Home › Forums › Marriage & Divorce › Time to divorce will my baby suffer(its killing me)
This topic contains 24 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by Motiv 4 years, 5 months ago.
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Hey,
Im going to try and keep this short and to the point because its a long story.
Marriage is over we have a 3 year old girl
pushed wife to far with home truths so we are mutual splitting
It scares the crap out of me to leave wife(x) bringing child up without me
Im fighting with what I feel is right
Do I leave my baby or pussy worship the wife to stay in the home to see my baby every morning and night before sleep
Will it mess her up leaving her with the wife and her cathedral,
Plans are in motion to leave but my baby is the only thing doubting my MGTOW
Im starting a video dairy for her to watch when shes older showing my feelings and why im leaving and its not that im dumping her
wife is pretty stupid and just follows media and cathedral pushed ways of living, blindly
why did i have a child with her now I doubt her so much with my offspring
Daughter will just end up in the doctrine 24/7 without my input
How the hell do I deal with these emotions guys, has anyone gone through this and can offer some advice please, its killing me to think of her ending up with just female input, The doctrine is so bad its hard to think about the future of my daughter stuck in it with out me keeping it in check to some degree but this at the very same time is a constant fight, what steps can i take to try and help her now and in the future I really dont want to lose her or just walk away to be made to look the bad one.
Cool story babe now go make me a sandwich
Hi, Motiv. First of all, Welcome!
I was in the same predicament 15 years ago, deciding whether to stay for the sake of the kids or leaving their mother.
Guess what I did?
I thought about it for a couple of years, and before telling her that I’m leaving I spent the whole night in a park, mulling it over.
I lost a LOT during those years, but I did not lose my children, even if I miss them now.
15 years later, I got the last word and my children have been visiting me overseas and my son wants to move here…So I’m telling you to not put your future in the hands of another only because you have a baby together, especially if there’re fights between the two of you.. You both already decided to end it.
I’d only hope you’ll be able to have custody of her but we don’t live in Wonderland, do we?Just know you have a large support group here on MGTOW, Men who have gone through what you’re going through right now, and understand you.
Read up the articles on this site and check out the videos. You’ll start realising that you’re not a “loser” or a “dead beat” just because you refuse to take in what the wemin wants to shove down your troat.Difficult times ahead for your girl, sure. Especially if she doesn’t have daddy near or cannot communicate often. But since it’s a mutual agreement I take it you’ll have a role in your girl’s life?
Stay strong.
Don't let them Blame, Shame or Tame you!
Give 'em NOTHING, not even an answer!
#GenderSegragationNow!First of all welcome! Second, I wish I could offer constructive advice better than what Untamed said before me. He has been there, but I have not.
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
Greetings. You’ve come to the right place. Youve been through hell and back it seems. Im only 22 so i dobt hsve boatloads of relevant experience to share unfortunately. I never married nor do I have a child so i can’t give advice on next steps. However I do now users on this forum can. @iliveagain and @UtopianLobotomy and @STEALTHYMGTOW are some of the wiser gents here who I’m sure will give you great advice to help you through your decision. Welcome again.
I have discovered a truly remarkable list of reasons why women are not necessary for a happy life, but alas this margin is too small to contain it.
Welcome.
Kids always suffer in divorce. But right now, you’re daughter really is too young to understand what’s going on. It’s better you do it now than when she’s say…10. By the time she’s old enough to remember anything, mom and dad being apart will just be normal.
Good luck.
Fuck this planet.Welcome Motiv,can’t offer advice but others are/will,best wishes to you though.
1. You are her dad. That will never change.
2. Fight as best you can to get as much access time. You my have to swallow buckets of s~~~ ….. but you are doing it for your child.
3. Pretend to understand mums hardship. How it won’t be easy bringing up your daughter. That’s why you’ll be around helping.
4. Every year your girl gets older, she will start seeing the truth.
5. Surround yourself with support from family and friends. You’re going to need them.
6. Think crafty …. out smart the system.
I went on dating sights looking for social workers, doctors, child care workers. I dated them so they became friends.
They gave evidence of what a great dad i was.
Yes it was a s~~~ thing ….. but my kid comes first.
