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This topic contains 19 replies, has 16 voices, and was last updated by 
GoodKid44 1 year, 10 months ago.
- AuthorPosts
I’ve been watching a ton of amazing youtube videos on successful entrepreneurs and the most successful ones usually all have the same answer when they’re asked “what do you want your legacy to be?”
They all say something along the lines of “That my kids will miss me (when I’m dead), and that they truly loved me in the time we were together…” Richard Branson said that he didn’t care if any of his business’ continued to last after he was dead. All he cared about was that his kids saw that he was a good man and that they really loved him because of the love he gave them so that they’d be happy and content….that’s the legacy he wants to leave. That his kids loved and miss him for the good man he was. A number of other successful billionaires said the same thing which was shocking to me. They don’t care about material things or that the business they built continues to be successful. Only that they raised their kids the right way, gave them infinite love and guidance.
Which brings me to my situation. I can’t stand my Dad. When we do talk it’s a quick “hi” and “bye” and I avoid him for the most part. We can go months with out speaking on the phone and I have to admit, I don’t miss him at all. Having to talk to him is a chore.
If he died and I got the phone call I probably wouldn’t bat an eye. I’ve shed more tears for hollywood fiction. So I think if I had kids and they despised me as much as I despise my father, I’d pretty much consider myself a failure. It makes me wonder if my Dad sees himself as a failure. Or if he just doesn’t care and has already written our relationship off as a lost cause.
All I know is that I could never do that if I had a kid. I would never give up on trying to get them to love and appreciate me. I would fight like hell to try and understand why and how they don’t want to always call and talk to me. I would accept nothing but total admiration from them. They would be my best friends until death. Because I know that my kids wouldn’t have the experience that adults have. They’re innocent compared to an older human who’s lived much longer. With my Dad it seems like he gave up a long time ago. I try to throw love his way, but everytime I do, he doesn’t seem to reciprocate.
The “Just keep loving unconditionally blah blah blah” answer to this issue is something I do or don’t do depending on the day/year. I’ve still got a lot of sorting out to do on myself, but it’s crazy how f~~~ed up things can get for people simply because of how careless their parents were. Years and years of neglect.
I won’t be having kids (unless the artificial womb happens in my lifetime) but if I did you better believe I’d do everything in my power to love and adore them…to call them my best friends and have them really mean it when they said it back.
I can say with utter clarity that my father is NOT my best friend. He’s never been a friend and has always come from a place of “listen to me because I’m you’re father….”I have no problem admitting this. Those of you who do have kids. Know that it’s not up to them to love you…they just need to know that you are trying to love them with all your heart…and no I’m not talking about simply saying the words. Right now I’m taking responsibility for how I’m dealing with my father, but him not wanting to discuss this openly with me is on him. It makes me see him as someone who doesn’t care, or even worse, someone who’s given up on his relationship with his son. From what I can tell he’s going to take this attitude with him all the way to the grave. I can’t change who he is so I’ll just accept the situation for what it is.
Well I think,everyone wants their kids to love them, to understand thy tried to doctheir best for the kids even if it wasnt always fun. Thats pretty much a natural instinct shared by everyone.
That said no one should live or act for anyone elses approval. You do whats right and dont do things you dont agree with, you live by the golden rule and just aim for a peaceful life. But you be yourself, you dont beg for anyone, you dont change for anyone unless you want to change. You dont be someone diferent than who you are for anyone else. You will become terribly miserable.
Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.
I am lucky . My kids were with me 3 years then ex showed up and did a grab and snatch to keep herself from jail . Continuosly giving them away even in front of the family court .
Glad i never took my own life because i have never stopped fighting .
Both my kids see the ex for what she is .
My eldest kid of the 2 really remembers the lies and bulls~~~ even by woman in my community .
We both now have our fun and games with these pieces of s~~~ .
Anyone who f~~~s with kids i destroy . I never stop and the passing of years mean nothing to me .
THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .
Anonymous43
Anonymous7Like the Night Watch is supposed to do, I have sired no spawn.
So I guess this….All I know is that I could never do that if I had a kid. I would never give up on trying to get them to love and appreciate me. I would fight like hell to try and understand why and how they don’t want to always call and talk to me. I would accept nothing but total admiration from them.
I’m sure your intentions are good but you can’t force anyone to admire you.
Meh
What my daughter thinks or feels about me after I’m gone is irrelevant, as my utility is no longer available for her.
I wont be around to hear her bitching about me anyhow lol.What I think of my parents is also irrelevant because I really didn’t know them, they separated in 1966, divorced in 1969, nor did I live at “home” for most of my childhood. By the time I was 16 I was on my own and working.
