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Russky 3 years, 9 months ago.
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I was talking with a c~~~tail server at my usual bar recently and she was hanging around doing her normal flirt-for-a-tip stuff, acting like she might be interested, as they do, so I decided it’s time to put an end to that.
“Hey look, thanks for the drinks and all. You seem pretty cool but I’m not sure if I’m interested in getting to know you. What’s a good day to come around when it’s not busy so we can actually have a conversation?”
Now my plan was that she’d either walk away and just stick to doing her job or she’d keep on trying to game me into thinking there was something more than a client/server relationship happening or she was actually interested in getting to know me and spending time with me. I figured the percentages were 5:94:1 for each case, respectively.
“Well, Tuesdays and Thursdays are usually pretty good. Here’s my email address… email me and I’ll let you know when I’m going to be here.”
This changes nothing. In my book, no means maybe, maybe means no and yes doesn’t mean anything until after it’s done.
“Cool, I’ll email you.”
Two weeks later I threw a house party and invited her along with some of the other staff at the bar who I actually have working relationships with. None of them responded or came but it was more of a courtesy invite as I didn’t expect them to show.
About a week after that, she emailed me:
“I’m sorry, I’m really bad at emailing. (meaning: I’m not interested in you.) Thank you for the invitation, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it but I’ll see you at the bar sometime soon. (meaning: Come support me at work and bring tips.) See you around!”
Now I go to that bar at least once a week but it so happened that I only went on Fridays or Mondays for a couple of weeks. I saw her there, but as I was alone, I sat at the bar and we never interacted.
Last Tuesday I went to that bar with a female friend (fwb, very hot, women hate her) and another cool couple after we all had dinner together. We sat in her section and she came around to take our order, I introduced her to everyone and she said to me, loud enough where my “date” could hear:
“Yeah, so it looks like I’m even busy on Tuesdays. You should email me and we’ll talk.”
“Sure, I can do that.”
Now at this point I know it’s done. This girl isn’t interested, she just flirts for tips, as they do, and wanted to compete for attention with my “date”. Nevertheless I email her because it’s fun for me to have these stories to tell:
“Hey, so Tuesdays are a bust. How about we meet up for a drink and get to know each other instead?”
She writes back the next day:
“I don’t know if you’re looking for a date, but I have a boyfriend who I love very much.”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I was looking for. But seeing as how you’re unavailable, I retract the request. I’ll see you around the bar next time I bring some friends in for a drink. Thanks.”
So here’s the point which I’m sure you’ve already identified. 95% of that exchange was a waste of time and effort. What I need to do instead is have a quick one-liner that I can use to shoot down women who flirt to get tips.
At this point, my plan is to simple… call them “bro”. I hate the word and the whole bro culture, but I think it will be a pretty effective method of letting them know that being a female doesn’t make any difference when it comes to tips.
So how do you guys do it? Aside from avoiding establishments that feature “hired guns” (which is virtually impossible here in Las Vegas) what are your tactics? I’m curious to know what they are and how you came to adopt them. We were all blue pill at some point, tell me the stories of how you came to the point where you can just shut them down.
Go go go!
Good post. Thanks for sharing. One thing that works for me every time when I look at women, I see them as users. They are looking to use me for their needs(my money, my time, my body/mind) then she will dump me and find the next guy for her needs, it’s in her DNA. So I don’t let them use me no matter how they look. I don’t pay attention to them, no special treatment.
Always be the first to friendzone her.
If it costs you your peace of mind, then it is too expensive.
Whoa there, Doc – stand down! Are you perhaps confusing a professional relationship with a personal relationship?
It seems to me, she’s just doing her job. Her job is to greet you, make you feel welcome, strike up a conversation and – importantly – make you want to return to the business (and bring your friends – which you are doing!)
You are an income-stream for that business and a secondary income-stream for her. It behoves her to treat you well and to form some kind of relationship with you.
As a regular at the establishment, she should know your name, your favourite drink, your favourite place to sit, what sports you follow, some of your interests, what kind of car you drive etc etc.
As to her giving you her e-mail I’d see that as the equivalent of you or me handing out our business cards – something we do on the off chance that we can make some money/be offered a better job/network/whatever.
Basically she’s doing her job to the best of her ability. And in the same way you’d take pleasure in watching an artist create a sculpture or a cabinetmaker craft a beautiful piece of furniture or a mechanic rebuild a seized engine – so too take enjoyment in watching her practice her craft. (And leave a tip as a token of appreciation for the entertainment!)
You should know by now – All of life is but a giant scam – ENJOY IT!...And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus
Whoa there, Doc – stand down! Are you perhaps confusing a professional relationship with a personal relationship?
Oh my! The condescension is strong in this one! Did you actually read my post where I said there’s a 99% chance she was just flirting to get more tips?
