Home › Forums › Marriage & Divorce › Advice to a Friend with the "perfect marriage" – Did I Make a Mistake?
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Bub 1 year, 11 months ago.
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After my divorce, and before I got red pilled, I viewed my experience as unfortunate but didn’t yet see marriage in general in a negative light. I had a few friends who were in happy marriages, or so I thought. One couple in particular I thought had the perfect marriage – I knew them when they married, they always seemed happy, had been married about 20 years, had a good home and young kids they were very proud of.
One day in talking to my friend I found out they were approaching divorce. His wife had cheated on him. Had run off with another guy for a while. She was back in their home now – apparently she regretted what she had done and wanted his forgiveness. He was angry and hurt, and just wanted to get a divorce. From our discussion it sounded like he couldn’t stand the sight of her, was eager to get her out of his life, and was eager to start dating again.
I tried to talk him out of divorcing her, told him if she was sincerely repentant that it was in the best interests of everyone (particularly the kids) that they try to work out their differences and that he overcome his deep anger toward her and try to forgive. My thinking at the time was that I knew the difficulties of trying to raise children divided between two different homes, that divorce and maintaining two homes would be costly and he would have less access to the kids. Also I advised him that his plan to start dating and sport-f~~~ing new women was unlikely to go well. Kids don’t need a revolving door of a parent’s new sexual partners in their life, and my own post-marriage dating experience had showed me that most of the women that were out there were deceptive, damaged, and trouble of one kind or another.
In the end he did forgive her, they went through counseling, and they are still together. From talking with him recently it sounds like things have gotten better and he claims their relationship s actually stronger now. He sees her adultery as partially due to his inattentiveness to her and their relationship. I don’t agree with that, but I didn’t argue the point (he’s very blue pill, and if he’s happy believing that I’ll let sleeping dogs lie). In his case staying together and rebuilding the relationship seems to be working…for now. I can’t say the advice I gave him was bad looking at his current situation, but my view of marriage has since evolved and I don’t think I would give a man the same advice today. I would probably go over the options and give him the possible outcomes, recognizing that a man in his position is really screwed no matter what he chooses to do. What do you think? What would you tell a friend in this situation?
I think you advised him to stay on the pussy plantation because it was better for everyone else, not better for him.
As Jerry would say, he has no “hand” in that relationship anymore.
So, she slept around on him and it was his fault??.
For a woman, if your mate isn’t meeting your attention needs, the first option should always be to cuck your husband and shop your pussy around for a better deal. If that doesn’t work out for princess, the hus-cuck is waiting to take her back. As a bonus he can even accept that her unfaithfulness is HIS fault.
Yep, its his fault you spend your time seeking out a c~~~, spreading your legs and letting another guy cum in you. I hope he’s happy at what he made you do. I mean, he didn’t ask you how your day went or go shoe shopping with you so of course you are going to climb aboard strange c~~~.
Look, he saw a bit of a light way down at the end of a long tunnel. Didn’t go for it. You perhaps mentioned to him it was a dangerous run. Better think twice. He got scared his life was unraveling and he put his manhood in check…..to stay safe.
Wonder if one of the kids is a boy. What an example he just set for the young man. When you don’t bow and scrape enough to please a women, they shop there pussy around son. Make sure you always keep the woman in your life happy no matter what or this is what happens. Ok, nice having this talk with you son. I feel better we could share this.
Its working better now…..sure…..now that the slave now understands his place. Blue pill cuck.
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
In short, I think you made a mistake (for him). It’s great for his wife and potentially good for the kids, hard to say.
You turned your friend into the perfect blue pill cuck. She WILL cheat on him again. That’s what cheaters do, btw. It’s not a one off slip up. It’s how they’re wired.
I have to say, I’m pretty disappointed in a red pill that would do that to a friend.
"I've been thinking about what it would be like if we got back together."
"You know it's too late for that."Romulus nailed the normal perspective here, but you might have given him the right advice for him at the time.
He may not believe strongly enough in himself to accept what singleness and sovereignty would mean for him. You said the kids were young that means long time CS. If he had jumped straight into sport f~~~ing he would have wound up in another marriage in short order.
You would have just changed which pot he was cooking in.
I know that I will never be married again. I may never even seek sex with a woman again. He wasn’t even close to wanting to be woman free for life, he just didn’t want the one that was going to be very expensive to disengage from.
