WWABD: What would a brother do?

[Symmetric MGTOWParticipant 570]

So my wife, the woman who claims not to trust me anymore because I hurt her in the past (read my introductory topic for more information on the subject), today sent me an email early in the morning asking me for permission to list me as a “person I know well” to get a security clearance.

My first thought was WTF.

Then I reflected more on it, mentioned it to my best friend and I just don’t get it. Why would she ask me to do her that favor? She left me several weeks ago like you get rid of a used tampon, and now she wants my help? And on top of it, it’s for a security clearance? She is technically entrusting me with the possibility of an interview in which I can say whatever I want about her, her mental stability and things like that… why? She does not know if I will be interviewed, there’s the possibility I will, but she is asking me for permission to be listed there.

Why on Earth?

What do women think when they ask for things like these?

I just know I feel anger. Why the hell would you ask the person you have treated like s~~~ and left as soon as you could for a favor of this magnitude.

It just blows my mind.

If anyone can chime in with a possible explanation I would appreciate it.

I don’t know what to do or say. I am not saying anything in the meantime until, at the very least, I process this for a couple of days or talk to my therapist about it.

The only thing I know is that this bothers me deeply, it angers me.

[WolveParticipant 191]

What they’re thinking when they ask for things like that? Well mostly they just left you / dumped you because they didn’t need you anymore/ found someone worth more but then Oops they noticed they made a mistake, they should’ve waited a little bit more because they DID need you for something later on and they don’t even feel too ashamed to ask. Really they don’t I have never heard of a woman who felt too ashamed to ask for help no matter what they did to the other person. Heck I have seen women / girls (at an age in between the two) straight up ruin a guys school life, get them bullied for the rest of their school years, have teachers hate them etc and then just come up and ask: “Yo can you ask your best friend what he thinks of me for me thanks bye”
So ye they really don’t think much at all besides “He has something I want / need how do I get it?” and most of the time they get away with asking even if they did something horrible to the man.

[Soldier-MedicParticipant 2566]

Symmetric MGTOW wrote:

I just know I feel anger. Why the hell would you ask the person you have treated like s~~~ and left as soon as you could for a favor of this magnitude.

My guess would be is that she figures that you owe her.

She left two weeks ago. All it takes is for her to start making false or true allegations.

Chances are that you won’t be interviewed. You guys are separated. They may not believe anything you have to say either because you would falsely say nice things or because of your animus, you would say false negative things.

"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.

[Symmetric MGTOWParticipant 570]

Soldier-Medic wrote:

JeffersonianLiberal wrote:

I just know I feel anger. Why the hell would you ask the person you have treated like s~~~ and left as soon as you could for a favor of this magnitude.

My guess would be is that she figures that you owe her.
She left two weeks ago. All it takes is for her to start making false or true allegations.
Chances are that you won’t be interviewed. You guys are separated. They may not believe anything you have to say either because you would falsely say nice things or because of your animus, you would say false negative things.

She left back at the end of July. It’s been more than two weeks.

It might be that she thinks that I owe her… but what?

Geez…

And I don’t know man. They might interview me. It’s for a government job and they do try to find out if the candidate for the clearance is trustworthy/won’t be a liability at some point. I would not discard that possibility.

There’s a reason why she has the need to ask me: she probably does need to list me.

Still, this nonsense just sets me back when I’m doing so much better when compared to a few weeks ago.

[Symmetric MGTOWParticipant 570]

Wolve wrote:

What they’re thinking when they ask for things like that? Well mostly they just left you / dumped you because they didn’t need you anymore/ found someone worth more but then Oops they noticed they made a mistake, they should’ve waited a little bit more because they DID need you for something later on and they don’t even feel too ashamed to ask. Really they don’t I have never heard of a woman who felt too ashamed to ask for help no matter what they did to the other person. Heck I have seen women / girls (at an age in between the two) straight up ruin a guys school life, get them bullied for the rest of their school years, have teachers hate them etc and then just come up and ask: “Yo can you ask your best friend what he thinks of me for me thanks bye”So ye they really don’t think much at all besides “He has something I want / need how do I get it?” and most of the time they get away with asking even if they did something horrible to the man.

This sounds more like her. She is being very pragmatic in this regard.

She has treated me with infinite coldness and indifference for weeks, but now, all of a sudden, she needs me for something this important.

Women are seriously f~~~ing insane.

