Home › Forums › Marriage & Divorce › 48 hrs. post "I want a divorce" conversation
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This topic contains 35 replies, has 21 voices, and was last updated by 
Ronin11 1 year, 5 months ago.
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I know I haven’t posted an intro yet. I’ll try to do that tomorrow. This is the best I can do right now…
I don’t know if I have it in me to type out all the huge long list of reasons and explanations as to why I (43) finally broke down and asked my wife (44) for a divorce Friday night. Together 11 yrs, married 7. She had been out of the home at her daughters for about two weeks and announced she was coming back home and setting up a bedroom in an unused room upstairs. That was last Tuesday. Next day on Wednesday she showed up with a used bed she came up with from somewhere and I helped her haul it upstairs and put it together. I was mostly acting like she wasn’t even there. I didn’t ask her what she wanted for dinner (I always cook for her) like I usually would. That night she asked if she could please sleep in our bed with me. I was like ok, fine. No sex or anything went on. Next night, Thursday night, she was really acting like things were normal.For my part I ended kind of ‘caving’ a little bit and I was like “ok, since I’m going to be in here cooking anyway, this is what I’m making, do you want some?” that sort of thing. Well that night, she wanted to stay in our bed again. I had had several drinks that night and she initiated sex. Against my better judgement, but because I was fairly buzzed up, we ended up having sex.
The next night, this last Friday, after we were done working for the day, I knew I had to tell her I wanted a divorce and I did. We talked for a while, no fighting or anything, and at that point she was like “well, I’m going to need at least six months before I can move out”. I didn’t really respond, but didn’t argue with her about it, I was just like “Hey, we’ll figure it out”, that sort of thing. That night she ended up staying in the spare room upstairs and I stayed in our bedroom. We each had the door closed. The next morning, about 8:00AM, I hear her come down the stairs and leave. I didn’t hear from her the whole day. Then last night I get a text from her that says she’s decided to stay at her daughters for good until she can get her own place and wants me to get the couple utilities that are in her name switched over to mine and get her off our lease asap. She says she’s going to come by tomorrow (which was today) and get her stuff and that the kids (hers) would be coming along to help and they didn’t want to see me. So I left for about three hours and came back after they were gone.
I come back after being gone, and while there is some of her stuff here, 90% of all of her stuff is gone.
Where I’m having a hard time is I have been on an emotional roller coaster all day. Since as soon as I woke up, I’ll be sitting there and I will have this thought of “oh my god, what if I’m making a mistake” and I get hit with a panic attack kind of, and my heart is going all fast and whatnot, and then over the next few minutes I’m like “no, I’m doing the right thing, this is the right thing to do” and I calm down some. Then 20 minutes later, again with the second thoughts and the panic attack following be the clearer thinking that I’m making the right decision. And I just keep going back and forth.
Of course everyone acts like since I initiated this that I’m just all happy and fine, and that I’m having no problem dealing with this. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was talking to a friend and said “well, I guess I should start boxing up all her stuff that she left” and they were like “yeah, but only do what you can do. If you start to do it and it’s too hard just stop and come back to it later. And then they said this… “you can only say goodbye so fast”. I just instantly started bawling. Like this whole thing is so f~~~ing sad and terrible and scary and lonely and empty and it’s just completely awful…. To me the fact that I initiated this is almost irrelevant, at least to me. I feel entirely freaking destroyed and wrecked and don’t know what to do with myself. I went to the grocery store and walked around the store trying not to cry trying to figure out how I do food for just me now and stuff…
Like this is so awful, I really don’t get why her and everyone on ‘her side’ think I should just be right as rain and deserve no consideration whatsoever. I even had to block my oldest step daughter because she kept sending me really awful texts. I kept trying to ignore them but she just kept on until I finally blocked her… like I get that everyone is upset, but this is NOT my fault. Because I finally was beat down so hard for so long for so many years and finally broke doesn’t mean this is all my fault… I know I haven’t given details on background, this is more about where I am right now I guess… and it’s so SO SO BAD………………
43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.
