We live and die as brothers – (long)

[Gratus84Participant 60]

Greetings brothers. This is my story of how I came to MGTOW and climbed my way out of hell back into the light. It’s long but from the heart.

In the 31 years I’ve been on this planet I didn’t realize how incomplete I was as a person, seeking to validate myself through a women like most White Knights. Early college years I allowed a woman to destroy my sense of worth and self esteem, and succumbed to self-pity and escapism. I recovered and went back to what always worked for me growing up; that which I identified with, kicking my own ass in the gym.

Then another 9 or 10 came along and I get tunnel vision again. She rejects me and friend zoned me and it broke my fragile spirit, although I know exactly where and what I did wrong.. but I didn’t fully understand the nature of the beast until I came here. After that I became jaded and cynical. With the onset of online dating, hookups and empty intimate encounters became a drug of choice for me. My roommate hooked me up with a woman who in my opinion at the time would have been a good “settling”. However the challenge most of us enjoy along with the recent defeat of being rejected decreased my sense of self-worth. I then became acquainted with PUA and easily played and strung this girl along. All exterior though. True change has to come from within.

Make no mistake, from a personal moral inventory, I was manipulative, and I became someone else. Saying the right things and following it like a plan.. it seemed so fake to me. It was too easy, but it was a rush and it was addicting as well as self-reinforcing. I had a nickname for her. Called her boomerang (throw her away and she ALWAYS came back). Oddly enough it worked so well, that this became a yo-yo relationship with an endless supply of women on the side via online dating.

“No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.”

She really was a good woman, but over the last 4-5 years from stringing her along, getting back with her, she became more and more pessimistic. I can’t help but wonder if my actions impact the behavior of the opposite sex. Kind of like season one of True Detective in the pyschosphere. Sometimes I wonder if I were just grateful for what I had the grass would not be so much greener on the other side. I don’t carry any more guilt regarding this and I’ve forgiven myself. I don’t like lying, and at times the idea of what we feel on the inside or resonate with reflects the outside. More on that later.

I resorted to improving my body and competing in power-lifting. This was what I became known for. Walking into any gym, I was one of the strongest baddest MOFO. There have been numerous times I would delete all my profiles and swear women off, only to crawl back as a needy mangina. Hilarious to reflect and see such a built up physical exterior shell when on the inside I felt insecure and needy. After reading MGTOW and red pill this summer, I now realize I have been fighting an uphill battle and had lost my way.

I still would not let the previous girl go away while I continued to engage in the online escapades. Sex feels good and it’s reinforcing.. I started reading Carnegie Books and Napolean Hill around age 25, and the chapter on sexual transmutation sort of irked me.

A few years later; the yo-yoing with boomerang began my further descent into madness. While it was so easy at first, everybody has their limit. I suppose the challenge of the first two getting away, the idea of “winning” started to draw me in as my supply had dried up. I looked up how to get your ex-back and went overkill.

That’s when the suicidal thoughts began as I was under the illusion that I had let a good one get away. This happened 3-4 times, and my will to win at any cost would pay off. The price of being somebody different, and the idea that she would take me back after the terrible way I treated her was at odds with my ever changing and evolving sense of right from wrong, and whose to say what’s perfect or ideal? Life doesn’t always give you things in nice neat packages like in the Disney movies, or was that just the excuse given for emotionally abusive behavior on both teams?

That’s when I started studying the PUA and tactics hardcore. My friends would try to snap me out of it but I wasted a lot of time in self-pity in the bed I had made for myself. How did I let this happen? I was perfectly fine before single lifting weights on my own without this one interfering, but she popped back up again, and here we go again doing the same dance.

I finally was back together with boom-a-rang and had let the others go, but she resented me and the things I did. Funny, at first when things were in the honeymoon period 3 years prior, she didn’t care that I spent 15 hours a week in the gym or wanted to play video games, or dipped/smoked/drank or whatever the hell else I did with my buddies. Probably because I didn’t give a f~~~ what she thought as I did what I wanted to do.

