Thoughts unknown and without discussion…

[Anonymous 7]

can lead to a dreary station of resentment, heartbreak, and inarticulate feelings.

How has this come to pass? To free yourself to someone else in such an intimate fashion – to have, what you thought, a defensible bond.

I wanted to join the military out of high school. Come back and open a business, and many other dreams I never mentioned after finding “love”.

First marriage, I was in my young twenties. I met this girl first day of college and within six years hitched. One child (daughter) who is now starting to “come of age”. I was immature and not motivated in life, and as so being, did not rise to the money making potential that was expected, I assume. Little pieces of the truth slipped through, such as, her metioning that she wished to marry a Senator after we first started dating. At the time I was her “Chad”, so I believe this is what kept her around. I dropped out of college and went to an automotive technical school for two years, and she finished her Masters. We get married have a child and the rest was downhill. She has since married had two kids and is a stay at home mom married to a large wallet. We get along fine for custodial purposes. She was the closest I found to a unicorn, I just did not have my s~~~ together to maintain. I could also be completely wrong. Either way I bought my first Harley on the same day we had our last blowout. Still riding it.

This next one, well this one sent me here to you, gentlemen.

How embarrassingly I come here to expose my stupidity.

Rebound, after years of multiple dating, from my divorce. I was on line dating, and find the dreaded single mom. I thought I had scored, honestly. Woah is me! Red flag after red flag, and possibly a flare were shoved in my face.

What the Hell kind of spell do these witches cast on us? To be so transfixed on someone as to ignore all other desires – part of a conundrum I have with myself, and seems so very hard to shake. Possibly my most aggressive want, that being, the stupid f~~~ing Cinderella story. Prince is going to be KING, have some pussy, a companion in crime, etc. Yeah, right.

The kids are close in age. Her’s, a boy two years older than my daughter. We did not introduce the two for a few months after starting to date. Things seem fantastic. I’m rising at my CAREER, and we are moving in next to the Jonhsons everyone is always talking about. Life is f~~~ing good, or so it seems.

I provided, more or less, everything. Time, energy, blood, sweat, and tears. Never enough. No heartfelt appreciation is ever exhibited. No compliment ever even remembered being given.I have strong memories of hardship, joy, and adventure with companionship.

Women will tell you about how it should be. A f~~~ing Cinderella story. It is just not your Cinderella story.

It is a sexless relationship after about three years. I’m struggling to find solutions, but to no avail. I’m positive she has a side thing through some connection at work. Why keep going?

The very device I am diligently typing on, I believe heightened women’s possibilities. This “grass is greener” on the other side of this portal only leads to lack of excitement, or “boredom”, if you will. The ease of contact to those unknown to the person you are next to. Beware the of a woman’s best friend, the green pasture portal.

So, I get sick of her phone service that i am sharing with her. I drag her to a new provider, and being generous, I buy her the crackberry, and I’m sure her gravitational pull of orbiters gained strength. At this point the addiction was unstoppable. Guarding the phone, and the constant *bing*. Ok, I get it, but what the Hell are you still doing here?

Back to the Cinderella story.

I was taught to treat the women with grace, and dignity. To protect. Throw the coat on the puddle, open doors, pay for outings, etc. Has everything gone wrong? Why is everthing so F~~~ING conflicting? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot!

I start to pull old habits closer. The downfall is certain. Why am I still… here? Why am I holding on?

More and more, I start drinking and smoking green after getting home and doing “obligatory” chores, working out, whatever. The son never tried to connect, the “passion” was apparently gone. I retreated to the garage in the evenings – possibly out of spite, but most likely selfish reasons. I hate the monkeys playing tag on my back… willpower is at times hard to grasp.

She introduced me to beer. I was never a drinker. She knew about and was a willing participant in the other at the beginning. I don’t use on a regular basis. She never hassled about the downlow irregular use. Over ten years of constant single company employment. Steady check and responsibilities handled. I never pleased her sexually.

Years of adventure, in my eyes, bonding experiences had abounded. What a foolish child I had become inside.

In the end (over 18 months, or so) her use of makeup, style of clothes, use/guarding of phone, lack of courtesy, felt resentment, and indifference grew. I never even looked for positive proof of infidelity, for the shame of all possible known red flags starting to whip along a strong front of wind caused me to resent myself. A pathetic being not worthy of respect, or proper love.

On my last birthday I was rejected for the “honor” of taking my significant other to a dinner I really wanted. I was told our planned dinner had been just thawed, as a s~~~ test excuse. At the time sje thought I failed. Within the next tens minutes of me being turned down on my birthday dinner outing she gets a call on the green pastures portal. We were sitting outside and she waits to answer after getting up to go inside. She comes back out and notifies all present she has a dinner date with her “gay friend” the next night that she just recently got back into contact with.

HAR, Zillow, or other, if you have never used is a great resource.

That evening, after having slept on the couch the last six months, I started searching for my own house. It took three months. I was patient and methodical about everything from here on out.

This was an eleven year relationship. She got the real deal ring. We never married, but lived together. Three times I brought it up and was given an excuse as to why not.

When I found the house that I was looking for, and in just the right place I grabbed it. I rented a truck while she was at work. I loaded that truck. I drove it to my new house. I went back for the last piece, my Harley. She is home at this point, with no outward reactions, but the only words from her, “when is the electricity being turned off”. I put the house keys on the counter and said “good luck”. She followed me to the garage and shut the door when I rolled out.

