These unrealistic high expectations are lingering me

[AscendedParticipant 698]

I know I shouldn’t care.
And I’ve been in times when I actually didn’t.
It turns out it isn’t so easy as it seems to be.
But they keep resurfacing and I tried to diagnose it myself.

Today I was working on a very long project I have been working on for almost a month. I spend 3-4 hours a day (excluding Sundays) to get it done. It’s a practical task I have been assigned from my institute. My profession is programming/computer science, can’t tell I regret it today.
Today was a scheduled extra hard working day for me.
Because I find that a boring and rather depressive thing to do (programming) my head starts to bang with me together with the memories I have, they are:
1) “You will get happily married and your kids and your beautiful wife will love you – They will depend on you!”
2) “Later when you finish your degree, you will be sitting in a warm comfy office place, drinking coffee and getting paid for it while programming!”
These 2 are the most common ones and they keep bugging my spirit.

Guys, I really do feel like getting the steam out I have. I have been considering therapy for some while now but I can’t afford it yet. So I decided to go as far as I can.

First of all I want to make it clear:
To the first sentence: Marriage is NOT for me and neither are children. This world I know doesn’t provide decent life so I don’t want to drag someone else into it. We are subjects to the country, taxpayers. That’s why they want us so badly to reproduce because we are the products! Also I am not in a good health condition, what better could come out of that?
Marriage ruins men. What am I? Bingo! MGHOW.
To the second sentence: I hate what I am doing but it’s too late to turn back and try something else. But looking around I see people doing jobs they rather wouldn’t do too so that would compensate me from time to time. Oh, I also do not drink coffee, I gave it up and am not going to turn back ever again.

I learned fairly early enough, that nothing is worth sacrificing my health and lifestyle and my sleeping habits in order for anything rewarding (commonly something like a promotion) because getting out of that vicious loophole is even harder than dedicating to what has been spent to achieve such one.
Once you miss a few nights, it will only stack up. 90% of the cases are inevitable and will start to run your new chapter on life on even harder difficulty. The hardest part is breaking it and recovering from that. I’ve been there, done that. Not. Worth. It.
No!

This sucks!

"We are free to follow our own path. There are those who will take that freedom from us, and too many of you gladly give it. But it is our ability to choose – whatever you think is true – that makes us human. There is no book or teacher to give you the answers, to show you the path. Choose your own way! Do not follow me, or anyone else."

[Blue SkiesParticipant 15665]

Ascended wrote:

First of all I want to make it clear:
To the first sentence: Marriage is NOT for me and neither are children. This world I know doesn’t provide decent life so I don’t want to drag someone else into it. We are subjects to the country, taxpayers. That’s why they want us so badly to reproduce because we are the products!

Amen! I agree with this completely pal…

i think you’ve got a bright future ahead of ya
Cheers —

MGTOW is not a movement, it is a way of life.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Ascended wrote:

it’s too late to turn back and try something else

No it’s not. Don’t ever think that. I have had 4 radically different “careers” in my life – 2 of which you would have a hard time believing. I am only able to tell you that because no matter what I was doing, I was constantly opening other doors at the same time.

Create as many opportunities for yourself as possible. Open every door you can and walk through it.

A man is not “rich” when he has money.
He is rich when he has CHOICES.
The poorest people have the fewest choices.
So work on creating as many as you can.

I gave this recommendation to a student I coached when he was 15. In Dec (2014) he contacted to thank me because he never forgot it. I haven’t even seen him since he graduated high school and he lives overseas. He’s about 32 now. Best Christmas present I ever got.

Ascended wrote:

I hate what I am doing

Remind yourself: A “job” is only something you need to make enough money to do the things you WANT to do when you’re not working.

So if it feels like a “job” don’t worry about it — and don’t worry about losing it. That’s why it’s called a “job”. It’s just a job.

Your degree will help you get another job.
But there’s a difference between what you DO – and who you ARE.

I once dated a young criminal defense attorney just starting out. Think about how much she must hate her job. (and she did) – but it paid. She was often very f~~~ed up about it. A guy gets caught with 2 pounds of dope in his car and her “job” is to keep him on the streets.

Your situation doesn’t look so dark now, does it.

Forget therapy. You don’t need it. You have US!

But back on the real side, I don’t believe a man should do “one job” for the rest of his life. So maybe don’t think of it as a “life sentence” or something you have to figure out today. You’re putting a lot of unecessary pressure on yourself. It’s good, because you’ll be more likely to succeed, but throw the expectations out…. and you may surprise yourself and surpass them!