I had graduated with a degree in Kinesiology after changing majors from chemistry to physics, and got my teaching license and Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist certificate with plans to be a strength coach, but while working a part time job at a school I met my next employer at the gym squatting who wanted me to train his kids, which lead to a different more lucrative opportunity.

I cleaned myself off and go back up again. Had a sales job in contracting and roofing and made a good amount of money in that time. I remember boom-a-rang bragging to her family at dinner when we first got back together to tell them how much my last check was for. That was in hindsight a red pill moment for me.

The second time I had kicked all my bad habits and started reading about the Law of Attraction, Allan Watts, Deepak Chopra and was content for a period of time. Decided to go back to school for Nursing. Bought my first car straight cash and it felt good, but it was a huge turn off to be constantly told I was boring and that we had nothing in common. I think she was right on the second part. I ignored her and she left me again fed up in 2013 right before I got accepted into Nursing school. So what? I would have a new pool of women to look forward to I thought. Boy where was my f~~~ing head at?

I was 27 about to be 28 and going to get a stable career. My best friend had gotten into medical school and we both had started out premed before I allowed these women to throw me off my center of balance; and a hopeful talk with my good friends encouraged me to go back to school into Nursing. Sales was drying up and I grew weary of the job and felt I was capable of more. There’s always more right? One more rep, one more goal destroyed, just one more. The insatiable hunger.

Training was going well. Although I had my ups and downs, I had built myself up to 275 pounds at 5’11”. I f~~~ing loved competing. My first 805 pound squat I had missed my first two attempts and actually knocked down the mono-lift and almost killed myself. I wish I still had that damn clip but I deleted it on accident. They had asked me if I wanted to take another attempt and of course I said yes.

I took my third attempt and smoked it. My friends and training partners were all cheering me on, adrenaline was running at overdrive and it was the best f~~~ing feeling ever. I hit my first 500 pound raw bench press, 672 pound dead-lift, and all the goals I had made for myself were just falling down like dominoes. I didn’t need someone else, I had the iron and my one thing.

I can’t tell you guys how inspiring it was to watch the featured video on here with the clip from City Slickers where curly talks to Billy Crystal about that “one thing”. That really spoke to me and I wish I had watched that last year when I was at my darkest but nevertheless that makes more sense to me now than ever before.

My best friends have always been there for me and they even told me that me chasing these women online and pining over ex’s that I needed to just go hunting and camping and get away from the bulls~~~ and spend some time with the guys. They’re right.

Well out at my buddies ranch, being clean of every substance known to man for 6 months and with and friends I hadn’t seen in years, I was pressured into drinking. Finally I caved and thought what the hell. I was eating dinner and told John if we’re going to drink, we’re going to f~~~ing drink. I started taking straight shots of canadian hunter. In power-lifting, eating and inhaling food was part of the training itself, and I had developed an iron stomach.

Without flinching or making any facial expressions, I pounded away the first one and slammed the cup down and picked up my fork and continued to inhale my dinner. I poured a glass for John and told him to take a shot.

The second he finished I poured myself another half glass full and downed it, looked at him, and poured another. Immediately I felt the effects and started laughing and saying God this feels so good I haven’t had anything in so long, It ended up being one of those nights. A lot of it was a haze, and I don’t know how but that entire bottle was gone by the end of the night and I was yelling and screaming by the fire with my friends giving motivational speeches and we were all yelling and having a good time.

Then for some reason, my dumb-ass is feeling so strong from my last leg workout that I was out in this f~~~ing beautiful land surrounded by nature and fields; that I just felt like running Forest Gump Style. I just took off.

I stepped into a hole and fell instantly full stride and hit the ground hard. I got up and tried to walk and fell to the ground again, before standing up and limping. I knew I had sprained my ankle really bad. I was out with a bunch of medical students and so they told me to sit my ass down and I said that I would still be able to dead-lift this Thursday and that it’s just sprained.