Those woman are still my friends and I’ve paid the debt ten fold.
All this is going to come in waves. So don’t fight all the time. You must take time out and hold close council with family and friends.
This is long term …. but as time passes …. your daughter grows.
We are here ok …. just shout.
Be strong for your girl. She will thank you for it ……. then she’ll get a s~~~ boyfriend that’ll p~~~ you off no end ?
The outcome is dependant upon a few things(majority speaking). There is not a rule book that guarantees a peticular outcome. So this is derived from personal experience and observation of others.
1. Do you both consider each other to be good parents? If both of you do, then the odds are much better for having equal responsibility/rights to raising the child. If not then it will be a bumpy ride.
(She is not):She is more likely to leverage your daughter’s visitation rights against you for spite of the split-up. Putting her ego above your child’s need to have a father in the child’s life.
(You are not): Then she will use legitimate reasoning against your visitation rights.
2. How do you treat the mother?
This is one of the overlooked factors in my opinion. It plays an important role in negotiating and co parenting. If point 1 is a yes, then learn to respect her for it. Treat her as a responsible mother and it will help her live up to being a responsible mother(they are simple minded emotional creatures that feed off of emotion, and they are what they eat so to speak). Pay attention to your tone, as this usually deteriorates during disagreements and plays a big role in how weemin percieve what is said. This is something you can do without being run over by her. It has nothing to do with whehter you agree.
3. Do you have s~~~ tons of money?
Due to me having a bad back from working hard instead of sitting on a fat wallet and causing a crooked spine, this one is solely observation. But it SEEMS that when a guy is loaded. They are likely to make you pay for the right to continue to be a father.
As for the “doctrine”. I was raised up in religion on my mother’s side and not on my fathers. I seen it for what it was and came to my own conclusion. I am taking this same approach with my kids as the mother is religious and takes them regularly. As far as I am concerned it is her right to culture them in a way she sees fit as long as it is not harmful to their health. And I will do the same.
Hope this helps ease the tension you are experiencing at the moment, when it is all said and done, it usually turns out alot better than previously expected.
Your goal should be joint custody to ease the blow.
Dont fight ANYMORE with wifey,will be used against you in court
Silence is your best friend
Your daughter is young so the transition wont be too damaging
First sentence would stop her from trying to rape you in unnecessary child support
Talk with a lawyer and follow HIS rules to the tee(notice I highlighted HIS),a female lawyer cant be trusted, she will turn god on jesus to push female agenda.
As long as you are apart of your childs life she will not suffer,they only suffer when left with single mothers.(inmate population, teenage pregnancies)
Never lose sight of what brought you here.
kids also suffer in an unhealthy marriage. It is your relationship with HER that matters…not her mother. Good luck and glad to meet you
Sebastian
"We can no more stop him from marrying than we can stop him from making a well researched decision to poke his eyes out with a stick."
-SidecarSimilar situation mate.
I think the other posters are right in that your daughter is young enough to adapt and think its normal for her parents to live apart.
I think it’s a positive that you’ll get to see her at your place alone, without the ex wife being there going bonkers. Some good quality time and teaching her the right way.
Don’t beat yourself up, you didn’t make the family court system the way it is nor are you responsible for your ex wife’s psychosis.
Thank you everyone some great points and its good to know the support is here and thank you for the welcomes,
To answer some of the points,
Money-no savings erratic earnings
We dont fight but she still sticks to her side which is emotions not reason,I stay supportive when it comes to my baby
I speak to her polite and clam but she will get nasty and in my face when drinking with her 21 yr old daughter
we had one big fall out when she had been drinking a few months back,She was getting in my face and aggressive I had to restrain her arms..This was all over me asking her to pause the wrestling and get the baby to bed as it was a hr and a hlf past her bed time. Her eldest rang all their family to come save her(god knows what she said but they all got there quick),They all started playing victims as soon as people turned up, the drink brought on some crazy save me dramas by them,(defended myself in front of the family due to being portray as vile and an abuser) asking wife in front of them what is it i have done to you thats so wrong come on while everyones here what have i done.no reply just “your vile” I stayed clam but gave home truths (not the best time I know to have responded but it was to defend myself)The drunk eldest daughter said to a family member that i’d held a knife to her mums throat pinning her down, this was when I was out of ear shot reading a story to my baby to keep her away from it.
