on me after a while. I understand. I thought it was “all I have ever known.”
But you know what’s starting to change that? Seeing my dad and brother play out the same marriage scenarios as my granpa—marrying an overbearing “strong woman” and having to hide the fact that they are absolutely MISERABLE. My brother has a very unattractive (READ: unthinkably obese and butt-fugly) wife who interrupts him every five seconds and won’t let him finish most of his sentences, not to mention makes inappropriate sexual jokes and comments even when children are around. And he just sits there and takes it. My dad has always submitted to the will of whoever he has been married to, and my first stepmother was a wicked, hateful BITCH who treated my twin brother and I HORRIBLY. My current stepmother stole and gambled away $450,000 from a town in Illinois and was sent to a womens’ facility, costing my dad his business.
I have learned the hard way that dating and marriage are just not the wonderful ideas they used to be. I have learned that envying couples is useless, draining, and a waste of time and energy. I love women, but I don’t love the women surrounding me. All they want is shallow, muscular “bad-asses” and “gangstas.” Why any man would waste his time ruminating and stewing over not having a woman in their lives is just utterly mystifying to me. Believe me, my friend, being bossed around and used for your money by a woman is not worth the time expended to get one. And let’s say you get married to her. Chances are very high that she will dump you, take your money and property (not to mention the kids), and leave you worse off than when you started. I will not continue the pattern of the males in my family in regards to women. They’re lonely, and I know it.
Cultivate yourself. YOU are the wind that carries a change. YOU are the only one who can decide your own destiny and do what needs to be done to cultivate the best life for yourself. I have learned all too well that basing my worth on whether I will ever meet a woman is the worst thing I can do to myself. If your problem is being caused in part by “Facebook Envy”, then you need to realize that everybody on Facebook is putting on their best face for the world to see. They don’t show their problems, their crises, or their unhappy aspects. You don’t know what they’re going through. Leave them be. Cultivate YOURSELF FIRST.
Don’t lose that spark inside you. You were made for better things than giving your heart (and your wallet) to some queen who thinks she’s “all that” and will play on your feelings to take advantage of you. You will be lonelier WITH a woman than you are WITHOUT one if you think having a woman is what establishes your worth as a man. NEVER forget that.
Amazing post by Went Camping. Thank you so much for putting in the time to write that post –
“What if I was the ghost of Christmas future and I told you what awaits you:
My life…”(sorry I don’t know how to copy quotes yet)
It really helped me out (sometimes I have my doubts) and opened my eyes to the myth of a happy marriage and what it means to be MGTOW. You rock dude!
"Marriage is a good way to meet someone you hate and then buy them a house'
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