I see this as a deceitful way for women to try to coerce men to commit without providing or being anything that would be commitment-worthy. As I usually do with behavior like this from women, I try to pick it up, turn it around, roll it over and look at it from the reverse angles to understand better how to reciprocate appropriately. In response to this, men need something just as deceitful and fake to pry the lying parasite off of themselves… and out of their lives.
After careful consideration,
Here’s a narrative of my (30 second video) craigslist ad:
Dear single men:
Do you have a woman who just won’t go away? Have you bought her too may dinners and paid too many of her bills? Has she identified you as her ‘soul-mate-meal-ticket’ and begun making plans for the future? Is she causing your bank account to shrink faster than your formerly-frequent erections? Are you waking up screaming with nightmares in the middle of the night? Do your friends worry that they never see you anymore? Do you have trouble remembering the last time you had the opportunity to think, speak, act and make decisions like a man without shaming and harassment?
These are the tell-tale signs of the irritating ‘bitch-infestation-syndrome’, and it’s a serious problem sweeping the country. Experts concur that without immediate treatment, this progressive condition WILL GET WORSE. Side effects include, but are not limited to, loss of sleep, loss of children, loss of social reputation, loss of home, loss of professional reputation, continued loss of money, homicidal thoughts, cluttered home, leaky roof, split fingernails and low oil pressure… (blah blah blah…)
Fortunately, You’re not alone…! It’s not your fault…! Admitting this problem is the first step…! You don’t have to suffer this way anymore! Operators are standing by…! Help IS available…!!!
From the producers of the titanium body condom, the offshore bank account, fake identification and the digital brick wall blocking device for your cell phone… comes the latest in male protection: We proudly bring you THE FAKE POSITIVE HIV TEST RESULT…!!!
Yes Gentelmen,
You too can be free!!! It’s not just a dream anymore. With the fake positive HIV result, you’ll be able to once again go fishing! Go hunting! Drink beer and watch porn… without anymore bitching and harassment, all in the safety and comfort of your OWN HOME. Many other men JUST LIKE YOU have tried our product with huge success!!!
<insert a few testimonial video clips of cheesy but happy looking single guys>
For just the low price of $19.99, the bulls~~~-you’ve-seen-on-tv corporation will rush deliver to your address an authentic appearing fake positive HIV result with your name, address, and date of exam printed RIGHT ON THE FRONT PAGE.
For an additional low, low price of just $9.99 extra, an official sounding voice will leave an cryptic but ominous sounding message on the voice mail at a phone number of your choice… advising you that your test results are back, and that you need to cease having any further sexual relations and contact our clinic IMMEDIATELY!!!
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST TURN UP THE VOLUME AND PLAY YOUR MESSAGES BACK WHILE SHE’S IN THE ROOM!!!
It couldn’t be simpler!!!
As a bonus, and ONLY if you act in the next 15 minutes, we’ll throw in AT NO EXTRA CHARGE a fake pink slip from your employer announcing that your paycheck will soon stop, and your benefits are being cut off immediately!
Don’t Wait…!!!
OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY…
ACT NOW!!!!
😛
Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you
xgreenlanternox 4 years, 8 months ago.
