Home › Forums › Marriage & Divorce › Wife Takes Off Her Wedding Ring In Bars
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Total Lee 4 years, 11 months ago.
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I have been married to my wife for nearly 20 years now. We have had good and bad years like most. I recently noticed one night when I took her out her body language and posture was different. We were with friends and she remained belly up to the bar leaning into and chatting up the male bartenders. She new them quite personally. Her back stayed to me most of the night. Her conversations with me were short and sweet. How did she know she know these bartenders so personally? I had to ask her if she was with me or that bartender. She just laughed. The next night she went out solo with her girlfriends. I have no problem with her going out with her friends. It’s important we both have social lives outside of each other. I just had a bad gut feeling when she left this particular night. Her phone was blowing up with text messages for hours prior to her departure. I waited a few hours and decided to check out what she was up to. I went to her usual hang out and there she was. Rocking it on the dance floor with her friend. They were chatting with some guys near them. That didn’t look too bad though. She pulls out her camera. She and her buddy start laughing and cutting up with the male bartenders. They are snuggling up and taking lots of pics together with them. I notice her rub her left hand through her hair. That’s cute. Who’s that single bitch sitting on the bar. Where the hell is her wedding ring. I approach her at the bar and tap her on the back. She turns with her eyes wide open and hugs me. She was very excited to see me. I reached down and asked her where her ring was. She casually pulls her key ring out of her purse. She expects me to believe she takes it off as part of a fantasy. She says she just out with her friend having fun and what does it matter? “I always come home and bang you.” She does f~~~ like a rabbit when she comes home. She then got p~~~y and said, “None of this would have happened if you just waited 30 minutes for me to call you.” I am her DD when she goes out. She was only upset that I put a damper on her evening. When I told her not single chick without a wedding ring was coming home with me she then let me know that our small business, house, and bed was 50% of hers in the State of Florida. WTF… What’s your take on this nonsense?
If you telling her that you expect her to take her wedding vow seriously and represent herself as your wife… and doing so in a very clever way which clearly indicates that you are NOT interested in dating other women… is met with a threat of divorce, then you should start to file those papers yourself.
You probably won’t get off any better in the end, but at least you’ll be able to say that you saw it coming and made the necessary move of your own volition rather than letting the situation drive you.
If I were on a date and the girl was flirting with the bartender or another dude rather than paying attention to me, I would just walk… 20 years of marriage is no difference. Every day is a canceled check and every tomorrow is an opportunity to move forward in a new direction.
These days more than ever, women are using a bunch of guys to fill certain slots (or holes) in their lives. This one is her boyfriend. That one gives her attention and buys her s~~~. This one is a shoulder to cry on. That one likes all of her Facebook photos. There’s the guy she harmlessly flirts with at work. The gay one goes shoe shopping with her and she can compare stories about men with him … you get the idea. Then there is the dutiful husband / boyfriend. The reliable one who will “always be there for her no matter what” – who is the designated driver when she goes out to have fun without him.
OK, so she’s still a minx in bed for you, but in your big paragraph it doesn’t sound like any of this is fun for you.
Gone are the days when a woman is devoted to one – even just to keep up appearances. I’m not impugning your wife. It’s a general observation. Keeping up appearances is your duty as much as hers.
I’ve also pushed a girlfriend out the door to go have fun with her friends because I was never much into going out with 4 SexAndTheCity chicks to slurp martinis… but one night, a significant ex was dressing up a LITTLE too “slutty” – in a way she never previous dressed for me. The heels a little too high. The boobs pushed together too much and the hair teased up to the moon. It didn’t smell right. But I’ve always encouraged independence in women and would rather she preferred someone else than to leave just because she tired of me. Fortunately women are like monkeys and they don’t let go of one branch until they have a good grip on the NEXT, and there’s very little a man can do when she’s all flirty with other guys.