So I asked the wife the next day wtf was that?? about after i’d found out about what had been said, (i was in complete shock) when i confronted her she agreed it was true, I asked her why would you lie about such a thing? she replied buy changing it to a bottle after asking her to recall this bs so then it was a glass,all bulls~~~ made up by her daughter, Then I could see in her eyes she knew it was all bulls~~~ but covered herself and daughter by saying her daughter wasnt drunk that night so knows what went on ( this was a different time about 5 yrs ago) THIS DID NOT HAPPEN but shows what as a collective what they would be willing to say to protect their ‘click’`(this knife stuff was things the wife had told her daughter about that had happened when she was with her younger sisters dad but she tried to use it against me) That is just bloody crazy hateful vile thing to do no? I think It drove them to it because I stayed clam and stuck to facts that night,who knows how a women can lie like that.
She dosnt need to show me hate leaves it to her daughters to do it,young one follows around all the time to hear all and butt in.
daughters are rude and very disrespectful, I try to ignore.
she confides all in her eldest and seeks that support so kid knows more than me. (they like to chew on old fat and regurgitate it over and over,wo is me stuff)
I get ostracized by them in front of my baby,she sees it and reacts to the situation according to whos around so she is already picking up on the hate dad gets from all three, That to me is not good parenting so I have big doubts
I get spoke to like s~~~ by the teen mother dose nothing to stop her being so vile,
Her youngest used to follow me around all the time and I would show support take her on day trips etc and made a lot of effort with her as her father wasnt around,she changed after we had the baby.
Ive never been violent but have raised my voice to be heard above 3 sided attacks and held wifes arms when shes right in my face.
Sorry about the delay in replying, I gave her some automatons about me leaving and one being I want 50/50 custody and she agreed!!! Is this wonderland? or a s~~~ test
Im in shock still atm over the 50% ,, Im still looking for full time work to get things up and moving as the self employment is not working out to well atm and she knows this so might be calling my bluff.
The thing is I know there is alot of information here pretty much for me to find something smiler to what im going through but we are still all experiencing different things along the way, Ive had at least 27 years of my life wanting/with a partner that would want me to open up emotionally and I did, I can do it and the idea of it all, you know the kids wife all happy loving each other and supporting each other, It just dosnt work out like that tho It always seams to work down to money,”we need this” I want this” behave like this” everyone else dose it” etc etc even tho I pick the women for having the same way of thinking as me as in its not all about the money.
Now I find myself having to go and do a factory job to support myself in a MGTOW life or I just wont have any where to live or even eat, Ive got no money put away, Its never been important to me really I suppose, Only when I feel I need something or my kids do, I just see life a little different to slogging my ass off in a dead end job just to eat and pay the bills, dont get me wrong Ive worked a hell of a lot of my life away and im not afraid of work and will work if its something i need to do but I want to live to work not work to live…Now thats wonderland finding the job that you love doing…That was put aside for women so i am hoping im not to late to the reality party.
Ive also spoken to my daughter of 20 from my first marriage (that I just up and walked out on being 29 then) and she agrees the video dairy for her to of looked at when her mother was slagging me off would of been something she would of liked to of had, In fact you are right about the kids when older as both my son and daughter 23/20 the first person they ring when they need advice is me,not their mother but me and I wasnt around for about 5 years of their growing up, Then again their mother is in her 40s like me and still goes out every weekend like shes in her 20s still, “hitting the wall” comes to mind but more to the point both my kids always comes to me not her and they say Im more open and understanding so perhaps I shouldn’t need to worry about leaving my daughter, She would be in the small monitory group at school if she had both parents around nowadays anyway,
Its just very very painful and difficult to control the hurt of walking away from her and its holding me back so much,I dont want it to affect her badly and also I want to feel its right for her even tho my heart is saying its not right to leave her. being the second time round for me and being a lot older having a kid this time I didnt want to not be around for her 100% of the time, I regret leaving my other 2 kids behind at a young age thinking I had it sorted in my head and heart what life was about only to get ate up and spat out by a women I fell head over heals for, this time round its not another women its my own lack of willing to be told how to feel and how to act and most of all I know she can and will lie to suit her.
