To the 13th Level of God Damn It, and beyond…

[Smitty the Great OneParticipant 1535]

Well, I’ve been absent as of recent for a variety of reasons. The single biggest being that my mother died. I was living the dream on the coast of Oregon, driving my cab, smoking more weed than I ever imagined. Then, she died, and I had to return to take care of my father. He’s not helpless mind you, but completely lost without mom. He is sad, and without much purpose, I am trying to keep him looking forward, but to be honest he’s 81…. how much time does he have left? I’m trying my best to get him to make minimum payments on the mountain of medical bills because of my mothers slow deterioration. I want him to enjoy as much of his life as he’s able to do. This will be a daunting task, but not my biggest. My single biggest problem is my sister. She is an opportunistic c~~~, and has done nothing but put a hand out and demand what she wants. Whether it be cherry picking my mom’s jewellery box, or trying to get others to search for rare and expensive antiques that my father has spent a lifetime collecting. Usually she is just sucking up sympathy and attention as if she somehow gave a s~~~ about our mother. (Oddly enough i was always my mothers favorite child). Anyhow I have revoked my sisters Missouri privileges permanently. I am constantly fighting the urge to make my way to my sisters house and beat her within an inch of everyone’s life. I know it’s not the right thing to do, but some days….

How do I best help my father carry on? He’s old and without a real goal he can work towards. What can I do for him to keep him living, and not looking towards dying?

Life is too long to play by someone elses rules....

[Spank The MisandristsParticipant 2308]

First of all I am sorry for your loss, bro.

I don’t know how helpful it is, but try to talk to him and find out how he wants to live his life and support him would probably be the best thing you can do now. Also being there physically with him would probably help him get over this tragedy sooner. If I were you I might go on a trip with him, if it is possible, let the nature bring him the inner peace he needs. Also let him know that he still got you and you will be there for him no matter what happens.

Regarding your sister, just forget about her until your dad bounces back, then you can go and deal with that bitch with all the concentrated power you’ve got.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Smitty:

Sorry to hear about your mom. Have you thought about assisted living facility for your dad? He could be around people his age in a similar circumstance and have meals cooked for him.

There is a service out there called A Place For Mom that helps find the right place. It’s free to you, they get a commission from the center that you pick. It might be worth talking to him about that option. I had a similar conversation with my grandparents a few years ago.

Good luck.

Order the good wine

[Smitty the Great OneParticipant 1535]

My dad will never leave his farm, and would never admit to needing help. I’m trying to think of things for us to do on a weekly basis. He’s not helpless, just heartbroken. I’m seriously thinking of taking a trip to Wyoming to hunt antelope. He’s in good health, but his spirit is down. My parents had an idealic relationship. They never fought, she never manipulated him or was bad to him. In a way they set an unrealistic standard for relationships. I want to give him reason to keep going, wish me luck.

Life is too long to play by someone elses rules....

[ScandinavianParticipant 590]

I’m sorry for your loss. How long has it been since she passed? If it was recently (a few weeks or so) then I think the best thing you can do is just be there for him and just listen. In grief it’s not so much what we say but how well we listen that count. If it’s been a longer time and you are just worried he’s wasting away, then I’m afraid you may have a fight ahead of you. Losing a loved spouse at that age after a long and happy (the way you explain it) life together, well, I can’t imagine. The risk is that when you ask him to “enjoy his life” without her would be like asking a person to breathe without oxygen; it’s not sure he knows how. I don’t know your family, but I know my grandfather died from a heart attack the night after my grandmother died in the hospital, and I don’t think that was a coincidence.

My advise would be just to spend time with him, as much as you possibly can depending on your life situation. Do things together. You mentioned hunting, and that is a great idea! If he’s a farmer I guess just tinkering could work also; create things, work on repairs together, as long as you do it together, on a farm is usually plenty of work and what you do is probably not important, it’s all about the company.

As for your sister; I would wait until he is gone before I cave her head in. Children are always children, no matter if they are heartless twisted f~~~s.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Hey Smitty, i don’t have much to offer in the way of advice, just wanted to say that i’m sorry for your loss, and i hope you & your dad can find a measure of peace among the storm.

[HitmanParticipant]

welcome back brother-man , sorry to hear of your loss ..stick with dad as much as possible ..i got a c~~~-sister also..she’s her own worst enemy ..probably true of yours too…sometimes doing nothing IS doing something …try to focus on dad ..be patient with him .he sounds like a damn good man . suggest stuff he likes , like hunting ,..also give him time ( a few hours or so , at a time ) to mourn on his own , in his own way . forget the sister , for now ..don’t go getting locked up on an assault charge , no matter HOW good it might feel or how much she deserves it ! the universe settles the score for people like her ! good luck man ..when i was new here you were a mgtow GOD to me !

[UntamedParticipant]

So sad to know about your mom and the challenge you face with your dad. I only had to take care of my mom 10 months before she died. I wasn’t on the continent when my dad died, but with my mom, like your dad, she wasn’t helpless and what I did, knowing her well, was take her out as much as possible, even if she had trouble staying out of home where part of her treatment was. I simply tried to make her cancer bearable. They key, I found, was to break her everyday routine and introduce her to new stuff or unusual events.
Best of luck with your dad, bro

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