If he is as blue pill as you say then you just returned him to the best version of the illusionary path he was on.
As she hits the wall and remains demanding he may start to hate that he stayed. It will be his first little red pill. He has to take the first one himself then you can be there with the funnel.
I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.
told him if she was sincerely repentant
Most Women are incapable of sincere repentance; the only thing she is sorry for is she got caught. She will hide her
cheating tracks better the next time…and there will be a next time. She now sees him as a weak doormat to be walked over, and she, along with her hive, are now quietly planning the future divorce and the subsequent hubby divorce ass raping that will take place. She is only putting up a facade now to hide her plans. He, like many men, appear be doomed to learn the lesson the hard way and really the only thing you may be able to do is to offer him solid red pill advice after the divorce bomb explodes. Hopefully he will be smart enough not to make the same mistake twice.Women do not love men. Women only love what men can provide.
I think you advised him to stay on the pussy plantation because it was better for everyone else, not better for him.
As Jerry would say, he has no “hand” in that relationship anymore.I don’t know if it’s that simple, because there are benefits to him if he stays on that plantation, assuming she doesn’t cheat again (I know, a huge assumption). He keeps full access to the kids who have both parents present (they are young enough that they may not know what has happened and probably wouldn’t understand anyway), their combined incomes aren’t split maintaining two residences (they live in a very expensive area), and the children may benefit from a two parent household if the parents can get along, cucked or not. I was not red pilled at the time and didn’t see things as I do now, but I am still not sure the practical considerations don’t outweigh the costs to one’s self in this circumstance. As I said, I wouldn’t advise the same way now that I did then. That was me before I woke up and discovered MGTOW, etc. I don’t know how I would advise him now, except that I would tell him what his choices are and what the costs of each of them are.
So, she slept around on him and it was his fault??.
Yeah, disgusting huh? That was the revelation that came to him from the counseling he went through, and it shows how gynocentric marriage counseling services are. As I said, he’s very blue pill. I tried to question that belief of his that he was partially at fault but as far as I could tell it got no traction. One of those situations where the person is not open to the red pill, and I determined it was not going to be productive it push it further.
I don’t think there is much value to be gained in second guessing yourself on the advice you gave. Ultimately, it’s your friends decision.
I hate divorce. I think it’s devastating to families. Terribly destructive. I regret that my kids had to go through that. I also hating cheating. I hate many of the things to that usually happen in marriage. I hate that people use other people’s behavior as an excuse for their own s~~~ty and destructive choices.
Maybe things are better with your friend, or maybe your friend is just trying to convince himself that it is. Maybe he didn’t attend to her needs enough, but that is not an excuse for behavior. Maybe taking some of the blame for her actions is helping him justify it and can get past it, but I don’t think that’s healthy.
I don’t know what’s best for his kids. Absolutely a father needs to demonstrate strength to the kids, to speak the truth and stand up for what’s right. But I also thinking being able to forgive has value to. I don’t know if he’s demonstrating well to his kids or if they understand what’s going on.
What’s done is done. Best to move forward. Maybe she will cheat again, maybe he won’t get past it, maybe she’ll play the victim and expect him to fix everything, maybe they’ll be talking divorce again a year from now, and the decision will be easier to make with little doubt. Maybe she’ll actually strive to be a good wife. Who knows.
Ok. Then do it.
She’s not sorry that she f~~~ed around, only sorry that she got caught. Not only did you tell this guy basically to “suck it up buttercup”, but you in essence told him that he has to accept her unfaithfulness and stick around. People who cheat, will cheat again. Now you’ve formed him into a perfect little cuck who rewarded her cheating behavior by keeping her around, and you encouraged him to stay on the plantation. The proper punishment for her cheating should have been showing her the door. You helped deny that man his freedom.
I have to say, I’m pretty disappointed in a red pill that would do that to a friend.
As I said, at the time I was not red pill. My thinking was very different back then. I still believed a lot of stuff I don’t believe anymore.
Also if they didn’t have kids, and I wasn’t thinking of them, my advice would have been different. I’m a parent and I can tell you that I tried to keep my marriage together long past its expiration date because I wanted my kids to have an intact home. Well my ex eventually made that impossible. Losing having your kids with you and becoming much poorer at the same time is a big deal – I was going through that and was worried for him since I knew what that’s like. Once you get married and you have kids a whole bunch of other considerations enter the picture.