Here’s the thing… c~~~tailers and bartenders do date their customers. I personally have pulled more hired guns than I can count. The question wasn’t “Hey guise, I’m a 47 year old virgin and think this hot bar chick might really like me! What do you think I should doooooo?!?!” The question was “When and how, in your own personal journey to becoming a MGHOW, did you master the ability to see through the sex appeal when making choices in the marketplace?”
As a related point, I asked this of a female friend of mine lately: “Imagine living in a world in which every ad, magazine, billboard, television commercial, show, movie and website had on it an image of a slice of chocolate cake. Would you not be in some way offended by the notion that the mere suggestion of chocolate could sell you any product and service and, as a result, be filled with a weird combination of rage and desire to eat chocolate cake all the time?”
That’s the world men live in… constantly having people yank at our dicks in the hopes that our wallets will pop out. I’m soooo over it.
No offence intended, Doc and I apologise for coming across as condescending.
Its just that I married a c~~~tail waitress – BIG MISTAKE!
The tips are still flowing her way!
I’m the same age as you and the way that I ‘master the ability to see through the sex appeal when making choices in the marketplace’ is by recognising it and then laughing at it.
Radical acceptance creates distance....And in our own despair, against our will, Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Agamemnon; by Aeschylus
Anonymous42I’m so far down the road of not giving a s~~~ about anything that my ignorance rubs off and they remain silent! GOOD!
I truly don’t care about women as their lack of empathy has rubbed off onto me!
Just like the cold war, I have everything in my arsenal that they have in theirs!My blast doors are shut and I don’t give a s~~~ about fem-nuclear war…
“I’m sorry, I’m really bad at emailing”.
lmao over here!!
I actually got that response and wrote her back “Really? That’s only a basic skill. What are you GOOD at?”….. of course she flooded my inbox with 3 more messages within 5 minutes.
(the following day) “So not that bad at emailing after all. Did you take a emailing course since yesterday? I would give you an E for effort.”
[female] “I don’t know if you’re looking for a date, but I have a boyfriend who I love very much.”
“A boyfriend? That’s adorable. Contact me when you’re ready for a man.”
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.I’m so far down the road of not giving a s~~~ about anything
I totally believe you.
I actually got that response and wrote her back “Really? That’s only a basic skill. What are you GOOD at?”….. of course she flooded my inbox with 3 more messages within 5 minutes.
It’s obvious that a person interested in communicating with you would respond immediately. Nobody under the age of 80 is “bad” at email.
You sparked her attention by calling her bulls~~~ and provoking her to defend herself… the fact is I don’t even care that much. I want that connection in the first five seconds or nothing at all. that’s how over it I am.
Perhaps liberal use of the word “guys” or “guy”. Oopsie, that ignored your (the girl’s) gender/sexuality, what a coincidence.
With a male busboy and a female waitress simultaneously present, it’s easy to use “guys.”
Singularly it’ll be harder to pull off, or viewed as crass, but I don’t care, the focus is my wallet. 30% how it’s said, 60% everything else. 10% the transcript."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Anonymous2In Holland we don’t tip. It’s just a matter of refusing contact outside of the business exchange. My tactic is very straightforward. Should they ask me to email then, I simply ask if they have a boyfriend. Reverse the question.
A boyfriend means I do not require her email as she’s unavailable.
Anonymous54I have learned that when a woman is freindly its because she wants something.If a women even takes the time to talk to you she wants something.I have taken these days to useing my same deep voice i use with Men for women too. Also,simply dont smile back at them. Thats what they go by. Your smile and raised eye brows.They either want money or free labor from you.A women thats interested in you will offer her phone number to you.
Anonymous54Whoa there, Doc – stand down! Are you perhaps confusing a professional relationship with a personal relationship?
It seems to me, she’s just doing her job. Her job is to greet you, make you feel welcome, strike up a conversation and – importantly – make you want to return to the business (and bring your friends – which you are doing!)
You are an income-stream for that business and a secondary income-stream for her. It behoves her to treat you well and to form some kind of relationship with you.
As a regular at the establishment, she should know your name, your favourite drink, your favourite place to sit, what sports you follow, some of your interests, what kind of car you drive etc etc.
As to her giving you her e-mail I’d see that as the equivalent of you or me handing out our business cards – something we do on the off chance that we can make some money/be offered a better job/network/whatever.
Basically she’s doing her job to the best of her ability. And in the same way you’d take pleasure in watching an artist create a sculpture or a cabinetmaker craft a beautiful piece of furniture or a mechanic rebuild a seized engine – so too take enjoyment in watching her practice her craft. (And leave a tip as a token of appreciation for the entertainment!)
You should know by now – All of life is but a giant scam – ENJOY IT!I have know waitresses all my life.My third wife was a c~~~tail waitress. They flirt for tips, Get over it.Dont be a white night.