Ascended wrote:

Oh, I also do not drink coffee, I gave it up and am not going to turn back ever again.

Really? HOW did you do that?

I am currently connected to an espresso machine by intra-veinous.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Anonymous 42]

@$corpio, Life isn’t a pair of rails you’re locked onto like a train barreling out of control that can’t be stopped. It’s more like road with many forks, turns, and intersections. Marriage and kids in this environment of family destruction is like a turn in life’s road that leads to a flooded swamp, deep mud, bogged down, stalled out, and going nowhere.
You seem upset about a few potholes but failing to look at the marriage road along side you with all the stranded, swamped and rusting vehicles, and the water is only rising!
You have allot to be grateful for! You’re riding high and dry! You still have access to the highway! The airport!
While they’re looking at lily pads and frogs from a swamped vehicle, you’re rolling along without kicking up mud to cover your windshield obscuring your vision!

[GrumpyParticipant]

Very few people are fortunate enough to find a “job” they like, much less love.
Everything in life is just a stepping stone to get you where you want to be in your future.

I think the trick is how you tread on those stepping stones, and being content choosing which paths to take to get there.

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[BeerParticipant 11832]

Keymaster wrote:

Remind yourself: A “job” is only something you need to make enough money to do the things you WANT to do when you’re not working.

This! I’ve had jobs I hated, and eventually found my way into a job where the pay is great and the job is tolerable. I don’t look forward to going to work, but at the same time I don’t despise going in either…its just work.

What is nice is as a single man with no kids…you’ll need very little money to support yourself. My best advice would be get a good paying job even if you hate it, suck it up for a few years, live as cheaply as possible, and save save save. Get the ball rolling on some rental properties or start stacking money in dividend paying stock so you can have some passive income.

If you only need 1000-1500 a month to get by comfortably…it really doesn’t take an astronomical net worth to provide enough passive income to the extent you can say f~~~ it and walk away from your job without fearing of ending up on the street in a month, or that a part time gig + passive income will support you and leave you with a surplus to reinvest.

You have to just ignore all the expectations. F~~~ having a big house, a wife, and kids knowing the legal ass f~~~ing you’ll set yourself up for by doing those things…just live cheap and become financially independent as soon as possible, and then you’ll have the freedom to do whatever the f~~~ you want. If some blue piller wants to give you s~~~ for not marrying f~~~ him, just let him know where your going for your 8th vacation of the year and how the young foreign women their get soaked just talking to a well off foreigner lol.

[BeerParticipant 11832]

Grumpy wrote:

Very few people are fortunate enough to find a “job” they like, much less love.
Everything in life is just a stepping stone to get you where you want to be in your future.

I think the trick is how you tread on those stepping stones, and being content choosing which paths to take to get there.

Well said man. If people ask me want I want to be when I grow up, I still don’t have a f~~~ing clue. I don’t think I could do anything 40 hours a week for 30 years and not end up sick of it. Even if I found a way to monetize a hobby, I’d just end up getting sick of it if it became something I had to do 8 hours a day instead of something to do at my leisure. I’m quite content just doing something I don’t hate that pays well.

Then again I only think of “employed” as a temporary status. I know plenty of people who just plan on working until they can’t anymore and live paycheck to paycheck(some are making 6 figures which makes their situation ridiculous) with no plans of changing their lifestyle or spending habits. If I planned on working until I dropped I’d probably be a little more concerned about liking my job instead of being content simply not hating my job.

[BlacqueJacqueShellacqueParticipant 6890]

JOB – Just over broke. It’s by design. Keep sharing Icecold $corpio, we will be much less expensive than therapy.

[vargpajParticipant 244]

i think it’s smart to have a plan, but you never know what life is going to throw at you- and conditions are changing all the time. i have artist friends who have done well for themselves despite the difficulties involved, and other friends who chose “safe” occupations that have since been let go with no forewarning for political reasons, or shifts in the market. i’ve changed careers several times; i’m STILL in university at 40+, and just today was thinking about starting a new degree program… you’re never too old to reinvent yourself. you just have to find a balance between security and satisfaction. too much of either will sink you.

“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”
-Robert A. Heinlein

[KeymasterKeymaster]

BlacqueJacqueShellacque wrote:

JOB – Just over broke.

Wow. I can’t thumb that up enough.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Anonymous 5]

A little story:

In the most hidden txts in most deepest bunkers in the most far lost temple. There is a priest of no religion, ideology or creed. A man that only knew one thing where he was and who he is. That was enough to keep him living. That was enough to remind him of the beauty of life. That man never knew his parents nor any friends but he still figured out that the “individual” to reach self worth requires one to never let anyone tell you who/what you are.