Sorry about my poor english and hope its not all come across as gobbledygook
Thanks
Cool story babe now go make me a sandwich
Thank you everyone some great points and its good to know the support is here and thank you for the welcomes, To answer some of the points, Money-no savings erratic earnings We dont fight but she still sticks to her side which is emotions not reason,I stay supportive when it comes to my baby I speak to her polite and clam but she will get nasty and in my face when drinking with her 21 yr old daughter we had one big fall out when she had been drinking a few months back,She was getting in my face and aggressive I had to restrain her arms..This was all over me asking her to pause the wrestling and get the baby to bed as it was a hr and a hlf past her bed time. Her eldest rang all their family to come save her(god knows what she said but they all got there quick),They all started playing victims as soon as people turned up, the drink brought on some crazy save me dramas by them,(defended myself in front of the family due to being portray as vile and an abuser) asking wife in front of them what is it i have done to you thats so wrong come on while everyones here what have i done.no reply just “your vile” I stayed clam but gave home truths (not the best time I know to have responded but it was to defend myself)The drunk eldest daughter said to a family member that i’d held a knife to her mums throat pinning her down, this was when I was out of ear shot reading a story to my baby to keep her away from it. So I asked the wife the next day wtf was that?? about after i’d found out about what had been said, (i was in complete shock) when i confronted her she agreed it was true, I asked her why would you lie about such a thing? she replied buy changing it to a bottle after asking her to recall this bs so then it was a glass,all bulls~~~ made up by her daughter, Then I could see in her eyes she knew it was all bulls~~~ but covered herself and daughter by saying her daughter wasnt drunk that night so knows what went on ( this was a different time about 5 yrs ago) THIS DID NOT HAPPEN but shows what as a collective what they would be willing to say to protect their ‘click’`(this knife stuff was things the wife had told her daughter about that had happened when she was with her younger sisters dad but she tried to use it against me) That is just bloody crazy hateful vile thing to do no? I think It drove them to it because I stayed clam and stuck to facts that night,who knows how a women can lie like that. She dosnt need to show me hate leaves it to her daughters to do it,young one follows around all the time to hear all and butt in. daughters are rude and very disrespectful, I try to ignore. she confides all in her eldest and seeks that support so kid knows more than me. (they like to chew on old fat and regurgitate it over and over,wo is me stuff) I get ostracized by them in front of my baby,she sees it and reacts to the situation according to whos around so she is already picking up on the hate dad gets from all three, That to me is not good parenting so I have big doubts I get spoke to like s~~~ by the teen mother dose nothing to stop her being so vile, Her youngest used to follow me around all the time and I would show support take her on day trips etc and made a lot of effort with her as her father wasnt around,she changed after we had the baby. Ive never been violent but have raised my voice to be heard above 3 sided attacks and held wifes arms when shes right in my face. Sorry about the delay in replying, I gave her some automatons about me leaving and one being I want 50/50 custody and she agreed!!! Is this wonderland? or a s~~~ test Im in shock still atm over the 50% ,, Im still looking for full time work to get things up and moving as the self employment is not working out to well atm and she knows this so might be calling my bluff. The thing is I know there is alot of information here pretty much for me to find something smiler to what im going through but we are still all experiencing different things along the way, Ive had at least 27 years of my life wanting/with a partner that would want me to open up emotionally and I did, I can do it and the idea of it all, you know the kids wife all happy loving each other and supporting each other, It just dosnt work out like that tho It always seams to work down to money,”we need this” I want this” behave like this” everyone else dose it” etc etc even tho I pick the women for having the same way of thinking as me as in its not all about the money. Now I find myself having to go and do a factory job to support myself in a MGTOW life or I just wont have any where to live or even eat, Ive got no money put away, Its never been important to me really I suppose, Only when I feel I need something or my kids do, I just see life a little different to slogging my ass off in a dead end job just to eat and pay the bills, dont get me wrong Ive worked a hell of a lot of my life away and im not afraid of work and will work if its something i need to do but I want to live to work not work to live…Now thats wonderland finding the job that you love doing…That was put aside for women so i am hoping im not to late to the reality party. Ive also spoken to my daughter of 20 from my first marriage (that I just up and walked out on being 29 then) and she agrees the video dairy for her to of looked at when her mother was slagging me off would of been something she would of liked to of had, In fact you are right about the kids when older as both my son and daughter 23/20 the