About two hours later the pain started coming on stronger than my blood alcohol level could tolerate. My foot and ankle were visibly swelling. The next morning I limped on it and realized I had really f~~~ed something up bad. My ankle was now visibly blue and swollen as f~~~. My friends dad came by and looked at it and pushed on it, I cursed and he said I needed to get it an x-ray. By the time we were packing up to leave, I had my friends drive my truck as it was near impossible to bear any weight on it without carefully keeping my weight on my heal and only advancing with my left foot.

I had a closed spiral fracture of my fibula. So I moved home, in preparation for nursing school the next month, and got a house close in the city and some crutches and a boot.

It sucked to have to start lifting again from ground zero but I sucked it up.

Nursing School was f~~~ing hell for me. Never had I heard the bulls~~~ about male nurses being so desired in the field but heavily discriminated against by the professors and other students. It was like being in the estrogen feminist ocean. There were only two guys in the class that I even bothered to associate with. Both in their 40’s, one a former war vet.

Never trust any of these bitches. That attention seeking, need for approval and validation from females coupled with a loud mouth WILL GET YOU IN F~~~ING TROUBLE. I had never been in a school setting as a minority being a male or realized how freaking crazy it was. I literally am at a loss of words to even begin to write about how screwed up and the double standards there are in this field.

I might have fared better if I had just lied to everyone that I was gay. There were definitely some women and teachers out to keep the men down. One wanted to censor a group project because a student had tattoos, but there were multiple times discussions would come up and they would make a comment about gender and then say something about men and the class would laugh and we would just be there with straight faces like wtf?

Halfway through the semester, I had met a woman online who lived nearby and on new years eve 2013 we went out. She was a 9 but f~~~ing offensive and as crazy as they come, but for whatever reason, I see a big pile of s~~~ or water where I know there are crocodiles and my reptilian brain wants me to go charge and jump into that.

I had come across Coach Corey Wayne and began reading his book, but should have kept reading it, instead those deep rooted insecurities were played out. I feel like I did a good job at first, but eventually like all she-devils, she wore away at me. With the stress of school, I was still playing other women on the side, and this one was definitely good at sniffing me out.

Pigs get fed, Hogs get slaughtered. I had made the dumb mistake of getting a hickey and was called out on it by her and she began taking the upper hand. I made more mistakes portraying weakness and insecurity and desperation is a stinky cologne.. this one ran me into the ground, but one Sunday afternoon after a workout I locked eyes with a 10 at the supermarket.

One thing I had learned was that you don’t look away if a girl catches you looking at her, you smile back. This happened twice, the first time she looked away, the second she smiled, and I did the same until she blushed and looked away. She left with her friend and I went to my truck to put my groceries up, and grow a pair of b~~~~ and walk up to her to ask her out, right as I was approaching the front of the lot, she had walked in front of me and I noticed a piece of paper in her hand.

I slowed my gait, kinda of taken aback as I saw her approach the sliding exit doors to the checkout line. I stopped and noticed she turned around, and I smiled confidently and introduced myself and said I would like to take you out sometime, give me your number and let me know when you are free to get together and I’ll call you. She told me her name was Ellaine and handed me the piece of paper that already had her name and number written on it and said now you have my number so give me a call… then smiled and strutted off.

The thrill of the hunt. Holy f~~~. I was on cloud 10. This was literally the hottest woman I ever had come across. 5’8″ perfect rack and ass, hourglass figure, big blue eyes, curly red hair, immaculate complexion.. I waited 3 days then called her and made reservations. Went out, had a great time, then texted that other girl who was being a huge c~~~ to me that I wasn’t interested in her anymore, and I f~~~ing meant it.

Meeting women in the real world like that was so much more rewarding than this McDonalds type of online dating. I took Ellaine back to my place and had the best f~~~ing sex of my life. She left for a trip to Brasil for two weeks… well the she bitch was blowing my phone up… the tables had turned but I really didn’t care. Finally she asked if she could come over and talk to me so I said fine. She said she wanted to date me and all this crap.