Like my head tells me I am definitely making the right decision, like she was using me for my money and not me for who I am, and she was emotionally abusive and you name it, the only thing she didn’t do was cheat on me (that I know of), but omg, I spent nearly every single day of my life for 11 years with her. I don’t want to say goodbye, but I feel like I have no choice and it’s horrible. I am soooo comfortable and familiar with her and I know everything there is to know about her, and likewise her knowing about me. About a week ago we were standing in a parking lot (while she wasn’t at home and at her daughters) and she looked up at me with this look I have never seen on her face before and cannot even describe and just shrugged her shoulders a tiny bit and was like “well, goodbye I guess”…. I keep replaying that over and over in my mind and it is just so sad I cannot even describe…
I don’t have any friends and only my elderly mother for family who I can’t really talk to. Otherwise I have an old friend out of state from a long time ago I talk to a couple times a year and that’s it. She has this huge support network of 16 people I can count off the top of my head. I have literally no one… and now I sit in this mostly empty house that echoes now because it’s so empty… I just cannot process this at all… and yes, I know I initiated this because I feel like it’s what needs to happen, but oh my god how this is not what I ever thought would happen when I was happily blue pilled to hell 11 years ago when I met her…
43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.
Anonymous1You are about to get deluged with advice.
1. You are the zillionth man to go through this, not the first.
2. She is wrong. Do not forget this.
3. Never let her sleep in your house again.
4. If you have ANY joint accounts, they will be drained by her within seconds. DRAIN THEM FIRST.
5. Never meet with her alone in a private setting…ever.
6. EVERYTHING must be in writing. Everything. Email is 100x better than stupid text messages.
7. EVERYTHING you do or say or email or text will be recorded and used against you.
8. FILE. Don’t let her. FILE FIRST.
9. You don’t have “mutual friends.” They are all her confidantes. DO NOT CONFIDE IN THEM.
10. DO/UNDERSTAND THESE 10 THINGS RIGHT NOW.
One thing which is worrying me is thst she is saying she needs 6 months of time. DON’T let her file first.
I was never married, but I know how court cases go. Do your homework well.
Anonymous16a. No phone calls. The only text messages should be “I sent you an email. Please let me know you received it.” Every word in an email is precious…and will be scrutinized by her attorney. Save every email from her. Save every text from her. If she calls you, don’t answer it and get sucked into a conversation.
11. If you think she is sad, fragile, weak, understanding, “not interested in hurting you,” you have grossly underestimated your opponent.
1 – I know…
2 – This I also know…
3 – She won’t return the key until I get her off the lease. Landlord is gone until Wednesday, I should be able to get that done by Friday.
4 – We do have one. I opened a new private email address she has no record of, I opened a PO Box, I took that PO Box to the bank and opened a new account she has no access to and moved the bulk of my funds to already. A lot of little bills draft out of our join account so I left $1,000 on it to make sure stuff is paid when it drafts.
5 – I’m starting to be afraid of that. About two weeks ago she went through the house with a hammer destroying everything, and I mean everything. It took me two days straight to clean up the amount of glass. I have never seen such a thing. I’m new to be able to post so not sure if there’s a way to share pics or not, but you would be impressed.
6 – Yep, for sure.
7 – Yep, for double sure.
8 – She is pulling out all the stops to not make me leave and said she refuses to file, that I will have to file. I have done some homework and have three attorneys, each of which offer free 30 min. consults, and I’m going to see all three of them tomorrow before I select representation. I make six figures and she makes about 1/3 of what I make. She has already said she’s going to have to give up the $50K sports car I bought her three years ago because she can’t begin to afford it on her own.
9 – Unfortunately, I don’t have even mutual friends. There are only her friends, her family, and her kids. She made sure my friends went away a long, long time ago. Sound familiar?
10 – I have literally no one. Thank you to each and every one of you who bother to take even 30 seconds out of your life to tap out a line or two to me… Other than my elderly mother who I can’t really talk to I am an only child and have not a single person on the planet I can talk to except you guys here…I wish I could send some of my story to Big John (did you sub to his new channel yet?) or Sandman so they could get my head straight… I still get the random blue pill BS the rattles around now and again.
