Alright. I am still making my break from the marriage, for those who have been following my progress. I was working to draw down debt, simplify my life, and prepare for the break.
On the positive front, my child is no longer a child, and she turned 18 recently. She has months left of school, and then it is no longer a factor.
The wife though, has been dealing with a lot of family s~~~. She is currently away, and though not f~~~ing a chad, spending time with some f~~~ed up people who think they are chads even though they aren’t getting any. They are semi-chads, with serious mental problems, but blue pilling it up for her, telling her she is great. They are just happy to have a woman who will listen to their f~~~ed up s~~~.
Anyway, she is in another state handling some legal troubles for her family, and dealing with that. Gone a little less than a week, and the house here is running great. Have spent hours simplifying many of my areas, cutting down critical items to what I would need to bolt. I have managed to get through books and paperwork, now need to get through clothes so I am down in that area. Overall I want to be down to a car full of stuff. I cut the fakebook tie a week ago. Though I have felt the urge to go back, I don’t miss the validation as much now… that is improving. I find myself with more time, time to focus and time to work on me… though motivation has been a bit lacking today.
Now… I’ve been hearing lies the past month, that bills are paid, etc. I come to find out after a disconnect notice that they haven’t been, and I had to dip into savings to bail them out. And I can’t bail them all out. We were three months behind on the power. But other bills will be later and later, debt growing quickly now. I left the second job to take on this new first job that made the same amount and now am considering taking the second job back on.
Meanwhile, she is in the other state, spending large amounts on liquor, food, etc. She actually delayed her departure to wait for the liquor store to open rather than beat traffic through the city… which made her trip more than three hours longer, when she could have bought liquor upon arriving. Tells me she likely drunk her way there.
Now… all that being said… I was on the verge of announcing the pending ‘D’ after finding all of that out and her mom contacted me.
F~~~ all. Her mom wanted to know what has been going on and has been on my side of things, so I told her. She said it is a sad situation, that she wouldn’t blame me leaving her, then tried to close the conversation with the announcement her cancer is back (she beat it a few years back, or so she thought). That they don’t have a treatment for it, at least not a very successful one. I am supposedly the first to hear the confirmation, as she was wanting to talk to my wife about it, but with her being drunk most of the time and combative to the family… she wanted to see her state before she called her.
So now I’m stuck in blue pill hell guys. I see the trap, I know the trap, but my mind, my conditioning, my caring to not destroy someone, keeps me from dropping the ‘D’ as now she is away, dealing with legal s~~~, drunk all of the time, BPD, and about to hear her mom is going to die.
F~~~, I know it is wrong, I know I should just be saying f~~~ it and telling her and letting the chips fall, but that feels so cold. So heartless, so destructive, and the suicide fear is there, and I can’t have her do that to my daughter. And lately I’ve become more and more afraid the ‘D’ will do that to her… or spiral her to a complete alcoholic crash.
Man. I’m not looking for you guys to tell me what to do. My purpose… for those who have read this far, is to tell you guys on the fence…
Don’t wait. Don’t do marriage first of all, but if you did it and want to get away, if you want to walk away and go live your own life, don’t wait. Today is the day. The time is now.
Men… Get the hell up off the couch and go your own way… this instant. Just get up, step out of the car, step out of the house, and walk away. Go find your own way and live for yourself. Otherwise you may end up in this situation.
Good Luck Brothers.
No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.
Gerald 2 years, 11 months ago.
