Which Steps to Take to Change My Life? – A Cry for Help

[SubtilitasParticipant 101]

Hello fellows,

please allow me to come straight to the point. I am in my early twenties and all in all, I feel miserable and I do look like it. Dark circles around the eyes, unhealthy looking skin complexion, undefined, slim body and an insecure, bad posture. Long depression, sleeping problems, unrest, smoking, horrible food and eating habbits, you name it,… have been marking my overall appearance and the disorder of depression does not make a move to leave me. I quickly become ill (colds, influenza etc.) and my back often hurts. Just as frequently, though, it seems that just everything hurts from head to toe. People notice immediately when I am particularly tired or simply miserable, because my unfavourable state becomes visible without delay, getting worse every next time I hit the ground. And what makes it all compete with a good nightmare: I would do everything to hide it, which makes me feel like I was a million different people each day. I have almost lost myself completely, as exaggeratedly ridiculous it may sound.

Now, you might assume that I was unable to act upon it and have lost all hope. But honestly, I am not that suicidal anymore. The thought of packing a backpack and just walk away from it all has become more intriguing than putting an end to it. However, disappearing is not an option, so far. There are things I’m interested in, things that could make me happy and feel/look better. At the moment I am trying to get another job as more money means more self-fulfilment. It’s hard to be a good worker being so miserable and lonely, but I do try hard.

Among the goals I’ve set myself is:

– f*cking quit smoking
– start to swim (Man, I miss it.)
– travel, buy things I’ve always wanted to have

But where do I begin? As you may imagine, I have no idea which steps to take specifically, how to feel better. There is no plan at all. So that’s why I am turning to you. If you do not have specific adivse, you can also just share your story, your trouble and problems related to similar health and self-fulfilment issues, from which I might learn.

Thank you!

[MonkeyMindParticipant 5340]

I think you’re on the right track by setting goals for yourself. Also try learning new things that will challenge you or potentially help you on to a career path.

Definatly make physical exerscise as a top priority. I used to get pains in my legs and hip joints due to previous injuries, but exerscise is the only thing that i know that clears it up completely.

Swimming should knacker you out a bit and help with your sleep issues. I went through a period of insomnia a few years back so i know how s~~~ty it can make someone feel, the only decent cures i knew were sex and this song:

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22526]

Subtilitas wrote:

Among the goals I’ve set myself is:

– f*cking quit smoking
– start to swim (Man, I miss it.)
– travel, buy things I’ve always wanted to have

If you focus on those three things, and also watch your weight and your waistline, most of your other problems you listed will go away. If you improve yourself, for the sake of yourself, you will feel better about yourself.

Remember, you do not need validation from others.

[Anonymous 3]

The depression may be the root cause of the physical problems. Back in my PUA novice years, I listened Brian Tracy’s Phoenix seminar, it has a part that has useful tips against negative emotions. (Although, don’t be surprised, the whole thing is full of metaphysical fake-science and religious blah-blah, but approximately 10% of it is very useful information, it helped me a lot.)

Tl,dr of that part:
All of that depression may be rooted in childhood traumas.
1-Your parents may have not really loved you, or they did it in a wrong way, or just brought you up somehow. and made a lot of negative criticism and guilt into you.
2-You have to forgive them for that, they are victims of the victims and so on. But do not let them to continue that bad thing.
3-Cut off alt the negative people from life.
4-Cut off TV (except some funny channels, do not watch the news that long) (if you need to know news, at leas on the internet you don’t need to listen all the details of all the crimes that happened that day, and you can directly go to the category of news you care for.)
5-Setting of goals: Only set such goals that depend on you. If success of your goal depends on another person, you practically create a goal for that one person too. Do not accidentally set goals for other people while setting your own goals.

Also, read “Toxic parents” book by Susan Forward, very good book.

And, get some physical workout. Whatever you like. it will help you feel a bit better,and sleep better, and distracts your attention from the bad thoughts.

And, you must stop the horrible food and take vitamins and magnesium ion pills (usually Mg-citrate or Mg-lactate preferable with some B6 vitamine). Actually I experienced on myself, that when I do not take enough vitamins, or when I’m hungry, I feel worse. A good eating habit is to take vitamins with breakfast, and eat small portions 3-4 times a day. Drink some coffees instead of smoking. 3 coffees a day are enough and wont kill you. Just do’t drink coffee 5-6 hours before bedtime.
Take a bike ride on the fresh air or play some video games before bedtime, open the windows too (mosquito net and trap recommended) and that will help your brain to distract from daily s~~~ and switch off.

Now, that were my first thought my friend, I might have suffered similar things as you, and I’m happy to help.

[Anonymous 3]

and one more idea for the sleeping. when I cannot sleep I take some “Wörishofener Nervenpflege” pills, that contains valerian root and some other good herbs.

[Anonymous 54]

Try not to think about everything at once. That will over welm you and make you depressed.Focus on one thing at a time. Take walks and observe nature. You’ll be surprised how much that helps.