first person they ring when they need advice is me,not their mother but me and I wasnt around for about 5 years of their growing up, Then again their mother is in her 40s like me and still goes out every weekend like shes in her 20s still, “hitting the wall” comes to mind but more to the point both my kids always comes to me not her and they say Im more open and understanding so perhaps I shouldn’t need to worry about leaving my daughter, She would be in the small monitory group at school if she had both parents around nowadays anyway, Its just very very painful and difficult to control the hurt of walking away from her and its holding me back so much,I dont want it to affect her badly and also I want to feel its right for her even tho my heart is saying its not right to leave her. being the second time round for me and being a lot older having a kid this time I didnt want to not be around for her 100% of the time, I regret leaving my other 2 kids behind at a young age thinking I had it sorted in my head and heart what life was about only to get ate up and spat out by a women I fell head over heals for, this time round its not another women its my own lack of willing to be told how to feel and how to act and most of all I know she can and will lie to suit her. Sorry about my poor english and hope its not all come across as gobbledygook Thanks
You need to start recording all this abuse … if not to use in court directly … but as a diary for your attorney.
Record when she drinks, how much, how often and when she’s caring for your daughter in that state.
Trust me …. given the courts … her attorney and others whispering in her ear …
She will rip you apart if needs be.
Arm yourself with evidence. Having it might even shut her up and make her play ball.
Be nice … be understanding … be helpful ….. but also BE ON GUARD.
Again ….. we are here.
Yea something tells me you are right about recording these things and oddly i had an email from a electronics chain this morning that i subscribe to about some offers on covert cameras,so maybe I should take this as a sign, I will go in to the store and use cash to get them but I dont know the law side of these things in the UK.
I had been keeping things to texts about her drinking and my concerns about it around the baby but she clued up on the fact I was keeping them for future reference, this is certain because her tone changed from aggressive to “ive only had one blah blah blah and her daughter dosnt come bearing bags of drink now all of a sudden, hmmm Their version of why its stopped is the daughter will not visit to drink while im still living with her mum.
Cool story babe now go make me a sandwich
Read this also…
Even I was going to give the a call and my situation isn’t nearly as bad as yours.
If she’s offered 50/50 then seriously consider taking it. I see that as a massive win.
The longer you stay around her the more at risk you are of her escalating the physical / verbal abuse. As well as making false allegations. You could flip and lash out in self defence and then it’s game over. A cop told me that, they know what games women play.
Seriously consider that 50/50. Take it and never look back.
And so what if you have to work a factory job for a few months until you get your life back on track? It’s not permanent and actually (having done it myself) allows you to switch off and relax, clear your mind.
Keep strong fella, give those mankind people a call even if its just to talk. And keep posting on here.
my daughter was 2 when my ex wife left the home and took my daughter with her. my daughter was 3 when I gave up and served my ex wife divorce papers. I struggled with many of the same questions that you are asking, so I am going to tell you what I have found out since the divorce – my daughter is 8 this year.
it is better to divorce and have your daughter happy with you and see you happy even if it only half the time. having your daughter see you and your wife fight everyday is a very sad life for your daughter. you should not want this life for your daughter. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family where my mother did not believe in divorce and I watched my parents fight every day. I never saw my parents happy, and my sisters and I were very unhappy, and it is only now when we are middle aged adults that we can reconcile what happened and forgive. I am 41 today.
your daughter is young. children are amazingly resilient and accepting of things. my daughter has only really known divorced life ever since she can remember anything. she doesn’t know of any other life than being shuttled around between mom and dad’s house. that’s the only life she knows. it may seem sad, and yes, children with divorced parents have it rough, but i believe that if you stay together in a bad marriage, it’s 10x worse. i already lived through that, and my daughter is such a happy girl…so much happier than I remember when I was a kid. in the past when she was younger, around 4-6, she would ask me about the time that “mommy and daddy lived together” and why we do not live together. she would say that she wished her mommy and daddy lived together like the families of her friends. those are very tough and hard questions and wishes and it will absolutely break your heart. but you tell her the truth and say that “mommy and daddy fight too much when they are together, so everyone is happier now apart.” and as she gets older, she will accept this and understand this. and she will see that there are other families that are divorced where mom and dad do not live together, and she will be okay.
