Yes, for all of those still stuck in their old way of thinking, this will seem callous and cold, but I want you to really dig deep in your mind and think about it. Value.
Value is easy to describe when you think about purchasing something. I need something. Say I need a tire, as my car has a problem and keeps losing air in one of the tires. I know this because every day I come out to go to work and the tire is flat. Having a tire that isn’t flat will provide me value in a number of ways. First, it prevents me having to stop at the gas station every morning and put air in it. Second, it allows me to drive my vehicle without worry. And third and most important, it allows me to use my transportation the way it was intended, to get me where I want to go.
Value can be expressed in dollars and cents, worth to you, impact to you in other areas or any other myriad number of ways. But how do you put a value on something? Supply and demand is one way, meaning I want/need something and there is a limited supply of it, so the suppliers determine a starting price and adjust according to the market. One of a kind items go to the highest bidder, often with a very inflated value against what they provide in real world benefits. Often the intangible ‘prestige’ benefit inflates their price greatly.
But another way of thinking of value is in the effort it takes to obtain something. Let’s go back to my tire example. Replacing my tire costs $125. That includes the tire itself, the new valve stem, the labor to mount it and test it, etc. If I work a reasonable job and make a reasonable wage (ok let’s not go there), I make $25 an hour. That tire thus costs me 5 hours of labor to be able to afford (don’t get hung up on the numbers). Another way of looking at it is that it will take me 5 hours of labor to recoup the cost of that tire. Considering the effort to refill it every day, which, let’s say takes 15 minutes out of your day, means that in 20 days I will have recovered the time it takes to keep filling it up every day. In peace of mind terms, that is hard to define, but it will limit my worry about the tire being bad and having to mess with it any more.
Now, we’ve explained value a bit. Perhaps you agree, perhaps you disagree with my assessment of determining value above. Regardless, I’m going to take this and apply it a relationship.
To me (and this is my opinion, which is all I can offer), a relationship has a certain value. This value may differ greatly from man to man, or from relationship to relationship. Currently, a relationship to me brings value from the following items: companionship, parenting, sex. Let’s start with the last as the easiest to describe.
Sex has a value to men. This has been proven through the ages as prostitution has continued to flourish. Sex is a base natural instinct, for procreation and the sheer enjoyment of it. Sex can be very enjoyable, but has a value, meaning there is a certain length men will go to for securing it and access to it. Sex can be replaced with other means or pursuits, and for some loses its value due to outside factors. Each individual man must determine the value of sex to him, and thus its significance in the relationship.
Parenting. Parenting or procreation can have great value to a man. Bearing his blood lines, his name, his future is an instinct I think we all possess. Aside from that, the joy children can bring, the intense amount of work which leads to a great value when you raise a functional human being, one that you mold and adapt and teach… the value there is hard to even describe but I believe as adults we understand it. I know raising a child to watch her become a functional member of society, with her own strengths, vulnerabilities, opportunities and successes has been very valuable to me and I wouldn’t exchange anything for it at this point. She is grown now, and I see her continuing to expand her mind daily and her opportunities going forward.
Companionship is another nebulous concept that is different for each person, yet ultimately for me boils down to having a friend who you can spend time with, enjoy similar tastes with, converse with, and in essence be a sounding board for the expansion of both of your lives. Change is a constant in this world, and without it you stagnate and do not grow. That companion you need will not only grow with you but prompt you to grow in new ways, cherish the time with you and provide you with emotional and intellectual stimulation. They become someone you laugh with, cry with and experience new and grand things that life has to offer.
So, now that I’ve defined value (or at least what value to me is) in a relationship, the point, or the crux of the matter is at hand. Why did I post all this nonsense?
Well men, I want you to take a moment and think. I want you to think about what you value, what those things you value are worth to you. And what you’ll exchange for them. Money, sure. Time, absolutely. Freedom and sovereignty? That is what you have to answer for yourself.
So I leave you with a few questions:
•Is what you are paying for that relationship worth the value it provides?
•As the costs increase for that relationship or interaction increase, are you willing to continue to expend more resources to keep it?
•Is it an appreciating or depreciating asset (does it get worth more over time or worth less), and as your stage in life changes, does this change?
Right now I can tell you my answers have drastically changed to these questions over the past 12 months. I encourage you to look at your relationships, and possibly not just your romantic relationships, then make a determination… is the value there? Is it WORTH it?
No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.
FrostByte 2 years, 4 months ago.