[xlrsnbrgParticipant 1786]

Replace the sugar in your diet with fresh fruits. No more soda/sweets.

Eat more meat. Avoid fried stuff though.

Whey powder will boost your immune system quickly.

Eat a big breakfast and exercise in the morning (push ups and stuff like that). Try http://fit450.com/HTML/5BX_chart4.html or similar.

Your sleep should return to normal in 1-2 weeks. You will feel stronger.

A man shouldn't make his life's objective to be on the side of the majority, but to avoid finding himself in the ranks of the insane. (Marcus Aurelius)

[53ClicksUpParticipant 1345]

Man I’ve been in your shoes and I really feel for you. Fortunately there is some great advice on this site. It’s one of the things that we all derive so much benefit from belonging to MG TOW. There are a group of highly intelligent individuals on here with good solid advice based on personal experiences.

I can’t really add anything to the above because they have hit on all the key points. I would only add that when I was suffering from depression a few years back I started taking a daily regimen of St. John’s Wart. It supposedly acts as a “mood enhancer”. I know it sounds a little like an alchemist or witch doctor recommending some “eye of newt” and “pulverized bat wings”. I myself scoffed at the idea when first suggested by my younger brother. For me though the stuff really worked!

I began with a dosage of 600 mg daily and after a few days shifted down to 300 mg. I began feeling better almost immediately. After two months I felt great again and had finished the bottle and then forgot to pick up any more the next time I went shopping. I never suffered any ill effects or had a relapse of any kind.

Keep in mind that I’m not health professional so some folks on here may call bulls~~~ on me, and they might be correct. The St. John’s Wart could simply be functioning as a placebo helping with some psychosomatic condition I was suffering from at the time.

If you do try it let please let me know if it helps. I’d be curious to know. Good luck and hang tough brother! You have friends here!

[Tiga KParticipant 1693]

I love strength training and could go on and on about how great it is, but I wont.
I don’t think you need that type of suggestion. We need to address something more fundamental.

Its sounds like you have a case of paralysis by analysis. You are looking at the journey ahead and trying to figure everything out before you even begin. F~~~ that. Like OldSage said, that overwhelms a man. Take things one step at a time and keep it simple. If you are inactive right now, just focus on getting started. It doesn’t have to be perfect… just get started! You said you miss swimming so maybe there is a place you can go 3 or 4 times a week and spend something like fifteen minutes each time you go. No place available? No problem. Start going for walks. Again. Keep it simple. Just take a walk around the nieghborhood/local park/whatever every morning. Doesn’t have to be complicated or hardcore… just something.

Once youve got that going, you can think about the next step. Swim an extra lap, walk another five minutes, or research some type of sport/exercise regimine you find interesting. Progression is the key. Having a long term goal is fine if you are interested in it, but it is unachievable without taking it one step at a time.

Ive never smoked but I guarantee you the progression approach is applicable to that. Try reducing the amount you smoke in a day and reduce it each week. Don’t worry about setting some grand plan from start to finish. Just take each step as it comes.

I won’t say anymore since I just told you to not think too far ahead. I’ll just say that you are a man going your own way, you can definetly do this. One day, you’ll be able to post your mgtow success story here.

[solitudeParticipant 346]

My approach may differ from most but I found it extremely easy to maintain and plan around.

First step: Paper and a pen

1) Write down everything you hate about your life. People, places you visit, job, lifestyle, etc.

Start cutting these out of your life first before anything else. Addition by subtraction. This massive step alone will make you feel much better about yourself.

2) Write down a list of things you’ve always wanted to do regardless of the age when you wanted to.

Could be as simple as a movie you’ve always wanted to watch, sport you’ve always been interested in, a vacation/place you’ve always wanted to visit, childhood dream, etc.

3) Once you’ve completed those steps (could take months), reassess your mood again. Find what worked and what didn’t and move on to finding other aspects of your life you would like to change.

Reason I’m not telling you to do this or that is because what works for me won’t necessarily work for you. When it comes to depression and finding yourself if you spend a bit too much time trying a bunch of things you really don’t enjoy and/or fail it may drive you deeper into that black hole of depression. Only you will know through trial and error what works and what doesn’t. Cutting the negativity out works for everybody.

Over a decade into this I still rewrite those lists every so often. Within that first year I cut most of friends off (ones I’ve had since childhood), and cut off an old girlfriend. The next few years: moved to the country, added a few new skill sets (home renos – a big deal for someone in I.T), a few hobbies (electronics, and fishing), etc.

The end game here is to fill your entire day with thing YOU want to do, be with people you enjoy spending time with and living where you enjoy most.

Re: Smoking. I was also a smoker for more than 20 years. Switched to vaping (with nicotine) over a year ago after the coughing became uncontrollable. Haven’t coughed since and never looked back. I feel great now. Fact is I never wanted to quit, only not suffer the symptoms. Mission accomplished.

Good luck.

[jack reacherParticipant 751]

Some great suggestions, it can be a little overwhelming for sure. A couple of things of my own to add.