I would never ask for her to do something like that for me under these circumstances, NEVER.

But then again, I am a man, so there…

[OldscoundrellParticipant 412]

How does your play in the matter effect you??

If you are still going through divorce, the more she makes the better off you will be. So think of it as doing yourself a favor, to move one step closer to rid of the neediness.

[Robert HallamParticipant 696]

I like Colbshank’s response. Look at it from the economics. If it helps get her off your payrole do her the favour. and remind her you may want one too in the future.

[MonkeyMindParticipant 5340]

Yeah, women. They’re all f~~~nut crazy.

Do what you think wil serve you best in the long run given the divorce and remaining civil, just don’t expect her to return the favour because women don’t work that way. Beyond that, f~~~ ’em.

[PhantomParticipant 3328]

Symmetric MGTOW wrote:

The only thing I know is that this bothers me deeply, it angers me.

It used to drive me up the wall to no end when my 2nd XW would ask me for help after she destroyed me. I am not going to propose anything about what you should do here, regarding this, other than this one thing. Trying to get your thoughts clear with this, so you are not emotional will certainly be to your advantage on which way you decide to go with it.

I know what I just said may sound f~~~ing ludicrous, but I was an emotional wreck during the divorce, and that’s a freakin’ understatement to say the least. All I know, is after I cried my eyes out, yelled at the sky, it finally helped me to start thinking of my situation more instead of having my feelings hijacking my mind.

I am not trying to encourage you to have a meltdown with tears & yelling, I am simply stating that I had to, so it wouldn’t bother me deeply and have me so angry. My divorce was more complicated than I care to admit & share, and I needed my mind as clear as I could manage.

[Swen AugustParticipant 373]

Any one ever hear this? I hate him beat him up- he raped me kill him.
In my life I learned that women think mostly about benefits for themselves.
Search your heart and do what is right for you.

Women and cats do whatever they want – Men and dogs might as well relax….Robert Heinlein

[Mr. SpockParticipant 10909]

Sir, I would consider if whether listing you as person that she knows well, could be used against you. If they determine that she is a liability or untrustworthy, would that lower their opinion of you and the work that you have done? If so then I’d decline. Your reputation and credibility are worth more than a reduction in what you would pay if she doesn’t get the job.
Good Luck and stay strong.

Feminism isn't about equality with men, it's about leverage over men.

[DDJParticipant 1880]

This is a narcissist trying to keep you in her orbit.

Get away from her and cut off all contact ASAP. That said, if she asks why, let her know that you are no longer together…she should ask the guy she was seeing on the side for a reference, rather than you…women always swing from branch to branch, grabbing another before letting go of the first.

Every woman is a slut, if you catch her on the right day.

[HitmanParticipant]

i got a book called ” being a good divorced dad ” simply put , the theme was that even tho you might love to ruin the bitch , in the long run it will keep hostility going and going .. try to be civil and thats it. as you move on in time all her ammo on you is older and older because you aren’t handing her new stuff to use against you..especially if kids are involved.. it’s a strategy which helped me alot .ya might want to help her a bit because in the long run it might HURT YOU LESS …good luck dude !

[ILiveAgainParticipant]

Remember you are a utility to them. Just as a tool would be used.

She has used you but now a new tool is out. However, the old tool (you) is now in the tool box in the shed (separation/divorce).

When needed, the old tool will be called back in service…. and as with all old tools …. you are being used for the s~~~ work to avoid the new tool getting damaged.

Rust yourself up with rain and salt. Become so corroded she’ll just throw you away.

Don’t be that tool ?

[aeragoanParticipant 1186]

She is manipulating you again for her own benefits..she is very well know that you have feelings for her…women are good master manipulators and wicked…..it’s up to you whether you be a man or white knight…

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

She wants something and she thinks she can use you to get it. It’s that simple. She doesn’t care that she hurt you or that you may have bad feelings about it or that you could potentially retaliate against her, she just wants something and she thinks she can use you to get it,

It really is that simple.

[Symmetric MGTOWParticipant 570]

Brothers, thank you so much for your thoughts and comments on this situation.

It is clear to me that she needs me, and she might be aware that she is asking for too much. After all she asked for my permission. I haven’t granted her permission to do anything, if she does add me to that list and I get a phone call for an interview (which is very likely because I am still her husband, so I should know a lot about her and her trustworthiness) I will not consent to the interview when called, and I will mention that I never consented to be added to her list, etc…

There are no children involved in this mess, thank god. All we are trying to work out is the division of debt (no assets, thank god again!).