To put it succinctly, I blew it with Ellaine, and the other she-devil played the same games with me that I had with boom-a-rang. For the first and only time in my life, I had police called on me and had to get a lawyer to get this girl to go away. The gym I was at she started going to after I cancelled, and the officers even told me that I am walking into a trap and that man to man she isn’t worth it and he sees it happen all the time.

All the warning signs were there. She told me how she had multiple guys stalking her, came to find out that she did the same bulls~~~ to a previous ex, that she owed a “friend” of hers 800 dollars for rent. I had loaned her 250 dollars when she came over and was spewing crocodile tears.. Naturally she had told me that she thought I was the one and fed my ego prior, then turn into a completely different person the next day.

She had checked her e-mail at my house and I had dual monitors and guess she forgot and saw that she had an active Ashley Madison Account, Tinder, POF, OKCupid, etc. That f~~~ing bitch. I deleted my profile when I told her if she wanted to date thats fine… I asked her if she still had hers and she said it’s just a profile.

I had spent a whole weekend when I could have been studying moving her washer and dryer and entire apartment with my truck up 4 flights of stairs moving her in. She has somehow known friends of mine I grew up with and one even warned me that she said that a guy I played ball with was stalking her.. he’s married and has a kid now.. This literally is someone that made me realize that there is a whole other level of screwed up.

My nerves were shot again and last summer I sank into depression over it. Never have been in trouble with the law like that. I admit I wanted her back and pined like a mangina. But seriously??? I had been done with it as I had already proved there is a countless ocean of women out there if I just learned to be a man and not pull the same s~~~ I had done in the past.

To make matters worse, I had to end up taking my last class over again because my preceptor had said I was making mistakes and not fit to take care of patients. Let’s see here… the first day she:

-Asked if I had a girlfriend
-Asked for my Facebook
-Invited me out for bowling with her friends that weekend

WTF?

Furthermore
-She’s fat and has a kid and is married.
-I was asked to go into a room and lie about being the doctor to a patient to get her to take her meds.
-She would later go on to rub my shoulders and be CONSTANTLY bumping into me with her fat ass.
-She knocked my coffee over one morning and it spilled on me by running up and bumping into me with her ass.

The icing on the cake?

In the PIXIS room while pulling for medications one morning, she SLAPPED MY ASS then immediately said she was sorry and shouldn’t have done that.

I was seriously thinking to myself.. What the hell just happened?

I never reported any of this. I just wanted to be done with f~~~ing school and save face. But I was talking too much about the previous girl as it was still eating away at my soul at how the f~~~ this had happened. Details details details details context.

And to quote this c~~~ “Can I put my husbands head on your body?”

Completely unprofessional. I could probably sit and think about more instances but those were the most egregious. I wish so badly I had found MGTOW two years ago. When you are going through a rough time and have been alienated from your guys as you get older, your male social support group grows smaller and smaller. Now surrounded by catty scheming women.. The other two guys got residencies in the Cath lab which was predominately male or the OR. I had put both of those down as first picks along with ICU and ER but I was stuck on a med-surge floor with this bitch.

I would ask questions and she would never give me straight answers. She told me I made multiple mistakes with my charting.. however I would see it as common practice for her and others to simply copy and paste assessments from previous shifts. I even asked her about why she put that on and asked “When did you do that assessment?”

Usual hamstering away response “Oh I did it when you were blahblahblah remember?
Of course the assessments I did see when I was with her were no where near what the chart reflected, as we’re supposed to shadow and observe I was sent to do the tech’s duties. How convenient. She might actually have to do her job correctly if I was with her the whole time.

The whole hand-washing protocol and corners just being cut… oh and the constant interrupting when I would give report.

At the end of one shift I was writing notes and asking why and how they do it this way when other times it was done differently and so subjectively. So she told me to just write what I thought I should and then she would comment on it.

Ok. So I began writing the first sentence and she immediately piped in and said “I wouldn’t write that”. I lost my cool and raised my voice saying then you tell me exactly what you want me to write because clearly I haven’t been taught in school how to do this properly and don’t understand.