Don’t look at the big task, just put one foot in front of the other and the next step will follow. There are times when I am depressed and feel like I cant get out of bed or workout or anything, but sometimes you just have to throw yourself onto the bench, or simply grab the pull up bars.

If you like swimming, get in the pool. Don’t set huge goals beyond just getting in the water to begin with. The rest will follow.

I do suggest you get some food allergy testing done soon. A lot of the aches and pains and depression can be from diet that is toxic and inflammatory. I have done the same thing and was amazed when cutting out certain foods and including others make a massive improvement in my well being.

Good luck and be well.

[SubtilitasParticipant 101]

Hey guys,

first of all, thanks a lot for your advise, really. I have read each post very attentively (and will re-read them) and have found some helpful stuff in each of them. However, because it’s one of those days for me, where I feel so weak and even the mere thought of food disgusts me, I will not reply to your posts seperately for now but instead thank you all. I appreciate every post individually and some of you will soon receive a message as some questions have arisen.

And if there is interest, I could report in future on the different suggestions and advises I have managed to implement in my life.

[xlrsnbrgParticipant 1786]

I hope you get better.

I would just like to add that maybe you should see a doctor and have some tests done; sometimes depression is not the cause but just a symptom of a physical condition.

A man shouldn't make his life's objective to be on the side of the majority, but to avoid finding himself in the ranks of the insane. (Marcus Aurelius)

[SubtilitasParticipant 101]

xlrsnbrg wrote:

I would just like to add that maybe you should see a doctor and have some tests done; sometimes depression is not the cause but just a symptom of a physical condition.

Thank you, and yes, of course I have thought about that as well. Physically, nothing seems to be the cause of depression. Blood values still are all fine and I even had all my hormones checked – everything seems to be normal. To the doctors, there is no physical condition present at the moment that could be related to my mental state. I have tried some antidepressants without positive success. Since then, I am dealing with it all on my own, which is immensely difficult, as sometimes there are episodes where I can’t even stand up. Currently, I am struggeling with sleeping problems and insomnia. My brain has been f~~~ing me hard for years now…

[LightBringerParticipant 440]

Read the book ‘feeling good’ made a big difference. Also start exercising, even just 20-50 pushups a day will go a long way. People here are here to help, they’ve helped me before.

[SubtilitasParticipant 101]

solitude wrote:

Once you’ve completed those steps (could take months),

You’re goddamn right. It is going to take months…

Hey guys, this is an update for those who are interested. I am pleased to announce that I have quit smoking. It’s over a month now since I have smoked the last cigarette. Also, I have started to work more hours, so I hope more money will increase life quality, though it takes time as some debts wanna be paid off.

Now, the negative. Melancholia and depression are still there and hinder me working out. However, I could somehow live with that (thanks to the advise of you guys) if there wasn’t insomnia, insomnia and again, insomnia 🙁 I’m actually writing this in one of my sleepless nights. Without medication, there is no rest for me. I just cannot sleep. And even with the help of meds, my body doesn’t feel relaxed in the morning, it doesn’t properly regenerate. Neck and back pain is killing me, insomnia makes my mental state critical. 🙁 My body deprived of sleep even loses interested in doing the most basic stuff like eating… I get extremely sensitive to temperature, everything seems blurry, eyes are f~~~ing zombie-like, and what is as bothering as fascinating: when I’m touching my skin, it feels very numb. Nightmares are better when they come while sleeping, I tell ya. And because I’m a young guy, doctors still hesitate to prescribe the hard stuff, which would give me an addiction, but hell, if I only could get some sleep, that’s worth it.

God, if anybody knows about anything that could help, please tell me, I’m in despair…

I know I’m sounding pathetic, but that’s just how it is.

Be good,

Subtilitas

[<<>>Participant 435]

Subtilitas wrote:

– f*cking quit smoking
– start to swim (Man, I miss it.)
– travel, buy things I’ve always wanted to have

you know exactly what you need to do and you CAN do it!

1. to quit smoking purchase this book (not kidding look it up worked for me I smoked for 30 years I know longer smoke and never will again)

Allen Carr’s Easy Way To Stop Smoking

(you read the book and smoke while you read it one day you put out the cigarette and you walk away a lot like MGTOW actually)

2. River,Ocean,Pool,

3.Save your money when you have a few thousand which can be easy to save if you never waste money on women,eating out, cable tv/wifi,
all of this will pay off because you can quit your job with notice and fly to a 3rd world country and live on the cheap and Ghost MGTOW. If you do not speak the language no matter stay near ex-pats they will give you lay of the land and advice on where to get supplies when you run out of cash come back to the west and repeat the 3rd world is filled with furnished apartments where you can live very cheaply this way you can travel and only work 6 months a year.

personal advice,,,you have all of your life to be waited down by “things” now while you are young!
get rid of everything but the bare essentials that will help you fulfill your goals,
My one rule to owning anything is to ask myself is it A. beautiful or B. useful. If it is not truly either I disregard it I have moved from place to place with a trunk by filling it up and rolling it no strings no attachments,,,

“I did not say this I am not here”

[Author]

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