I was sitting in my office watching a video about Alabama Rigs, when a guy came in stinking of desperation. His Princess was in jail and needed assistance in getting her out. She was in jail for possession of marijuana and a misdemeanor charge of possession of controlled substance (Xanax without prescription). The total for me to do both bonds was $330. He had $200. He begged me to take his $200 and he would pay the other $130 on Friday when he gets paid. I sensed a gem of a Blue Pill story, so thought “F~~~it, I wanna hear why he is blowing his money on a bitch in jail”. I just love these conversations. They are like case studies in psychological denial. So I’ll start with raw data and then move into stupid.
The girl is 24, no job, about 5″4 225 lbs according to her booking sheet. While no one looks good in their mugshots, I would give her a facial clean up rating of about 4-5. One previous charge 2 years ago for shoplifting. So she is a real winner.
He is a painter. Late 30’s. He paints home interiors and mostly does apartments when they do vacancy touch ups. Works 6 days a week at least 10 hours a day. Average looking Joe, Average Smarts, personable and friendly. Unfortunately, hopelessly plugged in.
As we started the paperwork, I asked the question I always ask these guys.
“Soooo….how long y’all been together?”
‘About 9 months’.
“Wow. And she lives with you???”
‘Yeah’
“Is she working??”
‘Haha..I wish she was working. Nah…I do all the working. In fact, she had borrowed money from my mom right before this happened. She told my mom she needed $40 for gas and groceries. Then went and bought weed and pills with it. That’s when she got pulled over and they found it on her’.
“So she doesn’t work, lies to your mother to get money, gets arrested after buying dope with your mom’s money, and you are spending your money to get her out? Why? You can’t tell me her cooking and pussy are THAT f~~~ing good”.
‘No..haha. Your right. The pussy aint that good. And she don’t cook that much. We mostly eat out’.
“Ok. So she doesn’t work, lies to your mom, gets arrested, can’t cook, and I’ll bet she doesn’t clean the house very much if at all”.
‘Oh, she does ok with the house cleaning’.
“So in other words, you do most of that too”.
‘Hahaha, yeah that’s true’.
“Well, whatever you do, don’t you EVER sign that contract at the court house’.
‘Oh no. I don’t see myself doing that. She has talked about wanting to get married, but I don’t think I would want that’.
“Ok…look dude. Put down the pen, and take your money. You could spend it on a ton of other things that would be more beneficial to you than to get this girl out of jail. As much of a headache as this is now, this is only a small taste. I see you guys in here all time, and y’all never f~~~ing listen. Take your money and RUN! This is only the first in a series of f~~~ ups that you will have to pay for with nothing in return but nagging and entitlement from a woman that you admit cant cook or clean and has a mediocre at best pussy. Think about how quiet the house was the last few nights while she was in jail. You’re better off alone. RUN. NOW.”
He kinda chuckled, nodding the whole time during my rant. Agreeing with everything I was saying. Two things became obvious to me in that split second of recognition I saw in his eyes: One. He understood everything I was saying was true, and that I wasn’t trying to bulls~~~ him. He could see the life preserver I was throwing to him. Two. I knew he wouldn’t take it. They just get that look somehow.
He smiled and shook his head in that AwShucks self-deprecating kinda way that made me feel both, the pity to help him and the frustration to strangle him. ‘I know you’re right. But I can’t just leave her in there. I guess I’m just too nice’.
“Yes, you are a nice guy. I like you. That is why I am telling you these things because walking away will help you more than getting her out of jail. I’ll be more than happy to take some other schmuck’s money. Because you aren’t being nice. You are being played”.
‘Yeah, you’re probably right, but I still gotta get her out’.
Head. On. Desk.
The Thirst Is Real Gentlemen. The Thirst Is Real.
foghornleghorn 2 years, 6 months ago.