This was about three weeks in last summer after all that crap and unprofessional behavior she exhibited towards me and it’s my fault for losing my cool and not reporting her as I would soon learn. Yeah I should have been more assertive and speak out, but I never thought being a supplicant would get me thrown under the bus. I could argue that being in an environment and culture in the nursing school and clinical somehow contributed to it. I don’t think it’s that far fetched, but had I been a different person like I am now things would be different. Completely my fault in that regards, though it doesn’t change the fact. I need to be more aware of these minor nuances and change my approach.

The nurse manager shift I even saw corners being cut with payroll and hours.

I should have kept my damn mouth shut, but I don’t know if it would have fared any differently. I was called into a room with her and my professor and told the hospital isn’t letting me back. My preceptors face turned bright red. I was more angry than I had ever been in my entire life. I wanted to expose the school and release names of every girl that had accessed the test-banks shared around and sue the hospital but at that point it I was just f~~~ing tired of it all. I should have kept a journal and reported her behavior immediately.

I read the report and saw my words twisted. My professor, I s~~~ you not, told me that I NEEDED to focus more on eye contact when talking to people at the hospital. I purposely only look women in the eye like I did with Ellaine. Okay so I do that and apparently one of the complaints was that my staring made some of the staff uncomfortable. Good god I will never know who or what some of these things written down were made by.

I didn’t report her because I didn’t want to make waves. Now I was in this s~~~ and felt like a victim, but I had to reflect and know that I can control my reactions and emotions. I was not in a good place last year.

Turning 30, I decided to just get my s~~~ together and focus on making money and bettering myself while preparing for the fall to retake my final class again. I taught myself webdesign and researched internet marketing, the stock market, penny stocks, futures, forex, etc.

I retook my final course, and had a preceptor who was older and more professional. I was happier and feeling better about it. I learned more and saw things done differently in that hospital. It was far from perfect though. I still felt discriminated against. I was told that I had bitch face and to not squint so much but she said that she had it too and to just work on it because people can take it as you being p~~~ed off. I literally was like holy f~~~ look me in the eyes don’t look me in the eyes, smile, don’t smile what the f~~~ is it? My patients loved me. Every single damn one of them because I would actually talk to them and advocate.

Whatever. I want to work in the OR or cath lab. The few times I got to be there with the other guys it was a positive experience. I had one more quasi relationship with a girl, and there have been a few others omitted here… but the same s~~~ keeps happening. I graduated and chose not to go to commencement. I had heard through the grapevine a bunch of bulls~~~ rumors spread by the females in the class that I had hit on the women and that was why I had to retake it. The same girls I helped study with that were too grossed out by vomit, blood, and pus in the ICU landed jobs. Seriously, If I get a job in the hospital, I am keeping my damn mouth shut and or telling women that I am gay if they pry. I don’t know if there are any other guys here in the nursing profession that have had a similar experience with this but it was goddamn ridiculous.

I became less interested in nursing and more and more interested in the stock market. When the ebola hype broke out, I had made a couple thousand dollars on my student loan investing into Lakeland Industries and missed out on a 25k return on APT during that surge. I thought to myself why the hell am I putting up and doing what everyone else wants me to do?

Nursing wasn’t originally my idea… it was my buddies, and his whole family was in medicine. I want to finish now for damn sure. I would have a job for life with my best friend and his brothers as the practice is all family owned.. but I still feel like I wasn’t doing what was right for ME. Always someone else. I put off taking my NCLEX and continued to work on developing my skill-set for my online projects.

I have always been into lifting, and I don’t want to be a personal trainer anymore, unless it’s to help people get f~~~ing strong. I know how to do it. It’s easy. The stock market and forex I put on hold from aggressive day trading as I have had to take money from it to pay for living expenses, and I told my parents that my heart wasn’t in it anymore and that this is what I wanted to do. I had even thought about selling my truck.

My brother supports me in this as we’ve been learning and watching the market the last year. I found Forex to be the best way to start out for small accounts using Fibonacci and Elliot wave theory and harmonics. It’s like the iron. The market does what it wants. Stop lying to yourself about what is happening around you and wake the f~~~ up and be a man.