So to keep control was to NOT control and insist she do whatever she wants. “….but you can’t be in a relationship with ME. Im not a controlling person. You can do whatever (and whoever) you want, but you can’t be in a relationship with me.”. This didn’t actually change anything. It just set a parameter of which I expected her to be aware. Women are not used to that. You give them COMPLETE freedom, but if they choose it, you will not be entirely devoted to her. It’s fair and reasonable.
NoW she would either stray or she would not.
She will either be entirely devoted or she will not.Personally, I need to know she is there – at all times – because she wants to be, and not out of some sense of obligation or resent. I prefer she knows she can walk at any time, and every minute she is there is because she wants to be. You’ll find when you show women the door and point out it’s unlocked and she can leave any time… they are suddenly less reluctant to use it.
If you’re not her priority, you’re only an option. If you’re feeling like you’re “the option”, it’s time to change something up. That might be different for you than it is for me, but if my wife ever removed the ring she wouldn’t be my wife anymore. She can’t do that.
“None of this would have happened if you just waited 30 minutes for me to call you.”
That’s unacceptable.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Dude…just drop the issue and hire a private investigator to gather the dirt on her. In the mean time just apologize or do whatever you have to do to make things appear they are “back to normal”. Quietly go consult an attorney and find a P.I. She just threatened you. Ask yourself, “Does one levy threats against the person with whom they made a lifetime committment?”. The answer is a resounding “NO!”.
Cupcake is going to eventually cut you loose, take 50% (or more) of your assets, and probably squander it all with one of her boy toy bartenders. If she hasn’t already cut a new stud from the herd, she has already pulled the saddle out of the barn!
HISTORY...learn from it, memorize it, DON'T repeat it...Are there any children?
Yes, three kids.
All the more reason to keep your head low, quietly consult an attorney, and try to get any dirt you can. Considering she has a husband and 3 kids (a family!), she is behaving selfishly and irresponsibly IMHO. Most MATURE and REASONABLE ADULTS realize these childish ways must cease when you are responsible and accountable to something greater than onesself (a family).
Ask yourself this question; if you flipped the script and did EXACTLY what she is doing, how would SHE react? My bet is she would have a gaggle of her hags at your door with torches and pitchforks. Time to start your silent maneuvers to out-strategy your enemy. As hard as it may be to accept, these are the dangerous waters you are likely navigating now.
HISTORY...learn from it, memorize it, DON'T repeat it...‘Very sorry to read this happening to you. As I read this, I see some dots, and I’ll connect some of them.
A seasoned PI who has experience with cheating spouses will tell you that, especially after many consistent years, sudden changes in character and behavior don’t just happen without a reason. New perfume, new taste in clothes, music, hairstyle, body language, posture, eating and exercise habits are indicators that mean little in isolation. In fact, they can mean a variety of different things…usually nothing. But in the aggregate, when they all begin simultaneously, the most likely scenario is that they are all occurring for the same reason. PI’s are cynical, and so am I. We think women who behave this way are already having an affair, or are about to start one.
But my cynicism does not prove anything. I don’t know your wife beyond what you’ve written here. But from what you’ve written here, I can make some observations: She turns her back on you and chats with the bartender. When you say something about it, she laughs. These are enormously disrespectful to you wether she’s officially screwing around or not.
She goes to a bar full of single men without her husband and takes her ring off. This is enormously disrespectful to her/your marriage. She is announcing to the world, or at least everyone in that bar, that she is not married…has not made any promise to love, honor, cherish anyone… and is under no obligation to behave as though she has. It’s a false announcement, of course…so not even completely respectful of the people in the bar. But she doesn’t really owe anyone in the bar honesty, or anything else that was never promised to them. She promised these things to you, and if you’ve delivered on yours, she has failed to reciprocate.
