PASTED:
Here is some insight into the woman psyche. This is for all the men who are constantly dumfounded by a women’s reaction, when they simply have no idea what they have done wrong in her eyes. Now, I speak for me here, but I do know that an awful lot of women feel and think the same way I do, so I hope you take something valuable away from what I share now and apply it to your own life. I don’t take anyone’s word for anything. If they say something that isn’t reflected in their actions and the choices they make, then I stop trusting in them over time, because I feel that there should be correlation between what a person says and what a person does. Otherwise you find yourself asking the question, “At what point does what this person say, become a lie?” and “Are they doing this intentionally? Why?”. Then I find myself thinking, either this person has every intention of supporting their words, and simply, for whatever reason, they are never able to do this through their actions. Or, they a saying one thing and deliberately doing another.
In one case they are unreliable and unfocused, or in the other case, they are deceitful and manipulative. Needless to say, I don’t like a person whose actions don’t support their words or the other way around. As a woman, I think that a major difference between men and women, is that women note and contemplate and reflect on every action, whether it’s theirs or someone else’s who is close to them, or someone they care about. For example, a woman will remember that her partner didn’t say goodbye when he left for work in the morning or that he didn’t even kiss her goodbye. She will also remember that he didn’t take the rubbish out that morning like he promised he would the night before, and so on and so forth throughout the day. Then when her partner arrives home, the woman is feeling a little upset and resentful.
There are two ways a female with deal with her feelings in relation to someone else; she will express them directly to the person she has a problem with, or she will be passive-aggressive and let her attitude and body language express that she has a problem, without saying specifically what that problem is. Either way, when the male figures out that there is a problem and there is a discussion or a confrontation about the problem, it is common that males and females don’t understand each others perspectives.
Here is a woman’s perspective. The most common scenario is two people in a relationship, and let’s say they are living together. As I said before, the man leaves in the morning and he doesn’t say goodbye or take the garbage out in the morning. Then he doesn’t call on his lunch break or come home at the time he said he would, and he doesn’t call his partner to say why. The woman would go about her day and make a mental not of all these things, and she would have an emotional reaction to each one (women are emotionally motivated creatures, in case that wasn’t clear). When her partner does come home, she would be upset, maybe not crying or visibly sad or angry, but she would feel emotionally upset or unsettled. When the man arrived home, and he eventually notices that his partner doesn’t seem okay, he would then ask her about it (Assuming that he cared enough to ask). She may express that he didn’t do all the things that he usually does, and that he hasn’t been doing them consistently for some time now. The man will usually respond in a practical manner, and say something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but isn’t the point that I come home to you and not someone else?” By responding this way, he feels that his apology expresses empathy and regret for upsetting his partner, and he tries to make his partner feel better by offering perspective (his perspective). However, the problem with this is, that although he said sorry, he hasn’t asked how he could rectify the situation; how he could “make-up” for what he failed to do, that upset his partner in the first place.
To a woman, this feels like an “empty” apology. Also, when a man makes a comment that doesn’t respond to the specific issue that actually upset a women, it makes a woman feel that he is over-looking the issue, the problem she has, and she doesn’t feel like her emotions are validated, because her partner hasn’t acknowledged them at all. If the woman remains upset and tries to explain her perspective, then the male will usually respond by telling her that he won’t do whatever it was that upset her, again, even if he isn’t entirely sure what is was that he did. In scenarios like this, there is miscommunication, and without understanding how important his word is to his partner, he has given his word that he won’t repeat the actions (or lack thereof), that hurt his partner.
If the same thing occurs over time, and the man’s behaviour doesn’t reflect what he has said, a woman will start to feel that she can’t trust the man’s words and that she can’t depend on him to keep his word and follow-through with actions. There is usually a point where the man tries to rationalize the situation, as the woman continues to struggle with her emotions. A man may say something like, “If something was really important and you really needed something from me, then I would do it.” To a woman, this statement means absolutely nothing. It isn’t reassuring, because to a woman, all the little things mean something as well. To a woman, all the little things that express how much the man cares for her, are just as important to her as what the man considers “important things”.
When a woman no longer trusts the man because he has failed to do all the things she feels are important to her; all the actions that support what a man says. She then doesn’t feel that she can believe that the man would actually do the things that would mean a lot to her, or do the things that she truly did need him to do. Whilst a man may believe that he would be there for a woman he cares for if her life were in danger or that she were terribly ill, or hurt (which are things that males consider important, due to the physical and practical nature of the issues), a woman would not feel that she could trust him to be there for her in these scenarios, because he has failed to be consistent in doing the things that are considered important to her (all the little things), in the meantime.
All the “little” things, which may be different for every woman, are just as important to her as the major things in her life. It is just as important to kiss her goodbye in the morning and call when you will be late home, as it is to be there for her when she has a car crash or one of her family members dies. Women find comfort in consistency, and they feel cared for when a man is dedicated to making the effort for her and showing that he cares, by expressing it through his behaviour. A man doesn’t always have to be the perfect version of what a particular woman considers her ideal man to be, but it is important that she can believe his word and that he shows that his word is valuable, by supporting what he says with the choices he makes and through his actions.
Here is some knowledge that will serve you well; if you give a woman what she needs, be it effort, support, understanding or romance, then she will feel fulfilled and full of gratitude, and she will put her effort into being as accommodating and patient as she can for you, and she will tend to your every need and feel motivated to please you. What a man gives a woman, she will return ten-fold; be it good or bad. Every man has a choice.
IT’S WRITTEN BY A FEMALE.
XSDBS 4 years, 10 months ago.
HISTORY...learn from it, memorize it, DON'T repeat it...
HISTORY...learn from it, memorize it, DON'T repeat it...
