"Would"vs. "Should"

[Governor Megachris%Participant 3584]

Here’s one thing I’ve noticed about how men decide and take care of things vs. women:

Most of the male friends I know would say, for example, that if they would like to meet up somewhere, they’d say, “hey man, I will be at [insert place here].  Would you like to meet up and kill some time?”

When females I knew wanted to go do anything, it was said like this: “we should totally go to [insert place here].”

It’s like when a man makes either a recommendation or a request, it feels like a legitimate request, and I don’t feel like they’re trying to snake their way into my mind.  I feel like a male genuinely cares about my well-being when they tell me something that they “think is a good idea.”  When a woman tells me she thinks I SHOULD do something, I feel like they’re making a demand that they want me to meet or they’ll use it against me later.  I also feel like when they think I “should” do something, they’re using it to benefit themselves more.

Is this making any sense to anyone?  I’ll try to clarify if not.  It was just something I’d been thinking about the past couple of weeks but never thought to bring up.

[SurlymonocleParticipant 38]

Hey, I’ve noticed this, too!  I never really thought about it until you brought it up!  This is a good point!  Now that I think about it, “should” almost always proceeds shaming language as well.

[Governor Megachris%Participant 3584]

Maybe it’s because now that I’ve backed off women more than I ever have before, I’m seeing how they said how much I “should” do things for them, while my male friends have never made me feel obligated to do anything.  I actually felt like I could say “no” if I wanted to, and they didn’t make me feel bad about it.  Saying “no” to a woman after she says you “should” do something only results in her trying to shame you and make your mutual friends around you see you as “shame-worthy.”  Guys don’t normally tell their friends around them that you say “no.”  They normally respect it and keep being friends with you anyway.

[MetalHeadParticipant 40]

I’ve had a similar thought before. What you’re saying makes total sens! Reminds of the experiences I’ve had between making plans with a guy vs. a girl. When I or any of my dude friends make plans to hang out it’s set. We say “sounds good, I’ll be there.” If someone else then tries to make plans we we either include them or simply tell them we had already made other plans. The only exceptions being emergencies, unexpected things popping up, etc…Trying to make plans with a girl the response is generally along the lines of “Yea! Maybe, I’ll let you know.” And low and behold the day before or day of said plans they happen to remember that they had this that or the other thing they had already made plans for. Of course this is BS and they simply didn’t want to commit to anything in case something more appealing came along and by using the word “maybe” they get an easy out.

Hopefully I didn’t derail the OP too much 😛

[Governor Megachris%Participant 3584]

Perfect.  They expect to be catered to when they make plans (“should”) and don’t want to commit to plans themselves (“would” as in “I would, but…”).

[MetalHeadParticipant 40]

Governor Megachris% wrote:

They normally respect it and keep being friends with you anyway.

I think that respect is a big part of it too. I have no problem telling my friends “no” or “I don’t like your idea” and they do the same thing to me on occasion but we always respect each other’s wishes and opinions.

[SurlymonocleParticipant 38]

Hey, Your point still stands, man!  I completely agree!  Not one of my men friends ever made me “feel” like I had to attend anything.  Your observation is 100% accurate!  That is truth right there!  If you can believe it, I once had a women tell me I “should” pay child support, despite the fact that I have a complete and total lack of children.

 

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

Females just want to have the sense that they’re going to do something exciting (We should totally hang out!) without having to commit to it as well as the option to bail at the last minute if their feelings should change.

The fundamental thing to know here is this: Men see the world in absolute terms of what is and what is not and, although a man may be wrong about what is or isn’t, his understanding of himself and others is still shaped by this objective world view. Females, on the other hand, see the world as fluid based on how they feel at the moment. Her subjective world view produces truths according to her particular point of view at the moment. A good way to capture this sort of thinking would be to imagine a female saying “I don’t care what you think you remember me saying, this is how I feel right now.”

So when a female you meet on Wednesday says “We should get together on Friday night.” and then Friday comes around and she’s a no-call, no-show, it’s because her reality has changed. YOU had a plan and YOU expected it to happen… you may have even made reservations or cleaned your house and gone grocery shopping in preparation… but she just had a fleeting notion at that moment that seeing you later would be interesting and the winds of change have been blowing through her for three whole days since then… she could be in Bali f~~~ing a yogi by now (and if she had the money, she probably would be).

This is why you never make plans to meet a female later. You take her where you want her to be when the moment hits, before something else can come along and claim her fleeting attention.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Surlymonocle wrote:

If you can believe it, I once had a women tell me I “should” pay child support, despite the fact that I have a complete and total lack of children.

Everybody who pays taxes pays “child support” in many ways. The list is long; it starts with the public schools and ends with entitlements to single mothers.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Governor Megachris%Participant 3584]

It’s almost like women (and many weak men that seek to impress women) see the world in some postmodernist viewpoint:  Truth in the world is subjective and instead of it being the way that it is as men see it (as Doc said above), women see it as how they think it should be, and as a result they don’t believe that the reality in front of them is the one, true reality.  Now I’m getting all philosophical here (which would belong in the “Philosophy” section, I suppose). 😛 Thinking too much gets me there!

[Anonymous 2]

Whenever a women uses the word “should” I ask the same, single question each and every time.

“according to whom?”

Always shuts them up.

 

 

[Governor Megachris%Participant 3584]

Perfect.  If that term “should” ever comes up again (as I try to avoid women that use the terminology anymore, i.e. nearly every woman), I’m using that.

[XSDBSParticipant 3598]

Stargazer wrote:

This is why you never make plans to meet a female later. You take her where you want her to be when the moment hits

EXACTLY!!!

“making plans later” makes HER a higher priority than YOU.

“when the moment hits” makes YOU the (only) priority (that matters).

[Author]

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