Unrequited Love is Stupid

[FunInTheSunParticipant 8283]

I once was a victim of my own stupidity: I fell in love with a “high school sweetheart” who didn’t care about me. I dated a girl I met in high school for a few years. We went all over the place (parks, restaurants, movies, beaches). I was a very shy teenager, so I was happy to have a girl sitting in my car. She just wanted to be friends with me, but I kept longing for the day when I could be her boyfriend. I would’ve done anything to win her approval. Now that I’m older, I can see that I was a fool chasing after the wind. She would tell me about the guys she dated. They were mostly jerks, of course, but she loved them like I wished she loved me.

When I start dating a woman, I tend get obsessed with her. I call her too much. She probably thinks I’m too needy. That’s how it is with me. I don’t know how to hold back, like the players.

I’ve had several friends who’ve felt the same way. They loved the women they dated intensely and even made plans for marriage…only to get dumped. These women got sick of our love, I suppose. Maybe we fawned over them too much. We felt happy (so happy!) right before they got bored and left us.

On the other end of the spectrum, women feel this kind of hopeless love for men that don’t love them AT ALL. They will work hard to please these men. They will give their bodies to these men. They’ll do just about anything to win the love of a man who already has a girlfriend, a wife, or a harem of sexy women. It’s a pathetic kind of love that they are willing to ruin their lives for. They are hoping that one day—one magical day—these men will stop being Playboys and decide to settle down with them forever. They want to ride off into the sunset on a horse with these men while a crowd of weeping ex-girlfriends chase after them. La dee da.

I wonder why humanity has this flaw—unrequited love. I want her, but she wants him, and he doesn’t care. It’s a stupid situation. If it were up to me, reality would be fair: everyone would get matched with someone who loves them in the same manner, we’d all have material wealth, and no one would feel jealous.

The world seems like a playground for those who are admired. They can dance upon the souls of the unlovable without concern.

Personally, I’m tired of chasing the wind. I may still chase skirts, but I will keep my expectations low so I won’t be disappointed. Not being the “boyfriend” doesn’t bother me much. I just want to date women for the good times. And when the good times are over, I’m gone. There’s new adventures with new women on the horizon. I can’t demand anything more from this dysfunctional world.

"I saw that there comes a point, in the defeat of any man of virtue, when his own consent is needed for evil to win-and that no manner of injury done to him by others can succeed if he chooses to withhold his consent. I saw that I could put an end to your outrages by pronouncing a single word in my mind. I pronounced it. The word was ‘No.’" (Atlas Shrugged)

[Anonymous 18]

FunInTheSun wrote:

The world seems like a playground for those who are admired. They can dance upon the souls of the unlovable without concern.

It seems that way.

Everyone suffers through their own hands. The peril of life is to see what the others are doing or saying.

Enhance your own life as much as you can. Let others have their own joy, whether with pride or humility.

One day the circus ends.

[narwhalParticipant]

@funinthesun, I won’t say that I’m unfamiliar with the situation and the feelings you describe, but I think I’ve learned now that what I used to call love was not love at all. Honestly, it’s rather selfish if you really think about it.

Love is a verb, right? It’s not just an expression that you like someone. It means that you are willing to take actions that benefit that other person, sometimes when it doesn’t benefit you. It means you find yourself happy when they are happy. You take joy in their successes. You find yourself sad when they are said. You develop an emotional connection where what they do impacts you more than what others do.

‘Unrequited Love’ doesn’t fit this description. You want attention and time from someone regardless of whether it makes them happy or not. If they are happy, you often find yourself miserable. You rarely are doing things to make them happy if it doesn’t bring attention to you. You want to make them fall for you. Maybe I’m different from you, but most of the time I thought I loved someone who didn’t love me…I was thinking about myself only.

Anyone who claims they love some who doesn’t love them, I would tell them to proof by leaving that person alone.

And btw, I think this messed up definition of love is a big part of the problem with marriage. Women get into marriage for what they can get out of it. They leave when they’ve sucked it dry. They don’t care about the damage to the person they claim to have loved.

If you think about it, saying “I love you” is one of the stupidest things ever said. If it’s actually true, then it should be so blatantly obvious that there really is no need to say it. The only reason to say is that people actually feel good when they hear it, though most say it because they want to hear it back.

And to be clear, I won’t say that I’m beyond pining for someone. It’s not like I never see a woman that get’s my motor running, that I want to be around a lot, and want the attention of. I’m just not going to call that love.

Ok. Then do it.

[SuggestiusParticipant 3312]

Stupidity relates to the sphere of thinking. When it comes to falling in love, the intellect is turning off! 😀

Happiness for all and let no one be forgotten ("Roadside picnic", Arkady and Boris Strugatsky)

[GrumpyParticipant]

All “love” is stupid, and the word is consistently extremely misused.
Just listen to the way people employ the word. It has become so all encompassing that the word “love” is quiet honestly, utterly meaningless.
My jaded self would add in the caveat of questioning what is the personal gain for one professing “love”?
I like this song becomes I love this song.
I enjoy wildlife becomes I love animals.
Being comfortable in an structure becomes I love this house.
Thank you for having sex or pleasing me becomes I love you, and on and on and on.

Love was a word in human history, that had so much power injected into its meaning that the original meaning was lost.
You can give and receive love only in a moment, for a moment, and then that moment is gone. Sooner or later every moment of love is gone, as it’s usefulness has expired, then you move on to the next moment of life and that is just it.

Again, just listen to the way people use the word, to understand its utter meaninglessness.

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[sjt1975Participant 2536]

Un-Requited Love… The only kind of ‘love’ that I have ever known!!!
I DGAF any more now. A Modern Woman is not worthy of a Man’s ‘love’.

[Anonymous 0]

“Love” and “I do” are words that lead perfectly decent men to a life of misery.

“Love” is an emotion. Emotions change over a period of time especially as it relates to a girlfriend, wife, partner, etc.

It is stupid to make a life changing decisions like marriage, kids and sharing finances, based on emotion.

42% divorce rate in Ontario. Majority of the divorces are filed by women. Majority of the custody battles are won by women. Men are on hook for child support and alimony payments. Men lose their house, cars, pensions, most of their pay cheques and live like paupers.

Why?

All because they fell in love. Time for men to stop thinking with their little heads and to instead use pure logic when it comes to decisions that have life-changing consequences.

[Author]

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