For her to say, “what’s the difference as long as I come home and bang you?” carries a message that is clear to me, but may not be as clear to you. What I hear in that message is “If I’m providing sex, you have no basis to expect respect from me”. This is what you get from a prostitute, albeit in exchange for sex at a far less expensive rate. What she’s telling is you is that, in exchange for what you’re providing her, she is providing sex, but respect does not come with it. If there was any doubt about that second part, she makes a threat. She could have acknowledged that she disrespected someone who’s been earning for her for 20 years and apologized. But she made a threat instead. That was a conscious choice for her. I can’t think of a scenario where it’s possible to threaten someone and respect them simultaneously.
Lots of women believe that sex is the only thing that matters to men and as long as they provide it, they need offer nothing else and can demand whatever the hell they want in return for it. They have many indicators that demonstrate this is true, but it isn’t. Men do not maintain loyalty long without respect. In Latin communities in particular, that machismo philosophy is all about respect. Their house, family, kids, jobs etc. They are obsessed with all the signs of respect, or lack thereof. Asians are similarly all about ‘saving face’. I’m neither Asian or Latin, but I’ve learned from watching them and speaking to them that you if you let someone disrespect you long enough, soon, no one else will…including you.
One old latin guy explained it this way: ‘…without respect, life is not really worth living. And so disrespect is the same as a threat on my life, and I treat it accordingly…’. he emphasized that violence isn’t always necessary to ensure respect, but constant awareness of it is.
The threat is to take half the assets you’ve earned over the last 20 years, break up the family, and extract a significant portion of the assets you’re going to earn in the future in the form of child support. I don’t think carrying it out is a smart move for her to make, but that won’t stop her from doing it. I can tell you that it’s not smart for her, because I am one of a group of 40 something males with no kids, no debt and good earning potential…etc that she probably believes are waiting for her to become actually single again instead of just acting the part…so that we can replace you. But we aren’t.
We are not waiting to replace you. She is not ‘special’ to anyone but you. We and others may flirt and dance with her in a bar…but we are not looking to earn for her for the next 20 years. If she makes good on this threat, she will become a 40 something (assuming age from 20 years of marriage) divorcee with 3 kids. We are not looking to earn for her, to promise her anything or to deliver much of anything. She’s got very little to offer us except sex. Sex with her is worth a lot to you because you can’t f~~~ anyone but her. She’s essentially the only woman on this planet for you to f~~~. For you, the fair price is high enough that you are (possibly at least considering) trading away your self respect for it.
But I can f~~~ anyone I want, and I got 3 billion options. What makes her think any of us would choose her over any of the decades younger, better looking childless women lined up next to her?
Sorry to sound as graphic and harsh as I do here. I’m trying to clear some fog. She’s either the wife and other of your kids and the last woman on earth you will have sex with, or she’s (at least behaving like) a bar-fly gold digging skunk. It’s tough for you because you have a decision to make, and it’s not quite clear yet what you are dealing with (though it sounds like the fog is starting to clear). The action you should take for one is so vastly different than for the other that you can’t split the difference. To me, it seems the first necessary step is to figure out what you are dealing with, because either one involves a pretty extreme decision.
When you’re in a building, and the lights start to flicker, you start to smell smoke, the air is getting warmer and you can hear screaming in the distance and rapid foot steps outside the door… There might not actually be a real fire. You don’t necessarily have to panic or assume there is a fire, but you’d be an idiot not to go and find out for certain wether or not there is one.
Hire the private investigator, and while he does his work, learn as mush as you can about the divorce laws in your state and how to prepare for the process. (Figure out if there’s a fire while sorting out the path to the nearest exit if it turns out there is one).
Sorry again for your situation and for the harshness at which I view it. Please keep us posted here. There are many here whose experience you might benefit from and at least as many that may benefit from yours…
Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you
Soul Man has layed it out for you and Brain Pilot is offering you the red pill. It’s a tough spot you’re in.
Consider both scenarios, staying with a wife who acts like she’s single when you are not around or kicking her to the curb and ask yourself, where will I be a year from now for both choices. 2 years from now? Which path looks better for you? Your kids?
Go your own way!
Good luck.