I’d also like to say I am no purple pill dude, I get it very much so, I just LearnedTooLate…
43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.
11 – No, I get it. We traded a couple texts earlier today and I said to her “I wish this was as easy on me as you think it is”… oh she lit me up and told me how I make her sick, blah blah blah… she’s transitioning from the begging/pleading stage to the part where she gets p~~~ed off, and man, this woman when she is p~~~ed off is some of the worst stuff I have ever seen from anyone. Ever.
43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.
Anonymous1And to lighten the mood…Stewie provides a lesson…don’t fall for this crap again.
If she is that crazy to break stuff in the house, file as quickly as possible. No remorse.
Wanna see how blue pill I was about January of this year? We were having problems and I just started tapping out an email, kind of like a stream of consciousness poured into writing. Well, in the middle of writing it she called me up and we talked on the phone and kind of worked it out. So I never finished it and never sent it. It just sat in my ‘drafts’ folder. During our recent turmoil, a few weeks back, I decided to show it to her. She read it over and she completely, openly admitted that I was exactly right in what I was saying, but that, and I quote, “it’s for your own good”… here’s what I wrote back in January of this year that was “for my own good”:
From: Blue-Pill-Dumbass
Sent: Tuesday, January 09, 2018 11:24 AM
To: ‘Her’ <her@zzzzz.com>
Subject: (blank because it’s a draft I never sent and didn’t put a subject)Your happiness is the most important thing to me. I really do try very hard to make you happy. I also feel like I’m just not quite good enough. I’m not ‘grown up’ enough, I’m not responsible enough, I don’t do enough, I don’t work hard enough… I get really close sometimes, but I never feel like I graduate and “win”. I feel like every step forward I take, the goal post gets moved another few feet away. I feel like no matter what I do, how much money I make, how nice I can make the house or our things, I come close, but like I said, I never quite make it to a place where I feel like us and our life is good enough for you.
I don’t feel like you respect me at all. I feel like it’s ok for you to get mad at me anytime I do something you don’t like, or don’t do something you want me to do, and when you’re mad at me you can say or do whatever you want, but if I, in return, even have a ugly look on my face then that’s a problem. Like that day I was standing there in the bedroom doing whatever I was doing, putting up laundry or whatever, and out of nowhere you say in a completely nasty tone of voice “You are such a f~~~ing slob!” because of the plate that was on the floor by the bed. I don’t even recall if it was that the dog knocked it down or I just set it there myself since I don’t have a nightstand to set anything on, but when I responded with “Excuse you?! Who do you think you’re talking to like that?!” oh hell, it was on and you were even more mad because how dare I say anything back or ever dare to get mad at you. In order for the day to not be totally ruined I actually had to apologize to you for trying to stick up for myself instead of just letting you talk to me however you please.
I also feel like there’s little to no acknowledgement of the number of good things I do and the energy I put into trying to make our life as good as I can make it. You will certainly say thank you at various times, I’m not saying you don’t say thank you. But I feel like I bend over backwards trying to make you happy by doing things like trying to make it so that you don’t have to do hardly anything when you come home from work. I try to prepare and serve you the best meals I can, bring you anything you ask for, and make you as comfortable as possible day in, day out. Since I have the flexibility to work from home, I try to make sure I keep the house at least reasonably clean and tidy and not let it get totally wrecked. I do better sometimes than others I guess, but I try to keep up with things in general. I guess I feel like between the money I’m lucky enough to bring in and the amount of energy I put into trying to make you happy and provide you with a comfortable home I should be “doing a good job”, and I would hope that you would be proud of me and happy in our relationship. I feel like I come really close, but I just don’t quite cut it to make you actually happy and satisfied. I often wonder if you don’t think that somewhere there’s another man out there who’s more mature, makes more money, has bigger muscles, has his s~~~ together more than I do, etc., and you want me to measure up to what that ideal looks like. I try to envision that ideal that I get from you and I try to model myself after that as much as I can so I can be awesome and impress you but I come up just barely short every time.
