Gah.
Just got through another interview from Hell. It mostly went well for the first fifty-five minutes or so, I think. I guessed more or less correctly whatever personality traits the owner wanted, and I think managed to emulate them well enough. Towards the end is when the wheels came off. Having had two former employers who – truly – hate my guys, and having gone over the reasons why one of them did, I was suddenly at the end of the interview trying to emplain why, at age almost-50, I might not have had everyone in my life love me.
I don’t feel like it ended on a good note. I am about as far from politically correct as one can get, and for a very long time I was awful at hiding this fact. While I now, through the tutelage of this board, mostly ghost my way through life, I did not always have the wisdom to do this. I am currently trying – with multiple degrees in accounting and engineering – to find pretty much *any* job, and am not particularly having any success in this. I can usually get through the rah-rah politically correct bulls~~~ for an hour or so, but I feel like I never am really able to close the deal. In the obligatory thank you letter, I tried to address my delightful past, but don’t feel like I did a great job of it.
I do appreciate Stealthy/NO’s jiu jitsu of employment rules, and I believe that I’ve learned a lot in terms of office survival at this point. I think that, should I somehow regain employment, I will be able to keep it and even thrive in the psychotic, social-marxist Hell that we’ve created for ourselves and which is falling down around us. But my personal problem is overcoming rather a few years of work in which I lacked those ghosting skills, and had the twin detriments of being really, really good at what I did . . . combined with not being interested in social bulls~~~. Competence and honesty are a bad combination nowadays.
My ideal workplace would be one involving combat, frankly. Or in some military – certainly not our own – in which supply and support had a similar mien to combat. Alas, at age 47 I am too old to join our military, or any military that actually pays in something other than toilet paper or chicken feathers. I’d probably do well working for mercenaries private security forces, but am fairly certain they wouldn’t hire me.
I am – G-d help me – applying to government jobs as well. Even though the pay and benefits are far superior to actual work, something sits poorly in my mind at the idea of being a social parasite. I’ve been through a variety of interviews for jobs to suck on the social teat over the past eighteen months as well, and have been frankly creeped out by the disconnect from reality that all such interviews seem to have possessed. Given my somewhat public right-wing political views before I discovered the joy of ghosting, I am not sanguine about such employment at any reasonable level.
I am wildly frustrated, have been beating my head against this particular wall for almost a year and a half, with no results. I get interviews, sometimes make it to the second or even third round, and then my very right-wing and plays-awfully-with-others past comes to the fore, and that’s that.
My fantasy is to work for a company where zero – just zero – s~~~s are given for interpersonal *anything*, where the only thing that counts are results, and where business is seen as total and absolute war against all other competitors. I spent the past five years of my employment working fifty to fifty-five hours a week. I have no family, want none, and my main hobby while working *was work*. My goals in life are almost entirely professional at this point. I want to sweat, bleed, and breathe for a company so as to gain money and reward. . . and these values are *not appreciated* in our culture.
I got *nothing*.
"You can either love women, or understand women. You can't do both. Because once you understand women, you realize that there is really nothing to love."
Balthazar 2 years, 11 months ago.