Just rolling down the road
Anonymous5Get all your money out of the country right now and just leave by yourself. Go somewhere else in the world and start a new life. The divorce is coming soon, she will get the kids and house anyway, so just leave them behind and screw paying child support.
It’s unfair that you have to lose everything, but she will win it all and leave you broke, renting out of a cheap apartment, not let you see the kids and force you to turn to alcoholism as you finally pull the trigger.
Just apologize too your kids and that they will understand when they get older, get your money, then fly and live the mgtow way.
I can’t tell all of you enough how grateful I am to have received such unbiased feedback. I guess I want and love the idea of her so much that I have been overlooking and accommodating her ill behavior for a very long time. I just hate that she tries to make me fill like the bad guy for disapproving of her utter disrespect of our union.
Get your lawyer and get fully armed now. I was in a very similar situation. Married 14 years with 2 kids. Wife got everything she wanted. Found out 6 months ago she has been f~~~ing another man for one year. Once I caught her, she completely changed into not only the whore I learned that she was but, a crazy evil bitch. She is blaming me for everything and now has left and moved into our second home. Like you, I want to love my wife and hoped this was not real but dude, that is not the case with my wife and probably not the case with your wife. If she is threatening you, women only have that type of strength when they are getting f~~~ed already from someone else, so get your s~~~ together, get a PI for proof (that will help with not having to pay alimony), and also use the PI proof as a threat to expose her to the community for what she really is if she comes after too many of your assets.
These guy give good advice take it and use It to your advantage, all I can add is become a good actor yourself. keep your plans secret. Stash as much money aside as you can without raising her suspicions.
I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at those who misunderstand me. Kind mockery at the well intentioned, but unfettered cruelty towards those would be prison guards of my creative possibilities. This so as to learn as much from misunderstanding as from understanding. Taking pleasure in worthy opponents and making language fluid and flowing like a river yet pointed and precise as a dagger. Contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful linguistic dance, A verbal martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.
Sounds like you got demoted to being the backup and she’s looking for a new “adventure”.
As others already stated, behave like normal and silently prepare for a break up in the background. You have the advantage of being able to prepare.
I’m sorry for you.
And don’t tell your kids about anything. Wait for it to happen so they can experience that it is your wife’s fault and not yours. Or they will probably put the dislike on you. They need to experience it, I don’t know how old they are but if they’re young, words only do wrong.
I know I’m going to get hell for this, but whatever.
OP is my wife. She came here to talk with “those people you associate with”, waited for replies, then printed it out in order to accost me with people’s opinions. Unfortunately for her, I found the 10 pages of printed material on a table under some other paperwork. Oops…
<span style=”font-family: ‘Open Sans’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;”>I have been married to my wife for nearly 20 years now. We have had good and bad years like most. I recently noticed one night when I took her out her body language and posture was different. We were with friends and she remained belly up to the bar leaning into and chatting up the male bartenders. She new them quite personally. Her back stayed to me most of the night. Her conversations with me were short and sweet. How did she know she know these bartenders so personally? I had to ask her if she was with me or that bartender. She just laughed. </span>
OK, the night we were with friends:
We went to three bars, the first, McGuire’s, to eat and have a drink or two. The next one, Coyote Ugly. The final one was a local dance club where we went dancing (yeh, she forgot the part where we went dancing for hours because it didn’t fit her narrative).
Now, chatting with the bartenders. She is referring to one of the ex-bartenders that was on the bar dancing. I asked her why she was here because I thought she quit. She answered she did but was in town and thought she would stop by for old time’s sake. That’s it. That is considered “chatting up the ‘male’ bartenders”. Do I know her “quite personally”? Nope. I don’t even know her name. All I know is that when I shake my empty cup at her, she makes me my drink without me having to tell her what I want.
Was my back to my wife? Yes, me and my friend were facing the bar. Where was the mrs. and her friend? They left us as soon as we got there and we didn’t see them for a good 10-20 minutes. What were they doing? I don’t know but I’m not going to get all third degree on what went on when she was out of my sight. Was my back to my wife when they decided to grace us with their presence? Yes. I was talking to my friend and having a good time. Did we turn around and acknowledge their arrival and talk to them? Yes. Did we give them our undivided attention, look only in their eyes, and did nothing but? No.