I don’t know if you don’t find me attractive anymore, but that’s pretty much how I feel at this point. I don’t feel like you have even one tenth of the interest in having a good sex life as you used to. If you feel like I’ve let myself go or whatever the case may be I’d like to know so I can try do something about it. I feel like unless I get everything just exactly right on a Friday or Saturday night with the right set up, our entertainment, and have perfect timing there’s just no sex at all. I’m not saying that’s your fault, just that that’s how it seems to be. Outside of that I feel like a peck of a kiss at whatever point we’re both home for the day is all the physical affection there is. Even if it’s just a foot rub I try to show you love and affection every day, but that is rarely reciprocated. I’d be glad for the tiny foot rubs I might give you to be longer foot rubs if you would even acknowledge that I’m even touching you.
I even feel like I failed at Christmas. When you said you wanted something like the necklace you had but with white gold and maybe a CZ in the middle you didn’t mention anything about the solitaire in your Grandmother’s ring that you have. If you had mentioned that I surely would have tried to get it mounted in a halo like you wanted instead of getting something new, I guess I just hadn’t heard anything about it in years and it never occurred to me. When I got you that pendant and that other chain, I walked out of the store feeling like I was totally the man and that I had done something awesome and that I had really nailed it and you would be super thrilled. By the time I was trying to put it on you in the bathroom on Christmas Eve I felt like in spite of how good I thought I did I had totally failed to impress you in the slightest. I went from feeling like I had a great Christmas for you to feeling like I just about completely ruined your Christmas altogether and that it went from being good to being totally crap. I feel like if I had gotten you everything I got you and skipped the jewelry altogether it would have been better, but I wanted to really impress you this year. It really bums me out that I managed to do the complete opposite.
In general I feel like I try my best to be really thoughtful, caring, and affectionate. I try to be mindful of the little things like opening doors for you everywhere we go and the big things like redoing our entire bathroom to make it nice. Yes I enjoy a nice bathroom also, but I felt like how it looked was really bothering you so I did something about it even though it was a s~~~ ton of work. I try my hardest to make our life as good as I can and be as supportive of you as I can be, especially when you’re having a hard time with whatever might be going on in life. I try to tailor whatever I or we do based on how you’re feeling at any given moment, but no matter how hard I try I somehow can’t seem to get things just right and that there is always something that’s off.”
The reference above was the $3K diamond pendant and $400 “diamonds by the yard” accent chain I got her for Christmas. She didn’t like it and I ended up having to take it back to the store and take her with me so she could pick out what she wanted. My feelings were so hurt man…
How’s that for some blue pill simp!?!?!?!
I swear man, these f~~~ing women have no idea what they have with us and they just totally use us up and throw us away, meanwhile we have real love and devotion for them and GOD they just totally trash us like we’re just garbage man… it’s no wonder dudes end up in these situations and commit suicide… it really is no wonder…
43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.
Anonymous7Sorry friend, she is banging someone else. Your turn is over.
I know I haven’t posted an intro yet. I’ll try to do that tomorrow. This is the best I can do right now…
I don’t know if I have it in me to type out all the huge long list of reasons and explanations as to why I (43) finally broke down and asked my wife (44) for a divorce Friday night. Together 11 yrs, married 7. She had been out of the home at her daughters for about two weeks and announced she was coming back home and setting up a bedroom in an unused room upstairs. That was last Tuesday. Next day on Wednesday she showed up with a used bed she came up with from somewhere and I helped her haul it upstairs and put it together. I was mostly acting like she wasn’t even there. I didn’t ask her what she wanted for dinner (I always cook for her) like I usually would. That night she asked if she could please sleep in our bed with me. I was like ok, fine. No sex or anything went on. Next night, Thursday night, she was really acting like things were normal.For my part I ended kind of ‘caving’ a little bit and I was like “ok, since I’m going to be in here cooking anyway, this is what I’m making, do you want some?” that sort of thing. Well that night, she wanted to stay in our bed again. I had had several drinks that night and she initiated sex. Against my better judgement, but because I was fairly buzzed up, we ended up having sex.
