Victim mentality/blaming others

[LightBringerParticipant 440]

Hey brothers, I’ve been out of the scene a few months, I got caught up in a super f~~~ed up relationship I should have known better about and the damage really caused me to rethink who I was. I did a LOT of reading on all these crazy topics about cheating, affairs, codependency, narcissism – all looking for answers, for the magic bullet the explained everything. Maybe on some level to dump all the guilt on her – this was this biggest thing I learned, only by taking responsibility do we actually grow.

Early, I wanted to blame her, and it was easy, she lied and hid so much including that she was married, but it didnt sit right with me. I read article after article, and there were times where I would read stories about men or women saying things like ‘I went to his house at 3am and knocked on door, that psycho told me to go home!” and I was thinking YOU sound like the crazy.

I came across affair forums, or narc/’psycho’ forums, where some people had decent sob stories, but very often the line was pretty grey, where a woman rants for 100 pages about how ‘that evil guy lured me away from my husband’, and then it kind of hit me – my ex could say the SAME about me. That I was careless, just wanted sex, etc etc.

Then the real lesson hit me, it didn’t really matter if she was 90% to blame, 50/50% or even if I someone did most of it, by NOT ACCEPTING their (or my) role in things it prevented growth. (For the record, all these delusions were from females…factor that in). Was mine manipulative, cruel and narcissistic?

Yes, I think most would say it, but that didn’t mean I played my own f~~~ed up role: staying in, compromising morality for sex, hanging onto crumbs of affection.

Why are people so loathe to blame themselves? Ego? I suppose its a defense thing to just say ‘that stupid bitch’ and not think why we were there in the first place.

[RoyDalParticipant]

I think we are wired up that way. It’s a survival trait, a survival trait distorted to keep the ego bruise-free.

Depression is a subject close to me; blaming others makes depression worse and it lowers one’s self-respect.

Naturally, psychologists have spilled lots of ink on it. A web search turned this up:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201207/stop-playing-the-blame-game

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Anonymous 18]

Agree with RD. It’s a defence thing. Initially.

After a while though introspection like yourself and asking the why or how should recalibrate the blame to where it truly lies. Give or take a few self-absolving favors.

But it’s a man thing as well. To accept blame eventually.

Every f~~~ up is a huge learning experience. And from personal f~~~ ups, it’s perhaps the most impactful thing that makes me feel like I am growing as a man.

A woman will only f~~~ with you if you let her. Psycho or otherwise. First sign of imminent danger is compromise whether it’s a relationship or she’s a f~~~ buddy. Second sign is forgiveness. And third is doubting the gut feeling.

When dealing with a woman, don’t: compromise, forgive her for lie and never doubt that gut feeling.

And every woman is for your sampling. And rejection.

But first you should feel complete in your own skin. If a woman’s company is making you feel wholesome you are either not tapping your own potential or you haven’t learned about female nature.

[JollyMisanthropeParticipant 3356]

Victims that aren’t really being victimized are just looking for a scapegoat to blame for their shortcomings and failures in life. It’s just another example of a lack of self-awareness.

“I can’t get a job” = I’m being discriminated based on (enter a demographic).
“I’m not getting paid enough working my minimum wage job” = I have no ambition to improve my skill set.
“I’m getting unwanted attention from men” = I take no responsibility for my behavior and how I present myself.

And so on and so forth.

The Children of Doom... Doom's Children. They told my lord the way to the Mountain of Power. They told him to throw down his sword and return to the Earth... Ha! Time enough for the Earth in the grave.

[RoyDalParticipant]

These guys ascribe blaming others to infantilism.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Tiga KParticipant 1693]

I think people loathe blaming themselves because that means they must accept responsibility for their actions.

I find it funny when people play psychiatrist and say mgtow rationalize our situation by blaming women and not accepting our failures. Reading the introductions of the men on this forum frequently proves that wrong. They will often admit that they should’ve seen the red flags that were appearing, and the outcome, though unfair, was still in their control. They participated in the relations~~~ willingly. Going one’s own way allows a man to move on with his life and not throw a gender inequality fit like a feminist or MRA. We walk out of the Victim Olympics Colosseum and vote with our feet.

[OgreParticipant 5863]

The most fragile thing that you have in the World is your relationship with yourself. 90 percent of people you can apologize, and they will at least move on. The majority of the rest you can do without.

Yourself though, you can just never escape knowing and remembering what it was that you did to compromise that relationship.

It’s the reason that we try to protect that other us; the one that acts impulsively, without forethought, and on instinct. That person we try to protect, because they are just doing what is “natural”, but we know deep down they are flawed and weak.

As long as you learned and won’t make the same mistake again then you gained something from the experience. Lightbringer, you and only you are in charge of your destiny. Make the most of it. You’ve got a certain number of days to make the very best you and the most of this life. Don’t let anything distract you from it.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[TheroniusParticipant 975]

"I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?" - George Carlin

[LightBringerParticipant 440]

RoyDal wrote:

I think we are wired up that way. It’s a survival trait, a survival trait distorted to keep the ego bruise-free.

Depression is a subject close to me; blaming others makes depression worse and it lowers one’s self-respect.

Can you explain your thing on depression? I ask because I was so f~~~ing depressed, literally suicidal dealing with that bitch. ‘WHY IS SHE LIKE THIS!?’ but now its like just this subtle ‘I chose that pain’ and its so much easier to endure, and depression mostly gone.

[Author]

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