I had fallen away from working out last year and it’s just been recently after my 31st I decided to clean up my act again. When I was at my strongest I had made videos of me lifting for the purpose of inspiring others. I couldn’t sleep on the night of my 31st birthday. I watched the old video compilations I had made of me lifting and I cried my eyes out.

Why was I so unhappy during those times? But when I was competing on the platform and lifting with my coworkers I was at my happiest. Where the f~~~ did that guy go?? Why did I stop? Why did I let this s~~~ drag me down? I knew what I was doing was wrong yet I did it anyway. I always wanted my friends around me to be strong and I had missed the solidarity of a power-lifting team or group of guys training. I had built a home gym but felt alienated from people.

I want to help and give back to those that want it. I have been teaching myself programming and started with binary code, and hexidecimal system and assembly language. I think it’s nuts that we all use s~~~ that smart people have made. I want to understand and learn to code. I want to share my story and help other people on this site and work together and I sincerely mean that. I have unfinished business.

I have still gone back and forth from the online dating but I feel ready to just make the plunge and cut out all the s~~~ that’s bringing me down financially and with my time. The wrong type of thinking and behavior. I don’t know how many people here believe in God or were raised Christian… I’ve been reading a lot. Neville Goddard… studied a bit on hermetic’s and ancient Jewish mysticism of the Kyballah.

I take responsibility for all the f~~~ed up things I’ve done and have written here. This was part of my story, and I’m coming home. I am sure a lot of us here have our own skeletons and demons we struggle with. I think we all know and have that little voice in the back of our head that lets us know and guides us in our life. I feel God has been a part of that and I need to get back to my roots.

Maybe I’m like Curly and women aren’t for me. I have to figure out that one thing, and that one thing might change, but the fact that it’s brought me back leads me to believe that it has something to do with helping other people by giving back. I am not swearing women off completely I am redefining myself and my priorities.

I am just not even going to give one single f~~~ or define myself by another like I have. I’ve buried the ghosts of my past and know what I deserve and what my standards are. My life is not going to be about finding a partner or getting married. It’s going to be about my passion and going my own way. I will build my wealth up and spend time on my passion. I have no children and for me that is something I would like to experience, but like Napoleon Hill

“A river may be dammed, and its water controlled for a time, but eventually, it will force an outlet. The same is true of the emotion of sex. It may be submerged and controlled for a time, but its very nature causes it to be ever seeking means of expression. If it is not transmuted into some creative effort it will find a less worthy outlet.

Fortunate, indeed, is the person who has discovered how to give sex emotion an outlet through some form of creative effort, for he has, by that discovery, lifted himself to the status of a genius.”

I sometimes wonder about the whole NOFAP crap. If anybody has personal experience with it and can share I’m curious to know. It seems as I have gotten older my urges have become more “mother nature” like. I’ve realized that I have to get this crap under control or I’m going to knock a girl up.
Reptilian brain, but I believe with discipline I can do it.

I get cabin fever being inside too long.. I finally had taken my NCLEX exam in June and failed and it p~~~ed me off… I didn’t study for it as hard as I could have. I’ve been procrastinating and I decided that my house was a f~~~ing dump and that I needed to get my s~~~ together and clean up and organize. I got some chickens in the backyard recently, went through my shed and garage, installed tile and painted the ceilings.. installed new doors, did landscaping etc. .just a lot of crap that needed to get done.

The house is finally how I want it. The garage gym is back in business. I am going to f~~~ing study for that exam and pass it before Christmas and get a damn job and do something with it or have it as seed money for what I’m truly passionate about. I’ve often been jealous of http://www.allnurses.com as the site was made by a guy and it generates so much f~~~ing revenue off of adds. I would like to build a community for men only in that regards, but first things first.

I’m lifting again and feeling better about myself and am going to be an active member here, and will do my best to contribute and help anybody else along the way. I’ve been developing a training program in Google Sheets that I’ve found to be the best f~~~ing system for any strength training out there that I would like to turn into an app. Without spending hours in the gym or killing yourself. Perfect for people that have busy lives.