The next night, this last Friday, after we were done working for the day, I knew I had to tell her I wanted a divorce and I did. We talked for a while, no fighting or anything, and at that point she was like “well, I’m going to need at least six months before I can move out”. I didn’t really respond, but didn’t argue with her about it, I was just like “Hey, we’ll figure it out”, that sort of thing. That night she ended up staying in the spare room upstairs and I stayed in our bedroom. We each had the door closed. The next morning, about 8:00AM, I hear her come down the stairs and leave. I didn’t hear from her the whole day. Then last night I get a text from her that says she’s decided to stay at her daughters for good until she can get her own place and wants me to get the couple utilities that are in her name switched over to mine and get her off our lease asap. She says she’s going to come by tomorrow (which was today) and get her stuff and that the kids (hers) would be coming along to help and they didn’t want to see me. So I left for about three hours and came back after they were gone.
I come back after being gone, and while there is some of her stuff here, 90% of all of her stuff is gone.
Where I’m having a hard time is I have been on an emotional roller coaster all day. Since as soon as I woke up, I’ll be sitting there and I will have this thought of “oh my god, what if I’m making a mistake” and I get hit with a panic attack kind of, and my heart is going all fast and whatnot, and then over the next few minutes I’m like “no, I’m doing the right thing, this is the right thing to do” and I calm down some. Then 20 minutes later, again with the second thoughts and the panic attack following be the clearer thinking that I’m making the right decision. And I just keep going back and forth.
Of course everyone acts like since I initiated this that I’m just all happy and fine, and that I’m having no problem dealing with this. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was talking to a friend and said “well, I guess I should start boxing up all her stuff that she left” and they were like “yeah, but only do what you can do. If you start to do it and it’s too hard just stop and come back to it later. And then they said this… “you can only say goodbye so fast”. I just instantly started bawling. Like this whole thing is so f~~~ing sad and terrible and scary and lonely and empty and it’s just completely awful…. To me the fact that I initiated this is almost irrelevant, at least to me. I feel entirely freaking destroyed and wrecked and don’t know what to do with myself. I went to the grocery store and walked around the store trying not to cry trying to figure out how I do food for just me now and stuff…
Like this is so awful, I really don’t get why her and everyone on ‘her side’ think I should just be right as rain and deserve no consideration whatsoever. I even had to block my oldest step daughter because she kept sending me really awful texts. I kept trying to ignore them but she just kept on until I finally blocked her… like I get that everyone is upset, but this is NOT my fault. Because I finally was beat down so hard for so long for so many years and finally broke doesn’t mean this is all my fault… I know I haven’t given details on background, this is more about where I am right now I guess… and it’s so SO SO BAD………………
Dude I think you are screwed.
No way shes this calm and agrees to this without already having her strategy mapped out.
you just proved she could manipulate you extremely easy.
you dumped sperm in her. she could be pregnant dude. you are f~~~ed if that happens.
Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.
Fortunately she had her s~~~ tied up long before I met her. Been dumping it in for 11 years… zero chance she spits out a kid. Literally the only saving grace I have.
I know who the guy on deck is. I don’t think she’s actually f***ing him yet, but I’d give that another few days, maybe a week or two at best. When my head is on straight it doesn’t bother me because omg I feel sorry for the next dude in line. He has NO idea what he’s getting himself into. She’s under the care of two different mental health professionals and was diagnosed bi-polar years back, but over the years they’ve kind of changed their mind and her current diagnosis is PTSD from past sexual abuse, generalized anxiety disorder, and clinical depression. The depression part has been a thing over the years… she wakes up in the morning, nothing at all bad happens, within 30 minutes she’s walking around crying, can’t tell you what’s wrong or why she’s crying, gets back in the bed and doesn’t get up again until the next day.
Those were the days I went outside and drank a couple beers and washed my car because I knew she was done for the day and wouldn’t come out bitching at me…
43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.
Anonymous14Intro’s come first man..Lesson 1.
Sorry, I know. Lurked for a while to know, just found myself in a space tonight and did the best I could…
43, two marriages, second divorce kicked off 6/22/18. Wife already moved out... I was the best white knight I've ever seen and I still wasn't enough.