Romulus nailed the normal perspective here, but you might have given him the right advice for him at the time.
That’s a good point Orge….timing/when someone is ready….can make a big difference.
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
I think you advised him to stay on the pussy plantation because it was better for everyone else, not better for him.
As Jerry would say, he has no “hand” in that relationship anymore.I don’t know if it’s that simple, because there are benefits to him if he stays on that plantation, assuming she doesn’t cheat again (I know, a huge assumption). He keeps full access to the kids who have both parents present (they are young enough that they may not know what has happened and probably wouldn’t understand anyway), their combined incomes aren’t split maintaining two residences (they live in a very expensive area), and the children may benefit from a two parent household if the parents can get along, cucked or not. I was not red pilled at the time and didn’t see things as I do now, but I am still not sure the practical considerations don’t outweigh the costs to one’s self in this circumstance. As I said, I wouldn’t advise the same way now that I did then. That was me before I woke up and discovered MGTOW, etc. I don’t know how I would advise him now, except that I would tell him what his choices are and what the costs of each of them are.
So, she slept around on him and it was his fault??.
Yeah, disgusting huh? That was the revelation that came to him from the counseling he went through, and it shows how gynocentric marriage counseling services are. As I said, he’s very blue pill. I tried to question that belief of his that he was partially at fault but as far as I could tell it got no traction. One of those situations where the person is not open to the red pill, and I determined it was not going to be productive it push it further.
Romulus nailed the normal perspective here, but you might have given him the right advice for him at the time.
He may not believe strongly enough in himself to accept what singleness and sovereignty would mean for him. You said the kids were young that means long time CS. If he had jumped straight into sport f~~~ing he would have wound up in another marriage in short order.
You would have just changed which pot he was cooking in.
I know that I will never be married again. I may never even seek sex with a woman again. He wasn’t even close to wanting to be woman free for life, he just didn’t want the one that was going to be very expensive to disengage from.
If he is as blue pill as you say then you just returned him to the best version of the illusionary path he was on.
As she hits the wall and remains demanding he may start to hate that he stayed. It will be his first little red pill. He has to take the first one himself then you can be there with the funnel.
You guys are in such denial. The best move would have been to get out while he was in the driver’s seat. The ass raping called divorce is inevitable. They can keep up appearances, and they can throw down whatever bulls~~~ to you that helps them sleep at night, but the reality is, that unfaithfulness will hover over that marriage like a cloud. The only way to keep that thing in tact is for him to sacrifice who he is as a man at his core.
He’s no longer in the driver’s seat now. He’s a passenger along for the ride and she’s driving the wheels off it. And he’s gonna be helpless. He had his chance. He missed it.
I don’t think there is much value to be gained in second guessing yourself on the advice you gave. Ultimately, it’s your friends decision.
I hate divorce. I think it’s devastating to families. Terribly destructive. I regret that my kids had to go through that. I also hating cheating. I hate many of the things to that usually happen in marriage. I hate that people use other people’s behavior as an excuse for their own s~~~ty and destructive choices.
Maybe things are better with your friend, or maybe your friend is just trying to convince himself that it is. Maybe he didn’t attend to her needs enough, but that is not an excuse for behavior. Maybe taking some of the blame for her actions is helping him justify it and can get past it, but I don’t think that’s healthy.
I don’t know what’s best for his kids. Absolutely a father needs to demonstrate strength to the kids, to speak the truth and stand up for what’s right. But I also thinking being able to forgive has value to. I don’t know if he’s demonstrating well to his kids or if they understand what’s going on.
What’s done is done. Best to move forward. Maybe she will cheat again, maybe he won’t get past it, maybe she’ll play the victim and expect him to fix everything, maybe they’ll be talking divorce again a year from now, and the decision will be easier to make with little doubt. Maybe she’ll actually strive to be a good wife. Who knows.
The best thing you can do for someone, is not meddle their affairs. Don’t give them “advice”. It’s precisely why I don’t try to red pill my friends and family. They’re going to resent you inevitably for the outcome, no matter how much you advise them. They’ll either resent you because your “advice” will f~~~ with their “blue pilled heaven” and their perfect marriage, or they’ll resent you for waking them up.
Ask oldschool about his efforts to red pill his colleagues, they’ll just look at you and go “ehhh, you’re just bitter”.
