Pray that you only get invited to a few weddings in your lifetime, for how is a guy supposed to have any fun during these shindigs? These events rarely start on time, and when they finally do start, you’ll be waiting a long time for it to end. And what’s worse than being invited to a friend or relative’s wedding? Being the groom. This guy has to endure the torment from beginning to end. First of all, he has to pay for the rings. Then he has to pay for the marriage license, the event, the silly outfits, the food, the entertainment, the hotel room, and the honeymoon. Sometimes he’ll get lucky and get a few donations from his parents and future in-laws, but in most cases, he’s going to pay. The bride, however, just shows up with her entourage of fluffy female friends to fix her dress and pander to her spectrum of emotions. That’s usually why so much time is wasted waiting for the event: last minute adjustments on her dress and makeup, and perhaps a few bitch fits and crying sessions along the way. This grand event is all about HER and no one else. No one pays attention to the groom or cares about what he wants. All of the attention is on the lady in the long white dress—and boy, does she revel in it! She’ll soak it all up for what’s it worth and talk about it with her friends for the rest of the season.
A wedding is basically a special day for some lucky lady to get attention, gifts, and praise. The climax of the event, after all the sickening love songs are sung, is the procession of the bride. And she takes her sweet time to walk down that aisle ’cause she’s special. She’s the fairest one of all. The groom, on the other hand, gets very few moments of attention. He’ll get a few pats on the back from his buddies and a toast from his best man—who’s usually a single player trying to scheme his way into having sex with one of the bridesmaids. And if an hour of boring formalities isn’t enough torture for you, get ready for the goddamn reception: where you’ll witness a bunch of respectable adults having too many drinks and making fools of themselves.
There’s basically two groups of people that get excited about going to weddings: women and gay men. A building full of fancy dresses and flowers is paradise to them. For someone like me, the highlight of the day might be getting some free food at the reception. Many years ago, I went to my best friend’s wedding. After the event was over with (or after I had my fill of wedding cake), I said my goodbyes, took off my tie, got in my getaway car, and got back to bachelor living. I was so glad it was over…and so was my best friend!
"I saw that there comes a point, in the defeat of any man of virtue, when his own consent is needed for evil to win-and that no manner of injury done to him by others can succeed if he chooses to withhold his consent. I saw that I could put an end to your outrages by pronouncing a single word in my mind. I pronounced it. The word was ‘No.’" (Atlas Shrugged)
BloodyNine 4 years, 3 months ago.