if you are offered joint custody, take it, and make the best you can with the time you have with your daughter. fight for time with your daughter so that she grows up with you even if you aren’t there everyday. now here is the most important thing that I am going to tell you:
you need to make a decision on whether you believe your ex wife is a DANGEROUS person around your child. I don’t mean that she might yell, or you don’t like the church she goes to or the god she believes in, or that she spends all her money at the mall and salon. I mean she is a PHYSICAL DANGER to your child. does she do drugs? does she drink and become violent towards children or leave them at home alone while she goes to a bar. REAL DANGER. because unless you are absolutely certain that she is DANGEROUS to your child, I am going to tell you to just let it all go.
you cannot control what happens in your ex wife’s house. if you accept that she is a decent person and a decent mother, just let it all go, and trust that what happens at your ex wife’s house is going to be okay. even if you don’t like the HABITS and LIFESTYLE, as long as your daughter is safe when she is there, just let it be, and concentrate on your life, getting your life together, and making sure that when your daughter is with you, you show her what kind of person you think she should be. she will listen. you are her father. she is a girl – she will worship you until she becomes a teenager – I think they become moody for awhile, but she will be back and want to be close to her father after she gets through her teens. show her what kind of lady you think she should grow into and trust that she will hear not just what her mother tells and teaches her, but what you will teach her as well. however, if you do think there is real DANGER at your ex wife’s house…you have an entirely different set of problems than I did, and I would seriously consider contacting authorities and legal counsel.
last, do MGTOW. get your s~~~ together. show your daughter what a man should be. take the 50% custody and man up for your daughter.
I’ve dealt with depression since I was a teenager and throughout my marriage my psychiatrist at the time (who I started seeing after getting married) encouraged me time and again to consider leaving my ex. Now usually they aren’t supposed to get personally involved at that level but he liked me and he did and told me repeatedly as nice as he could that she wasn’t good for me. I didn’t listen but he would constantly tell me the best thing you can do for your kids is get yourself out of a bad relationship and get yourself in a healthy place physically, mentally and emotionally. It’s one of those things where, in retrospect, I sure wish I had listened to his advice. But I didn’t. But I’m sharing with you now.
Side note: The reason my ex-wife gave for cheating and wanting a divorce was my depression saying she couldn’t deal with it anymore. I had been very up front going in about my illness and that I didn’t think it could work and she’d be unhappy. She did a great NAWALT routine and said I was like the best guy ever and would be a great father and whatever happened she could handle it. Ultimately she said she couldn’t she didn’t realize it would be ‘that hard’ oh and told me I was a bad husband and a bad father and she had no respect for me. When she told me she wanted a divorce and I told my best friend about all this he immediately became enraged and said “That bitch is morally bankrupt.” which sums it up pretty well.
Thanks again everyone for the advice and for sharing your experience. It really just proves that they are all the same in their way of dealing with these things,
In this case she only gets fighty when drunk with back up of other women around so I just avoid them situations, she wouldn’t harm the kids with violence but emotionally who’s to say what harm any of us do by the chooses we make in our lives but the main point being is I agree I need out and plans are fully in swing
Cheers again and sorry about the delayCool story babe now go make me a sandwich
BOOM!! My own place secured, plans for stuff thats going to keep me active and are positives for my health and well being are in place…
Wow how a few days away can clear your chain of thoughts and the progress of plans just fall in to place after just a few steps forward.. One thing I have learnt that I feel was the key to me was seeing things with a clear heart and mind was “women are incapable of love without conditions that are BAD for men well being
Love as we thought we knew it is a big scam! s~~~ how dumb can one be….“Im not heart broken, Ive woke the fk up to the s~~~,,, keep s~~~ testing I see right through it bitch and find it a little entertaining now in a odd f~~~ing way”
Peace..
Cool story babe now go make me a sandwich
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