I crossed paths with her a few months ago walking down a greenbelt trail that I used to take her. We passed with her biting her lips with her teeth and slightly looking away and straight. I passed her like I never saw her. No words. No look. No response. I was showing my new dog our stomping grounds – damn good companion. I have not heard a word from her. No nothing.

A friend who is on Match told me she popped up two months after my leaving. Ha ha! I have been completely free of even thinking about a new relationship for six months now. WOW!

Those thoughts you have leading you away from your dreams/life desires, and you never have the strength to discuss, well, I say follow them. If someone is trying to sabotage or manipulate you away from these thoughts are not someone you should associate with.

That Cinderella story is just a story. The hard part is understanding your reality is the story unwritten.

Too many details to bore you. I seriously messed up the first part of my life. It is now expected for me to correct this, and f~~~ing A if I’m not having fun working on it.

Lack of loyalty, disrespectful of provisions provided, and never amoumting to the station requested… don’t have that here anymore. Too busy learning to sew. Yeah, I said it, sew. Cookimg. Reading. Whatnot!

Take this all for whatever. I just felt like shouting from the rooftop. You guys are just the tenants of said building. You guys should also feel privileged, for this is the most ridiculously long thing I’ve ever typed to anyone.

Thank you for reading, if you made it this far. Yes, there are typos, and the flow sucks. Just thrown out thought.

[The Manipulated ManParticipant 1856]

Appreciate your Introduction LoneStar.

Anonymous wrote:

What the Hell kind of spell do these witches cast on us?

There is a whole world of chemistry going on underneath the surface of a Blue Pill man’s life which most of us are unaware. Here is a link to a post which attempts to discuss the subject.

Blue-Pill-men-are-really-pheremone-addicts

What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?

[AkhilleusParticipant 2486]

Welcome bro I like the tag name you from texas?

Aloha means family you don't leave family behind. Who will be the next Draconarius for MGTOW? MGTOW = brothers = acceptance = belonging

[HitmanParticipant]

Welcome.
Keep the focus on you and you’ll be fine man.
Glad you found your way here!

[Heave-Ho MgtowParticipant 1797]

Welcome LoneStar. 11 years, with the last 2 sounding like hell. At least you never married her or had children. You got a clean break. You are on your path towards going your own way. Take a daily dose of the red pill here and you will learn to be a free man again. It will take a while but things will get better fast. It seems like you loose a part of yourself being alone in a relationship. There is nothing worse.

skip the cavernous vag and go your own way

[Anonymous 7]

Yes, I’m from Texas. I felt the handle was appropriate.

I will not say I’m sorry for my rant.

I’ve been lurking the forums for a bit. I worked out tonight, ate dinner I prepared myself, had some thoughts with a few beers, so why not let the words fly.

It felt good writing down something that will be saved for posterity. I have plenty more to add. Ask questions if you would like.

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

Thank you for the excellent introduction; I found it compelling. Welcome home brother!

[SandalsParticipant 4253]

Nice intro – way better then mine, which sucked royally.

We have all been there.

[Pedal, run, rowParticipant]

Awesome write up. I think most of us can relate and see our own story in yours.
I especially liked how you just packed up and left, and then ignored her when you saw her again. Good job!

Welcome Lonestar.

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

How embarrassingly I come here to expose my stupidity

We don’t shoot our wounded. Welcome sir. You are now free.

[Anonymous 12]

That was hurtful, painful, numb.
As if you have lost so much of your own soul you barely hang on.

Your intro reminds me of the Time a woman got us a Dog, so we could unite… and when the dog got too close to me, she took him “away”… Numb. facts based life, emotions hidden, drowned in a puddle of tears and pain, disgust, regret, irrelevant.
Just enough to tell the Story, without ripping recent wounds open again.

Thank you for coming, thank you for writing.
Thank you for being here.

[VirgilParticipant 970]

Welcome Lonestar. Great building to be a part of and glad to have another tenant.

Hope that someday I may lead others the path I have learned. As Virgil led Dante through Hell.

[AntipathyParticipant 4901]

LoneStar, it looks like you know the pain, the tears, the surpressed everything, the fear, the hurricane like storms inside the mind, that so many of us know all too well.

It’s a shame our creator, (whoever or whatever it is) … didn’t make the sexes compatible, cause it brings nothing but severe heartbreak, to ‘fall in love” with a chick.

Welcome aboard brother.

[Y_Participant 4591]

Welcome. You have been Royally Had – but that’s the only way most get here.

There is no point asking ‘what if’. We nake peace with the past and move on.

The only thing that keeps us from living fully as a MGHOW are the memories (and for some) guilt as well. Let it all go. It can’t hurt us anymore.

[Anonymous 1]

What a mess, and her total lack of reaction, what a bitch. She used you, and she did not give a f~~~ about you, what the bluepill do to men, it is f~~~ing embarassing.

BROTHER WELCOME! here you will find people that share and care, enjoy your stay and plan your life to have fun, UNC~~~ED!

[Anonymous 12]

i cannot help but read “Lodestar” every time i see his avatar

Hope you keep flying, Bud´

[Author]

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