It’s really my life’s work but I lack the full coding knowledge to bring it into being so far, but I know with time it can be done. I brought a 47 year old mans bench press who had shoulder surgery from 150 to 275 in six weeks using my method lifting just three days a week. I’m swamped with multiple paths, but I know that being a white knight and being a mangina is limiting my full potential. Current Admins and members, let me know how I can help.

So I’m here brothers. One foot in front of the other.

I will not falter another step.

[Wolf redpillmanSpectator 1658]

Wow dude long comment all i can is.mgtow.is the.only way

[RoyDalParticipant]

Welcome! I’m glad you made it.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[UntamedParticipant]

Welcome to MGTOW, Gratus!
I enjoyed reading your story. I find a lot of myself in it, except for the Boomerangs. Yes, I did give chances, way too many and that was totally stupid on my part. But when I took my Red Pills and woke up I started to realize that I needed to be more assertive and less compliant. Nowadays, everyone’s got ONE f~~~ing opportunity to prove themselves Human Beings with a heart or they can entirely f~~~ off.
Anyway, I’m glad you’ve arrived at those conclusions.
Red Pill daily.
Cheers! 🙂

Don't let them Blame, Shame or Tame you!
Give 'em NOTHING, not even an answer!
#GenderSegragationNow!

[Anonymous 42]

Way Tl:DR, Welcome to MGTOW, gotta run, will read later………

[Dark KenshiParticipant 2132]

Welcome, brother! You are among us now, and I am glad you made it!

There was two things I liked to light it out for you, just like you do in your training program:

1) You are in desperate need of focus, brother! You are like a loose cannon, shooting everything that appears in front of you. Stop all that for a moment, take some deep breaths and try to calm down. In the middle of the hurricane, you will not find the “One Thing”… Perhaps you even found it and don’t know it, because you are more occupied doing what you DON’T want to do… Think about it, brother!

2) Set your own rules, brother. It is more important to ask the right questions than to find the answers, because answers may change, while questions hardly do. You see, it does not matter how quickly you want and need to change, for speed is only a measure of time. The most important thing is “direction”… Once you set the rules straight, once you know how YOU want to deal with YOUR life, the “One Thing” will come easily, for it will not be clouded by the huge amount of things that you do in order to find it.

Remember the cowboy in the video? He took things SLOWLY, he took his time to think about things, instead of doing everything in the blink of an eye… Reflect more, take more time to considerate things, take things slowly… You will see that everything will change, for the better…

But, this is only my “two cents”, brother! Feel free to consider it utter bulls~~~ or not, but, if you think that my words made any sense to you, feel free to use that.

What I want to see is that you thrive, is that you become the man you have born to be.

Welcome, brother. You’ve gone throughout hell, now you are starting to live.

Welcome to MGTOW.

"Young was I once, I walked alone, and bewildered seemed in the way; then I found me another and rich I thought me, for man is the joy of man." Odin, Hàvamàl, stanza 47.

[Anonymous 29]

Gratus84 wrote:

Greetings brothers.
I’ve buried the ghosts of my past and know what I deserve and what my standards are.
So I’m here brothers. One foot in front of the other.
I will not falter another step.

I had to get another cup of coffee before I finished reading so I’ll make this a bit shorter than you intro.
Welcome & stay on a straight and narrow path.

[Anonymous 42]

Hey G-84, you remind me of a circus juggler, 15 pins in the air with 5 more on the table.
Did anyone ever tell you to narrow your field of vision, to limit your compulsive consumption. I don’t mean it in a bad way, I’m just saying it appears you’re going a little fast and taking up the other lane on corners. That’s been my problem too, I tend to over consume whatever interests occupy my mind at any particular time, I relate to your pumping iron conquests, I’ve been an extreme skier and skied runs that turned my face white from fear, and my legs to jello from the endless fighting of gravity as each drop leaves you wondering if you can kill the speed and regain control while hitting spots that allow no room for error, like shoots, cliffs, glades, and terrain parks.
I’m guessing you have a compulsive personality too.
I’m not really qualified to give you advice being afflicted myself too. One thing I can say with certainty, be careful, try to think everything through to it’s worst or best possible outcome, then make the logical choice. Put intellect over compulsion, over emotion, over everything you do, it works for me, it keeps me alive, uninjured, and somewhat stable. it’s like an autopilot, it kicks in and averts a s~~~load of misery.
The woman thing??? I’m lucky I’m not dead!!!