Anonymous54I’
I truly don’t care about women as their lack of empathy has rubbed off onto me!
I hear you man.I no longer care about them.I am as cold towards then as they are towards us.
Thanks for the share man.
I don’t know if you’re looking for a date, but I have a boyfriend who I love very much.
I would have told her that I was only looking for a ONS.
95% of that exchange was a waste of time and effort.
Exactly, that’s why I ignore 100% of them, if a girl wants to f~~~ you badly, she WILL make the move or give you some strong hints.
What I need to do instead is have a quick one-liner that I can use to shoot down women who flirt to get tips.
I have found that ignoring them is the best strategy you’ve got. You mentioned that she’s only interested in getting people to tip her, stop tipping her, that will pretty much seal the deal.
Always be the first to friendzone her.
Even that sounds too much work for me.
I’m so far down the road of not giving a s~~~ about anything that my ignorance rubs off and they remain silent!
I am pretty much there where you are bro.
I have learned that when a woman is freindly its because she wants something.
Oh ye, that’s always true.
I want that connection in the first five seconds or nothing at all. that’s how over it I am.
That’s asking a bit much. While I believe that women, like men, “decide” whether they’re attracted to someone of the opposite sex within the first ten seconds, women, unlike men, will not be as forward about it.
I found what works best (NB: works best at filtering, not at getting laid; for help with the latter, I direct you to PUA forms) is to invite (not ask) her to accompany you on something you were planning to do by yourself.
You give her the option; if she doesn’t jump on it, then either she’s not interested, or not looking to put in the effort to win your favor. In either case, f~~~ her (figuratively), and move on, satisfied that you made a reasonable effort with her.
". . . elle, suivant l’usage des femmes et des chats qui ne viennent pas quand on les appelle et qui viennent quand on ne les appelle pas, s’arrêta devant moi et m’adressa la parole"—Prosper Mérimée
I bookmarked this last night…. meant to elaborate:
At this point, my plan is to simple… call them “bro”. I hate the word and the whole bro culture,
Same. Instead of a handshake, when someone puts their fists and knuckles up for a “bro punch”…. they gotta be f~~~ing kidding me.
it will be a pretty effective method of letting them know that being a female doesn’t make any difference when it comes to tips.
I wouldn’t address her – AT ALL.
First word out of your mouth should be the drink you want. Or, when she says “hi hows it going?” you say “what do you have on tap.”.
Communicate you’re there for the drink because you’re parched – and no other reason.
If she’s attractive, she gets hit on all the time. You stand out if you’re the one she starts making small talk with, and you interrupt her with “I’ll have another” like what she says doesn’t matter.
True story from many years ago. I was in a big city restaurant (as a customer) eating at the bar, about 4 other guys there. One start chatting her up, and asking what she does in life, and all bright-eyed, she says “I’m an actress!!”.
One of the other guys dialed up the asshole and said:
“No you’re not. You’re a waitress. I’ll have another drink.”Everyone howled. Except her. Classic moment burned into my memory.
What I need to do instead is have a quick one-liner that I can use to shoot down women who flirt to get tips.
If she starts flirting for tips…..
“That’s not the way to a good tip”.Because it isn’t. Efficiency is.
“Are you allowed to flirt with me like that?”
In January I went to a friend’s Birthday at a loud, brewery style bar filled with people and noise. A bartender myself for years, the girl was “hott” but if I were the owner I would have fired her after watching her for 5 minutes. She took 10 steps just to get a glass. And then did it again. She could have sold (and earned) 4X as much in the 5 minutes I watched her “work”.
( Isn’t that called a wage gap? )
She wasn’t WORKING. She was fluffing up her t~~~ and flipping her hair. A terrible bartender.
—
Female bartenders go to work with their guards up already. They’re protected behind 3 feet of marble and think everyone wants to f~~~ them. That’s like a normal woman x100. I wouldn’t even look at her like a female. She’s a walking bottle opener.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.All good stuff there, as usual, Keymaster.
Of course I know how to ignore women and I’m certainly no slave to my dick. Plus I know a secret… in the state of Nevada, it is perfectly legal to buy alcohol in bulk and store and consume it in your own home.
So yeah, talking to c~~~tailers is no big deal and at this point, I’m nobody’s fool when it comes to who to tip how much and why. In fact, I’ve been so successful at blocking bulls~~~ in general from my life that I pretty much do this sort of thing for fun.
It’s interesting to hear how everyone else goes about dealing with sex appeal as a selling point. Any other insights, fellas?
If I was a hot female server with a boyfriend – I’d do the same thing – I’d set up a obscure email account and give it out whenever I’d get hit on. Seems like a great strategy to reject unwanted male attention
proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome
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