I suppose they did the best the could.There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it
We can go months with out speaking on the phone and I have to admit, I don’t miss him at all. Having to talk to him is a chore.
ok the magic word there “WE” . As a parent i use that word alot especially whith young kids but even thru to adults . WE need to have a look at the tuff homework (example ) good goodkid .
I wouldnt write ya relationship with ya dad off as a loss .
As a dad the pain i endure has taken a toll . Some dads that damage can give them a no f~~~s given attitude in order to deal with the pain as then it doesn’t hurt as much . But ya dads still there .
He might have a bit of fear in him that he may lose you .
All I know is that I could never do that if I had a kid.
You dont know that but your dad does .
Some times us dads that have put up with the s~~~ treatment of the system in order to keep contact with our kids do all dads have felt at times there kids dont give a f~~~ about us . Its normal its that we love you c~~~s .
GIVE AND TAKE
One thing i notice missing alot with the younger me generation . DONT GIVE UP GOODKID BRO . Make a day with him and make it about him . He hasnt given up dont you . Yep there will always be ups and downs . You be strong .
I really hope and pray for you and ya dad bro .
You are a goodkid and its good you put this up open and honest for dads to see from younger guys perspective .
THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .
My kids? They wold thank me for never having them.
Hahahaha
To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.
goodkid.
time to be goodMAN.
put yourself in his place…
try.
the love of a father NEVER DIES.
be patient .
wait for it.
pray on it.
have a talk with God.
ask and you shall receive.
sometimes it just takes a while…..Sounds like a lot of projection. My own children have been thoroughly poisoned by their mother and maternal grandmother. Years of family court proceedings, considered “HIGH CONFLICT” solution “AMPUTATE DAD”. Neither child is kicking goals. No contact for 5 years even though they live in the next street… I believe Karma will catch up pretty soon. (and my name is O2tosin, not Karma).
Afinogyny.. from the Greek Afino {to abandon/ to set down/ to leave /to allow/ to let } + Gyny {Women} MGHOW’s philosophy to not engage women without “hating them”. Narcorca =Narcissistic Orca typically spouting to a bathroom mirror taking an arms length selfie ; Wallinate describes post wall females whose SMV is terminally negligible New Years resolution "To not make women happy" . Instadestitue: yet another Neologism for Men that cohabit with women that decide to pull the handle of intervention orders.
They would thank me for not bringing them into existence.
If it has tits or tires, you know you're going to have problems.
Goodkid44, I don’t know you or your father’s ages. But if your father is about 50 or more years old he comes from a generation (as I do) to not show your emotions. Period. He could be torn up inside thinking he can’t show any bit of affection to his male offspring. If you want to get closer to your father you need to hunker down and take the possible rejection and continually work on him but leave him his space. A few more phone calls, showing up for a visit (I would recommend not surprising him), see if you can get him out someplace (find out his interests, like fishing or whatever). If and when he says “Don’t bother me anymore” then it will be time to quit and just go on with your life. Good Luck.
Women's brains and vagina have one thing in common. There is nothing in there until a man puts something in there.
Anonymous12Goodkid,
from what i read, i wonder what your Dad feels for you, how he sees you and how the f~~~ it has come to the point where “talking to him is a chore”.Seems like you are dodging his presence and he is avoiding you, yall be extremely uneasy around each other.
How about a serious chat, like a business meeting, to understand each other’s position, and make clear what you expect from one another?
No, not a “group hug!!!!” kind of thing.
Just clearing up who is who, and how you can “get along” for the sake of the rest of the family.
Including the possibility to say “I’ll stay out of your life, please stay out of mine”.
Man Talk. So that there are at least no uneasy moments ahead of you.Back to the question…
as soon as i drop dead, people will think of me what they want.
They will despise me like they did before, and nobody will actually show up at my funeral.
The world moves on.
Just like a billion Humans before me there will be billions after me.
I am just a speck of dust, no more.
Anyone who wants to have”legacy” is feeding an illusion.
This planet will not exist for very long befpre the Sun dries it up and goes extinct.
there is no legacy.
there is no future.
there is no Time.
there is only Now.
Anonymous3Being a father in our days sucks.
Children are children, they naturally want to test limits, to gain their own power, to indulge in hedonic delights, all fun and games, without work.
Its up to YOU to prepare them for life, because if you let them alone they will learn the hard lessons themselves, the hard way, if ever!
Parenting is a shortcut. You dont need to go through a lifetime of experiences to learn, you just need to listen to parents. But do we?
Everything conspires against it.
Society sell you the idea the young people know it all. That old “fossilized” ideas are outdated.
Some of it actually are, because so much as changed throughout your life. A parent has to know what he has of value to teach.