Good advice, bad advice – all well intended, comes with consequences. Best just to stay out of it.
I was not red pilled at the time and didn’t see things as I do now, but I am still not sure the practical considerations don’t outweigh the costs to one’s self in this circumstance.
I hear ya Verus, and didn’t mean to be busting your chops. I’m sure at some point in my life when talking with a guy I told him to stay, think of the kids. I wouldn’t give that advise anymore, but it was my perspective at the time and I felt I was legitimately helping him.
Now, while I understand the costs can be high, I would tell him he’s become a slave and the threat of access to his kids and a decrease in lifestyle is what keeps him a slave.
Interesting issue.
Somewhere, somehow somebody
Must have kicked you around some
Tell me why you want to lay there
And revel in your abandon
it don’t make no difference to me baby
Everybody’s had to fight to be freeHow can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
She no longer respects her dear husband. Forgiving the wife for letting another guy blow his jizz in her, and then accepting blame for the wife doing this, is essentially accepting her cheating.
There is no way she can respect him. Women want an alpha male and he just went about as beta as you can. Their marriage is doomed. He can keep bidding higher and higher on her pussy to try and keep her and the Chad’s will keep on getting it for free, LOL.
Actually, no, you can always be MORE beta… e.g. eating Chad’s sloppy seconds out of her or being a “fluffer” for the Chad.
All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.
She no longer respects her dear husband. Forgiving the wife for letting another guy blow his jizz in her, and then accepting blame for the wife doing this, is essentially accepting her cheating.
There is no way she can respect him. Women want an alpha male and he just went about as beta as you can.
Yep, well said. The whole dynamic has changed and she owns him now. He was s~~~ tested and she saw how much of himself and his pride he is willing to give up to stay with her and the kids.
Don’t think all her friends don’t know too. And her friend’s hubbys and BFs too. And the family members. How much of his dignity is left?
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
A “perfect marriage”?
Maybe for her…I hate divorce. I think it’s devastating to families. Terribly destructive. I regret that my kids had to go through that. I also hating cheating. I hate many of the things to that usually happen in marriage. I hate that people use other people’s behavior as an excuse for their own s~~~ty and destructive choices.
Amen. Divorce sucks. I hate that my kids don’t have an intact home because of the selfish woman I made the mistake of choosing to be their mother.
What’s done is done. Best to move forward. Maybe she will cheat again, maybe he won’t get past it, maybe she’ll play the victim and expect him to fix everything, maybe they’ll be talking divorce again a year from now, and the decision will be easier to make with little doubt. Maybe she’ll actually strive to be a good wife. Who knows.
A lot of maybes, and now I shoulder some responsibility for whatever happens. Maybe her shame and repentance was genuine and will humble her and strengthen his position in the relationship. That’s the maybe I hope to be true.
She no longer respects her dear husband. Forgiving the wife for letting another guy blow his jizz in her, and then accepting blame for the wife doing this, is essentially accepting her cheating.
There is no way she can respect him. Women want an alpha male and he just went about as beta as you can. Their marriage is doomed. He can keep bidding higher and higher on her pussy to try and keep her and the Chad’s will keep on getting it for free, LOL.
Actually, no, you can always be MORE beta… e.g. eating Chad’s sloppy seconds out of her or being a “fluffer” for the Chad.
Dude went full cuck with the marriage counseling. Counseling for what? Dealing with her inherent female behavior? One doesn’t need counseling for that. One needs to kick her ass to the curb. You can’t make a hoe a housewife. She’s the one who exhibits her true female nature and yet he’s the one who has to go to “counseling”. Thousands of dollars later, only to be told “honey, it’s your fault!”. LOL. Marriage counseling is a sham.
Dude went full cuck with the marriage counseling. Counseling for what? Dealing with her inherent female behavior? One doesn’t need counseling for that. One needs to kick her ass to the curb. You can’t make a hoe a housewife. She’s the one who exhibits her true female nature and yet he’s the one who has to go to “counseling”. Thousands of dollars later, only to be told “honey, it’s your fault!”. LOL. Marriage counseling is a sham.
Been there, done that. Most c~~~seling is just a man going into a room to be tag-teamed by his wife and her shill. After going through that I would say save the money on c~~~seling to pay your divorce attorney.
Well, looks like consensus is I blew it. Point taken.
At least it’s taught me not to counsel friends in the future.
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