[Gratus84Participant 60]

Dark Kenshi wrote:

Welcome, brother! You are among us now, and I am glad you made it!

There was two things I liked to light it out for you, just like you do in your training program:

1) You are in desperate need of focus, brother! You are like a loose cannon, shooting everything that appears in front of you. Stop all that for a moment, take some deep breaths and try to calm down. In the middle of the hurricane, you will not find the “One Thing”… Perhaps you even found it and don’t know it, because you are more occupied doing what you DON’T want to do… Think about it, brother!

2) Set your own rules, brother. It is more important to ask the right questions than to find the answers, because answers may change, while questions hardly do. You see, it does not matter how quickly you want and need to change, for speed is only a measure of time. The most important thing is “direction”… Once you set the rules straight, once you know how YOU want to deal with YOUR life, the “One Thing” will come easily, for it will not be clouded by the huge amount of things that you do in order to find it.

Remember the cowboy in the video? He took things SLOWLY, he took his time to think about things, instead of doing everything in the blink of an eye… Reflect more, take more time to considerate things, take things slowly… You will see that everything will change, for the better…

But, this is only my “two cents”, brother! Feel free to consider it utter bulls~~~ or not, but, if you think that my words made any sense to you, feel free to use that.

What I want to see is that you thrive, is that you become the man you have born to be.

Welcome, brother. You’ve gone throughout hell, now you are starting to live.

Welcome to MGTOW.

Thanks! Well said on the slowly part, very perceptive, hadn’t thought of that.

Anonymous wrote:

Gratus84 wrote:

Greetings brothers.
I’ve buried the ghosts of my past and know what I deserve and what my standards are.
So I’m here brothers. One foot in front of the other.
I will not falter another step.

I had to get another cup of coffee before I finished reading so I’ll make this a bit shorter than you intro.
Welcome & stay on a straight and narrow path.

Thanks! lol

Anonymous wrote:

Hey G-84, you remind me of a circus juggler, 15 pins in the air with 5 more on the table.
Did anyone ever tell you to narrow your field of vision, to limit your compulsive consumption. I don’t mean it in a bad way, I’m just saying it appears you’re going a little fast and taking up the other lane on corners. That’s been my problem too, I tend to over consume whatever interests occupy my mind at any particular time, I relate to your pumping iron conquests, I’ve been an extreme skier and skied runs that turned my face white from fear, and my legs to jello from the endless fighting of gravity as each drop leaves you wondering if you can kill the speed and regain control while hitting spots that allow no room for error, like shoots, cliffs, glades, and terrain parks.
I’m guessing you have a compulsive personality too.
I’m not really qualified to give you advice being afflicted myself too. One thing I can say with certainty, be careful, try to think everything through to it’s worst or best possible outcome, then make the logical choice. Put intellect over compulsion, over emotion, over everything you do, it works for me, it keeps me alive, uninjured, and somewhat stable. it’s like an autopilot, it kicks in and averts a s~~~load of misery.
The woman thing??? I’m lucky I’m not dead!!!

Yeah just wait for my finishing act when all of the 20 pins land perfectly on top of one another. I’m like bottled chaos, that is order yet undecipherable on a higher level and calm like a bomb..

Nah It’s cool I get where you’re coming from. Right now I’m riding a wave and a little complacent, or should I rather say content; to take things slower and do whatever I want each day that makes me happy. I’ll be busy with my new job next week and juggling some more pins.

Thanks for the response appreciate it !

[Anonymous 5]

Discrimination against male nurses by c~~~s is very common all over the world. I hear stories all the time in Canada about that s~~~.

[Author]

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