vacation days/custody

[MemberParticipant 323]

Anyone have a strategy for getting an ex to abide by court mandated vacation times and dates?

I am trying to avoid the horror that is court by using other methods. Basically, whenever the ex gets p~~~ed about something the first thing she does is tell me she is not bringing the kid to our designated pick up spot. Since we are both allowed so many weeks of vacation time AND holiday time each year she just says she is using her vacation time. Technically we are supposed to request this in writing 30 days in advance but of course she does not abide by this. To make things worse I cant remember the last time I had a whole week of uninterrupted time without her meddling somehow. This Thanksgiving I am supposed to have the holiday but she told me a few days ago that she was taking our child instead. She says she found deal on plane tickets she just couldn’t turn down! I protested of course and was cussed out because I was being “mean”. As some of you know the usual tactics don’t work when you are dealing with someone that is entitled and/or nutty. Am trying not to go into tons of details because we are on a public forum that gets hacked frequently.

Thoughts?

[Soldier-MedicParticipant 2566]

One tactic that I heard of is to call the police each time she refuses to relinquish the children IAW the court mandate.

The police have no enforcing authority in most states but you can ask the officer to provide a card with the call/contact/case number.

Add enough of these together and you have a case to go to court with. Just taking her to court isn’t enough. she can deny her lack of compliance and the judge will sign off because…….vagina.

Listen to your gut. Her lack of compliance may indicate her bitchiness but you were married to her. What did it indicate to you when you were still married?

For me, my ex’s behavior was cover for some other objective. If only to exert control.

If you have the time and resources, I would start looking in to her life. People that bully others are usually covering for something that they are doing that is morally, if no legally, not good.

Disclaimer. I state this because in my life and experience, people that behave in this way are trying to make sure that something stays hidden. If not from you/me then from everyone else. So I admit that I may be completely off base.

You know this person better than most other people. What do your instincts tell you?

"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.

[HitmanParticipant]

document well , and also try and ” yes her to death ” on everything you can…it sucks but in the long run it will pay off . seriously , my ex was 100 % nuts ..it took a couple of YEARS before she calmed down…say nothing negative to her ..even if you want to , DON’T ,because eventually she will see you are a terrific dad and begin to let you be with your child more and more ..holidays are ” every other ” you get to be with the child…offer her a deal ..like ..YOU have our child for the NEXT TWO HOLIDAYS in return for the next one you really want for sure…she will feel she is getting a good deal and you will get the kid when it matters more to you …make deals that appeal to her and negotiate NICELY ..even when you want to cut her f~~~ing throat..it aint worth it .. ..play ” LET’S MAKE A DEAL ” with her NICELY ! stay calm brother ..

[MemberParticipant 323]

Soldier Medic- You are right in that you can report no shows for visitation days with the local police. As you said though the police call it a “civil” matter and will not get involved and tell you to take it up in court. It takes a lot of documentation before the court will even pay attention to it. Some cops will act like that kind of stuff doesn’t happen in their town but it does…..all the time. Custody paperwork seldom has much teeth to it. If you deal with someone that is not afraid of being reported to the police or being involved in drama the deterrent is just not there.

The mental motivation is an interesting angle to look at. I have had to become an amateur psychologist through all this but perhaps I should look at her motivations more seriously. And yes there are definitely some things being hidden there. Unfortunately for her she tells me things that could get her into real trouble. My trouble is that she doesn’t seem to comprehend what I can do with that information…….I think she would drag my child down in flames with her if she felt trapped enough. Therefore I have never really wanted to go down that path.

Hitman- I have seen that advice before and it is probably good advice. However, it is hard for me not to respond with at least sarcasm when she does something off the wall. I would compare it someone hitting you in the finger with a hammer and trying to resist the urge to curse at them. The conversation about the plane tickets for Thanksgiving was one of those situations. I really didn’t get too irate but I really think she was looking for a fight when she told me. Her mother was in the background so she had just the kind of audience she likes….sympathetic to her cause and mostly blind to the kind of crap she pulls. Sigh….I could write a book but only divorced dads would want to read it. On the plus side I think there are millions of us now so it might make me some cash!

[HitmanParticipant]

i know what that feeling is like ..i’m a very sarcastic motherf~~~er..you must resist that urge and go ” big picture ” ..long term ..SAY less and accomplish more ..don’t give in to the pain that bitch can deliver ..make DEALS that let her think she is winning …psychology ..

[RoyDalParticipant]

Get heaps of documentation just in case you do end up in court. Take the Dale Carnegie approach to dealing with the Ex, documenting all the while. This way, she will have nothing to use against you, either in court or in her inevitable attempts to poison the minds of those around her, especially your child. I count lawyers among my family and friends, and they are unanimous in using this approach to getting a win for their clients.

Like the saying goes: Love your enemies. It will drive them crazy.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[RedDawnParticipant 1391]

Hitman and RoyDal are right on the money.

1. Appeal to her sense of greed by making deals she thinks are great for her.

2. Keep a journal of all the BS she pulls any Facebook s~~~ or texts, says in person etc (My ex made an incriminating Facebook post when I left her and I used my sister’s Facebook to print it off and show my lawyer that she was a bitch haha)

I have used both of these methods personally to cover my ass and make life easier.

Also in regards to her looking for reactions, don’t give her a reaction, practice this as much as you can. Women try to bait men into raging to play the victim card. Don’t give her this satisfaction. Doing this may enhance your position if she rages and does something incriminating.

Not only that, but you will be much happier in life knowing you can control your emotions.

If your lucky you indifference to her BS (reverse psychology) may make her want to give you your child more, by giving her the impression that you enjoy child free time.

Courage is the key to life itself - Morgan Freeman

[DethklokParticipant 153]

Lots of good advice in here. Document it all that you can. provide as much proof as possible.

Either way, she’ll probably turn the tables on you. To the courts: story from a woman: always true, story from a man: lying to win.

While we may not be able to save one man, MGTOW can save many.

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