<span style=”font-family: ‘Open Sans’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;”>The next night she went out solo with her girlfriends. I have no problem with her going out with her friends. It’s important we both have social lives outside of each other. I just had a bad gut feeling when she left this particular night. Her phone was blowing up with text messages for hours prior to her departure. I waited a few hours and decided to check out what she was up to. I went to her usual hang out and there she was. Rocking it on the dance floor with her friend. They were chatting with some guys near them. That didn’t look too bad though. She pulls out her camera. She and her buddy start laughing and cutting up with the male bartenders. </span>
Yes, I went out the next night with my friends; it’s guy’s night afterall. My phone was blowing up with text messages because it was a group mms and there were 4 guys talking. I even told her as such. She did travel 20 miles to where I was, she did find me on the dance floor, I was drunk and was dancing by myself. Was I chatting up women next to me? Nope. Did I say anything to any woman near me? Yep. I said “Sorry” many times because I bumped into them. Did I pull out my camera and take pics with the bartenders? Nope. That was my friend. He took a selfie with a bartender (singular, not plural).
<span style=”font-family: ‘Open Sans’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;”>They are snuggling up and taking lots of pics together with them. I notice her rub her left hand through her hair. That’s cute. Who’s that single bitch sitting on the bar. Where the hell is her wedding ring. I approach her at the bar and tap her on the back. She turns with her eyes wide open and hugs me. She was very excited to see me. </span>
Nope. I don’t know if you guys know this, I’m quite sure you do, but female bartenders don’t go around snuggling with male patrons. So, not only was I not taking pictures with the bartenders, I was not snuggling up to them. Did my wife approach me and tap me on the back? Yep, on the dance floor. Was I excited to see her? Yep. I was glad to see her.
<span style=”font-family: ‘Open Sans’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;”>I reached down and asked her where her ring was. She casually pulls her key ring out of her purse. She expects me to believe she takes it off as part of a fantasy. She says she just out with her friend having fun and what does it matter? </span>
Yep, my ring was on my keyring. I’m the only married guy in the group. I take it off to fit in with the guys and to also not scare off any women they may pick up (ooh a married man is with you guys, you’re all married – or whatever female logic tells them). Have I picked up any women with or without my ring on? Nope.
<span style=”font-family: ‘Open Sans’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;”>“I always come home and bang you.” She does f~~~ like a rabbit when she comes home. She then got p~~~y and said, “None of this would have happened if you just waited 30 minutes for me to call you.” I am her DD when she goes out. She was only upset that I put a damper on her evening. </span>
I did say that. The funny things that are spewed when drunk, eh? The reason I was p~~~ed about her showing up is that she’s done this on multiple occasions, and by multiple, I don’t mean twice, three times, or 10.
<span style=”font-family: ‘Open Sans’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;”> When I told her not single chick without a wedding ring was coming home with me she then let me know that our small business, house, and bed was 50% of hers in the State of Florida. WTF… What’s your take on this nonsense?</span>
Yes, I did say those things. I said those things because she keeps referring to OUR business as hers. She keeps telling people all the work she has done at the business, but nothing I’ve done, therefore people keep lavishing her with praise at what a wonderful job SHE has done building the business. Let’s not mention that I was the one that funded it for the first three years when it wasn’t profitable. Let’s not mention me insisting, literally forcing, that the business be moved out of the house and to a commercial location. Let’s not mention I found that location, negotiated a fair price for a lease, continually went up to County to deal with all the work permits and change of use red tape. Let’s not mention the logo I created, the colorscheme, the awesome sign out front, the repairs that have to be done continuously, running security camera wires throughout the attic during the summer, and on and on and on. Nope. All her! So that’s why I mentioned the 50% figure. She seems to be under the impression that it is all hers, and she let’s her friends and family know how much she has worked on HER business. So, when she showed up, made a mountain out of a molehill AGAIN, and threatened to kick me out of our house, I put her back into reality mode.