[AscendedParticipant 698]

Thanks for the advises guys.
I DO realize, that a job is work and work pays off. I do realize keeping to it for years and keep grinding it is how today’s living is made of.
What more likely bothers me is that I turn into something creepy. What exactly? A coding monkey in front of a computer with little to no sleep.
Of course I can always say “no” if that doesn’t suit me (and it will not). THAT kind of seems depressing.
Yes, I could change positions if I wanted to but a job after all is a job. I see people, the very same faces on different days still being there, where they are, it looks like they are stuck there sort of but they do it for a living. And so will I.

Keymaster wrote:

No it’s not. Don’t ever think that.

I do have to start somewhere. Supermarkets and Freightyards won’t bring me any further than programming.
I don’t care much what duties are involved in a job, I care for it’s conditions and most of all it’s pay. These conditions I have in mind is, that they will not interfere with my free time and my health in a private manner. So to say: Aim for the highest pay and the most suiting working conditions. I’m not ready to get myself damaged/harmed and never will be.

Keymaster wrote:

Your degree will help you get another job.
But there’s a difference between what you DO – and who you ARE.

There, you have explained it yourself. There is nothing more that is needed to say. In such regards I said, that it’s too late to turn back.

Keymaster wrote:

Forget therapy. You don’t need it. You have US!

I do need therapy because my thoughts and past haunt me and interfere with my duties. Do you know this kind of internal barrier, it doesn’t really exist but it does block you towards your goals. (What the f~~~ am I doing with my life? Dedicating to programming like I have no purpose) That is what is hindering my performance.
Of course I have you guys to support me through it and that’s why I keep sharing my mind.

Keymaster wrote:

Oh, I also do not drink coffee, I gave it up and am not going to turn back ever again.
Really? HOW did you do that?

In order to break it through you first have to understand how coffee and your body works. That is a scientific deep research and the internet offers some good articles too. The hardest part is the stopping and refraining. I will explain briefly:

Coffee is a qualified legal drug. The body will get used to it some time so the body has built an dependency. You do notice a need for more coffee for the same effects you had earlier. Coffee is a fake energy source, that your body rather wouldn’t take on the long run.
The best way in my opinion is to not rely on such and keep it real with the energy: Sleep how much you need. It’s the best and healthiest way to power yourself up.
I did notice a difference and it’s grand.
If your body wants to sleep, it does signal you, you yawn, feel sleepy, want to go to bed and get a good rest. Your body communicates with you! Listen to it because it is you. Coffee doesn’t fix permanently, it is good for temporary sleep habits adjustments and even if then ONLY on the first half of day.
Coffee has shown to interfere with the sleep so your body cannot really rest because it’s still under the effect of coffee.

I only gave you a breakdown but I can explain further if you are interested. You can find very good information to get you set on the web. Read about Coffee and Sleep in Wikipedia and consider the scientific results. Also shoot up google and search for something like these:
“Lack of sleep effects” and you find this good article http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/excessive-sleepiness-10/10-results-sleep-loss
You can also educate yourself what coffee does to your body. In very short: The coffee inserts itself FORCINGLY into the receptors of your brain and whatever your brain was supposed to have inserted into its receptors will be driven back. The brain then after some time unleashes more receptors, which is what we know as “not enough coffee. Need more coffee”… only to fill these with more coffee too!
(On one note, it was advised to use the bed only for sleep and sex but that is complete bulls~~~! Don’t believe that. I use my bed for everything I need to do within my bed)

Finally, you have to realize, that sleep cannot be replaced and is the nature’s way to get you back up for a new day.
Once you have got a grip on that, DO NEVER lose it again! I don’t advise to lose this grip because it’s harder to regain it.

Grumpy wrote:

stepping stones

Yes, that’s what I see when speaking about education and career. They are the stair steps and step by step the steps will become higher.

"We are free to follow our own path. There are those who will take that freedom from us, and too many of you gladly give it. But it is our ability to choose – whatever you think is true – that makes us human. There is no book or teacher to give you the answers, to show you the path. Choose your own way! Do not follow me, or anyone else."

[Anonymous 3]

There is no religious tone to these words about work, it is just poetic:

http://www.katsandogz.com/onwork.html

Work is love made visible.
And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.
For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man’s hunger.
And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distils a poison in the wine.
And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man’s ears to the voices of the day and the voices of the night.

He is saying: try to find pleasure in what you are doing so that your doing becomes more valuable.

[Author]

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