And then comes discipline…
If one does not have external discipline he lacks internal discipline. Essentially he is still a kid, obeying his whims, without a clear heading in his life.
But discipline is hard, it means actions have consequences. You have to submit your kids to unpleasant consequences, difficult situations, and sometimes even pain.
Today this is very misunderstood. We have a gynocentric society were feelings determine everything. To subject children to hardship is NOT viewed as proper.
You have now parents that cant control a 2 years old toddler… They might be the victims of a small dictator, but the real victim is the kid: its personality ruined for life.
For those that do not have kids: a father invests heavily in a kid. Its not money, its a fulltime job. It is nights without sleep. Its feeding them. Its diapers. Its helping them while learning to walk.
Or do you think modern women actually do anything? I dont know about other places, but where I live it is the man that takes care of kids, because mothers dont know how to.
We only see snapshots of it. We see a kid doing its first step. That give a nice 5 seconds shot of family life. What we dont see is the rest of the 24 hours, the days, the months, when the kid is vulnerable and still learning to walk, climb, move around.
You cannot be 24hrs alert looking at them, but you cannot let them out of your sight.When my daughter was learning to get out of the cradle by herself, I remember one night dreaming that she had climbed to cradle bars and fell between the cradle and our bed.
Her head had became stuck between the two beds.
And I hear her tender neck snapping…And as I dream this I jump awake and catch my daughter’s hand in midair. She was falling after climbing out of the cradle. And falling between the two beds. And yes, her head became stuck.
God worked with me that day.
That is the devotion of a father. Yet as the physical things go away, the psychological things begin.
How many times have I figuratively “catched” my daughter midair again? Some times I actually had let her fall, so she could understand consequences. THAT was actually the hard part.
THAT was the part I was unable to do, because the wife interfered. Apparently I was a “bad guy” that could not care about my daughter for not wanting to help her.Women do not understand self-reliance, responsibility, consequences. They think its things that one grows with…
And yet fathers are willing to be the “bad guy” for their kids own good.
Society, women, the kids… Everybody is working against a father doing his job.
A man starts doubting himself.
He might just give up, his heart broken between the good of their sons being called evil, and the ruin of their lives being called good.Through mistakes, betrayal or misunderstandings, they might grow apart as strangers.
Yet it remains the reality that a father was there for you when you needed the most and you cannot remember. And he was there for you, even when you hated him for making the though calls. But that means he cared.
Some where simply absent. Some dont care. And some are abusing motherf~~~ers.
We have everything in this world.
I am sure many that had no father are appalled by he words of those that rejected their fathers…
I am not making any point here, just sharing my experience. Because:
We never know a man without walking in his shoes…
What does it matter ?
I will be GONE FOREVER, and they will be busy with their own lives.
In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash
I don’t think you can really say what kind of a parent you think you’ll be. It’s easy to project what you should do, and believe you’ll do that no matter how hard, but the reality is, you’re human. All Dad’s will fail their kids at one point or anther. We’ll make the wrong choice. We’ll be selfish. It will happen.
When my father passed, I was somewhat resentful. Although he was a good farther much of the time, I realized there was much of the time he wasn’t there. Partially because he didn’t want to be, and partially because he wanted me to have the freedom to make my own choices and decisions. I see that now with a lot of clarity. I am aware that I’m not different than him.
The other day, I was in my daughter’s room and found that she had stashed some old banana peels and some empty coke cans in a drawer. She’s not supposed to have those things in her room, much less leave it out to attract ants and stink up the place. So I have to ground her. I don’t want to. I don’t want her to associate coming to Dad’s house with getting in trouble. I don’t want her to wonder why her friends can do that kind of stuff but she can’t. I wonder if I’m too strict and need to lighten up a bit. And this is a minor thing. What I want for her to just take a little pride in her room and clean up after herself, but I can’t make that happen. This is a really, really minor thing, but this is the kind of stuff you have to deal with that you just can’t control when you’re a dad.
She may appreciate being disciplined one day, or maybe she won’t. Maybe she’ll turn out like me with all the same faults. I don’t know. You just can’t worry about, just do what you can and move on.
Ok. Then do it.
I don’t think you can really say what kind of a parent you think you’ll be. It’s easy to project what you should do, and believe you’ll do that no matter how hard, but the reality is, you’re human. All Dad’s will fail their kids at one point or anther. We’ll make the wrong choice. We’ll be selfish. It will happen.
When my father passed, I was somewhat resentful. Although he was a good farther much of the time, I realized there was much of the time he wasn’t there. Partially because he didn’t want to be, and partially because he wanted me to have the freedom to make my own choices and decisions. I see that now with a lot of clarity. I am aware that I’m not different than him.