Now, why do I have guy’s night? Because when I graduated college, I worked like a dog. I had no friends for 10 years. I was pretty well isolated. Only after when we moved back into town and I endured 7 years of her going out with her friends, coming home a few times at 5am (I think once was at 8am, the sun was up), taking our boat out to a well known party spot with her pals all day (all skimped out in bikinis and the cooler loaded with drinks), paying her father’s truck payment with my money, doing her best to make me jealous when we go out (by talking to a bartender? No, by slowly backing into guys until their dick is about a good inch from her ass and her looking at me like ‘what you gonna do about it’), pushing my buttons, and talking so much crap about me to her friends that all but maybe one don’t like me and even one is SCARED to be around me (literally, the woman thinks I’m going to kill her). Oh yeh, she talks crap about me to her family to the point that they think I’m going to kill her one day. REALLY? I also lost $30,000 because she decided to go halfsies with her brother on a condo purchase. Yep, the bank took that back. I lost $70,000 when she talked me into letting her other brother purchase our other house and when the deal fell through, letting him rent the place. During that time, the market crashed and now we can’t get near that much for the place. Also, that brother left the house in shambles and we have to pay thousands of dollars getting it rent-ready again. Did I mention that everything is my fault? Kids acting up? My fault. Bill paid late? My fault. Something breaks? My fault. All my fault. Everything.
So, after enduring that for 7 years after we moved back to her hometown, and 10 years of being isolated, I had had enough and started hanging out with my new found friends.
There. Now what is your guys’ opinions?
Oh for God sake – the two of you are just playing head-games and now you’re hoping to involve us. Go away. If you’re going out at night go out with each other AND STOP PLAYING GAMES. Sort out your s~~~ and either stay together or get divorced. Whatever you do – don’t come on here and waste our time and energy expecting answers and the benefit of our experiences. The majority of us know full well how dangerous mind-games are. So quit playing them. You’ve got a house, a business AND CHILDREN. FFS, man-up, woman-up, get your act together.
...And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus
I didn’t have anything to add before, but I’m gonna add now. To the OP, and his/her husband/wife. You 2 need Jesus, and most likely away from each other, you BOTH suck a mountain of ass. Both of you harbor resentment towards the other, that’s not good. Both of you are keeping score, which indicates a game being played. ALL GAMES MUST COME TO AN END, this is all games. You have turned a relationship into a game, and neither one of you feels like you’re ahead. Don’t try and be shifty with the boys, you took off your wedding band to try and get some strange, you just struck out. Don’t worry, she is doing the same thing, she just doesn’t strike out as often as you.Neither one of you are a saint, so come down off those crosses.
Now if either of you two children is still listening, knock this s~~~ off. We are not here to referee your fight, or give anyone pointers. Oh and one last thing…. Whatever happens in your relationship just remember, eat s~~~ and die before you come back here.
thanks in advance for f~~~ing off,
-Smitty
Life is too long to play by someone elses rules....
Anonymous42I’m is wit smittie, yall nock dat sit off man! ya hear me now BOY! Yallz lookin fow a real MGTOW azz whoopin! MegaChris% was demoted just yestaday to MeghChris5% and KeyMasta done s~~~ on his dee’ploma. Dayaym!
Just getting this straight.
She pretends to be a man and you guys say ‘omgurd she’s going to take all your money and is boning all sorts of guys’.
I say no, this is what happened, you know, just merely responding to these accusations, and you guys say ‘omgurd man up you just struck out, youre just keeping score turning this into a gaaaammmeee’
Classic simps.
I’m not here looking for pointers or advice, because I don’t care to have it.
and mg-tower, keyboard warrior more.
*yawn*
HISTORY...learn from it, memorize it, DON'T repeat it...- AuthorPosts
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