"Why don't you go to sleep?"

[MitchellParticipant 2]

I don’t sleep because I don’t want to dream.
Specifically I don’t want to wake up because I have to deal with the loss then. I hate reality, but not more than the bizarre dreams I have. But the dreams are horrible. Horrible.
Everyone visits. Past lives I thought I outgrew when I was 18. Long passed people. Asking me questions all night. “Why don’t you….” Children, marriage.
S~~~. Sometimes I even dream of her. Starts off great, laughing, f~~~ing. Ends with her answering the doorbell and leaving. Sometimes I see her back walking away.
When I lay down to sleep, I try to die. I literally try to will myself into nothing. Let me crash. Don’t let me dream. Oh, Jesus, please, I don’t believe, just send me to hell. No. No, I’m there. I want to die every night. Anything, just don’t let me dream anymore.

[TheNinjaUWannaH8Participant 386]

Wow.  There’s something lyrical about your pain, Man…like Paul McCarthy’s “Yesterday” or “Long and Winding Road.”

Welcome.

[Author]

Posts