Anonymous6Sorry, I know. Lurked for a while to know, just found myself in a space tonight and did the best I could…
Stop posting in this thread. Go to the intro section and put something up there. You can even call it part one. That way when you’re ready you can come back and provide more information in a part 2, part 3, etc. We want to read/ listen to you, but you have to help us by getting us up to speed. We’ve all done an intro by the way so don’t feel singled out.
File, now.
Find and hire THE BEST ATTORNEY NOW.Would you rather be, Santa Claus holding back a pit bull on a choke chain?
Or a bloody unrecognizable PULP on the floor, screaming for mercy, being torn up by a pit bull.It’s ALL ABOUT POWER.
GRAB THE POWER WHILE YOU STILL CAN, AND YOU CAN DECIDE LATER ON TO BE SANTA CLAUS- which I doubt you will, based on the experience you are about to go through.YOU HAVE ALL OF US HERE AT MGTOW AS FRIENDS!
DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT US!"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Anonymous7Calls for an intro are valid. She is banging someone else. Prepare.
Anonymous1Talk to a lawyer about the hammer/destruction circus.
It may lead to a restraining order.
Don’t fix anything until your lawyer says it’s okay, and have plenty of photos.
If she has stuff in your house, ask your lawyer how to get that out.
She must not be allowed in unaccompanied.
She must not be allowed in with just you there.
If you left a thousand or so in a joint account to finish paying bills, she likely has it, and there is NOTHING you can do…it’s HER money just as much as it is yours.Ohhh boy, I know what you going through.
Listen I was married to low key smart narcissist slut.
Like you, she was older than me and I was a white knight.
3 months previous to the ceparation, she was distant, cold, weird and on her birthday I took her out for dinner, got her gold pendants, etc, that night I was helping her undress, nothing sexual for I was tired, when I went to help her with her dress she looked me with a face I never seen before, like I was the most disgusting thing on earth, “what are you doing?” She asked me with almost tears in her eyes, I was astonished.
Next day I went to the kitchen and I tried to talk to her about was going on.
I asked her “is there anything you wanna tell me?”
She told me “ have you thought the chance that I got toguether with you becouse I was alone?”
That was where I told her I wanted the divorce, that same night she got dressed, on make up and stuff, she went to a “party”.
The thing is she was seeing a guy behind my back, a student 14 years younger for months.
You feel like s~~~ becouse of your nature, you are not a bad guy, you feel you are destroying a home and losing a partner, YOU FOOL, she has been slow pressure cooking you for months, she is doing it on purpose, the sex is for maximizing impact, that way you are the bad guy, you are the one destroying everything and she is the poor victim of a horrible man.
There is another guy involved, be 100% sure of that, don’t worry Truth will show up soon.
Now, your brain is gonna take you to dark places, despair, loneliness, insanity, anger, you will look for ways to cope with it, but you won’t be able to, you will break down, you might end up with a gun up to your head, trust me I been there.
IT IS NOT REAL, THOSE FEELINGS ARE NOT YOURS, YOU HAVE BEEN CON INTO BEING THE OPRESOR.
Do not fall for this, I repeat do not fall for this feelings trap.
You have no friends, I know I was the same, I was even living in another country and at the end of my training, I was alone and facing the unknown.
Now the best part, society will see you as a monster, if anyone knows about the break up they will think first “what have he done to f~~~ up?”
Now she will try to use your position of “bad guy” and your guilt to get anything she wants, trust me, when things get to lawyer she will change totally, she doesn’t see you as human, just an utility.
I will never forget those words from my ex wife:
“I felt dirty every time we had sex”
“It is not my foult if you give your 100% in a relationship “
“What ever happens to you is not my problem, I wanna be happy”
“I don’t need you, I can be alone”
“I married you because was the right thing to do”Cold as a brick, no emotion, no change on her face, I swear she was no human.
You have to learn this hard truth.
My advice, lawyer up, change locks and s~~~, go no contact, go to the mountains, the fresh air and nature will help you a lot, let nature heal you.
I hope on day I can see you on this side of the river, who knows maybe you become another alien parasite and a master of 0 f~~~s given.
Post, read, learn, this place is full of knowledge.
To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.
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