But it does bother me that she has this attitude towards me, as in “I can dump you because I think you are worthless under the excuse of not trusting you anymore, but if I need you for a job I will not hesitate to ask for your help”. The job thing particularly p~~~es me off a lot because SHE HAD A JOB HERE. And she quit it in a very reckless way at the beginning of July. Then she said she would stay with me to work out our relationship issues and when she was on her way out of the state she actually mentioned that, she said that another reason why she was leaving aside from the trust issues was that once she quit her previous job, now her prospects were looking ‘poor’ and she didn’t want to depend on me (I offered to support her while she worked on getting a new job) because, again, she did not trust me.

Writing this and remembering all these little details just angers me a bit more… WTF

I am even starting to believe what DDJ, she might be slightly narcissist, but I am not sure… she does, however, have no qualms about asking for such a big favor after doing what she’s done.

Haven’t replied yet but the more I think about it, the more it feels like I will just tell her that I am not her tool in the shed to store and use whenever she wants to. She laid her bed, she can lie in it. I will, however, wait until I talk to my therapist to make a move. All your comments, however, are GREATLY appreciated. They gave me perspective and more to think about in regards to this situation because I am sure some of you have been through similar situations.

Thanks!

Will keep you guys posted in the future.

But one thing is for sure, I thank god for finding you. MGTOW has really changed my life for the better and is helping me navigate through a lot of BS. It would have been way harder to do this without you guys.

[OldBillParticipant]

I’ve had a security clearance at varying levels since the Carter Administration and have been involved in various personal reliability programs for just as long. Believe me when I tell you this: DO NOT get involved in this woman’s background security check.

Tell her that she may not list you. If she asks for an explanation or if you feel you should give her one, remind her of the pending divorce. The fact that you no longer want her in your life means you cannot truthfully provide a positive opinion regarding her trustworthiness.

Let me also suggest you tell this woman that she may not contact you directly for any reason whatsoever and that all future contact must be made though your lawyer. Tell her that any future direct contact by her will result in legal action.

Treat her like the cancer she is and cut her out of your life permanently.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Symmetric MGTOWParticipant 570]

OldBill wrote:

I’ve had a security clearance at varying levels since the Carter Administration and have been involved in various personal reliability programs for just as long. Believe me when I tell you this: DO NOT get involved in this woman’s background security check.
Tell her that she may not list you. If she asks for an explanation or if you feel you should give her one, remind her of the pending divorce. The fact that you no longer want her in your life means you cannot truthfully provide a positive opinion regarding her trustworthiness.
Let me also suggest you tell this woman that she may not contact you directly for any reason whatsoever and that all future contact must be made though your lawyer. Tell her that any future direct contact by her will result in legal action.
Treat her like the cancer she is and cut her out of your life permanently.

Hi OldBill,

Could you provide a bit more information on why that should be avoided at all costs?

Thank you!

[OldBillParticipant]

Symmetric MGTOW wrote:

Could you provide a bit more information on why that should be avoided at all costs?

Sure.

First, it gets you in databases. Government databases. Post-911 Government databases. And you’re there permanently. This isn’t some tin-foil hat style concern either.

Decades after I listed them as an employment contact, I still need to explain during rechecks my “relationship” with an individual who starting dealing cocaine several years after I knew them. I also still need to explain my “relationship” in the 1980s with someone who was deported in ’90s. They’d been brought to the US from Italy as an infant, never bothered to get their citizenship, and were eventually deported due to a lengthy string of petty crimes. Decades after the fact and despite my not knowing whether they’re alive or dead, both these people are still hanging around my neck.

Second, if she passes the background check only to f~~~ up and lose the job, you and everyone else she listed are now tagged with her failure. (After reading your introduction, I’d say her chance of not f~~~ing up is about 50:50.) If you ever need a background check, need to work for the government directly, or need to work for a firm which does government business (whether your specific job in that firm is government related or not), she and her failure are going to show up in your background check. You are going to have to explain that failure.

I can list all sorts of other reasons but this analogy should get the idea across: Would you co-sign a loan for her? Would you put yourself in a position where a lending institution could come after you if she f~~~s up?

I think you know the answer to that question and I think you know what you should do concerning her request.

Good luck, man. You’re on the road to a better life and you’re going to make it.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

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