I got a call from a guy I know today… it’s just killing me. Don’t be this guy.
He’s a “model photographer” who shoots strippers and performers at conventions and events so he’s surrounded by these crazy-ass chicks all the time. He’s been chasing after this skinny, tattooed skank for a while now and finally got his hands on her.
Apparently she called him up and invited him to go out to some park with her… he’s all “Well it was only a 90 minute drive so I thought what the heck and went to meet her.” He drove 90 minutes to pick this girl up and take her to a park. She doesn’t even have her own place… she’s staying with another stripper or some such.
So they go to the park and get drunk and probably f~~~ in the bushes or some s~~~ and when they’re going back to the car, there are cop lights. He’s all “I didn’t want to get her in trouble so she waited while I went to talk to them.” They got him for parking there illegally… and they apparently patrol the place because it’s a f~~~ park where cheap whores take tricks to f~~~ in the bushes,
They’d checked the car already and saw bottles and ropes (ropes… really?!) and of course they assumed he had a girl there so he went to get her and it turned out she had a warrant… $800 worth of unpaid parking tickets. At this point I’m laughing and come back with “Well at least you didn’t have to give her a ride home, right?” The cops take her away but before they do, she gives him the keys to the place she’s staying and asks him to check in on her 3 year old kid.
So she’s in jail now and he’s asking me if I think he should bail her out. “I can’t decide if this is a warning from the Universe or just a test to see how much I like her.” and I’m all “F~~~ the Universe. What the hell is wrong with you, dude?”
“Look…. if you were browsing OKCupid and saw this girl’s picture and the profile below it said ‘I’m a 25 year old stripper and single mother of a 3 year old, I live in the next state over and don’t have a car or an apartment but I do have borderline personality disorder and schizophrenia and I abuse drugs and alcohol… plus I’m currently in jail.’ would you be all like ‘Oh yeah, that’s the one for me! Maybe if I bail her out, she’ll suck my dick.’ Well, would you? Does that sound like the kind of chick you really want to invite into your life?”
He comes back with “The sex was great and I’d like someone to come home to and she needs a place to stay…” to which I replied “Quit trying to make this loser sound like your f~~~ing soul mate. You want to f~~~ crazy, get a chain of crazy bitches to f~~~, do them twice each then scrap them. You want someone to come home to… get a roommate to keep the lights on. You want to save some hoes… quit trying to date strippers and donate the money you’ll save on bail to a battered women’s shelter.”
This dude is lucky he didn’t catch a rape charge at that park but if he keeps this up, he’ll eventually catch a beat down, a venereal disease or a bullet… or worse. Do yourself a favor and don’t be this guy,
Stargazer 2 years, 11 months ago.
