When I was younger a site like POF would’ve been pretty cool, to bad I was busy working when I was younger – going overseas with a bunch of men kicking down doors and all – I was not hat socially literate but I did indulge in fast women a few times – all bruised up after some surgeries to repair some broken bones I sustained doing my job – I was so thirsty sex was the reason one of my bones took so long to heal. However, as I found out last year – after baby momma took off with my kids again and did her thing of punishing me and living the baby momma lifestyle of hypergamy, I dabbled a little bit on dating sites. Quite honestly I’m out of the league of most of these “fast women” on there – they are overweight – maybe still living with their parents – or in complete squalor – in between baby daddies. I never got very far with the really attractive and intelligent women, I guess I wear my intentions on my sleeve (too hot too cold too fast too slow) – my thirst is closer to that of these fast or to that of the stage five clinger – desperate women, but I’m not like that. I would actually like to get to know an attractive and intelligent woman before we start banging – sleeping with these fast women – well, its kind of a turn off.
I’d rather be alone than in some filthy apartment of a single mother, it is a huge turn off. I’ve made mistakes but not in the same way most of these women did…I can’t relate, I don’t want a disease, nor do I want to pluck low hanging fruit – they get more out of it than I would, or maybe I’d emotionally hurt them in their state of desperation – compromising my own virtues in the process.
I used to want the woman to “choose me” say hi first, compliment me first (do to my esteem being hurt), but the old fashioned way of a man approaching a woman is better (actually opting out of it all is probably best for a lot of us), the women who say hi first (the ones who aren’t as big as tunas or not compatible in the looks department) are 99% of the time, predators and vampires – its a catch 22. If you’re horny – there are plenty of women out there – but I don’t want to be a bull anymore – its demeaning – I don’t want to be captain save a ho either – nor run the risk of fertilizing them anymore women. I had a long relationship once, I had this idea that I was good enough for her, that there was no way she would leave me – I’m special to her – I’m as good as it will get for her – and she’s my princess my queen. Especially if I treat her like my queen – share everything with her, my heart, give her my all. I fooled myself into thinking I was in love. I didn’t understand and eventually-recently I lost my kids officially – I don’t know who I thought I was, my esteem and identity were damaged. I thought “why wasn’t I good enough?” – I looked into everything in my life, examined it, tried to put my finger on it, on why I deserved to be treated this way. I realized I was a bit hypocritical though, I almost became as narcissistic as she was – I had become a bit mean unable to deal with her BS. Though, when I only wanted sex from some girls after one of her “i’m taking the kids you won’t see them cause you are bad and scary” cycles, I realized I could never imagine doing what she did to me, to a woman (she was violent for one) – taking a woman’s children, breaking a woman’s heart like that, spread lies on face book – or do that to a man that she uses me just to get back at him with, (use a woman just to get back at someone else with – or as a ego rebound object)
She would go online and put up a dating profile like nothing happened seconds after a “falling out” and after a month or two put a bogus protection order on me if she saw a picture of me having fun online or through a friend – or here of some success I had, she would come back and say sorry and seduce me, but honestly I only took her back so I could see my kids – I absolutely hate the courts and I see these fast single moms on POF as duplicates of her – its disgusting – I am thirsty, but I will not give a woman the pleasure of being with me, using me for their power play – I have to keep reminding myself of this.
It is not worth it. Hurting people is not worth it, and by having sex you risk making babies – making those “people” fatherless – you risk giving a woman an outlet to use you as an object to vindicate someone they’ve already hurt with, to be a power high they receive with your company. Its worse than war – its as being ambushed by thugs – its like having your heart ripped apart in court – its like having everyone believe ‘her’ lies – watching all the love, the time, the sacrifice be ripped from you – its an act of selfish cruelty to amuse such heartless behavior – its another shovel of dirt dumped in your grave. Sorry for the bleakness, but that’s what it means to me now. I want to throw up when I give into the easy ploys of seduction that some women play on me – its humiliating.
sidecar 4 years, 6 months ago.