The other day, I was in my daughter’s room and found that she had stashed some old banana peels and some empty coke cans in a drawer. She’s not supposed to have those things in her room, much less leave it out to attract ants and stink up the place. So I have to ground her. I don’t want to. I don’t want her to associate coming to Dad’s house with getting in trouble. I don’t want her to wonder why her friends can do that kind of stuff but she can’t. I wonder if I’m too strict and need to lighten up a bit. And this is a minor thing. What I want for her to just take a little pride in her room and clean up after herself, but I can’t make that happen. This is a really, really minor thing, but this is the kind of stuff you have to deal with that you just can’t control when you’re a dad.
She may appreciate being disciplined one day, or maybe she won’t. Maybe she’ll turn out like me with all the same faults. I don’t know. You just can’t worry about, just do what you can and move on.
This is the thing. You’re involved with her.
My Dad never took initiative. He never put him self in a position to try to instill a lesson for me to learn. He avoided it all together. I assume he thought that picking me up from school or cooking for us was good enough. He never had an opinion on anything.
He’s the quintessential “you gotta stand for something or fall for anything” type of guy.I personally feel that you need to have values and if you have kids try and show them in some way shape or form how those values will help you down the line in life.
But that he never tried anything or attempted to connect with me at a young age only makes me think he was either a coward to not try or simply an ignorant man who had no business raising children.
This is the type of s~~~ that will require years of therapy for me. I’m aware that I will need to face this eventually.
My point being that parents are people who have the ability to make a difference. As kids we’re innocent. We don’t know up from down.
Any responsibile adult knows this. You have to shape and mold children.Your daughter is lucky that you’re involved and concerned for her. You’re not just some robot who cooks and cleans and takes her to school. Building an emotional connection is what raising kids is about.
All I can do now is forgive him and move on. And I’ve certainly moved on. Everyone in my family puts up with him simply because he’s our “father.” As an adult now, I honestly don’t care about him.
I always forget to call him on his birthday… And a part of me hopes that it stings him a bit that his youngest son isn’t calling him.
The one thing I learned from all this is how to not raise a kid. Better yet I wouldn’t want to put my worst enemy’s kid through what I went through in terms of having a father who was there in physical form but absent emotionally/rationally.
No kids for me, ever. No need to prove myself, and I’m ultra content with where I am in life (no debt, no drama, and no c~~~s to try and ruin my life).
Goodkid44, I don’t know you or your father’s ages. But if your father is about 50 or more years old he comes from a generation (as I do) to not show your emotions. Period. He could be torn up inside thinking he can’t show any bit of affection to his male offspring. If you want to get closer to your father you need to hunker down and take the possible rejection and continually work on him but leave him his space. A few more phone calls, showing up for a visit (I would recommend not surprising him), see if you can get him out someplace (find out his interests, like fishing or whatever). If and when he says “Don’t bother me anymore” then it will be time to quit and just go on with your life. Good Luck.
I used to think that as well, but him being part of the baby boomer generation is no excuse. There’s a ton of info out there that shows just how careless and selfish the baby boomer generation was. They’re pretty much to blame for our current debt issues not to mention how they’re all about using every younger person’s savings to pay for their social security benefits (we’ll never get social security, but they set up this ponzi scheme that ensures we still pay for it).
So yeah, saying that that generation deserves a pass on things like raising kids is bulls~~~. I could go on for forever about how bad the baby boomer generation f~~~ed over every generation after them, but that’s a topic for another day.
Extreme ownership is what every generation needs to instill. Respecting your elders is something that is earned and sad to say a ton of people like my father deserve neither respect or a free pass at being a s~~~ty father. Let them die in their own ignorance and selfishness
goodkid.
time to be goodMAN.
put yourself in his place…
try.
the love of a father NEVER DIES.
be patient .
wait for it.
pray on it.
have a talk with God.
ask and you shall receive.
sometimes it just takes a while…..One thing is for sure. If I do get out of this situation I’m in and do reach financial independence, none of it will have had anything to do with him or any of his “guidance” (which was non existant).
Some fathers should just whither away and disappear for good. Nothing good will come from me maintaining a relationship with him. Only the social norm of people saying “you should alway keep in touch with your father” is keeping most people from deading a useless parental relationship.
My father has used the “I’m your father” guilt trip on me far too many times and I’m done trying to maintain a relationship with him simply because of societal pressure or what others will think of me.
I have my reasons ams they are very rational as I consider myself to be a very logical person. I’ve mended relationships with people I’ve done wrong and my father doesn’t deserve one bit of sympathy.
I’ve weighed out these options and can say I’m not making this decision based on anger of carelessness.- AuthorPosts
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